Legal Disclaimer: All the Anime/Manga and non-Anime/Manga characters appearing in this work of fan fiction are owned by their respective copyright and trademark holders. All Rights Reserved.

Written for fan appreciation only without profit.

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WARNING:

The following may contain subject matter that is offensive to some people, children, small barn yard animals and most household appliances. Reader digression is advised.

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Michael "TheZorch" Haney's

"Something Hentai This Way Comes"

Book I: The Shikon Jewel

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Prologue

The origin of civilization in the Land of the Rising Sun is shrouded in a fog of mystery and mysticism where history blends with myths and legend. The first habitation of Japan can be dated back as far as the Old Stone Age (ca. 600,000 B.C.) when the islands were connected to South Korea via a land bridge. This was possible because the glaciers of the Ice Age lowered the level of the seas worldwide thus allowing the land bridge's formation.

Early civilization in Japan appeared during the Jomon period 10,000 to 300 B.C. Archaeologists have found thousands of Jomon sites all over Japan ... including Tokyo. The seat of power rested in "Yamatai" located in northern Kyushu which is believed to be somewhere near modern day Kyoto. The Chinese dynastic histories recorded in the Han Dynasty speak of a great Queen named Himiko. She was descended from the bloodline of Jimmu, first Emperor of Japan and the son of the Sun Goddess Amaterasu. He took the throne in 660 A.D. It is said that only those of his bloodline may commune with the kami and sit upon the throne of Japan.

Lost in the ancient writings of the era and the Chinese dynastic histories of the Land of Wa was the story of a tatarigami who was enraptured by Queen Himiko's beauty. He decided that he had to possess her and sought to woo and seduce her. For a time his efforts to gain her trust were winning, yet she would not yield to his desire to have her body. So great was the tatarigami's lust that he could no longer restrain himself. The palace was in chaos as the malevolent deity became a tentacled fiend and ravished the queen's handmaidens one by one. In a blind lustful frenzy the tatarigami attacked Queen Himiko and tore open her robes. Before he could take from the queen her innocence she called upon the power of the Sun Goddess and threw the tentacled beast from her. In a rage, Queen Himiko uttered a curse upon the tatarigami invoking the power of Amaterasu. The powerful, malevolent deity had previously taken the form of a handsome young man, and could become a horrible tentacled thing with an appetite for womanly flesh that could not be satisfied. The holy power of Amaterasu descended and filled the queen until her very eyes began to glow.

"Vile beast, for hence forth thou shalt be bound into the form of a withered, old man for the rest of thy days!" the queen cried.

The tatarigami ran from the palace weeping at his calamity for in his diminutive form he could no longer partake of the flesh of maidens to sate his lusts. The creature was never seen again in the court of Queen Himiko nor in the regions surrounding Yamatai. All knowledge of his existence became forgotten. That is, until by chance many centuries later two young wandering martial artists happened upon a withered old man who possessed a prowess and skill that seemed to their eyes as super-human. They agreed to become his disciples and learned his unique and powerful art. One of his students became infatuated with the sensei's beautiful daughter and after a short courtship they wed. The daughter of the old sensei bore her husband a strong son. The father took the son at a young age on a journey to become a martial artist without peer, a man among men.

That boy's name was Saotome Ranma.

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Chapter 1

"Ranma Has A Woody!"

Okāsan.

It was a wonderful word, "Okāsan", in English it means "mother". It was a word that young seventeen year old Saotome Ranma never thought he'd be able to say. Before a few days ago the word "Okāsan" instilled a strong instinctual desire for self-preservation. Now he could forever hang up his alter-ego of Tendo Ranko. His okāsan knew the truth now, she accepted him as he was; a man among men despite the fact that he spent much of his waking days in a body that was alien to him. He was in that form now, his ... uh ... her blue silk Chinese tunic soaking wet. Even though her clothes looked a few sizes too big on her it did nothing to hide the fact that beneath the baggy fabric Ranma had a curvy figure to rival the most beautiful women in the world. Not to mention the fact that her cup size was rather large for a young girl of her size.

