Author's Note: My second novel "After The Rabbit" is now available for sale. It's a story with everything you could possibly ask for; action, adventure, drama, love, magic, monsters with questionable sexual orientations, sharp pointy swords, and murderous flesh eating rabbits! What more could you possibly ask for?

Huh? No, it doesn't have Sakura bashing, sorry. What? No, no anatomically correct sock puppets either. It's a fantasy setting people. Eh? No! It doesn't have any f#$king hobbits!

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XXX

"Explain this to me again," Madara said.

"It's simple," Kabuto said. "Using my newly discovered advanced version of Edo Tensei I intend to bring back all the dead shinobi of the world and let them run wild! It will throw our enemies into utter chaos and allow us to do anything we want unopposed."

"You're not going to control them at all?"

Kabuto shook his head. "That would require too much chakra. In any case it's not necessary. The end result will be the same, all these newly revived ninja will be impossible to organize. It will definitely prevent Konoha and the other villages from standing against us. What could possibly go wrong?"

Madara sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this."

XXX

In Konoha the effects of Kabuto's decision were felt immediately.

XXX

The legendary Toad Sage strode into the tower as people pointed and stared. He went directly to the Hokage's office with a single purpose. When he had died fighting Pein it had been with only a single regret. That in life he had never come out and confessed his true feelings to the only woman he had ever loved. He didn't know how or why he had returned from the dead, only that he would not waste this chance.

He burst through the doors determined to tell his beloved everything. "Tsunade! I've come back from the dead to…"

Jiraiya's voice died as there before him was his one true love, sitting on another man's lap, passionately kissing him and utterly oblivious to everything else.

"Jiraiya!" Shizune exclaimed. "You've come back too? Uncle Dan showed up just ten minutes earlier."

"OH COME ON!"

XXX

Rin was draped all over Kakashi's arm, looking up into his eyes adoringly. "I want you to know I forgive you for taking my life. I understand that you had no choice."

"Thank you Rin," he wiped a tear away. "You have no idea what that means to me. The memory of that day has haunted me ever since. Receiving your forgiveness gives my heart peace."

"I'm glad Kakashi-kun." She squeezed his arm tight. "I love you."

"I love you too, Rin."

"Please take my virginity."

Everyone on the street stopped to stare at the adult Kakashi and the until recently dead thirteen year old girl.

"Uh, I think people are going to get the wrong idea."

XXX

Naruto had grown up an orphan alone. His most heartfelt wish had been to have loving parents. Now that Minato and Kushina were alive again it had finally come true. But he was discovering that having a mom and dad wasn't quite what he expected.

Kushina had her hands in front of her face. She opened them to reveal. "Peek a boo!" She covered up again. "Where's mommy go?" She uncovered. "Here she is!"

Sweat dropping Naruto turned to his father. "Dad," he whispered. "Mom knows I'm an adult now, right?"

"Kushina dreamed about taking care of you as a baby, let her pretend just a little longer."

"But I'm wearing diapers."

Naruto's belly picked that moment to rumble.

"Oh, is my little Naru-chan hungry? Mommy will feed you."

Kushina warmed up a bottle and then put Naruto on her lap. "Drink it all up so you can grow big and strong."

Though it was humiliating Naruto decided not to complain. He didn't want to be put in the corner again.

XXX

Some reunions were not quite so happy.

"Why won't you die?!" Anko screamed in frustration.

She was yelling at Orochimaru's severed head. She had tried burning the rest of him, but the pieces kept regenerating.

Orochimaru sighed and rolled his eyes. "All right, I'll try explaining how the jutsu works one last time…"

XXX

Sasuke had just listened to his mom and dad explain what had truly happened the night of the Uchiha Massacre.

"Wait, so you really were plotting a coup and trying to take over the village?"

"That's right son," Fugaku confirmed.

"So the entire clan really were traitors?"

"Traitor is such a harsh word dear," Mikoto said while patting his head the way she used to when he was a child. "We preferred to think of ourselves as aggressively attempting to secure our proper position of authority within the village."

"That's right, I mean we are Uchihas you know."

"Do you have any idea what this means? I was sure Itachi murdered you because he went insane! I grew up consumed with a need for vengeance. I betrayed my village and nearly killed my best friend all for the sake of power. Then when I finally killed Itachi I was convinced the village manipulated him and decided to join an evil organization in order to destroy Konoha! All because I was sure your deaths were unjust murders. Now you tell me there really was a conspiracy and you were guilty all along!"

"Wait, you never figured it out on your own?" Fugaku asked. "You must have been willfully blind, even for an Uchiha. I mean there was evidence everywhere. Did you even bother to investigate the possibility before you became an avenger seeking power? All you had to do was go through the documents in my desk and it would have been clear."

"Really, Sasuke, we expected better of you." Mikoto said.

"…"

Fugaku turned to his wife. "This is why I always liked Itachi better."

His mom nodded. "Sasuke, couldn't you try a little harder to be more like your brother?"

Without a word Sasuke went over to the nearest wall and began smashing his head into it.

XXX

A couple months later Madara and his companions were confronted by an Alliance army that numbered well over two million. Over ninety percent of whom had been dead until recently, including Jiraiya, the White Fang, the Yellow Flash, and the other Hokages.

Hashirama Senju popped out of some bushes just long enough to hurl a water balloon. It got Madara right in the middle of his face. Hashirama burst into laughter just before vanishing in a swirl of wind and leaves.

Madara wiped down his robes and turned to Kabuto. "What could go wrong, huh?"

Kabuto didn't notice. There was a woman standing with him named Nono. She had just given Kabuto and old pair of glasses.

"I've learned a whole bunch of medical jutsus that I want to show you mom."

"That's wonderful Kabuto-kun, I'm so proud of you." She took him by the hand and led him away.