King K. Rool's Visit
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Felt like updating this, knowing that poor K. Rool will never be playable in Super Smash Brothers. Made even worse because Smash 4 was the perfect excuse to bring him back, but nope, we need fucking clones of characters already playable instead of actual unique and iconic characters. Fuck Sakurai and his goddamn bias.
Yoshizilla: Yep, I got bored, and after playing enough of the awesome, recent game Donkey Kong Barrel Blast on my Nintendo Wii console, I decided to think what would happen if King K. Rool, the great leader of the Kremlings, visited the smashers? Of course, you would know the reactions of Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, but for EVERYONE ELSE? Find out... and this is also dedicated to my good buddy Yoshiguru, who seriously wants to play as King K. Rool in Super Smash Brothers Brawl. There, are you happy, Yoshiguru!? (gasps, and then leaves)
Disclaimer: All of the Super Smash Brothers related character, locations, objects, and King K. Rool (from the Donkey Kong series) belong to Nintendo. Sonic The Hedgehog belongs to SEGA, Solid Snake belongs to Konami, Megaman belongs to Capcom, and Pac0Man belongs to Bandai Namco, and why the hell am I still telling you this shit?
One peaceful day in the gigantic metropolis of Nintendo City, because they still had enough money to afford living in a place that didn't actually exist in any of the videogames Nintendo made or publish, within the very center that was the location of the small, private park Oval Park, where the Super Smash Brothers Mansion was located in the very center of it, the Super Smash Brothers were outside, all fighting with each other. Pikachu recently sent an idea to Nintendo about making a Pokemon MMORPG (by the way, slated to come out in 2023 for the Nintendo Harmony home console, so it won't actually come out until 2069). As the Smashers had enough and decided to return back to the mansion, much to their surprise, they all watched in horror as a horde of Kremlings - Kritters, Krushas, Kopters - slowly moved the Super Smash Brothers Mansion out of place, and all glanced to their left to see a big, burly Kremling with a red cape, a long tail, a golden-armor covering his stomach, and a golden crown on the top of his head.
"Greetings, idiotic infidels," The king of the Kremlings, King K. Rool, greeted, adjusting his perfectly placed crown.
Pichu screamed in horror, and his head popped off. A few seconds later, his head re-grew, and Pichu screamed again, his head popping off again.
"What!? Christ almighty, what the fucking hell are you doing here!?" Donkey Kong angrily shouted as he attempted to launch a punch at the Kremling king, but missed and punched down at the ground instead.
The Kremling king laughed. "Ohohoho, I'm just taking what is rightfully mine." K. Rool responded as he patted his golden stomach with his left hand.
"RIGHTFULLY YOURS!?" Diddy Kong shouted, getting out his peanut guns and pointing them at the Kremling king. "You don't even live here, King K. Rool!"
King K. Rool chuckled. "Of course I don't live here. But neither do you now, idiots!" He snapped his fingers, and soon, a couple of brown Kritters brought an empty barrel. King K. Rool grinned and pointed at the barrel. "This is your new home! You all will live here from now on! Gar har har!"
"WHAT!?" Everyone shouted in shock, especially Donkey Kong and Diddy.
Charizard stepped forward, approaching King K. Rool. "Excuse me, sir. King K. Rool, was it?" He eyed the Kremling king suspiciously, "Why did your crocodile guys take our entire mansion?"
"Because..." King K. Rool replied with a smile, wagging his right index finger at Charizard's face, "It's going to be the new home of the Kremlings!"
"WHAT!?" Bowser angrily bellowed, belching out flames in rage, which burnt Marth and Roy, causing the two swordsmen to run around in circles and scream as the flames spread all over their clothes. "You can't be serious!"
King K. Rool's left eye winked. "I'm serious as suicide, fatass. It's the home of the Kremlings now, your former mansion."
Charizard was at a loss for words. "Huh? Wai- wha...?"