The redheaded martial artist sighed. She'd been getting used to the curse but it didn't mean that she liked being changed without warning. Old Tojihara-san down the street usually performed misogi, sprinkling water on the walkway towards her house at this time of day to wash away sin from her front steps. Funny thing is Ranma just happened to walk down that side of the street at the same time the old lady was out with her pale and ladle. The result ... splash ... and a boy who was every school girl's dream became every school boy's wet dream.

"I swear, its like the kami have it in for me. If I ever find out which one is doing this to me I'll ... I'll ... well they won't like what I'll do." the redhead muttered to herself angrily.

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Somewhere far away in another part of Japan a dark skinned, platinum haired vision of loveliness was thrown across the room by a sudden, extremely violent sneeze.

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Tendo-ke was uncharacteristically quiet when Onna-Ranma entered through the front door. The delicious aroma coming from the kitchen drew her attention immediately. One good thing about having her okāsan around all the time now was that she got to taste her cooking. She and Kasumi were pretty much on par with one another, but there wasn't quiet anything like eating your okāsan's home cooking.

The living room functioned also as a family room. It was the most used room in the place save only for the dojo which was used every day by Ranma, her father and Akane. The old freak's room was just across the hall, the smell of his vile pipe had finally faded after several days. He hadn't been seen in weeks and Ranma liked it that way. In fact, she hadn't seen him since her okāsan started living at Tendo-ke. She didn't dwell on it for long. Talking behind his back usually drew the ancient hentai back into their lives. Frankly, she didn't want the old freak anywhere near her okāsan. Despite the fact that she was in her late thirties Nodoka was still a very beautiful woman.

Tendo-san and oyagi, which was an impolite way of saying "father", were hard at work trying to out-cheat one another at the Shoji board. They were like that when she left six hours ago and they were still at it. Didn't the lazy baka ever do anything else around the house? The sound of activity in the kitchen distracted her chain of thought. She stepped through the threshold beneath the noren, a short curtain found hanging in the entrances to restaurants, it always felt like she was entering sacred ground when entering Kasumi-san's kitchen. For an instant Ranma felt a strange tingling flow through her body, but shrugged it off. The eldest of Tendo-san's daughters was busy chopping a large white daikon, a kind of white squash. Upon her face was her ever-present, ever-contented smile. She was dressed in a blue shoulder-less house dress and white apron which showed off her neck and shoulders. Ranma couldn't take her eyes off the women. Yes, woman, that is what she was. A beautiful woman, so very beautiful, so innocent, such a beautiful soul. It was almost as if she was looking at the girl with new eyes. Kasumi-san seemed to literally radiate a pure white light from deep within herself which shined upon the whole room. Ranma shook her head to clear her thoughts and the scene before her returned to normal.

The woman caught the faint glimmer of movement in her eye and looked up. "Ara, welcome home Ranma-kun." said Kasumi in her deeply sensual voice.

"A ... Arigato. Uh, where's okāsan?" Ranma asked her, a slight blush on her face. Kasumi noticed it but didn't think anything of it.

"We were short on a few things for dinner tonight so she went to the market." answered Kasumi.

Ranma turned to leave for the furo and asked, "Did Akane come home yet?"

Akane was the youngest of Tendo-san's daughters, her reluctant iinazuke had spent the night at Yuka's house to study for the big math test coming up. "Not yet. Anything wrong?" asked Kasumi. Ranma didn't notice the questioning look in the woman's eyes.

"Just curious. I'm gonna get a bath. Ja." said Ranma as she left. She took her time in the bath mostly because the old lecher wasn't around and also because Akane wasn't home yet either. After a cold water wash the redhead slowly slipped into the soaking tub and sighed as she felt the all-too familiar tingle. Faster than her eyes could see "she" became a "he" again.

