This is Edward's story, which we all know has only the first chapter written so far. I decided to continue with and attempt to write the rest of the book until the actual Midngiht Sun comes out. I hope this satisfys the readers that want something to read in the mean time
Disclaimer: Yes, there are several direct quotes from Twilight, mostly dialogue. I own nothing.
I do not know how often I will be able to post, but I am currently working on the next chapter.
I would love it if you reviewed and told me what I could work on, or just your opinion of the story.
And the story begins:
Chapter 1 already written by S. Meyer. To read it - visit her website
My jaw was tight and my hands gripped the wheel with intensity great enough to break it. I knew I alone could decide my fate. What would I choose? To stay or to go? To retain humanity or become a monster? Somewhere down the road I realized that either way I would end up leaving. If I killed Isabella Swan, my entire family, our current existence, everything would have to pick up and leave, again.
Her blood would be worth it, the monster growled.
I shuddered. But it was an option.
My other option was to leave Isabella Swan where she was and force myself to leave. I would be forced to leave for a simple, insignificant human. I abhorred the idea, and yet, the other option was just as horrific.
I needed to talk to Carlisle.
The ride was not long, not when driving at 90 miles an hour. The muddled thoughts in my head made the ride seem even shorter. No one in the hospital had the courage to question my presence or my fierce expression. I continued forward, ignoring gaping stares, concentrating solely on finding Carlisle.
I found him easily, tracing his scent. Carlisle could tell from my forlorn expression that I was not here on a minor matter. His thoughts expressed concern as he pulled me aside into a separate room. He didn't need to talk to ask me what was happening.
"Carlisle…" I sighed, anxious. I had no idea how to word this. It was at times like this that I wished people could see into my mind. To see what I felt. To understand how painful the decision was.
And I had finally made my decision.
"I'm need to take your car and leave. Yes, now. I can't stop on the way, and I need the full tank of gas. I will head to Alaska. Alice will explain at home." I talked at full speed, answering Carlisle's unspoken questions. I looked down, unable bear the shame that was overwhelming me, the shame from the monster that had almost taken over. I feared that if I looked up, Carlisle would see the monster lurking behind my eyes.
The monster that was still roaring at the decision I made.
Carlisle was silent for a minute. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, expressing the thought that I could hear in his mind anyways.
"And there is no other way…"
"No." I answered curtly. I wanted to leave quickly, before my body decided that abstinence from human blood was not the right path. The smells from the hospital were getting to me, and the only reason I had not acted was that none of these smells compared even one bit to the one scent that still lingered in the bottom of my throat. The monster reawakened as I imagined how that one smell would taste. I looked up at Carlisle, and saw him attempt to hide the repulsion he felt from the expression on my face.
It was a face of terrible hunger and thirst, one that wouldn't be satiated by anything but the blood of Bella Swan.
Carlisle handed me the keys to his car without further questions, and I was out the door in a matter of seconds. His parting thoughts attempted to soothe, full of faith in me. Good luck. We will love you no matter how it fares. Come back as soon as possible.
Out on the road I blasted the music, filling my mind with senseless noise that should have drained my mind of every thought. Yet, I could still think.
I drove faster.
Two days. Sixteen Hours. Twelve minutes. Fifty-nine seconds. There was not much I could do here but count the time I had been away from my home. Now that I was finally in Alaska, I could hardly remember why I came in the first place. Was her blood really that irresistible? So irresistible that I could not even be in the same town as her without wanting her? It was hard to believe that there was such a powerful force in the world. I couldn't believe that this girl was keeping me away from my home.
Home. The word didn't seem to satisfy what I was truly longing for. No, the word I was looking for was family, all different yet so close that no other word could describe us better. I saw Esme's face, drenched in worry, and anger. She would be upset that I did not see her before I left. It pained me to think of how I was hurting her, but if I had told her why I was leaving she would not have let me go. She would have said it wasn't necessary, that I could have gotten over it at home, without needing to leave. I could see Carlisle's face, patient and calm, asking Alice to see when I would return. He somehow still believed in me.
Alice and Rosalie were easier to see in my mind; they would be worried about me, Alice more so that Rosalie. Rosalie would worry for me when she was not worrying about herself. I could see Emmett, who was always open to new ideas, always willing to share his thoughts, with an upset look, wondering when his younger brother would be home. And Jasper would be the most upset, with the others' tensions adding to his own, still confused as to how I could be so weak and leave because of one human. One small human girl.
