Disclaimer: FrescaPower does not own One Piece, the McDonald's rap, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King or the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Enjoy chapter 9!

Mitarashi dango– tofu balls (dumplings)
Zoni – Vegetable Stew
Dashi – soup broth
Nomi-ya– popular bars that serve drinks and small snacks (though I don't know if they sell zoni or not)
Takoyaki – octopus dumplings

"So…What do you wanna do?" Luffy asked Yosaku. Yosaku shrugged. It had been several hours since they left the Baratie, and they were all quite bored.

"So…" said Luffy as he turned to his newest crew member, Sanji. "What's up?"

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up! Hit it, Yosaku."

In the background, Yosaku began to rap "Mm-mm-mm soy sauce"; Luffy picked his nose. Sanji began to rap:

I need mitarashi dango
And hold the sugar
Don't like sushi, dude
No fish with the food
In this nomi-ya I order zoni
I've got a cravin' for onigiri just like my knee
I need some dashi up in here
Frizzle my shizzle with fried tofu on the dizzle.
A takoyaki my brother,
Another for your mother,
Sake, sake with the ice,
And don't forget the rice.


Chapter 9: Arlong Park the Musical

Meanwhile in Arlong Park…

Zoro's poor sense of direction had landed him in Arlong Park. At least he might find out where Nami. Sneakily, that is to say. Not at all loud.

"Stupid fish! I'll kick all your asses!" Well, he wasn't exactly being subtle.

Arlong looked at him. "Roronoa Zoro, listen to me," music started to play, "You humans, you all really suck. I mean, mermaid men are better than any human could ever dare."

Us Fish men are really awesome
We have our own private pools
If you think that you can beat us,
Then you're just a bunch of fools.

Just look at the world around you,
It's really quite a bore,
With pirates and thieves and humans-


"Hey, check out this parquet floor!"


Hey, look at me,
Hey, look at me,
Darling, we're better
And ten times as wetter,
Take it from me.

We will make all you humans pay
You will work for us every day,
While you're eroding,
We'll all be gloating
Above the sea!

One day I'll make my empire,
That will stretch across the world
A place where humans will cower,
Since I'm the one in power.
The fish men – shark, salmon and bass,
Will kick humans in the ass.

Fish men are as tall as towers,
We don't have to take showers!

Oh-ho! Above the sea,
Above the sea,
No one will beat us, fry us, or eat us
What a cuisine!

You are what we would like to kill
But then we couldn't pay the bill,
We'll have no troubles,


It's fun to eat bubbles!


Above the sea! (Above the sea!)
Above the sea! (Above the sea!)

Life is so sweet here


Get me a light beer, right over here!
(Right over here, here, here!)


Fish men will rule the seven seas,
We all wear gay Hawaiian tees.
If you have spirit,
I'll make you eat shit,
Above the sea!

The octopus is pink
And he can shoot ink.
The Ray is a hottie,
'Cause he knows karate
The Kisser's real cool
'Cause he spits his drool
My crew is the best there is


Nami can draw crap
Like some maps
We're all rocking out
Except during naps
This place is my crib
It's the best there is.
And man, that blowfish blows.

The mermaid men danced, taking no notice of Zoro, who was trying to escape. He fell into the water; Nami pulled him out, punched him, and untied the ropes that bound him. Zoro ran away right before Arlong resumed singing.


Above the Sea, (Above the Sea!)
Above the Sea, (Above the Sea!)

When the screams echo in my eardrums,
It's Music to me!
(Music it's to me!)

What do you got?
Non-webbed hands.
We're hotter
Than the Homo sapiens man!

We're just all stronger
And we live longer.
Above the Sea!

Each of you's weak here,
Just like this light beer
Above the sea!

Humans are weaklings,
And very dumb things,
Fish men are hotter
And breathe underwater
You humans suck (A-ahhh)
And belong in da muck (A-ahhhh)
Above the sea!

The mermaid men ended the song, stopped dancing and stood frozen in place for a moment, looking around for their one-man audience. Zoro was gone.

"Damn, I knew I should have just drowned him…"

"I told you this would happen, but no, no one listens to me," muttered Kuroobi. "You always insist on singing that musical number to your 'guests' but they always escape…I hate to say I told you so."

Now Usopp had gotten himself captured. The Straw Hats aren't very stealthy, are they?

"What should we do with him? Smek." said Choo

"I say we kill 'im. That'll be sure to bring the pirate hunter Zoro here."

"Um...how about you not kill me, and let me go?" asked Usopp.

"And why should we?" asked Arlong.

Usopp cleared his throat, and proceeded to sing:

Oh please just don't kill me
It's a beautiful phrase
Oh please just don't kill me
Or Zoro will rampage

It means don't kill me
For the rest of my days
I don't want problems, please.
Limburger cheese!
Oh please just don't kill me!

