Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If you see anything you recognize, I'm just borrowing it.
Author's Warning: This is what some people might call a crack fic. If you really like it, please leave a review. It encourages me.
Summary: Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari. A silly story about the Sand Siblings. Kankuro and Temari worry about their little brother. Gaara learns to enjoy life a bit more.
Tawny simply nodded, and knew that somehow he would sense it. Whatever awaited her, she knew this man was someone that she could accept as her master.
"It's a bit frightening in here. Actually, it's quite frightening in here," he admitted. "I'm going to turn on the light now. Are you prepared?"
"Yes." For all her resolve, Tawny secretly prayed there were no girls chained to the walls.
A small amount of sand flicked the light switch on, and a harsh light illuminated the stark realities of the room.
Tawny blinked. No tortured figures. No chains. No illicit toys or sordid devices.
File cabinets stuffed to overflowing marched into the distance. Tables piled high with scrolls, folders, and papers threatened to collapse and bury the two small figures in the center of the room. A scroll in the distance unrolled itself, its free end disappearing under a desk.
"With my position comes a never-ending supply of paperwork. I do it all, eventually. It helps that I don't sleep much, but…" Gaara stared at the room in despair. "Once it's been completed, it goes in here. There are over a hundred years of files in this room, probably much more. Once it's here though…"
Gaara turned to her expectantly. He expected her to run away.
Tawny turned back to him, and he almost jumped at the twin fires in her eyes.
"Leave it to me, Gaara-sama!"
He nodded as she gently, but firmly, steered him out of the room, assuring him in a cheerful manner that she would soon have everything under control.
Gaara blinked at the large doors that had closed in front of his face.
There was no rhyme or reason, as far as she could tell. It was pure, chaotic matter just waiting to be sculpted and molded into beautiful order.
Gaara blinked once more as the sound of maniacal feminine laughter rang down the corridor from the Records Room. He decided not to worry.
"Kazekage-sama," Baki began uncertainly.
"Hm?" Gaara returned absent-mindedly. If he agreed to such a treaty with the Land of Vegetables, surely the Land of Udon would be upset.
"Kazekage-sama," Baki tried again.
Gaara blinked. "Baki, it isn't like you to hesitate. What is wrong?"
"You've requested Class A security access for your new…helper."
"Oh, I see," Baki sighed in relief. He knew it must have been a misunderstanding. Gaara would never make such a bad judgment call.
"I have granted Class A security access to my new assistant, Tawny."
"Kazekage-sama, do you really think that is wise? What if she's a spy?"
"She is not a spy."
"She did not undergo a background check before being admitted."
"Temari admitted her."
"Baki, Tawny is not a spy," he reassured his most trusted advisor and former sensei.
Baki frowned worriedly, but said no more. He would just have to investigate the woman's trustworthiness on his own.
The next morning, Gaara sat with his siblings around their small kitchen table. The young redhead seemed more relaxed than usual. Kankuro laughed uncomfortably and asked in a pretend hearty voice, "So, how did Tawny sleep last night?"
Temari nailed him in the back of the head with a frying pan. Luckily, she'd already removed their breakfast first.
Gaara stopped his bite of rice halfway to his mouth and frowned.
"…I do not know if she slept at all last night…" He fell silent for several moments and seemed almost troubled. "She is very dedicated. I will have to make sure she does not tire herself out unnecessarily."
He brooded quietly for several more minutes as his siblings looked on. Suddenly, his brow cleared. "She seemed happy enough this morning, though, so I think she is alright."
Temari hid her horrified look behind a sudden need to clean the counter.
A hint of dessert blossoms wafted in the air. The room was suffused with a soft glow, and the gentle tinkle of chimes caught his ear. What had the woman done to this place?
"What are you doing here?" a feminine voice demanded.
Baki whirled around. How had she managed to sneak up on him?
Her top could best be described as a fringed, beaded bra. A single metal hoop fit around her hips. Two calf length rectangles of material hung from the front and back of the hoop. This would have been a perfectly respectable skirt had there been any material on the sides, but there was not. Two tiny lines of string forming a V over her hips suggested a meager undergarment. Some part of his brain even registered that she wore beaded sandals on her feet.
His initial plan had been to interrogate the woman discretely. He'd expected either a pliant concubine or a clever, deadly kunoichi masquerading as a pliant concubine.
"I just came to check on a few scrolls I left here last week." The lie slipped off of his tongue easily. He was a jonin, after all. He picked up a random scroll and studied it intently.
"As I thought," her murmured just loudly enough for her to hear. He rolled the scroll expertly, thinking his ruse had held, and tossed it onto a random shelf. Now to question the…
An enormous Intent to Kill flooded the room. He drew a kunai quickly and leapt away from the terrible figure before him, her eyes filled with wrathful flames.
The next morning, Gaara came to breakfast with a diagram.
"What've you got there, Gaara?" Kankuro asked curiously.
"It is…a sort of…rack."
"Do you recommend any craftsmen for building this sort of thing?"
"Why's it important?"
"It is for ease of access," Gaara replied simply. "It needs to be strong enough to support Tawny's weight. She says it will require some straps."
"…Oh," Kankuro responded weakly. "Jisha is pretty good. Though you might want to have Baki look into it. The craftsmen are used to dealing with him when it comes to the Kazekage's jobs."
Gaara shook his head. "Baki is in the hospital, so he can't do it."
"WHAT?! Why is Baki in the hospital? Why didn't anybody tell me?"
"I just did."
"But, but, why? I thought he just returned from a mission?"
"He will be fine," Gaara shrugged. "He touched something he should not have, or he handled it in the wrong way. I do not know many of the details. Tawny has banned him from her room as a result, at least for the time being."
Kankuro's jaw dropped comically. "She put him in the hospital?"
Gaara continued to study the design. He murmured quietly. "Chakra strings would be useful for such a thing. Perhaps I will have you assist at some point."
Help his brother with his concubine's…rack thingy? Gaara must be kidding. Right? Right?!
Temari and Kankuro avoided the Kazekage's office for several days, both managing to busy themselves with terribly important missions and errands.
"We really ought to check on him," Temari began after Kankuro finished her border patrol report.
"Don't want to get in the way," Kankuro mumbled, his eyes scanning the floor tiles as if the secrets of the universe were hidden there.
"We're going. Now."
"Awe, Tem, what if he's…busy?"