I growled at this weakness. No, I thought, this weakness would not cripple me. One human girl would not make me stay from what I needed, what I wanted.
I would leave for Forks tonight.
The Denali Clan had been gracious hosts, letting me go just as easily as I had come. I was grateful that no questions were asked on my coming or going, though I saw the questions burning in Tanya's eyes, or rather in her thoughts. But kind as their family was, I could never have made a home there. I found happiness seep into mind for the first time in a few days.
I was going home. I was going to my family.
The ride seemed even longer on the way back than it was on the way there. I was impatient to see my family. I listened to softer music this time, letting the anxiousness flow out of my system. I hummed to the song lightheartedly as I passed the sign saying that I was entering Forks. It was nearly midnight.
I first heard Alice's voice and thoughts spring the same idea. He's home! He's home! He's home! I told you he would be home by today! Emmett groaned, Damn it Edward! You couldn't have waited 3 minutes! I smirked.
Emmett had bet against Alice and had lost, again. He clearly didn't learn from his mistakes. I failed to comprehend why he even bet against Alice at all, especially when he knew that she could see the future.
I heard more familiar chatter in my mind that I was so attuned to. I found myself laughing freely as my family came out to greet me.
Alice ran lithely towards me and hugged me eagerly. Emmett, forgetting his earlier anger, was just as exuberant, if not more. I found myself being swung around and thrown on the ground.
"Finally. I needed someone else to wrestle. Jasper is no fun after awhile, especially when he loses. He's a bit of a sore loser…" Emmett trailed off, glancing behind his shoulder. I rolled my eyes and smirked at Emmett's attempt to instigate Jasper. All of us knew that, though Emmett was the stronger one, Jasper had more skill when it came to the actual fight.
As expected, Jasper would not take that comment without a fight, and I found myself in the middle of one of their scuffles. For once I did not mind. Jasper was thinking about throwing me into a tree instead of giving me a welcome home hug, and I dodged him easily when he attacked. I was in a three-way wrestling match that was as light-hearted and happy as Jasper's feelings. He was just as glad to see me home as Emmett was.
Rosalie came out into the yard to see what all the commotion was about and found herself being swept up by Emmett, who ran back to the house to tell Esme and Carlisle that I was home.
"Yeah, right," Jasper murmured, "He's going in to tell Esme and Carlisle that you're home. As if they don't already know. Who's backing away from the fight now?" Jasper smirked, knowing that Emmett would hear him. They would finish this fight later. "Welcome home, by the way."
"It's good to be back," I grinned back.
I was unable to wipe the grin off of my face as I entered my home. Esme was there, anxiously waiting, her thoughts solely centered on my safety and happiness.
"Mom." I smiled apologetically, hugging her tightly until even she let out a small smile, although Jasper might have played some role in that. Carlisle simply patted my back. He knew I would have gotten over my problem and come home without Alice needing to tell him.
It felt good to be back.
That night, I planned a hunting trip, and Emmett and Jasper decided to come along. The moment I had reached Alaska, I had hunted, so I was not very thirsty just then. I chose to hunt anyways. This time I would be prepared for her.
Bella Swan. My Demon.
The one girl whose mind was a mystery to me. Even though I couldn't read her thoughts, it was clear that my intense hatred scared her. I frowned. Her fear could give us away. I needed to treat her how I treated every other human in this school; I would not let my family be uprooted again for my mistake. The monster nearly lost all control as I thought of her scent with my accentuated sense of smell. I would need to hunt more, larger game tonight.
We hunted well into the night when I decided that I was ready to face whatever was thrown at me. I was ready to face my personal hell.
I spent the better part of the useless school morning searching for Bella Swan's mind among the many familiar voices, still hoping that I would hear her new voice. Her voice was not among the many in this ridiculous school. I was annoyed beyond reason.
"Any luck." Alice said softly, at a speed that only I would understand.
I scowled. She got the message.
Even more angering than not being able to read Bella's thoughts, were the thoughts about Bella, most of which wanted to make me gag. Looking at Bella through several minds again, I wondered what could have made me so ready to give up my humanity. She was just a human girl, easily delt with.
Putting aside my current task, I instead focused on Jasper. He was not in good shape. Even after a night of hunting, his teeth were just as ready to draw human blood. I had caught his eye earlier and he had looked away, embarrassed. I knew he couldn't help it, but that didn't stop my irritation.
