A/N: So, I first ought to say that this is an entry for IwasNeverReallyMe. I chose your 3rd prompt (the element of which I will include at the end). I know that this is probably not what you expected, nor what you wanted. I suppose you meant for different songs, and I am quite certain that this is not exactly the 'slight' Dasey hints that you imagined. However, what can I say except I thought, I wrote, I made. Sorry 'bout all that, although I must admit that I really had a blast writing this.
So, even if it is not what you expected, I still hope that you enjoy this. Please, leave a review (and while you're at it, yell at me to update To Have and to Hold-God knows I need to do so. And yes, that was a shameless plug). Anyways, review, even if you don't enjoy. Flames are much loved as well.
Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek, Miss Saigon, Vitamin Water, Sweeney Todd, or My Fair Lady (and yes, I do intend to explain why, exactly, I have included these three things).
Sheldon always thought that he would be good with kids. He was caring, polite, excellent at helping others, and just an all around first-rate guy. So, when he was asked to assist in an after school daycare, he eagerly accepted. It happened, however, that on the day that he was to help, Sheldon was in a bad mood, which was, admittedly, quite the unusual state.
Thus, on that particular day, at the start of his senior year, he walked into the room to find a group of five and six year olds staring at him. At the moment, he wanted nothing more than to let them run wild, just so long as they allowed him to crawl into a corner and stay there forever. This, of course, did not happen. Oh, he tried, but, after being kicked, poked, and then jumped on by several whiny little brats, he was forced to get up and actually assist.
"What do you kids want to do?" he asked, looking at the youthful faces around him. A particularly rowdy boy started to smile somewhat demonically, and Sheldon quickly added, "Something that does not involve violence of any sort." The little boys face fell, and he lowered the arm that was starting to creep up.
A girl raised her hand timidly, blushing when he pointed at her. "Usually, we get a story," she told him.
Sheldon looked around as the children murmured their agreement. Jesus, what kind of place was this, making kids actually want to hear stories. Still, that would be easy enough. Pick up one of the thin hardback books, read a few lines, show some pictures, and voila! Silence. This, sadly, was not to be.
"How about this one?"
"This one looks good…"
"We've read them all!" a boy said in exasperation. Sheldon paused, wondering what to do now. Suddenly, he had an idea.
"Well, then, how about I tell you a story," he offered. There was a chorus of agreement, and, thinking of the perfect tale, Sheldon began his story.
"Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a peasant boy named, err, Sheldrick. Sheldrick was smart, funny, and, under his peasant's garb, very handsome. However, people didn't seem to notice this because he was a poor peasant. Now, Sheldrick had fallen in love with a beautiful princess, Princess Cassandra. She was the smartest, prettiest, lovliest, kindest princess in all the lands. She would have easily fallen in love with Sheldrick, just as everyone would have, except for there was an evil prince who everybody loved, a prince named Prince Darren.
"You see, Prince Darren was very handsome, and very charming, and everybody in the land loved him. Everyone except Princess Casey, that is. She was too smart to fall for Prince Darren's charms. But one day, she started to notice Prince Darren, for he had cast a powerful and wicked spell over her, forcing her to start to notice him.
"Prince Darren was better looking than Sheldrick, and that was one of his greatest powers over people…"
"Wait," interrupted a girl, "I thought looks didn't matter."
"Yeah, well, they lied, kid," Sheldon said sulkily. He pouted for a moment, but soon returned to his story.
"In order to gain entrance into the palace, and to captivate the beautiful princess, Sheldrick decided to dress like the prince, so that he could win the attention of the fair princess. After, he would show her the real him, and they would fall in love and live happily ever after. So, he put on jeans, err, his best breeches, popped up his collar, and put on a leather err…tunic…"
And thus began the tale…
"Have you seen Sheldon today?" asked Emily, not even allowing Casey time to dig through her bag for books to place in her locker.
"No," she answered, somewhat absentmindedly, as she was currently attempting to wrangle her AP Biology book out of her bag. Emily, strangely enough, did not respond, for she was looking elsewhere, mouth open, eyes wider than usual. Casey, not hearing a reply from her friend, looked up, and with a loud thump, her books fell out of her hands as she slowly straightened.
"Tell me that isn't…" Emily said slowly.
"I think it is."
"Is he dressed like…"
"It's hard to say."
There, thrusting back and forth as he stumbled down the hall in what was later to be revealed as a pathetic attempt at a swagger, was Sheldon Schlepper. In an obviously new leather jacket, his hair gelled every which way, and an old shirt, it seemed that he was attempting…but it couldn't be…but it sure seemed like it…
"Why is Schlepper dressed like me?"
