The last rays of sun were leaving the room as we lay comfortably on the bed. The careless day was something that all three of us needed. The promised trip to the park was well welcomed and enjoyed.
Ripley had been surprised to see me there this morning. Her overjoyed attitude stayed with all of us all day. She didn't want me to let her go and if I did, she didn't want me out of her sight. She was used to Ashley leaving. The young girl grew up with her gone most of her life. Yet, when I came into her life I never once left. Instead, I was the parent who was constant with her. It must have stunted her when I never came home one night.
When we arrived back from the park, our bellies full from the spontaneous picnic we had feasted on while sitting underneath a large willow tree, we went straight into our bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. Here we are, three happy girls lying next to each other.
It didn't take too long for Ripley to drift off asleep. I kissed her forehead before turning around and looking at Ashley. The twilight behind her created a hue of light that made her look heavenly. She was this beautiful, strong, and amazing woman. I was entirely too lucky to have her in my life let alone to be my love.
I was thankful for all the gifts that God has given me, but at this very moment I was thankful for Ashley Davies' patience. She has shown me nothing but an amazing effort of patience. From my ability from not being able to hear to the need to be alone to deal with the death of our two sons, she has shown me an abundant amount of patience…and love.
I knew that there was so many things that we still had to work through. Our children had been born dead. That was a huge thing that we had to work through. I knew that my way at dealing with things weren't exactly the best, but at the time it was what I needed. It was the only thing I knew how to do anyway. That is no excuse, but was what I did and I knew that I couldn't redo that.
Instead, now we have to work out everything. It wasn't from scratch though. No, we were a little ways past that. Instead, we were at a crossroad. We were at the point where dealing with death was going to hit us full throttle soon, but we were stronger then it. Instead of the last month, only having ourselves, we have each other to deal with it. That is what really mattered, that we are going through this together.
The grasp around my waist became tighter and pulled me in closer to her warm body. I smiled softly, knowing that this is where I belong, and cuddled in closer to her body. I felt her hand come into my view and turn my chin slightly so I could see her as she spoke to me. Our slight movement caused Ripley to squirm around and settle into the curve of my back.
"Hello," Ashley said softly to me.
I smiled playing along, "Hello to you."
She leaned forward and placed a small kiss on my cheek, lingering there for a second before pulling back. "I've missed this," she confessed.
I nodded my head and moved the stray piece of chestnut hair behind her ear. "Me too."
Her eyes grew softer and with a glassy glaze of sadness. Her face was pained, "When you left me I felt like I lost three of my loves. I hurt too."
My heart broke in a million little pieces and if it wasn't for her being there I would have thought I would have lost all those pieces and faded away into nothingness.
She was as hurt as I was and I only caused her more pain. My deep sorrow and apologies mean the world and she knows how sorry I am, but saying it over and over won't help.
No, that won't help.
Instead I took her hand and signed, "F-O-R-E-V-E-R."
It was a promise I would always keep.
bThree Months Later/b
The table was a scene of laid back and carefreeness. I watched with loving eyes as my family laughed over a story my father was telling in his usual eye-catching and interesting nature. I looked around at the many faces of the people who I have grown to love laugh with such easiness.
Our bellies were full and our hearts were warmed with the vibrant love that we were sending to each other unconsciously. This kind of energy was palpable and visual, this kind of energy was the pure love that people talk about. It was in it's purest form through smiles, laughter, soft glances, and caring words.
"So, when we walked out of the store Ripper looked up at me and said," Dad explained as he glanced over at the little beauty who had rest her head against my chest. She smiled over at Dad but dared not move. Her little tummy was full from all the food and I softly rubbed tinny circles to help sooth her. "'Poppy...why is boys so darn hairy?' I swear, I couldn't stop laughing when she said that!"
The table burst out in laughter and I smiled over at Ashley who was laughing freely. The huge smile on her face was comforting and made my heart skip beats. We have had a tough last three months, but we were dealing very well. We had mostly kept to ourselves, still made small visits to Kyla and Aiden's but we thought we needed to get our family back on track first. This dinner was the first in a very long while.