Was it really necessary for him to go through with this? He didn't look like a teenager, so why should he have to play the part if he couldn't handle it?
Alice's vision flowed into my mind as though I was the one directly seeing it. I groaned. It was Jasper. Again. This was starting to become a daily nuisance.
My irritation lay in the fact that there was nothing I could do to help him. I could warn Alice about what he was thinking, and she could warn me about Jasper's future, but neither of us could actually prevent his actions or thoughts. I was frustrated: unable to help Jasper, unable to read Bella's mind.
I was becoming more and more useless.
Clenching my fists, I looked out the window of my English Literature room.
It was the first snow of the season. Snow was truly a beautiful thing. Cold, smooth, and the source of happiness for many.
But not for Bella Swan.
Mike Newton's thoughts, though quite unoriginal from the other males' perception of Bella, did give me an insight into her likes, and dislikes in this case. She didn't like the snow, or at least the cold anyways. Her dislike of all things cold bothered me more than it should have.
The loud blaring bell signified the end of the class and the beginning of lunch, another meaningless time period for my family. The entire lunch period, we stared off in different directions, talking so no one could hear us, staring at the food we couldn't eat, while people walked pass us in awe. Even after being at this school for several months, people still could not get over the idea that we were different, and, in their eyes, beautiful. While Rosalie reveled in the attention, until that too eventually bored her, I shrunk away from it.
It was my job to make sure people did not think that we were too different from them. My special sense was supposed to let us know if anyone got too close to guessing the truth. But how could I be relied on when my power had an exception?
The snow outside did little to calm my aggravation.
Alice walked by smirking and I had barely a second to react to her thoughts when a snowball smacked the back of my head. I turned around to find Emmett smiling smugly behind me, goading me.
Poor Edward couldn't dodge it in time. Someone's getting a little rusty.
I snarled at Emmett, only loud enough so he could hear. He grinned back, flashing his white gleaming teeth.
So he thought I was rusty did he, just because I couldn't read one human's mind? If I had dodged the snowball, which would not have been difficult, the snowball would have hit Tyler Crowley with enough force to knock him out. Better to take Emmett's blow than have some child unconscious on the ground because of a snowball. Then again, a snowball to his head might have woken him up from his little fantasies about Bella…
"Aren't you little bit too old to be playing games?" I snapped. Emmett grinned back. Yes, he was definitely too old to be playing games. I rolled my eyes at him. The age joke was getting old.
Alice's thoughts screamed out at me. A vision of Jasper drinking Angela's blood, right there in the snow 5 feet away, less than a minute from now. Angela would trip over Jasper and scrap her knee. Blood would flow. Alice was frantic. Do something! You were right there!
On queue, Jasper walked outside into the snow.
And before I knew what I was doing, I sent a snowball sailing.
It smacked Jasper's back.
Emmett turned to me, incredulous that he wasn't the one hit. Jasper's face flashed from anger to shock, and finally rested on a smirk as he felt the atmosphere of a challenge. I ducked, at human speed, as Jasper's snowball flew past my head and hit a tree. The tree shook from the force of the snowball and dropped a large pile of snow on the car under it. I shot Jasper a look of warning; his lips tightened and he nodded. He was lucky there was no one around to watch; everyone was in the cafeteria, their thoughts elsewhere. He would clean the snow off of the car under the tree later.
His scowl transformed into a smirk.
Let the game begin.
We sat down at our usual lunch table, hair soaking wet and ruffled. We had gotten a little too into the fight and had to run home to change into similar clothing. Alice was sure that nobody would notice the difference. Our hair, however, remained the same. At least it looked realistic. And I was still in the lunchroom before Bella Swan.
The snow fight, though quite childish, had been surprisingly soothing.
We should do that more often, Emmett's deep "voice" bellowed, a laugh rumbling in his stomach. Emmett looked absolutely ridiculous when he was soaking wet, and I couldn't help myself. I laughed along with him. Jasper looked between Emmett and me and scowled.
Emmett had pummeled Jasper completely, and was gloating by shaking his wet head at a disgusted Rosalie. Jasper was moping. His thoughts were shouting about the unfair advantage Emmett had. Emmett could use his strength to some extent, while Jasper could not use his skill at all.