Back to his normal self Ranma dressed in a clean pair of boxers and tank top. There wasn't really much to do around the house. He could go to the dojo and work out but he just got done in the furo. He didn't want to go to his room, it smelled of wet panda despite Kasumi's repeated attempts at cleaning. All that was left was to watch TV. He wanted to groan when he saw Nabiki had beat him to it. At least she wasn't watching one of those sappy soap operas that Akane had been getting into lately.

Nabiki lay propped up on a cushion with her feet in the air. A new Anime was on, another one of those shows where a dweeb-ish guy lives with a horde of uber-cute girls who all want to be his girlfriend. The airwaves seemed to be saturated with those kinds of shows nowadays. It kind of irked him at how close some of them came to being like his own life. He'd seen this gaijin film from the United States about a baby who was adopted by a corporation and lived in a fake world which was actually the world's largest reality TV show. Ranma often wondered if that was what was happening to him. Would he one day find the boundaries to his world and find a way to escape this twisted reality?

Nabiki noticed him. "Konbanwa, Ranma-kun." she said rolling onto her back. Her position had the effect of pushing her natural attributes out further than they usually did on their own. Ranma could not help but stare. So round, so perfectly formed, so pert. Slowly, deliberately the middle Tendo sister reached up and began to unzip the front of her outfit. Ranma waited several agonizing minutes for her hand to finish the slow journey downwards. He didn't know how or when he scooted over close to her but he was beside her now. She opened the front of her top to reveal her large attributes in all their fleshy glory. His hands worked of their own accord and grasped them softly. Ranma marveled at how so very soft yet firm they were.

"Ranma-kun."

"Ranma-kun."

"RANMA-KUN!"

Ranma looked around. Nabiki lay on the cushion leaning on her side looking at him. Her shirt was where it was supposed to be; on her body.

"Are you ok? You spaced out for a minute there." she said with a slightly worried expression. Ranma hardly ever spaced out like that, and when he did it usually meant trouble. And trouble usually meant expensive repairs to the house and dojo.

"I ... uhmm ... I'm ok." he said clearing his throat. Always ever so watchful, Nabiki noticed where his eyes had wandered before the boy's brain blue-screened. She could see the sudden sheen of sweat on his face. With a playful smirk she rolled over onto her back and puffed out her chest. For an instant his eyes glazed over and drool formed on his lips.

"Loosing our shyness, ne? Saotome-kun." she thought to herself but not out loud. Oh, there just had to be a way she could profit from this. A list of all kinds of possibilities popped into her head. After all, Ranma did have above average looks. If only Akane knew how many admirers he had among the female and male student body at Furinken.

He looked away quickly tearing his eyes from the scene which had been so inviting. "Uh, what'cha watch'n?" he asked her.

With a slight pout Nabiki flipped back over and said, "Its called ''Happy Joy Candy'', its sort of like ''Love Hina'' except all the girls are after the same boy and one of them is an alien." For some really odd reason she felt "sad" that Ranma wouldn't look at her some more. Where did that thought suddenly come from, she wondered in shock.

"Tadaima!" came Akane's voice from the genkan, the place were you leave your shoes by the front door.

"Okerineesai!" Nabiki answered welcome.

The youngest Tendo came in carrying a couple of plastic bags. Nodoka was right behind her with one of her own. "Take them straight to the kitchen would you, Akane-chan." said Nodoka. Nobody noticed that with one free hand she was making strange finger motions in the air towards her son.

"Hai." Akane nodded with a smile.

"Ara. Where did you run into each other?" Kasumi asked as she took the bags from them.

"The way home from Yuka's is through the market district. I just happened to see Saotome-san coming out of the bakery." said Akane. She looked over at the pigtailed boy and added, "I decided to help her out since her baka son apparently wouldn't."

"Hey, I just got home!" Ranma argued.

Akane folded her arms in her usual "I'm not buying it" manner. "From where, I bet you spent all day with that silicone-infested Chinese bimbo." she accused.