"You're going to have to work for me if you really want it back!" King K. Rool gave the Smashers a thumbs up sign, before running off to catch up with the rest of the Kremling crew.
All of the Smashers fumed angrily, but Charizard let out a sigh. he turned around and told them, "I have an idea."
Several minutes later, apparently all of the Super Smash Brothers (except for Peppy Ankylosaurus and Dr. Hoshi, who recently went away for a small vacation) groaned and moaned as they were cramped in within the small, wooden barrel.
"Ewww... it smells in here..." Princess Peach Toadstool moaned, being next to Link and Wario.
"Coming from the person who farts the most..." Sonic The Hedgehog snarked as he rolled his eyes in response, being squished in between the gray colored robot and Mr. Game-and-Watch.
"How did I get talked into this?" Solid Snake asked as he, Megaman, and Pac-Man were all on top of each other.
"I don't know, but I should be with Rouge and Omega, not wasting my damn time with you idiots," Shadow The hedgehog grumbled as he, Waluigi, and a few other Assist Trophies were all cramped inside, plus a couple of Pokeball Pokemon.
"At least that idiot Douglas is suffering," Samurai Goroh remarked as he smirked at Captain Falcon, who only sighed in annoyance as Falco Lombardi and Wolf O' Donnell were crushing him.
"Someone keep track of my Pikmin!" Captain Olimar exclaimed in horror as he could hear his Pikmin crying out in pain, being at the bottom of the barrel.
"Can someone move their butt?" Luigi muffled, being squished by Jigglypuff and Ness.
"I think I broke a nail!" Exclaimed Ganondorf, receiving strange looks from everyone.
"This is mutiny! I don't deserve this kind of treatment!" Mr. Resetti exclaimed angrily as he waved his pickaxe, being squashed by Ike and King DeDeDe.
Mario glared at Charizard. "This is your plan?"
Charizard chuckled nervously. "Ehehehehe...it could get worse."
Several more painful, cramped minutes later...
"Lord give me strength..." Meta Knight muttered as he tried pushing Pichu and Roy off of him, to no good success.
"If only I had a chocolate bar on me..." Lucario muttered as he tried to remain calm, his arms folded as he was pushed against Ivysaur and Squirtle.
"I could definitely go for something right now," Silver The Hedgehog agreed as Tails and Knuckles were sitting on him.
"Trying to process the likelyhood of this plant going successful." R.O.B., the gray colored Robotic Operation Buddy stated as he shifted his mechanical head around, raised his mechanical arms. "Very unlikely."
"Well that's just great." Princess Zelda complained as she felt Nana farting in her face, groaning in disgust as she pinched her nose.
"Sorry. I couldn't hold it in," Nana apologized while blushing as her butt was in Zelda's face, accidentally farting again as Popo laughed in response.
"It could get worse-a, eh?" Mario repeated, nudging Charizard by the shoulder as the Smashers were now stuck in a tiny, tiny cardboard box. Apparently, a random Kopter came by earlier and snatched the barrel, kicking all of the Smashers out.
Charizard sighed. "Look, how about we just go see King K. Rool and discuss terms about... well... our home? Our abode? Our mansion?"
Everyone murmured, but they all nodded and looked at Charizard, agreeing with the red fire-type, dragon Pokemon.
"I like to get my hands on King K. Rool." Donkey Kong growled, cracking his knuckles, "First my precious banana hoard, now this. There's only so much bullshit I can take."
"Here, here." King Bowser Koopa agreed as he raised his fist in agreement to Donkey Kong's statement, with the other murmuring in agreement.
Later, all of the Smashers headed back to their former mansion, which was now populated with different species of Kremlings. King K. Rool was in the front of the mansion, sitting on a beach chair and sunbathing.
"Sunbathing's over, king." Diddy snapped, pushing King K. Rool off the beach chair and taking out his peanut guns, firing peanuts at the beach chair (which caused it to break).