At least Jasper's thoughts were not on the humans that surrounded him, which put me at ease, for now. Alice, though thoroughly annoyed with Emmett for getting her new clothes wet, was grateful for my intervention. And I felt fairly happy myself. It felt good to finally be useful at something, since I couldn't tell what Bella was thinking.
And as though someone said my name out loud, I heard Jessica's thoughts sneer my name. Bella is staring at Cullen again. Clearly she doesn't get it. Edward. Cullen. Doesn't. Date. At least that's the impression he gave me… Her thoughts went on a tangent that I no longer cared about. My head shot up and I was staring right into the eyes of Bella Swan. Her warm soft chocolate eyes gazed at mine for a fraction of a second before she looked down again blushing.
Even her blush was nauseatingly irresistible, and I growled as the amount of venom in my throat doubled. There was no way to pull away from that scent. The monster gazed hungrily in her direction. Jasper raised his eyebrows, sensing the change in emotions. I sighed, trying to regain control of my thirst.
"Sorry," I murmured. I didn't want to make it any harder for Jasper. He had trouble keeping control as it was, and the way my emotions were around her scent was going to make his situation a thousand times worse. Jasper nodded in my direction before turning back to Alice.
Despite my apology, I couldn't keep my eyes away from her. She had white, almost transparent, skin and a heart shaped face. Her chocolate eyes were deep and mysterious, drawing me in. Or maybe they were only mysterious because I couldn't see what was happening in the mind behind those eyes. Either ways, I couldn't move away from the conversation. I longed to hear her voice again, to hear what I was missing out in her mind. It was like a mystery waiting to be unraveled.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica giggled. Even someone as thickheaded as Jessica could figure out that much. Her thoughts were laced with jealousy. Quite expected. I waited for Bella's response.
"He doesn't look angry, does he?"
Her voice surprised me. It was much different than any other human voice I had ever heard. It was…melodious, even calming. I found myself leaning forward, attracted to it. Like she was the predator and I was her prey. I sneered at the very thought. She is just a weak human, I reminded myself.
It took me a minute to sift through the context of her words. Angry, was putting very mildly what I had been feeling at that time. I cringed at the idea of her fearing me. I must have looked possessed, and I could tell that she knew it was more than just anger that day. Her heart rate shot up when she asked if I had looked "angry".
What are you doing Edward?
Alice was looking at me curiously. I held up my hand and shook my head at her. She followed my line of vision and saw Bella. She nodded minutely before turning away. My eyes didn't need to focus back on Bella; they had never left her face in the first place.
"No. Should he be?" Jessica asked, her thoughts racing faster than her words. There was relief and happiness that Bella wasn't any more special than she was. I scoffed at that idea. Bella wasn't more special, in that sense; she was just in significantly more danger.
"I don't think he likes me." Bella said softly back.
I would have given anything to know what was going through her head in that moment. Was she scared that I didn't like her? She did look a bit sick as her head fell on her arm. Was she irritated that I didn't like her? Was she disappointed? I felt despair spread through me. Regardless of what she meant, feelings in humans are generally reciprocated. If she thought that I did not like her, it was very likely that she did not like me back. I wouldn't let that happen. There was a force pulling me towards her, and I found myself genuinely wanting her to like me. I needed to get back in her good books. For my family, I reminded myself.
"The Cullens don't like anybody…well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you." Jessica stared back curiously in my direction. I looked down automatically. As much as I didn't want her to hate me, I didn't want her to think I was stalking her either. At the thought of stalking her, my body reacted with more venom. I could still follow her, or tell her to come with me. I knew she would follow. And after that…No! Alice and Jasper both turned to look at me.
"Control yourself!" Alice hissed, but her eyes were sympathetic. I shut out her thoughts, not wanting to know what she had seen. By this time, Rosalie and Emmett had turned to stare at me. I shook my head and they turned away.
I closed my eyes and stopped breathing for a minute, letting my mind drain out all thoughts. I took deep breaths and then sighed. I needed to get my mind off of Bella Swan before I drove Jasper on edge and he went crazy, literally. I let my thoughts focus someone else's mind. Anyone else's problems would be better than mine. I focused on first person that walked by me as the bell rang. That person was Mike Newton. He turned out to be the wrong choice.