"No, I was at the mall with Hiroshi and Daisuke." he told her truthfully.

The girl put up her nose at him and stalked away. Sometimes he wished she'd be nicer. Why did she always have to be so angry all the time? He averted his eyes when he caught himself staring at her retreating rump. As he turned he peered over at Nabiki who looked at him questioningly with a knowing eyebrow raised.

Trying not to blush and failing horribly Ranma quickly departed through the shogi doors. With great ease he leapt high alighting to the roof and plopped down. "What the hells is wrong with me?" he asked himself inwardly. First he thought Kasumi was beautiful, ok there really wasn't anything wrong with that, but then he vividly fantasized about feeling up Nabiki's breasts, and finally he stared at Akane's butt. He never in his life really paid that much attention to girls until they got right up into his face. It was kind of hard to ignore it when girls like Shampoo often showed up wearing almost nothing. A few times she appeared in the bath with nothing on at all! Oyagi had been right about one thing, women were indeed a distraction from the Art.

His hands and face were clammy with sweat and there was an unmistakable bulge in his pants. He had to regain his focus and fast! The dojo was empty, Akane hadn't gone out to do her evening workout yet. It didn't take him long to get a good rhythm going as he entered one of the basic kata of the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu. Anyone watching would have been astonished as the pigtailed boy's body became a blur. Everything around him fell away to oblivion, there was just him and the Art in this place and there was no room for anything else. No room for girls or emotion just the Art and his unwavering concentration. So deeply was he focused on his kata that he did not see the pair of eyes that looked in from one of the windows.

Nodoka sighed and turned away. That hadn't worked out the way she thought it would. Saddened she headed into the house. Looking into the kitchen she was satisfied to see that Kasumi had everything in hand. Quietly she moved, quieter than her son or even her husband ever could until she was inside Happosai's bedroom. Nodoka looked around at the mess and just shook her head and muttered something under her breath. Slowly she extended her hand palm down and closed her eyes. As she began to speak in a strange tongue, a soft glow emanated from her hand. The sloppy piles of women's panties and bras on the floor rose into the air as if carried on an unseen breeze. They flew through the room sorting themselves into flocks of different types of undergarments. With a wave Nodoka sent them flowing into two empty boxes on the other side of the room.

She spoke another strange phrase. Empty take-out containers, crumpled papers, discarded chopsticks, and scraps of hentai magazines littering the floor became a swarm that swirled around her. She spoke one arcane word and clenched her fist. The mass of junk suddenly came together like the stellar material from the formation of the primordial sun and compressed into a small ball. Almost casually she tossed it into a nearby wastebasket.

"You could be a little less sloppy. It puts too much work on poor Kasumi." she said quietly.

One of the shadows in the room detached itself from the wall. "I never could hide from you," it said i a raspy voice. Nodoka regarded it with a friendly smile.

"I've seen enough," she said, frowning now. "Something must be done."

The shadow nodded, "I agree. That's why I've stayed away so long, to give you time to notice for yourself."

Nodoka clenched her fists and fumed. "Genma did this didn't he? Its the only answer." the rage in her tone was unmistakable.

"What do you intend to do? There's little I can do right now in this form." said the shadow. It moved away from the wall and began to take on a more solid shape.

"Don't worry, I've made some arrangements with an old friend. We'll be ready in a day or so." she told the shadow.

The shadow had become completely solid and now had the shape of an impossibly short, old man with tufts of graying hair on the sides of his balding head. "I think Genma has hidden certain truths from the boy also. Its time he was told." the little man said to her.

Nodoka smiled, almost laughed. "Considering the stories I've heard I'm almost certain Ranma will not be happy with the truth."

The little man shrugged. "The truth hurts sometimes, he'll get used to it. Besides, I've made an important decision." The woman searched the little man's face questioningly.

"I'm handing over the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu to the boy; all my secrets, my techniques, everything. Anyone capable of defeating the crown prince of the Musk and Lord Kirin of Nekonron easily earns my respect and the right to be my heir." he said.