King K. Rool got up and dusted himself. He looked at the angry Smashers, and grinned. "So? How can I help you, King DeDeDe?"
"I need a monster to clobber dat dere Kirbeh!" King DeDeDe sang as he pointed at Kirby, who then got crushed by several Koopa Football Players.
King K. Rool squinted his eyes as he shook his head. "All right, references aside, what do you buttheads want?"
"Give... us... back... our... MANSION!" Pikachu screamed, attempting a Skull Bash attack, but being repelled by the golden armor on King K. Rool's stomach, which caused the small, yellow, electrical mouse Pokemon to get back up, moving side to side after being dazed by his own attack.
"I'm afraid it's not THAT easy," King K. Rool told them, shaking his head. "Oh my, no. You have to earn it."
"How are we gonna do that?" Protested Squirtle, annoyed as his hands were on his hips.
King K. Rool's eyes glittered. "Well... I need a new species of Kremling. Can you be substitutes for the new species while I actually go find them?" He asked, winking.
Charizard sighed. "Gee... I don't know..." He rubbed the back of his head with his right hand. "It sounds kind of complicated..."
"GREAT!" King K. Rool suddenly placed different Kremling costumes on all of the Smashers, making them look ridiculous. "I'll be right back!" The Kremling king headed west and ran as fast as he could.
All of the Smashers gave Charizard a nasty glare.
"Yeesh, why do you guys have to blame me on everything?" Charizard asked, before he received a punch in the gut from Donkey Kong.
"Because you just had to open your big mouth, you moron!" Donkey Kong exclaimed as he placed his right hand on his forehead. "Who knows what stupidity K. Rool is gonna put us through now?"
"Where is Master Hand in all of this?" Waluigi spoke up in annoyance as he began twisting his mustache.
Master Hand was at the Bahamas with Tabuu, Crazy Hand, and Giga Bowser, as well as the various Subspace Emissary bosses like Petey Piranha and Rayquaza, enjoying a great time at the tropical islands.
Back at the mansion, the Smashers and non playable characters didn't do so successful as substitutes for actual Kremlings. The young ones got chased and eventually beaten up by the pestering Klaptraps, the three swordsmen were criticized by the Kritters, the strong ones were being picked on by the Krushas, the female human Smashers were being called ugly by the Kopters, and everyone else was generally ignored because they didn't seem fit for being Kremlings. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were the only exceptions - they refused to wear the costume of their natural enemy.
It was a little while before King K. Rool finally returned, with a set of different-style crocodiles behind him. "Everyone, I have a new species of Kremlings!" He spun around and pointed at the different-style crocodiles. "Meet... the Kritics!"
All of the Smashers and other Kremlings were silent as the "Kritic" Kremlings waved, all nervous and scared.
Charizard let out a sigh. Being nudged by Donkey Kong and Diddy, the red, fire-type dragon Pokemon sighed and approached King K. Rool. "Mr. Rool, we need to have a little, private, and violent talk."
King K. Rool eyed Charizard with a suspicious look. "... ... ... ... ... Are you serious?" The king of the Kremlings asked with a concerned tone.
Charizard only nodded. King K. Rool shrugged, and both he and Charizard entered the former mansion that belonged to the Super Smash Brothers, all of the Kremlings being kicked or escorted out as King K. Rool and Charizard stared at each other in the main entrance area.
"King K. Rool, why?" Charizard asked, folding his arms and giving King K. Rool a nasty glare, "Why have you done it? Why have you done this to the Super Smash Brothers? What have they, except for possibly Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong in your defense, ever done to you?"
King K. Rool stammered, sweating nervously as he rubbed the back of his head. "Errr...well..."
Charizard growled, his eyes turning red with rage.
King K. Rool shrugged. "Well, I can't have a little fun here and there?" He let out a nervous chuckle. "I mean, you let in clones and completely insignificant characters live here as playable. Why can't I be part of that?"
