Summary: The men in Helsing don't get humiliated NEARLY enough, do they?
A/N: Hi! This is DayOfTheNight's Friend here! I was bored one day and decided I'd give this story plot a try. I would really appreciate it if you could perhaps give me some feed back by posting some comments on it so she could get back to me Thank you!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything but Charlie and the story itself.
Rough Waters Ahead, Captain
Pip ran. That was all he could do, really. There was no other option. His entire fleet had been defeated, and he had lost his gun some time ago.
He had no idea what he was actually running from. The only thing the captain was sure of was that it was big and dangerous, whatever it was.
Pip stopped for a moment to rest. As he stood there, hands on his knees and panting heavily, he listened for the enemy. Last time he checked, he hadn't seen anyone. But still, you never knew with the adversary force….
Suddenly, there was a rustling from somewhere in front of him. It was pitch-black outside and he only had one useable eye, so he didn't know what to expect..
It was a female; He could tell that much. Then, without much warning, a bright light blinded him.
Seras...It was Seras. Just Seras. Pip felt himself relax. If it was just she, she could help him defeat the real enemy when it arrived.
"Hey Zeras! What are you doing out here?" he asked, trying to block the blinding beam of her flashlight. It seemed that she didn't want to answer.
Pip tried again. "Zeras? Are you feeling all-right?" She did seem to look a bit off. Her eyes had a vacant look to them.
"Your time is now, Captain Bernadette," Seras replied in monotone, holding up a gun.
Pip was completely baffled. "Zeras? Are- are you proposing? What are you meaning by, 'My time'?"
Seras smirked as she pulled the trigger.
Pip woke up sweating and his heart pounding against his chest.
A nightmare. That's all it had been. Just a stupid dream.
Sometimes Pip regretted his job. He could never sleep well after a mission. He always ended getting haunted by horrifying dreams…
He shuddered as his heart rate slowly returned to normal.
Captain Bernadette looked at the clock. 2:57am… Great.
As he rolled over to try and fall back asleep, he heard something that sent chills running down his spine.
"BERNADETTE!! MY OFFICE, NOW!!!"
It was Integra, no mistake about it. What could she possibly want at this hour?
Even though Pip Bernadette certainly didn't want to lock horns with his boss at this hour in the morning, he did what he was told.
Getting out of his pajamas, he slipped into the next best thing. Blue jeans and a hoodie. It was true that he hardly got to wear them, but when the rare occasion came, he took advantage of it.
He staggered out of his room, half asleep, and made his way to Sir Helsing's office.
When he opened the door, he wasn't surprised at what he saw.
Alucard was happily mounted in a comfy chair, his boot-clad feet resting on the coffee table. Walter was standing obediently by Integra's window. Seras, was looking at him in a puzzled manner, as if to say, 'What the heck are you wearing?'. And Integra was seated behind her desk, glaring at him.
Of course, they were all dressed in their normal attire, leaving Pip as the oddball in his baggy garments.
"Bernadette. Sit," Integra commanded.
Alucard chuckled as Pip, being groggy, made an attempt to sit but completely missed the sofa.
"Now," Integra said. "Anderson is infiltrating a spot near us, and I would like to stop it before it begins.. So-"
Everyone except for Alucard jumped as a deafening clap of thunder was heard from outside. Integra paused as big raindrops pounded the roof.
"-so, I'm sending Bernadette and the Wild Geese to verify what exactly is happening out there and ward off the enemy."
"Wha-? ME? No way! Do you hear ze weather outside?!" Pip argued, suddenly awake.
"Yes. Who wouldn't hear it?… But, as strong as the storm may be, you and your fleet are going out there."
"But- but what about Zeras and Alucard? What are zey going to do?"
"They're coming too."
Seras groaned and Alucard rolled his eyes. They clearly wanted to go as much as Pip did..
"All-right then. The discussion is over. Go get on you uniform Bernadette and report with your soldiers at the main gate."
Pip felt his temper rise. "I have to go wake them all one by one?"
"No! Of course not. That's Walter's job," Integra snapped.
Pip watched as Walter's body stiffened. Evidently, the butler had been trying to remain out of the conversation as well.
About half an hour later, Captain Pip, Seras and Alucard found themselves standing outside the front gate in the hammering rain, waiting for a fleet of soldiers.