Tears came to the woman's eyes as she smiled. "Arigato ... otōsan."

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If there was one good thing that came from Ranma's arrival in Nerima it was the fall of the Hentai Horde. Tendo Akane had grown very tired of the daily ritual of knocking the stuffing out of half the male student body every morning just to get to class. Those days were long over with, just a day after Ranma showed up the boys all gave up; all but one that is. Kuno Tatawaki was beyond annoying. The guy wouldn't take a hint. What was worse he saw himself as Kami-sama's gift to all women and lived in a delusional little world of his own where no woman wouldn't want to be with him, and if they didn't it was because some evil prevented her from doing so.

The baka couldn't even get the hint that Ranma and Onna-Ranma were the same person. Despite the fact that he'd actually seen Ranma change right before his own eyes, but his deluded mind twisted his perception of reality and made him think it was a trick concocted by Ranma using dark magics. In his sad little fantasy-land Kuno was a hero, a samurai of an age long since past, and thus a warrior of no equal. Therefore all of his defeats at the hands of Ranma were the result of trickery and dark magic. How the bokuto wielding baka managed not to end up in a rubber room for the rest of his life Akane had no idea.

School nowadays wasn't exactly boring though. She had her friends Yuka and Sayuri and the rest of the girls from homeroom 1-F. There were the frequent fights that broke out between Ranma and Kuno, and Hinako-sensei always kept them on their toes. Especially Ranma who had the habit of falling asleep during her English lectures.

It was lunch time and she was sitting under her tree with her two best friends enjoying one of Saotome-san's wonderful bentos. Akane wished she could cook as good as Ranma's okāsan and Kasumi. It seemed like almost anything overtly feminine was almost beyond her ability. Bad enough Ranma kept calling her Tomboy and kawaiikun all the time. She couldn't even swim without dropping like a stone.

"Brooding again Akane-chan, you and Ranma have another fight?" Yuka asked her.

Akane swallowed the piece of calamari she'd been chewing on for the past few minutes and replied, "No. Its ... I don't know, somethings going on with him."

"What isn't going on with him you mean, ne?" Sayuri laughed.

Akane shook her head. "The past few days he's been acting really weird, like he's deliberately avoiding me." The two girls looked at each other then looked back at Akane questioningly. "For instance, just yesterday morning I came home after forgetting my umbrella during my jog. I was sopping wet, when he looked at me he had this glassy eyed look and then he ran off."

"A glassy eyed look?" Sayuri said questioningly.

Akane nodded and said, "Hai."

"Kimiko in 3-J said she'd seen Ranma look that way when the class went jogging in the field yesterday, then he turned around, grabbed his nose and disappeared." Sayuri explained to her.

"He's been avoiding Ukyo too." said Akane.

The two looked back at one another in surprise. This was one hell of a mystery but not really all that unexpected, after all this was Ranma they were talking about and his behavior wasn't entirely all that predictable.

Elsewhere on school grounds Ranma was having a really hard time concentrating. One of the girl's gym classes were out in the field doing exercises. He often wondered if the parents of the girls at Furinken High knew just how revealing the female gym outfit were. They were basically a skin tight, red bikini bottom and semi-loose white sweater tops and little else. The tops did little to hide the girl's natural assets. As they hopped up and down doing jumping-jacks he couldn't tear his eyes away as those assets as they bounced and jiggled. Pretty soon he noticed Hiroshi and Daisuke were looking at him strangely. He also couldn't miss the fact that a certain part of his anatomy was standing at full attention. He hoped to Kami-sama that nobody noticed.

It got worse, he tried to tear his eyes away from the girls but with every jiggle and bounce something inside of him forced him to keep looking. The strangest most frightening sensation raced through his body. Ranma went into a panic as his anatomy started to feel ... beyond strange. It was a kind of yearning, or a need that was totally alien to him yet its call was unmistakable and powerful. Before his two friends could ask what was the matter Ranma dashed off at blinding speed. He ran until he found the most secluded and private place on campus. After looking around to make sure there wasn't anyone around he dropped his pants.

