A/N: I think I'm going crazy. I just wrote this crack-fic like, ten seconds after my crack SanUso fic. I think I'm just obsessed with Usopp and him getting with anyone, really, is A-okay with me. But GOD! I think I need to just sit down, and get the crack-ness out of my system.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this little bit of ZoUso. I think that's what it's shortened to…I can't really remember…Sorry! Thanks for reading though, and please, if you like this paring too, write something. There aren't nearly enough stories…







Usopp was a little pissed. It had to be the windiest day ever on the Going Merry and the coldest. Not to mention that he was supposed to be keeping watch. There was just one tiny, little, insignificant problem with that, however.

"God-damn it!" Usopp shouted as another strand of hair wrenched itself free from the constricting refines of a hastily constructed hair tie and his goggles that actually did nothing to keep his mane from unleashing its furry upon what used to be Usopp's perfectly clear vision. Luffy had apparently gotten the idea into his head to make cookies last night during his watch and, in lieu of a hot-pad, had used Usopp's poor, unsuspecting bandana instead. It hadn't stood a chance. After being woken up by the biggest bang in the history of bangs, the crew promptly forbade Luffy from ever going near the kitchen during his watch again. As Sanji mourned the loss of his once sacred but now nearly destroyed kitchen, Usopp was left to mourn the loss of his bandana. Presenting it to Nami in the hope that she might be able to mend it was a no-go. She had just sadly shaken her head and told him that it was a lost cause.

It was a point of victory for his previously confined hair, however, and it made sure to let him know just how much it missed being free and just how mad it was at him for its previous confinement. Usopp sighed angrily once again as yet another strand of dark hair threw itself into his eyes.

"Why don't you just cut it? It's just going to get in the way." Zoro said from Right. Next. To. Him. Usopp screamed, jumped about eight feet in the air, twisted, and landed yelling in Zoro's face.

"What the hell was that for?! I thought I was all alone and you just show up in the middle of the night! Are you trying to kill me here?!" Usopp shouted at Zoro, his face inches from the swordsman's. Not that their closeness was forced or anything, seeing as they were in the crow's-nest where Usopp usually kept watch and with two people in the rounded shelf, space became a little scarce.

"Calm down, calm down!" Zoro said, holding his hands up as if to shield himself from Usopp's glare, "I just asked a question."

Usopp didn't stop glaring, but it lightened a little bit and it was more in the way he turned his back to Zoro to sit back down that Zoro knew he had been forgiven.

"Well?" Zoro prompted while sitting next to the marksmen, their shoulders touching in the close quarters.

Usopp sighed in defeat, "My hair is important to me." At Zoro's raised eyebrow, Usopp knew that he would be forced to elaborate, "When I was little, my mother would always say how nice my hair was. We would spend hours just sitting while she would brush my hair over and over and we would talk and she would tell me about my father. I guess I just can't get rid of it because it reminds me so much of her."

There was complete silence in the crow's-nest for a few moments before rustling to his left told Usopp that Zoro had stood up. Usopp tilted his head farther down, the escaped strands falling into his eyes as his mood promptly took a nosedive. He knew he had been too sentimental. Zoro would just think he was being stupid and leave him here and he would never be able to look him the face again and he should have just lied and—

Usopp stopped his rambling thoughts as Zoro promptly tore his goggles from atop his head. Shocked, all Usopp could do was stutter a mangled "Wh-What?!" before Zoro also reached down and carefully undid the tie holding back his hair.

Still in shock, Usopp tilted his head up to look at the man holding his goggles and improvised hair tie in one hand, his black hair going every which way it pleased, happy to be free and enjoying the wind as it brushed them out and tangled them horribly.

"Z-Zoro? What are you—" Once again Usopp was stopped short as Zoro placed the aforementioned objects back into their owners' hands on his lap, and, reaching up with his hand, Zoro undid the black bandana that was securely tied on his upper bicep. Leaning over Usopp, Zoro brushed his hair together with one hand and wrapped his bandana around and under Usopp's head, tying it neatly. Dropping his hands to his sides, Zoro stayed leaning over Usopp, their closeness no longer able to be explained by the small quarters.

