The Choice is Clear…
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor am I writing this for profit. It's just for fun… And because I have bad writer's block.
Author's Note: More stuff that I've been writing on TFF. Warning: Implied Naruto/Hinata/Hanabi, suggestive comments, Sexually Frustrated!Sakura, slight Sasuke bashing.
Total crack, of course.
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"You just don't know when to quit, do you?!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean... You have no idea what you've just done. Again."
"What? You mean, getting a date?"
"Yes. A date. With Anko Mitarashi. Probably the stupidest thing in the history of stupid things you've done, Naruto! You'd think you'd get tired of being stupid, but no, not me! Not 'King of Stupidity,' Naruto Uzumaki!"
"Kage of the Village of Hidden Stupidity!"
"…Are you trying to tell me something?"
"UGH! What are you, insane?"
"No... Yes... Maybe...?"
"Naruto, you're going on a date."
"With Anko Mitarashi."
"Yes... Sakura-chan, what's with all this repeating of what you've already said?"
"ARE YOU INSANE?! SHE'S ANKO MITARASHI! THE WOMAN WHO CUT YOUR CHEEK WITH A KUNAI AND LICKED THE BLOOD UP WHEN YOU WERE TWELVE!"
"Yeah... That was pretty hot, actually."
"SHE'S INSANE! SHE KEEPS TWENTY DIFFERENT POISONOUS SNAKES AS PETS! SHE NAMED HER KUNAI STABBY FOR GOD'S SAKE! IS ANY OF THIS GETTING THROUGH TO YOU AT ALL?!"
"I think it's funny. A kunai named Stabby, heheh…"
"You're crazy! That's all there is to it! Going on a date with that woman! What, is Hinata-chan not enough for you?!"
"In all honesty, Hinata-chan suggested it."
"She's always getting worn out by me, and well, even though she has a lot of stamina-"
"Oh God, I can't believe I'm hearing this..."
"Really amazing, she said all Hyuuga women become nymphos later in life, but even with that, well... When I get going she just can't keep up. I mean, we even invited Hanabi-chan in and that still barely exhausted me after twelve hours-"
"La la la, not listening! Nope! I hear nothing!"
"So yes, she suggested I get more girlfriends. At first I was against it... Hinata-chan's really freaky, especially when her sister's involved-"
"LA LA LA! LA LA! LALALALALALA!"
"-But then she pointed out she could do all sorts of things with more than just one other girl! And with more of me, since I can do-"
"I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO! SHUT UP NARUTO YOU PERVERT!"
"You know Sakura-chan, you've been really high strung lately. Are you all right?"
"NO! NO I AM NOT! NOW SHUT UP!"
"I mean, you're not even hitting me anymore... Say, does that mean you'd like to date me, Hinata-chan and Hanabi-chan? Oh, and Anko-chan too."
"WHAT?! I-You-NO! NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO JOIN YOUR PERVERTED, SICK TWISTED RELATIONSHIPS!"
"Sakura-chan, they're not sick and twisted! It's just fun! And if you're worried about what other people would say-!"
"THEY ALREADY SAY ENOUGH! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Okay, okay! Sheesh! Just so you know, the offer is still open. Hinata-chan thinks you're really hot, and we were both wondering about your hair color too-"
"GAHHHHHHHH! GET THE HELL OUT!"
"YEOW! All right, all right!"
"There... Gone... Finally... Now I can get some work done... Ha, that Naruto... Perv... Wanting me to join his harem, bah. That'll be the day..."
"Wha?! Sasuke-kun, I'm so glad to see you! What brings you by at this time of night?"
"I have decided that I would like you to be the mother of my new clan."
"Oh, this is the happiest day of my life! I can't wait to tell my mom! I can use all those old ideas from my diaries for our wedding, and names for the children, I was thinking Yachiru for our first-"
"No wedding. I just need you to be the mother."
"So... We're eloping right? Sasuke-kun, you sly dog you!"
"No eloping either."
"... Sasuke... What is this?"
"That is a test tube. And a syringe. I thought you worked at a hospital?"
"I DO WORK AT A-Why are they-? What do you-?"
"I need you to be the mother of my new clan. So, I will require some of your eggs."
"I came at the right time in your menstrual cycle, didn't I? If not, I believe you were taught a few jutsus for extracting egg cells in your training? Get to it."
"... Excuse me? Um... Sasuke... Can't we just have sex?"
"Are you kidding? With all the risk of disease? Not to mention how utterly unsanitary it is? No thank you. This way is much better. In addition, I can grow several children at once in test tubes. Get the clan back sooner. So, come on. Get to it."
"... You're kidding."
"No. I am quite serious. I also need to do some gene sequencing, make sure none of my children have pink hair. The green eyes can stay though, it will make infiltration easier for them in the future."
"Let me get this completely, one hundred percent clear. You want me to harvest my eggs and put them in a test tube, so you can grow super Uchiha babies?"
"In layman's terms, yes."
"Because you think sex is... Unsanitary?"
"You know, I'm starting to agree with the deadlast on your tendency to repeat yourself. I'll have to make sure that gene doesn't show up either. Damnit, more work-"
POW! CRASH! WHAM! SKRASH!
CRASH! WHAM! SKRASH!
"Huff... Huff... That...! THAT...!"
"Sakura, is everything all right?"
"JUST FINE MOM! I JUST HAD TO... THROW SOMETHING OUT THE WINDOW!"
"... Okay dear, as long as you're all right...!"
"I can't believe...! All this time! ARGGHHHHH! ... Hmm..."
Beep beep, doop deep doo doo! Rinnnngg...
"Naruto? It's Sakura. I've changed my mind. I'm coming on your date with Anko, and I'm not taking no for an answer."
"... Good! I'll be right there! And tell Anko not to worry about it. I'll be happy to bring extra whipped cream."