Why, when I was a liar boy

Nami joined Usopp:

When he was a liar boy!

"Very nice."


I told tons of tall tales of which no one believed
When I left my whole town was extremely relieved


He's a lying braggart,
And no one trusts him


And it hurt when one of my lies became true.
And oh, the pain,

(He was pained!)

My best shirt has a stain!

(Oh, what a stain!)

And I joined some pirates

(What did you do?)

Everyday that I –

"Hey Usopp, not in front of the fish."

"Oh. Sorry."

Oh please just don't kill me
It's a beautiful phrase
Oh please just don't kill me
Or Zoro will rampage

Arlong joined in:

It means don't kill you
For the rest of your days

"Yeah, sing it, fish!"

I don't want problems, please.
Limburger cheese!
Oh please just don't kill me!

Music continued to play in the background. Arlong turned to Usopp, his eyes full of tears.

"–Sniff- I've decided…"




"…To kill…"




"Nami will."

The music skidded to a halt.


"Yes, sir!" said Nami, and whacked Usopp over the head with her staff.

Desperate, Usopp tried to sing the song without accompanying music, but sounded horrible due to the lack of voice-changing technology.

Oh please just don't kill me
It's a beautiful phrase
Oh please just don't kill me-

The mermaid men covered their ears; some rolled on the ground in pain.

– Zoro will rampage
It means don't kill me –

Nami stabbed Usopp. The fish breathed a sigh of relieve.


"It's business. I had no choice. " Nami looked down at where she had stabbed Usopp. AW, SHIT! I STABBED MY HAND!

"Sister Nami killed brother Usopp!" said Johnny, who had just witnessed the un-gruesome and edited 'death' of Usopp.

"Nami would never do such a thing!" shouted Luffy.

"Actually I would," said Nami, suddenly appearing on the scene.

"But you didn't, right?"

"He's dead," Nami said bluntly.

"I get it, you're joking!"

"And this is the knife I stabbed him with," said the navigator, holding up a bloody knife.

Everyone ran away.

It's flashback time again!

"Now everyone will finally know my tragic past, that is infinitely more tragic than everyone else's!"

Some random person coughed, which sounded suspiciously like "Nico Robin." Nami thwacked the person with her staff and the person was never seen nor heard from again.

Nami turned back to the camera. Funky music played in the background.

Now this is a story all about how
My life got all turned upside-down.
And if you'll take a minute, just stay right there,
I'll tell you all about my mom who I called Belle-mére.

In Cocoyashi village I was raised,
Picking tangerines was how I spent most of my days,
Living with a poor mom and shoplifting from a fool,
Pilfering textbooks outside of the school,
When a crew of fish-guys who were up to no good,
Started making trouble in the neighborhood.
There was one little fight where my mom got killed,
Then the fish-men said 'you're coming with us against your will'

I agreed to draw maps and I got a tattoo,
But the villagers hated me for that too,
If anything the cause was my orange hair,
– Nah, forget it - I missed Belle-mére!

I stole lots of treasure and plundered and pillaged
I knew it would take years to buy back the village
I looked at my treasure; I still had orange hair,
Yeah, I really missed my step-mom, I missed Belle-mére!

"Stop stealing, you kleptomaniac delinquent!" shouted Genzo, holding Nami by the back of her shirt.

"But Mr. Genzo, it's just one book! I'll pay you back…with singing!" Nami sung a song beautifully. Heck, she probably could've won American Idol.

"That was horrible. Now go home to your shack. I mean house."

Later, at home…

"-Sniff- Mr. Genzo ruined my dream of singing. So now I'll do something extremely boring for the rest of my life. Mapmaking was only going to be a hobby, but Belle-mére used all my singing books as ingredients in her infamous 'mystery food' dish."

"Children have to eat, don't they?" said Belle-mére, who did not smoke cigarettes and did not wear a shirt that said 'MACE' on it. "Besides, I'm sure that by eating the pages, the words will go up into your brain and you'll remember everything."

"Really?" The girls started eating ravenously.

Heh heh. Works every time, thought Belle-mére. Hmmm… maybe I should tell them to stop eating all that, or they're gonna get ink poisoning. Nah, I'll just go to a battlefield and find a new pair of abandoned kids. Yep. That's where children come from - blood-soaked battlefields.

"PIRATES ARE COMING!" declared the town doomsayer.

"Oh no! What do we do?" said a villager.

"Just ignore him, he says that everyday," reassured Genzo.

"PIRATE ATTACK!" screamed a villager.

"Not you too…" sighed Genzo, then looked around. "AHH! PIRATE ATTACK!"

"Don't we have a police force to protect us from this kind of thing?" said the town doctor.

"Nope," replied Genzo.





"Boy Scouts…?"


"Basically, we have no hope of survival."

"Well, there is me."