It felt good.
Ripley furrowed her eyebrows at everyone and I watched her lips as she spoke, "Wot? They ahre!"
We all broke out in huge, from our belly laughter and the small girl folded her arms over each other and pouted. The adorable connection between mother and daughter could automatically be connected. Her tiny nose scrunched up and her big brown eyes stared at everyone with such a convincing sadness. Her bottom lip stuck out and with her hair down framing her small angelic face, she looked like the tiny version of Ashley.
I kissed her forehead, "Oh, butterfly, I know they are. I mean, look at Glen's face."
This caused a laugh to erupt from the tiny body and from the other people around the table. Aiden had to hand Mare over to Kyla because he began to choke on his drink. The tall man stood up and held his side.
Glen looked over at him, "Pfft, a real man's hairy! They don't shave every inch of their body like someone we know." He glared at the laughing man.
Kyla smiled slyly at Glen, "Hehe, who says he shaves himself?"
Ashley's eyes got huge, "Oh My God! Ky!"
I shook my head at them but continued to watch the bickering.
All I hear was nothingness. No sound dares penetrate my senses and I have no idea what their voices consist of. I do know how the sound penetrates my heart. I can feel it and see it and experience full force.
I have been gifted by God by my loss of sound.
Then, when everyone stops their laughing and the table becomes motionless I know that I am also cursed. Someone said something that caused the easiness and the laughter to fade into something deeper and intense.
I looked around, "What?"
No one spoke, no one dare to speak.
The perfect night was at stake and what they didn't know was that it would continue to be perfect if we were just all here together.
I looked from Mom and Dad, each sitting at the end of the table. Dad sat strong but his face was pensive. Mom looked down at the table and wiped at the small tear in her eye. My brothers just looked down at the table not knowing where else to look. Kyla held a sadness in her gaze as she held Mare closer to her, cradled her in the way a mother would hold to her child. Aiden glanced over at Kyla and Mare and then met Ashley's glossy eyes. Ripley looked around bewildered.
She looked up at me, "Mama, wot I say?"
I looked down at her and then over at Ashley. Her side swop of red hair falling into her face, covering the small trail of tears. She reached for my hand and I quickly took it.
"Nothing baby," Ashley smiled sadly at Ripley. "It's just makes us all sad when you mention your brothers."
My eyes fell and a deep sadness fell deep into the pits of my stomach. I kissed Ripley's forehead and held her close trying to fill the whole in my heart of my two dead sons who never had the chance to breathe life.
Ripley's big brown eyes looked up into mine, "'m sawry Mama. I just said I wrish dey were hwere. Dey wood of wuved us."
I smiled sadly at her, adoring her child like nature. "They would have, baby, and we would have loved them."
She nodded her tiny head, brown locks falling everywhere.
"Spencer," Kyla looked at me with glossy tears on her cheeks. "We lost them too."
That one sentence reached my heart and twisted it with intense understanding. I have only been thinking about myself. Then I have been focusing on trying to heal Ashley and my pain. I never really thought past the fact that Kyla and Aiden was mourning also. They also lost two sons. My parents lost two grandsons.
I didn't think about my family and their lost.
Ashley squeezed my hands and I smiled sadly at her. I looked around at my family and smile sadly at them. "I know," I whispered sadly. "I know."
Ashley pulled softly at my hand and spoke, "We all lost them...but we have each other."
I grinned at her and met everyone's eyes.
"We have each other," I repeated to myself.
We all would get through this.
bFive Years Later/b
We stood at the edge of the beach as the tide came up and rose to our bare feet. I wiggled my toes in the wet sand, feeling the freedom of happiness wash over me. I looked over at her and smiled brightly, cocking my head to the side. Her soft hand came in contact with mine and she held it up to her lips. Her light caress with her lips made my heart flutter.
After all these years, she still makes my heart skip beats.