Damn it! Bella doesn't want to come to the snow fight after school. I even took the efforts to convince Jessica to come, and they're like what…best friends? And it's not even snowing anymore! There goes my plan with Bella. Maybe I should be more obvious. She's probably the type of girl who likes strong supportive guys. I'm definitely her type of guy. All I need to do is get her to like me best. It shouldn't be too hard, even with Eric after her too. God! Even Edward Cullen was staring at her today. But I bet he doesn't know how to do what I can do…at least I've been seen dating…
His voice took a defensive turn, and his mind began spitting out images of him and Bella. I shook my head. I did not need to see what Mike Newton thought he could do to Bella Swan. I tried to shut out his thoughts as best as I could, but I found it hard to concentrate on anything else.
It took me a few seconds to realize that I was actually fuming. Mike Newton had always been an annoyingly hormonal teenager, but this was pushing my limit. I fought to suppress an angry snarl, but it was becoming more and more difficult as Newton's images became more and more vivid. Alice turned to me, eyebrows raised.
Mike Newton covered in bruises from a car crash...
Mike Newton in the emergency room with a many broken bones…
I didn't need to continue seeing Alice's flashing visions to know who was planning Mike Newton's several injuries. I stormed out of the lunchroom before Alice could get a word in. It was too bad that she didn't need to speak to get her thoughts heard.
What did he do to you, Edward?
She tried to hide a smile and failed.
I ignored her and continued walking towards Biology.
Mike Newton's mental images kept up from the lunchroom to the Biology room and by the end of his train of thought I realized that I was more likely to kill Mike Newton than Bella Swan.
No one deserved to be treated like that, I reasoned, even if it was only in someone's mind. It was beyond disgusting, it was…like desecrating a Chapel. It was utterly wrong. But despite my justifications, I could not deny that there was something bothersome about my unexpectedly violent emotions. I had never felt the need to protect anyone outside of my family like that before.
I did not unclench my fists until I entered the Biology room. By then, Mike Newton's thoughts had moved on.
There she was, just sitting there, right next to where I would soon be sitting. Mr. Banner had just finished distributing slides and microscopes, which didn't give me much to concentrate on, except the boredom of doing this lab yet again. At least I could focus most of my attention on not killing Bella. And being friendly and more human.
She was looking down and doodling on her notebook, giving me time to compose myself as I sat down on the seat next to her. The heater blew her hair in my direction.
I froze in my seat.
My entire body nearly keeled over with the physical pain it took not to let my other senses take over. My inhuman senses. Despite all my efforts, I was miserably failing.
My mind was becoming hazy, slowly forgetting why I was resisting her blood. Resisting such a call would be outrageous. Her scent hit me as hard as it did the first time. The scent I remembered was weaker, stale from not smelling it for an entire week.
The scent in front of me was fresh. The monster moaned with pleasure.
Venom was building up in my mouth.
It could all be over in just a second. I would only need a second to take out everyone else.
Then I would approach her.
Someone's binder hit the floor, blowing a different scent in my direction.
The spell broke, and I worked to dispel the nauseous feeling that came from denying myself from her. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to refocus. I was going to treat her like any other human. I could do this; the scent was not going to overpower me anymore. Next time, I would expect the scent to be just as strong, and I would be ready for it. I would stay humane.
I chuckled at the irony.
My body relaxed from its tense position, and I felt a smile light my face, laughing at my own joke. Though I did not dare to move my chair any closer, or unclench my fist, I was finally ready to speak. I took a deep breath.
"Hello," I said quietly.
She looked up shocked. Probably because my voice wasn't as hate filled and monstrous as she thought it would be, I thought guiltily. Making sure my features were in check and I was as relaxed as I was going to be, I continued.
"My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't get have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."
She still said nothing. I reflexively tried to prod at her mind, but alas, I heard nothing. It was as though she didn't exist. I frowned.
Of all the people in this world, the one person's mind I couldn't read happened to be suspicious of me. Great, I thought sarcastically. This must be God's way of punishing me for my wrong deeds. Either that or it was just my amazingly bad luck.
"H-how do you know my name?" she stammered finally, breaking through my silent angry torrent. Her nerves were racing.
She probably didn't even know about half of the attention she was getting at this school. After all, she was Isabella Swan, the daughter of Chief Swan's flighty wife. I had only been here for a few months, and even I knew about her situation. Poor girl. I broke the news to her.
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's waiting for you to arrive." I smiled at her sympathetically.
"No. I meant, why did you call me Bella?" she persisted.
I was quite sure that after awhile everyone began calling her Bella. What was I missing?