Charizard shook his head and briefly closed his eyes. He opened his eyes, and stood face-to-face at King K. Rool. "All right, you ruthless crocodile leader, hear me out. The Super Smash Brothers were the greatest fighting force the universe has ever known, and thanks to what you and your horde of Kremlings have done, they are all torn apart. They were bullied, they became stupider, they have lost all of their sanity, they have come to turn against each other, they have lost their calm spirits..." He continued giving King K. Rool a glare.
King K. Rool lowered his eyes, as if the Kremling leader was not impressed. "And what does this have to do with me?" He asked out of curiosity.
Charizard's hands formed into fists as hot breath came out from the red, fire-type dragon Pokemon's nostrils. "King K. Rool you have utterly destroyed the former beings known as the Super Smash Brothers."
King K. Rool smiled, clapping his hands. "Oh good! Now I can go against the Looney Toons cast... they're loonier then the lot of you anyway." He winked.
Charizard shook his head. "King K. Rool, I plead you... no, BEG you..." He broke into tears and fell on his knees, "Please give us back our mansion. We can't go on living like this!"
King K. Rool rubbed his chin. "Well... it may take me years to consider, especially regarding that Sakurai jerk I keep hearing about..."
"PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF ARCEUS!" Charizard cried out, grabbing King K. Rool and pulling him close to his face, "Us Smashers are becoming less and less more humane! Think of what effect this could have on the benefit of Nintendo!"
King K. Rool made a quirky face, and he finally sighed. "Fine. I'll give you back your stupid, smelly old mansion."
Charizard gasped, tears coming down his eyes. "R-really?" The red, fire-type dragon Pokemon was in tears of words.
King K. Rool nodded, smiling and putting his hands on his hips. "Yes. On one condition."
"ANYTHING!" Charizard cried, putting his hands on his head.
King K. Rool chuckled, eyeing Charizard. "Anything...?"
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong both sighed as they watched King K. Rool merrily walk down the hallway. The Super Smash Brothers Mansion was properly restored, but now it had a new, permanent resident - King K. Rool.
"Well, I guess we can't complain about him anymore," Donkey Kong admitted as he ate his banana and watched King K. Rool enter his own, private room.
Diddy Kong nodded in agreement, closing his eyes and folding his arms. "Yeah, but hey. At least we can always beat him up more in the annual Super Smash Brothers tournament." He let out a chuckle, with Donkey Kong joining in.
Donkey Kong then stopped chuckling and rubbed his chin, pondering curiously. "Speaking of which, what do you think happened to all of those Kremlings?"
Diddy then took thought after hearing this and also pondered, rubbing the back of his head. "Well..."
All of the Kongs back on Donkey Kong island screamed as the Kremlings were causing more havoc than usual when Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were there. Cranky Kong can be seen being chucked down from his cabin by two burly Krushas, who start to raid the cabin and steal valuable items, including an old television set and a NES.
"Goddamn it, just leave me alone, you damn dirty reptiles!" Cranky exclaimed as he was chucked into the rapid waters surrounding the Jungle Japes stage, with the Klaptraps laughing at him as he went bobbling up and down and all around in the water.
Yep, nothing normal here.
THE END... for now.
Yoshizilla: And that is what would happen if King K. Rool was to be a Super Smash Brothers member. Quite odd, yes?
Anyway, that was meant for you, Yoshiguru, so I hoped that you especially enjoyed this story. You always wanted King K. Rool to be in a non-Donkey Kong game. Well, keep your hopes up, and just maybe, ol' King K. Rool may actually appear in Super Smash Brothers Brawl! It's a stretch, but hopefully, one way or another, he'll be in there.
And thanks to everyone else who read the story. King K. Rool fans unite, and I can't believe I'm going to actually say this, but REVIEW WITH ENTHUSIASM IF YOU LOVE KING K. ROOL! Good night, ladies and gentlemen!
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Oh how I wish K. Rool was playable. Just go fuck yourself with a cactus, Hackurai.