Alucard was casually leaning on a nearby brick wall, surveying the weather.
Seras stared at Pip, who seemed to be shivering slightly.
"Pip?" she asked.
"Yez?" he answered, looking at his water-proof watch.
"You seem cold.. Did you bring a coat?"
"No. My thin uniform was ze only one clean.. Why? Would you like to warm me up?" The French-man put on one of his most ridicules grins.
Seras's brow furrowed to a frown. "I have my limit Pip. Don't push it."
Pip looked satisfied with her answer as Alucard looked up, blood red eyes glinting under his fedora. He narrowed them at what seemed to be at Pip, then darted them to the front door.
Captain Bernadette glanced back at where Alucard's eyes had wandered. His crew marched loyally up to him. His most reliable soldier, Charlie, in the lead. They were all decked-out in strong, rain-repellant coats (the thing Pip should have wore..) and heavy-duty boots.
"Hey Captain! How goes it?" Charlie inquired brightly, as if it was a beautiful, sunny day in the afternoon.
Pip was in no mood for Charlie's overly energetic attitude. "Don't look zo eager," the captain said, shaking rain drops from his hat. "We are going on a grave mission at three AM. How can you be zo happy?"
Charlie shrugged. "I don't know.."
Seras smiled, her blue, sparkling eyes dancing. "Well, his attitude is better than yours!"
Alucard finally spoke up, deep baritone voice echoing, despite the pressing rain. "Can we just go already?"
Around 3:45 they found the spot that Integra had specified. An abandon warehouse.
"Stay close.." Pip told his fleet, loading his weapon.
As they walked, they all left muddy tracks and puddles of water. Pip shuddered involuntarily as a chill went down his back. He knew he should have put on something warmer and rain-resistant…
Only when he ran straight into Alucard's back did his mind crash back to earth.
"What are you doing? Why did you ztop?" he asked the vampire.
Alucard cynically replied, "No reason…. Why do you think, you bonehead?"
Pip peered around the No-Life King to find a upsetting sight.
Alexander Anderson had apparently been waiting for them to show. And he had not been waiting alone. The menace had brought with him an army of his friends.
"Ah.. Finally," he said in a savoring tone. "You're a wee bit late you know."
"Cut the act, Anderson. You don't want us to get ugly, do you?" Alucard asked wearing one of his famous smirks.
"No! By all means! Get ugly… or rather, uglier. If that is possible for you.."
That comment began the battle…. A long, long battle. (Anderson has a lot of friends.) (ps. I stink at battle scenes.. Bear with me! )
Captain Bernadette had managed to get to Anderson, who had been wondering when an opponent would survive long enough to make it to him.
"You ready to loze?" Pip asked, fingering his gun.
"That depends.. Are you?" Alexander answered, holding up his knives.
Pip was working hard at beating the main enemy. Or at least stall him until Alucard arrived..
Sadly, it wasn't very long until Anderson had cornered him and was preparing to run him through. The Captain was able to dodge it unscathed, but his hair wasn't as lucky…
In effort to evade the attack, the French-man had preformed sort of a twirl deal. Anderson had aimed for Pip's head, so, he missed his scalp and caught his hair, resulting in chopping most of it off… And he was now laughing about it.
Pip, fuming and unable to think straight, discarded his weapon and began fighting physically. He steamrolled Anderson to the ground.
Pip got in a couple good shots at first because Anderson was caught off-guard. But when the Scottish adversary got an opening, he went at Pip as well.
By the time Alucard had got there, the two men were fighting like school boys, rolling around on the floor, hitting each other and shouting things like, "You're goin' down!" and "You fight like a girl!"
Alucard pried Pip from the action and flung him aside, taking matters into his own hands….
The match was soon ended when Anderson ran for it, vowing he'd be back.
Seras shook her head. "Too bad he got away.."
"Yeah," Charlie sighed, folding his arms. "And Captain was doin' so good too.."
"Shut-up Charlie. I'm humiliated enough already," the said Captain retorted, feeling how short his hair had gotten.
"Show's over. Let's get out of here. I've got more important things to do," Alucard growled. With that comment issued, he strolled over to the warehouse entrance.
Seras faithfully pursued, followed by a ill-tempered Pip and his soldiers.