"Do you prefer Isabella?" I asked, confused.
"No, I like Bella. But I think Charlie – I mean my dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as," she kindly explained.
My lips tightened slightly, but not enough for her to notice.
People only began calling her Bella once they had actually spoken to her. I did not fall into that category. I was so used to seeing her in others' minds as Bella that I did not once pause to think that she would notice the difference.
Apparently she was intuitive enough to notice. I would have to speak carefully around her. I made a small reply that ended our conversation.
We began the lab. I let her go first. I had done this lab a countless amount of times, with different variations. I certainly did not need to pay attention now to know how to do this lab for a later assessment. After she was done looking at the slide, I looked into the microscope to see if she was correct. I accidentally grabbed her hand, and instantly jerked back.
The feeling that coursed through me was incredibly different from anything I had ever felt. The only physical contact I had with humans in nearly 85 years was when it was absolutely necessary. This was different. I had let my guard down and had accidentally brushed her hand. It was like an electric shock had shot through me, breathing life into parts of my body that in a way that I never expected. I attributed this as a reaction to the warmth in her blood.
"I'm sorry," I muttered and we continued. Her answer was correct. Still distracted by her touch, I looked at the next slide and gave my answer a little too quickly. She looked at me skeptically and asked if she could check. I smirked and handed her the microscope, careful not to touch her hand this time.
As if an 85-year-old vampire with 2 medical degrees needed to get his work checked by a junior in high school! She seemed disappointed when she confirmed that I was right. My smirk grew more prominent.
We were done before any of the groups. Bella, I decided, was not only intuitive, but also intelligent. Though we worked well together, I still knew nothing about her. Well, nothing that she had actually told me. I could not have her thinking that I was completely unsocial.
"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked, making small talk.
"Not really," she answered. I knew this was an honest answer. At least she did not feel the need to lie to me. That was a good start.
"You don't like the cold." I was sure that I was safe in assuming this.
"Or the wet," she added.
"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," I mused.
"You have no idea," she muttered darkly. I continued gaze at her, wanting to penetrate her mind. There was something I was missing, something I still did not understand…
"Why did you come here, then?" I questioned. She seemed taken back for moment. I knew the question was direct, but my curiosity was overwhelming. I needed to know. Was she only sent here to torment my senses?
"It's…complicated." she replied, slightly uncomfortable.
"I think I can keep up," I responded comfortingly. I knew I could keep up. It was not hard to comprehend human emotions. I looked into her eyes again, waiting.
Apparently something in my eyes convinced her to continue, because she began her story. She told me how her mother remarried last September, a personal experience I'm sure I will never undergo. I, however, could still provide sympathy. Sympathy was not what she needed.
Her reasoning for coming to Forks was something different altogether. It was not because she did not like the man her mother married, but so her mother could spend time with him without having her as a burden. Why would she want to leave her home behind so that her mother could travel with her new husband? Why was she giving up her home that was warmer and drier? And safer.
No, I did not understand at all.
And what frustrated me the most was that, had it been any other human, I would be able to see the reasoning behind it. But Bella was not any other human, and I was left in the dark.
"She stayed at me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie," she concluded with a small sigh. Her selfless act was different from most humans. And then suddenly I understood. She was just showing kindness for her mother. True genuine kindness.
It was fascinating.
"But now you're unhappy." I couldn't help pointing out.
"And?" she challenged, wondering what I was getting at.
"That doesn't seem fair." I replied nonchalantly, making sure my voice sounded even. My interest in her thoughts needed to be kept a secret. I didn't know at what moment I had crossed the fine line between frustration and curiosity; all I knew was that it had been crossed. If she really knew how interested I had suddenly become in her…if she truly knew what I was…she would be out of the door and running.
I wasn't quite sure that I would let her go.
"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair." She laughed humorlessly.
There was a statement I could fully relate to.
"I believe I have heard that somewhere." I agreed dryly.
"So that's all," she concluded. No, I thought, that isn't all. There was so much I didn't know yet. So much I craved to know.
"You put on a good show," I started slowly, "but I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see." I gazed into her eyes, wanting to draw the truth out of them. "Am I wrong?" I asked, watching her. She turned away and pouted. I was right, I thought, satisfied, and I didn't even look into her mind. "I didn't think so," I smirked. I could afford to be confident now
"Why does it matter to you?" she questioned, honestly curious. I was taken aback when I realized I did not know how to answer it.