There was a short pause, and they broke out in laughter. "Ha, ha…yeah, we're doomed."

"She didn't pay, so now she'll pay the price for not paying," said Arlong evilly.

"So you're killing her?" asked Nami.

"We're taking her to jail where she'll never be heard from again."

"So you're killing her?"

"No, you never see her again. Because I throw her in jail."

"So, you're killing her," Nami said in a bored voice.

"I never said that. You can't prove she's dead."

"So she's alive?" she said hopefully.

"No, she's dead. Get over it. "

Suddenly, there was a bunch of beaten-up people on the ground for no adequately explained reason. In addition they shouted lousy puns despite the fact their lives were at stake.

"Now I know what a tossed salad feels like!"

"If you can't pay the cash you're out with the trash!"

Hachi walked back onto the scene, though he never actually left it. "I seem to have randomly found a random piece of paper in a random place that is not off a dead body that randomly happens to be a sea map."

"Give it back! That's mine!" cried Nami.

"Take her with us," said Arlong.

"Don't you dare!" Belle-mére shouted to Arlong. But she was looking down, even though Arlong was taller than she was.

"Belle-mére, you're alive!"

"No, Nami! It's just a previous scene clip put in by 4kids!" warned Nojiko. "The mermaid men are trying to trick you!"

"That's right, but if you join us Nami, we can put random clips together and make it seem that your mother is still alive. Don't you want that?"

"I thought you threw her in jail."


"Genzo, roll the clip!"

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Kuroobi "KARA-TE! HIYAH!" Kuroobi slashed Genzo with a sword several times. However, instead of Genzo bleeding all over the place it appeared that Kuroobi had only ripped his clothing.

Genzo staggered in 'pain' "Argh! Ergh! I…just…got this suit! And now it's all cut up…ah! And I had a hot date tonight! It was all… for nothing!" He fell to the ground.

Hachi carried Nami away. Nojiko tried to stop him, but it was useless. The camera shifted to Belle-mére, who was on the ground. In the background stood Hachi, despite the fact he was seen walking away carrying Nami only seconds previously.

"Um… I'm not Hachi!" said Hachi "I'm… um…his stunt double Bob!"

Several people sweat dropped. "I didn't know anime characters had stunt doubles," said someone.

"Um…uh…" Hachi ran, jumping through the nearest window.

"I've been told by a reliable source that you're a thief," said Captain Nezumi, who sounded like a certain vertically challenged teenager who likes to play children's card games, "You have stolen treasure from pirates, who have stole it from other pirates, who in turn have stole it from citizens. Therefore by some weird logic the money belongs to 4ki- er, the Navy."

"A reliable source? That Luffy betrayed me after I betrayed him!"




"Zoro? Sanji?"




Several characters later…

"I give up…unless it was Arlong? But I mean, what are the chances of that!"

"Yeah, it was him." Nezumi turned to his men. "Hyik, hyik, hyik. Now tear this place apart and find the treasure," he ordered. They proceeded to tear up the tangerine groves.

"HEY! You break it, you buy it!" shouted Nojiko. Immediately Nojiko was shot.

"What the hell did you do that for?" cried Nami.

"I don't like people with blue hair," shrugged Nezumi.

"Sir, I've found the treasure…but it's covered in dirt and blo- ketchup. Lots and lots of ketchup."

"It's still money, even if it has ketchup on it. Hyik, hyik, hyik," Nezumi chuckled, "That naïve girl. Now we can use this money to invest in Chopper Dolls and sell them for an overpriced amount at toy stores!

"Hey Nami, what's up?" said Luffy cheerily completely unaware of the angst Nami was going through.

"My life sucks, my mother is dead and I'm completely broke!" Nami picked up her dagger and began to stab herself in the shoulder. "ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!"

Luffy grabbed Nami's wrist, preventing her from further harming herself.

Nami looked up, tears in her eyes "Luffy?"

"Who's been stealing your screen time?"

Nami anime face-faulted.

"He's been stealing my screen time too! Why haven't I been getting any screen time?! I WANT MEAT! I MEAN SCREEN TIME! I'm gonna kick the ass of the guy who's taking all my meat and screen time!"

Luffy turned to the rest of his crew. Zoro was sleeping, Sanji was high off lollipops, and Usopp was mixing ketchup and mustard in the same bottle. "Let's go…win back the meat!"

"What about screen time?"

"Yeah, that too."

Completely ignoring Nami, Luffy and crew walked off to find whoever had been taking screen time.

"Wow, this is really epic," commented Usopp.

"Eh…it's kinda lame in comparison to Eneis Lobby…" remarked Zoro.


They ended up at the gates of Arlong Park. Luffy sent the doors flying. "WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS BEEN STEALING MY MEAT AND SCREEN TIME?"

Quite (un)fortunately, Arlong was the first to respond.