Casey turned around, forcing her eyes to move away from the humorous sight that was in front of her. Biting her lip to keep herself from laughing, she looked at Derek and shrugged. She bit her lip even harder as he turned an interesting color of red that she had not really seen on him before. Still, despite her own amusement at Derek's embarrassment, she herself couldn't quite figure out why Sheldon appeared to be dressed like Derek. From the looks of it, Derek seemed to understand, for normally, such a sight would send him into a fit of laughter.
So what was it? Could Sheldon…
No, there was no way that he could know that particular piece of information.
Perhaps he was trying to impress Emily. But why would that embarrass Derek? She had it on good authority that he felt nothing for her friend.
"Hello ladies," Sheldon said in a strange voice, stopping in front of Casey, Emily, and Derek (whom he had not noticed). Emily cracked up, Derek buried his face in his hand and shook his head, and Casey looked on in confusion. Sheldon, noticing that he had Casey's attention, popped his collar, pausing his imitation to fix the sides of it.
Emily seemed to have neither the embarrassment of Derek, nor the confusion of Casey, and thus, she had not problem in asking the boy, "what are you doing?"
"What, this? Just something I," and here, he shrugged, and Casey swore he tossed his head, "dug up, put on. Y'know. Because I am just…" he paused, "I'm just cool like that," he finished, apparently satisfied with his speech. He then attempted to shrug nonchalantly. "Besides, why should I care what you people think?"
"Why are you dressed like…that?" Derek couldn't seem to be able to actually admit that the kid was attempting to dress and act like him.
"I'm just bein' myself."
"You shouldn't dress like Derek just to try to be popular," Casey said wisely. Derek shook his head; the girl might have been smart in school, but she had the common sense of a fly.
"I'm not dressed like him," Sheldon immediately asserted, standing up a bit straighter. Derek was starting to look a bit more triumphant. However, unbeknownst to Derek, Sheldon had a secret weapon.
"…I think you are fine the way you are…" Casey was saying, although Emily had tuned her out, Derek was trying to think of the best way to rub his own victory into Sheldon's face, and Sheldon was digging through his bag.
"Hey, Casey, I brought you something," Sheldon said, finally pulling out a CD case containing two copied CD's. "Remember we had that conversation about music, and I told you of that musical that you had to listen to? Well, I had a copy, so I figured I'd save you the trouble of having to buy it and just burn you a copy." Ha! Take that, evil Prince Derek, he thought.
"Oh, thanks! I remember; it sounded really good," Casey said, smiling broadly as she took the CD's. Derek peered over to get a glimpse of the CD's. Upon looking at the writing, he sneered. Wimp. Seriously, what was this kid doing bringing Casey music. Not that Derek was worried, of course. It couldn't be good. Really, what the hell kind of band name was Miss Saigon?
" Track two is really good," Sheldon was saying. However, Derek cut him off.
"Thanks for the …music, but I am afraid that Casey has to get to class. We wouldn't want her to be late."
Casey looked at Derek, but didn't shrug him away as he steered her away from Sheldon. She turned briefly, giving him a wave, but seemed not to care that she had just ditched him.
"So, Prince Sheldrick found that the evil prince Darren had defeated him in this first battle. Upset, Sheldrick went to the uh…tavern later that day, and ordered an er… an… um…" he paused, looking around for a suitable drink. "He ordered a Vitamin Water," Sheldon finally said, his eyes landing on a familiar bottle. "He ordered a Vitamin Water, but he wasn't allowed to have one because he was too young."
"Wait, why was he too young?" asked the boy who was currently sipping from the drink in question.
"Well, Prince Darren had issued an order that poor Sheldrick couldn't have any. However, Sheldrick, in his depression, managed to find some at his cottage. But, unbeknownst to him, the evil Prince had er…poisoned it, so that Sheldrick drank it and became very um…loose, and did some silly things."
"Ooh! Like when my brother comes home stumbling and talking real funny and laughing and falling a lot? Is that poisoned Vitamin Water too? 'Cause my brother never lets me tell mom and dad, even though it's real funny," piped up a little girl. Sheldon regarded her strangely.
"Oh, it must be!" she continued, "'cause my brother's always cursing the bitches. Are bitches the same as witches?"
Okay, what the hell kind of brother did this kid have?
"Okay…so, going on with the story. Sheldrick was not himself; so, he decided that night to go to the castle where both Princess Casey and Prince Darren lived. He planned on helping the princess escape down her wall…"
Derek did not like the soft smile that Casey wore as she listened to the CD she had been given. It wasn't that he was jealous. He simply couldn't believe that she would listen to this…music. As it turned out that Miss Saigon was not the name of a band. Miss Saigon was a musical, which he found as soon as Casey popped it in the car.
