Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man or any of its characters.

Oh boy. It's been a long while, hasn't it? *gulp* Many apologies for this really delayed update. Life has been a distraction (as usual) and it took a while to get back into the D Gray Man mood. Without further ado, there's the next chapter!

Spoilers for chapter 205!

Chapter 31 - When Goodbye Isn't Enough

" Where is Allen Walker?"

They asked her, pestered her, demanded of her when they found her. They didn't stop when she dragged her feet back to the headquarters, face downcast and cheeks damp. They didn't stop when Komui ordered them to. They didn't stop when she flung herself onto her bed and wept and was plagued by nightmares of Allen Walker being eaten by the Earl and the Noah.

" What did he say to you? Did he say where he was going? What were his intentions? Did he tell you?"

They hounded her like a pack of hunting dogs, snarling and insistent. They watched her and followed after her wherever she was, never giving her a moment's rest. Their questions were thrown at her like a flock of hungry vultures, denied of their prey.

" Why did he leave? Why did Allen betray them? Why now when they needed him most?"

They mournfully wondered. They were like her, just as lost and confused. The toll of losing Allen, on top of their many comrades, was a devastating blow to the morale. They continually sought her out since she was their last link to Allen and the only comfort they could seek to ease their pain. Despite her own exhaustion and despair, she let them.

" Why didn't you stop him? You were there, weren't you? Why did you let him go?"

Leverrier's sharp criticism rang in her ears, long after she had left his office, hurriedly ushered out by her brother. Komui tried to reassure her that it wasn't her fault and that there was nothing she could have done to stop Allen from going. But Leverrier's words haunted her and ate at her conscience.

" Why didn't you stop him?"

She didn't know. She wanted to. Every inch of her wanted to stop him desperately. If she could have, she probably would have beaten Allen black and blue and yelled at him for leaving her and leaving everyone else behind. And he would have taken it without complaint and he would be smiling at her as if she wasn't at fault.

" You were there, weren't you?"

She was there. But she wasn't there. By that point, Allen was beyond her and the Black Order's reach. It didn't matter whether she was close enough to touch his face if she wanted to or that she was close enough to stab his heart if she wanted to. Allen was gone and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

" Why did you let him go?"

That moment that Allen enveloped her into his arms, she wanted to wrap her arms around him so tight that he wouldn't be able to move and he would have remained by her side.

But he disappeared before she could with a smile and a promise.

Lenalee simply couldn't hold onto him.