Why was I asking? I already knew that this conversation was heading against the stream of normality, but I couldn't bring myself to stop it. There were questions I wanted answered too. What made Bella so special? Why could I not see into her mind? I wanted to talk to Carlisle.
But that is not what Bella wanted to know. She wanted to know why I cared. I could not answer.
"That's a very good question." I muttered, still in thought. Was I only asking questions to dig deeper into a mind that I knew nothing about or was it something more? Did I really care about her? No, it was impossible. I had just met her. But then where did those violent emotions come from beforehand…
I snuck a subtle glance at Bella and saw her give me a frustrated look before looking down, much like the look I was giving her before. Was she frustrated because she didn't know what was going through my head? The thought made me smile.
"Am I annoying you?" I tried to hide my laughter. She looked up again and sighed.
"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read – my mother always calls me her open book." She looked upset, and on the spot I decided that a little truth from my end wouldn't hurt
"On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read." In fact, she was the only person I couldn't read.
"You must be a good reader then." Bella replied. I laughed at the truth of that statement. Even though she had no idea of the truth in her words, she was absolutely correct.
"Usually." I smiled wider, showing my teeth.
Mr. Banner turned our attention to the front of the room again and the easy, friendly atmosphere disappeared. When she spoke, I was less aware of her scent than usual and more aware of her words. But now that she was no longer talking, I felt the scent overpower my senses again. But it was different now. It was not only her scent that I found tempting, but also her mind. She was too interesting for her own good.
The heater blew more air in and I automatically tensed. I had had enough of her scent for one sitting. I feared that too much would break me down completely. I couldn't have that happening, especially after I had just decided that her life was now so much more important. She was one of the few selfless humans in this world, I told myself. She was someone who truly deserved to live. Yet there was another reason that I kept her alive, something unidentifiable.
It was sensation I felt when I looked into her eyes. Touched her skin.
The bell rang, and I left my thoughts behind in that small cramped room. The instant I hit open air, I took a deep breath and cleansed my senses of the luscious scent coming from Bella Swan.
Alice was already in my last class when I arrived. Her eyes were closed and she sat, unmoving. I tuned into her mind, watching what she was seeing.
Jasper was at home, at the bottom of the stairs, frozen, tense.
Emmett was smiling, but was uncomfortable with Rosalie's gaze…
And Rosalie was clearly furious, not bothering to hide it.
All the attention was focused on the couch…and on the couch…
"Alice?" Mr. Varner looked at her, concerned. I kicked Alice. Her eyes refocused and she gazed from me to Mr. Varner, who now looked extremely worried.
"Are you okay? You blanked out there for a minute…" Mr. Varner trailed off, waiting for Alice's explanation.
"Migraines," Alice sighed dramatically. I raised my eyebrows, but Alice continued with the same enthusiasm. "They're getting to be very troublesome, Mr. Varner. I think there's something wrong. Could I go to the Nurse's Office?"
Her eyes softened, her lips trembled, and Mr. Varner nodded without even knowing what he said yes to. Alice flashed me a triumphant smile and danced off, one hand lightly pressed against her head. I rolled my eyes.
Generally, we could all convince humans to do as we pleased. Our bodies were set up that way, to be alluring to all human senses. But getting out of troubling situations was Alice's forte. We all think that some of Jasper's charisma rubbed off onto Alice, but Alice would say that she just has charm. I shook my head; Alice was a typical younger sister in some ways.
The class went by even slower that usual, without Alice to keep me company. My thoughts remained on Bella. I recognized that the more I learned about her, the more I wanted to know. Not knowing the inside of Bella's mind was having consequences that were becoming obsessive.
Truthfully, I was starting to find her personality more alluring than her scent itself. She even had an equal amount of intelligence to match. We complimented each other perfectly.
If I were human, I could very easily see us becoming friends.
But I was not, and there was no point in dwelling on it. I had done my job of making sure she wasn't suspicious, and now I should leave her alone. Not push the limit. Cross the wrong line.
Yet when I saw her running to her car, helpless, almost falling over, I couldn't help but want to pick her up and carry her into her car, just so she wouldn't hurt herself. The more I gazed at her, the more I wanted to protect her, to talk to her, the more I wanted…
She turned in her car to look at me…and nearly crashed into the Toyota behind her. I couldn't help laughing. She was really something.
And I had no idea what I was going to do about her.