Of course, he hated it. He did not start bobbing his head when they all sang about whores and soldiers in "The Heat in on in Saigon," and he did not keep his door open when they got home so he could hear about some girl named Kim who was in love with some guy named Chris who left her and had a wife named Ellen. He did not care who Chris chose, nor did he care when Ellen and Kim sang a duet, or when Kim sang to her child. And he definitely did NOT tear up when Kim killed herself so that her child could have a better life.
Because he was a real man, and he did NOT like musicals, and was really NOT jealous that Schlepper had gotten Casey something that she liked.
Of course, how could Sheldon have known all of this? In his…Vitamin Water induced haze, he could not have possibly imagined the error of what he intended to do that night. He could not have had an idea that Derek would be there, and would not be pleased with his antics. No. Sheldon had one thought in his mind: to rescue the beautiful princes. Thus, night found him standing outside her home, flowers clutched in his hand, song fluttering in his heart.
Casey herself couldn't quite understand what was going on. Sheldon was acting oddly, Derek was acting even odder, and she couldn't figure out why. She was starting to seriously consider taking up Marti's boy philosophy: "ewwwwwwwwww!"
Again, Sheldon could not know this, and so, when he started to scale her wall, and when he opened his mouth to sing, he didn't really realize that perhaps she wouldn't immediately fall into his arms.
He started his song, a heartfelt, beautiful song…
"Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around..."
In hindsight, a song from Sweeney Todd was probably not the most romantic thing in the world, but for our young lover, this didn't seem to matter (or, perhaps this was because of that Vitamin Water).
His own mind was utterly focused upon a chain of events that so often seemed to follow such a romantic move. Of course, as is so often the case, real life is in no way compatible to such fairy tales, and this case, as well meaning as it might have been, was no exception.
Oh, it started as he had dreamed. Midway through "Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while…," the window opened, and Casey leaned out, undoubtedly trying to see what the noise was. Sheldon eventually noticed this, and found, much to his dismay, that Derek had joined her at the window, and both were looking down at him…
"Wait," interrupted the same little girl who had made the comment about her brother. "Were they in the same room together? Were they special friends? 'Cause my brother always has girl over who are his special friends, and they always go up to his room and stay there. Ooh! Did they jump on the bed, and make lots of noise, 'cause that's what my brother and his special friends do all the time. But I'm not allowed to tell mommy and daddy. Did their mommy and daddy know? Because if they did, then they aren't special friends, 'cept my mommy and daddy are special friends, too, 'cause they do the same thing," she concluded, looking expectantly at Sheldon.
Seriously, what the hell kind of family did this kid have? Sheldon was seriously considering calling child services. "Yes," he told her, as he didn't know what else to say. "So, anyways, as Sheldrick looked up to see the princess and the evil prince, he called out to her…"
"Casey!" he cried, looking up at her. Unfortunately, looking up at a person while scaling a wall after drinking poisoned Vitamin Water does not bode well for said person, and Sheldon slipped and fell back. From above, he could hear her gasp.
"Let's leave him," he heard Derek say.
Jerk, he thought.
"We can't leave him! He could be hurt!"
"I'm going down and making sure he's okay. Besides," she added, and Sheldon could almost hear her smile, "what he did was very romantic. Almost like a romance novel. It makes me want to go down, like a heroine from one of those..."
This alone was enough to send Sheldon spiraling into a state of euphoria.
"Casey! Wait, I'm coming with you," he vaguely heard, but he didn't really care. Casey thought he was romantic. He sighed, staring up at the dark sky. He didn't even notice the rain in his state.
He considered staying down, thinking that she might tend to him, but then decided to get up; after all, he didn't want her to have to run out and fall into empty arms. No, he decided, he would be waiting to embrace her.
He didn't have to wait long. He was at the door just in time to watch it open, and to watch Casey come out. Unfortunately, Derek, who stood at the open door, watching them, ruined his fantasy.
Rushing towards the door and trying to slam it on Derek seemed like a good idea at the time. However, in hindsight, it really wasn't, as it only accomplished getting Derek to step out of the house, locking all three out of the house. This he found when Derek and Casey both turned towards each other, eyes wide.
"Do you have a key?"
Sheldon decided that this was a perfect opportunity for all three to settle the issue-that is, for him to teach Derek a lesson, and for Casey to decide that she loved him once and for all.
"Well, while we're out here, we might as well talk," Sheldon said.