Ranma felt very guilty, yet also extremely satisfied when it was all over. He'd heard about it, seen books about it that his friends smuggled into school sometimes, and it was talked about in sex education class. Yet, Ranma himself had never done it before, until now. It was called by many names; stroking the sausage, choking the chicken, yanking the pole, beating the noodle, massaging the beef, greasing the rod, etc. and etc. Whatever you called it, "it" felt really frick'n good. It also wore him out worse than a full-on practice session with Ryoga! Man was he tired! The only thing that kept him from falling asleep was the fear that somebody would find him with his "thing" hanging out of his pants. After a quick visit to the boy's toilet to clean up, Ranma made it back to homeroom just before the bell.

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Nodoka watched everything that had been happening within the still water of a large bowl. She waved her hand and the image vanished from existence. Looking up she regarded the person who had been watching with her. That person was a she, a young girl who looked to be around Ranma's age with long purple-ish hair, alluring green eyes, and a body that could cause one mother of a traffic jam. She was dressed in a pair of tight fitting jeans and a shirt that showed off her mid-rift. Not to mention that it was tight and accentuated the shape of her frontal assets quite nicely. There was also no way to mistake the fact that she didn't wear a bra.

"Wow! That was my strongest lust incantation and that's all the reaction I could get out of him?" the girl said with a worried look on her face.

"Now you see what I've been talking about," Nodoka explained.

The girl nodded. "This goes beyond mere conditioning. I sense some kind of clerical magic is involved."

"A priest did this?" Nodoka gasped in surprise.

"More than likely," the girl replied nodding.

Nodoka waved her hand again and the image of her son appeared in the water. He was fast asleep as the sensei began a lecture on the Tokugawa period. "Can you help him?" Nodoka look at her pleadingly.

She nodded and said, "Give me another day to set things up. Within forty-eight hours I'll have your son back to normal."

"Arigato-gosaimasu, Noriko-chan." Nodoka said looking very relieved.

"Of course, that's only the beginning. He wasn't allowed to come into his maturity the way he was supposed to," Noriko warned Nodoka. "Now, he'll have it all thrust onto him all at one time, it could become overwhelming. He'll have a hard time maintaining control."

Nodoka smiled, "Don't worry, he has some very good friends whom I'm sure would be more than willing to help."

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Three Tendo sisters all at once suddenly suffered a mighty sneeze and a sense of strange foreboding.

To be continued ...

For Jim Robert Bader-sempai.

Notes:

Queen Himiko was a real person from ancient Japanese history. She ruled a major portion of northern Kyushu in the later half of the Yayoi Period which lasted from 300 B.C. to 300 A.D. According to ancient Chinese writings, called the dynastic histories, Queen Himiko's authority was based on her religious and mystical powers. Han Dynasty (ca. 221 B.C.) scholars described her as a priestess or shaman who communicated with the gods for the people. She belongs to a bloodline of mythological origins, a descendant of Jimmu, first Emperor of Japan (attained the throne in 660 B.C.) during the late Jomon Period (ca. 10,000 to 300 B.C.) According to historical mythology only those descended from the Sun Goddess Amaterasu, the supreme deity or "kami" from the Shinto pantheon, may commune with the Sun Goddess and rule the Empire of Japan. This makes Shinto one of the oldest religions in the world that is still practiced in modern times.

"Happy Joy Candy" is a fake Anime series of my own creation. I think there is a real Anime called "Happy Candy" but I'm not sure.

Historical and cultural research done in "Japanese Culture" by Paul Varley, University of Hawaii Press, ISBN 0-8248-2152-1. I highly recommend it to anyone who writes Anime fan fiction. Free copies of this "public domain" book can be found in Adobe PDF format via Bitorrent search sites.