She pointed over at the scene before us. Only five feet ahead of us, three children played happily in the sand. There lips moving in an unknown language of communication that only the close siblings share. Their skin was all sunkissed from the many hours spent outside. They faces all held smiles and laughter that would carry on with them throughout their years.
They were happy children, the perfect children.
As the light blow of the wind kissed Ashley and my skin, it blew at the children's hair. The small girl, bigger than the two boys but still tiny in her own, hair was a deep shade of reddish brown. She brought her hand up to her face trying to fight her away of her face. A look of frustration shown on the seven year old's face as she stood up and came running over to Ashley and I.
She signed at me with a pout, "Mama, can you put my hair up?"
I nodded my head and told her to turn around. I combed my hand through her hair and brought it into a pony tail. She turned around and thanked me before running back to the scene with her two smaller brothers.
I turned to Ashley, "This is perfect."
She nodded her head, "It is, isn't it?"
"Mhm, it truly is."
She looked back over at our three children before putting a hand on her own protruding stomach, "Our boys came back to us, and look at me now. Spencer Davies, you must learn how to use protection."
I bursted out in laughter. I sure know how to pick 'em.
I glanced at her and bent down onto my knees. Putting my ear to her stomach I whispered up to her, "I think I rather like you this way."
The tight skin over her beautiful bare stomach was smooth against the side of my face. I felt the thumping of the tiny being inside her kicking softly at my cheek. Already a smart child at such a young age. I wonder who they would take after. I wonder what they would look like. I wonder if they would be born close with the three older ones. I wonder who they would be come.
I felt a tiny tap on my shoulder and turned around at my three angels standing there smiling at me. Ripley stood behind the two identical boys. Their hazel colored eyes smiled widely at me. I smiled and smoothed back both of their hair that was held back in a long pony tail. As much as Ripley was the copy of Ashley, the boys were the copies of me. I smiled at their childish faces as one spoke and signed. Ashley doesn't seem to let the fact that their signing is better than their English. They would much better communicate with their own language that only Ripley could understand with them.
"Mama, we hwear?" Ackley asked.
I nodded my head as I stood up next to my wife. The three children crowded around her stomach, finding small spaces to lay their hears and listen to their little baby communicate back to their whispers. Ripley bent up and looked at us with a heart warming smile on her face. I remember the first time she ever laid her ear against my own stomach, informing me that my two boys weren't ready to come to us just yet. My heart almost froze at her look, but her eyes help pure joy.
It would all be all right.
We were all right.
We were perfect.
I clasped Ashley's hand in mine once more. I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
This was our life, this was our happiness. We created a beautiful home with three, almost four, beautiful children.
Ackley and Hunter were two beautiful and intelligent three year olds. Their personalities were of two old spirits with child like charms. I woke up amazed, everyday, at being a mother to my children. I enjoyed being able to be home with my children, and being able to pick up a wonderful future in writing also. I enjoyed seeing my beautiful wife everyday, spending our days on the beach inspiring each other. I love the fact that I have an endless supply of love in my life.
I smiled as I caught a glint of our family making their way down to the beach from our home. Mom and Dad, happy as can be, walking ahead of everyone as their three grandchildren caught sight of them and took off running to them. I laughed as Hunter feel into the sand but quickly jumped up and continued with his brother and sister.
Kyla and Aiden were behind them. Ashley Nicole, as she liked being called now, walked proudly in the middle of them. Her long brown curls hanging down her back as she carried herself with a since of knowing who she was. She looked exactly like her mother with small hints of her father, but she thrived on the thought of being just like her hero. The person of her namesake. Sitting proudly on Aiden's shoulders was the laughing two year old. Their son, Addison, beamed strongly from his father's shoulders as Ackley and Hunter ran past their beaming Nana to their 'Papa'. It amazes how close our families are, but I am happy at the closeness. I am happy that my children are fortunate enough to have two sets of parents.
Ashley pulled at my hand, dragging me from my thoughts. She grinned at me, "Forever?"
I nodded my head and dragged her up to meet out family.
Our love would live on forever.