"We're stuck outside, in the rain, with no way to get in JUST because you wanted to 'talk?'" Derek asked, positively livid.
"What do we need to talk about?" Casey asked. What was going on, she wondered yet again.
"I think that we need to rewrite this story," Sheldon told her gently.
"Huh?" she said, not quite sure just what he meant.
"All right, let's think of this rationally," Sheldon continued. "We are Chris and Kim, and it's time to make our own happy ending." Again, this analogy really did make sense in his mind at the time.
"Wait, what?" Casey was now officially confused. Derek, however, seemed to understand all of this.
"Wait just a minute. Who's Chris and who's Kim?"
"She's Chris, I'm Kim?"
"Why am I Chris?"
"Because you're the one being fought over," Sheldon told her.
"Hey, if you're Kim, does that make me Ellen?"
"How does Derek fit into this?"
"Because," Sheldon said, "he's my opponent."
Derek looked pleased at this, but Casey still looked confused.
"So you're Kim, he's Ellen, and I'm Chris?"
"Yes," Derek and Sheldon answered in unison.
"Doesn't Chris wind up with Ellen?"
"Yes, he does," Derek said, smirking at Sheldon.
"That's my point!" cried Sheldon in exasperation. "We can rewrite the story! Kim can get the love of her life, not Ellen. We can change everything!"
"Oh, for the love of…" Derek was getting tired of all of this. Perhaps, this lack of patients had something to do with the fact that he had just actively participated in a comparison of Miss Saigon characters. Perhaps, he really was just tired. The reasoning is not known. What is known is that he shoved Sheldon away from Casey, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her, hard.
Sheldon, despite all that was in front of him, had still held some hope that she didn't have feelings for Derek. However, as she showed no signs of shock, and was a willing participant in this show that played out before him, he could only conclude that he was too late. The blaze of glory surrounding her had, at this time, dimmed (or, perhaps it was only that he was no longer seeing double after that fall), and he noticed now that she wore a pair of boxers and a men's shirt.
The pair broke apart, and Derek smiled triumphantly at Sheldon. No words were needed, and none were spoken for, at the moment, the door started to open, Derek and Casey sprang apart, and George stepped outside, keeping the door open.
"What is going on?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Relax. Sheldon here got lost on a walk, and asked for directions. We came out to help him," Derek lied.
Either Derek's dad really was a moron, or he was just too tired to think, for he seemed to accept this explanation.
"Good luck getting home," Casey called.
"Don't forget to tell Ellen that she won," Derek added. Casey nudged him with her elbow, and they both went inside, leaving Sheldon alone once more.
Not quite believing what had just occurred, Sheldon hurried over to her window.
"I have often walked down this street before; but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before…"
He got only to …"Knowing I'm on the street where you live" before he was effectively shut up by a very well aimed pail of very cold water.
"And so, tired, wet, cold, and in pain, the defeated peasant walked home, never to live happily ever after," Sheldon concluded. This story was met only with shocked faces, with the occasional sobbing girl.
"Eh-hem," a woman coughed from the back. Sheldon looked up; he hadn't seen the supervisor walk in. "Children, why don't you go play with your toys," she said. They solemnly obeyed, and she motioned for Sheldon.
"Mr. Schlepper," she started, "while I am pleased with the prerogative you've shown in coming to help us, I'm afraid that I am going to ask that you not return. We have found a couple of other people that would like to try out this post." Here, she looked towards the door, where none other than Derek Venturi and Casey Macdonald were talking with an older man. Derek, of course, looked unhappy. That is, until he saw Sheldon glaring at him. At this point, he took Casey's hand in his, and smirked.
Sheldon sighed and muttered under his breath, "happy endings my ass."
A/N: "On the Street Where You Live" is from My Fair Lady.
All right, so I suppose that you are in dire need of an explanation as to my err…choice of references. First off, let me say that I did not choose another song for him to sing (a more modern one, I mean) simply because I don't know any. I don't listen to the radio. Ever. And believe me: there are a lot of things I am willing to do for a story-spend hours thinking, researching the Victorian era, etc. However, I am not willing to listen to music that most like. So, I improvised. What can I say? Sorry
Thus said, I end with this: Please, review!
3. A Casey/Sheldon fic (Sheldon likes Casey, Casey doesn't feel the same) that includes Sheldon dressing like Derek (much to Casey's confusion and much to Derek's embarrasment), VitaminWater, sappy romance novels, Casey, Derek and Sheldon ending up trapped outside in the pouring rain, and add in Derek jealousy throughout the fic, and slight Dasey hints. Sheldon scales her house to stand outside her window and sing to her.