"I'm sorry for saying you should have cut it." Zoro said simply, their faces inches apart with Zoro's tilted slightly to avoid Usopp's nose, "And I'm also sorry that Luffy accidentally burnt your old one. I hope mine will be okay until we can get you a new one."

Usopp nodded slowly, a blush rapidly spreading across his face as Zoro made no move to leave, instead kneeling and settling his hands on the floor to either side of Usopp's hips, allowing his awkward lean to be better supported.

"Thank you." Usopp said quietly, well aware that if he tried to say it any louder his voice would crack. Zoro let his lips quirk up the tiniest bit, before closing the gap between them and lightly brushing his lips against those of the startled sniper.

At first Usopp didn't know how to react to the swordsman's sudden movement and when he finally managed to kick himself back into order, Zoro had all ready pulled back and was half way out of the lookout point.

"W-wait!" Usopp cried. Zoro paused mid-step out of the watch post and turned his expectant face to Usopp, "You can't just leave!"

"What?" Zoro asked, his face crinkling in puzzlement, "Why not?"

"Because! You can't just k-k-kiss someone and then leave!" Usopp shouted, jumping up and staring at Zoro, amazed at his once again clear vision as his borrowed bandana did its work. He spared a thought at how good Zoro was at tying the bandana until his mind and suddenly raging hormones reminded him of more important things.

Zoro stared at Usopp for a few seconds before slowly lowering the foot that had previously been outside down on to the solid floor of the crow's-nest and stepping over to the sniper. Usopp, for his part, began to shake, his tremors increasing with every step Zoro took closer to him.

It didn't take long for Zoro to step up to Usopp, seeing as the space they were provided with was close to none, and he stopped just short of touching him.

"Well? What do I do then? I haven't kissed anyone before. I thought it was just something you did to let someone know you liked them. What else should I do?" Zoro asked.

For the second time in so many minutes, Usopp was shocked beyond words, "That was your first kiss?"

"Yes. Wasn't it yours?"

"No! Of course not! The Great Usopp-sama has been kissed many times!" Usopp's rough giggle was interrupted as Zoro lightly socked him on the shoulder, "Ow! Yes, yes okay? It was my first kiss. I just thought…there would be something else." Then something occurred to him, "Wait, you like me?"

Zoro didn't hesitate, "Yes."

Usopp was full of hesitation, "Why?"

Zoro tilted his head in concentration before he replied, "I like your loyalty. I like the fact that you lie to make everyone happy, but you tell the truth when you know it counts. I like your stories, they're funny. I like the way you concentrate with narrowed eyes and your tongue just slightly sticking out of your mouth when making your bombs. I like the glint in your eyes when you get serious in a fight. I like your hair. I like…you, I guess."

Usopp was at a loss for words. What does one say to that?

The truth, he supposed. "I…like you, too." Zoro immediately pierced him with his gaze, the kind that told him he had the swordsman's complete attention and it unnerved Usopp enough that he had to take a moment to compose himself, "You always know what to say to make me feel better. You always protect me when I need it. You let me sneak a bite of your desert when Luffy's stolen mine. You let me draw you while you pretend to be asleep. You listen to all my stories. You let me borrow your bandana. I like you, too. I guess."

This time Zoro smiled completely. Usopp had a second to admire how absolutely stunning it made him before Zoro's lips sealed over his again and then Usopp's thought process promptly shut down and all he could do was reach his arms around Zoro's neck and kiss him back.







A/N: That turned out longer than I thought. Sigh If you liked it, please review so that I know I'm not the only crazy person who likes these crack Usopp pairings.

OH MY GOD THESE FICS ARE SO ADDICTING!!! (You can tell I'm serious because of my use of multiple exclamation marks).