OK, so here it is. Oh, and for people who don't know, Harmony is the town in Passions

This is a parody (DUH)



Twilight; Harmony Style

The birds were singing, the sun was hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. The day was lovely in Harmony, Washington. Waking up dramatically, throwing back her covers and walking up to her tiny second story window, clad only on a dramatic silk white negligee/nightgown was Bella Swan. As she sighed and looked out the window, clearly not noticing that almost every male was standing outside her window to catch a glimpse of her in her slightly see-through garment, Bella giggled and remembered that today she was seeing Edward. Again. Like everyday. Man, this girl was predictable.

On the other side of town, Carlisle Cullen was skipping out the door, clearly in too good a mood to going to work. Sliding into his luxurious Mercedes, Carlisle was oblivious to his wife's jealous yelling erupting from the slightly ajar door.

"DAMMIT, CARLISLE!!! DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!! I KNOW ABOUT HER!!!" Esme shrieked across the lawn, as the sleek black car pulled out of the driveway.

"Man, Mother," Alice said nastily as she walked out the door, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett in tow, "Give it a rest."

As The Perfect Cullen Children piled into the car, Jasper looked back at the house, saw Esme, and gave her a wink.

"Dr Cullen!" The Secretary called as he walked into the room, "You have a patient waiting for you in room 6!"

"Thank you, Shirley," Carlisle called, as he walked down the hallway, smirking at the thought of what was awaiting him in room number 6.

"Why, Dr Cullen…" A breathy voice filtered through the dark room, "I was beginning to think you weren't coming—" The female was interrupted when Carlisle forcefully kissed her, bruising her lips thoroughly.

After they came up for air, Carlisle forcefully replied, throwing the mystery woman down on the examining table roughly, "You know, you don't have to call me that, Carlisle is fine…" He said, peppering her neck with feather light kisses.

"But… Doctor… Doesn't that make you…Hotter…?"

"You always know just what I want, Jessica…"

Bella skipped happily to her bathroom, falling down twice in the process. As she carefully washed her flawless, albino-like skin, she noticed a new set of bruises around her waist and thighs. Hmm…. I don't remember falling down there… Hmm… OH well! Bella thought, shrugging and continuing on with her shower. Bella hummed to herself, making herself look presentable for her boyfriend.

Skipping, and stubbing her toe in the doorframe, Bella walked into her room, spotting Edward in all his shining, well dressed and groomed glory.

"Edward…" Bella breathed, going into a state of shock just looking at him, snapping out of it, she noticed what he was wearing, "Wow! Did Alice pick that out, cause it looks awesome! Abercrombie, too!"

"Umm…. Noo, I pick out all my clothes, darling…" Edward said, giving Bella a "duh" look, "I LOVE what that blouse does to your skin…" Edward breathed, pulling Bella in for a hug, bypassing her lips for a kiss on the cheek. "Let's go to school, love!"

The Cullens and Edward and Bella all pulled into the parking lot at the same time. Giving each other lack-lustre greetings, merely for appearances only, they walked into class.

"Stanley, Jessica?" The teacher called out, doing roll. Silence. "Stanley, Jessica!"

"She's absent, sir…" Lauren called out kindly from the back of the class, "She was sick, and decided to go to the doctor today…"

"Thank you, Lauren. Swan, Isabella?"


Esme walked into the office with purpose, striding over to Mrs Cope's Krispy Kreame strewn desk.

"Ah hem!" Esme cleared her throat when not immediately notice.

"Oh! Mrs Cullen! You're here to pick up your child?"

"Yes, we have some business to attend to," Esme said, looking over at the Cullen who was smirking from one of the chairs in the office.

"Well, just sign here, and you two are free to go!" Esme signed the release form, and exited the office, walking back to the car.

As she left, and got into the car, Mrs Cope breathed, "Bitch,"

"Come on, come on!" Emmett breathed, looking at the computer screen, waiting for the results to come in, "Come on, come ON! ... YES!!!!" Emmett roared, throwing his fist into the air when the horses he betted on came out on top. Another 300 for Emmett… He thought to himself, collecting money from the fellow males standing around him.

Edward sat in the cafeteria, Bella lovingly stroking his arm while absentmindedly munching on an apple. Edward looked over at his phone. Why wasn't it ringing?!?! Suddenly it did. Relief. He snatched it up before anyone could see the ID.


"Why hello there…"

"You're late!"

"I'm sorry! I was very busy throwing something together for you… You'll see it tonight…"

"Oh…" Edward chuckled, his voice taking on a teasing tone, "Will I?"

"You ARE coming over tonight? I miss you awfully much…"

"Don't worry… I'm 'hunting' tonight…"

"Good. Then SHE won't get in the way like she always does!"

"Stop. You know I don't like it either. But we need to."

"I know. See you tonight."

"You know you will…"

"I love you…"

"As do I. As do I…"

Edward hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Bella asked, slightly groggy as if she was about to fall asleep.

"No one," Edward snapped, irritated with the slow pokey human beside him, "Eat your food!"

"Ok…anything for you, sweetheart… Anything…"

"If you really will do anything for me, then why don't you marry me?" Edward asked snappily, slightly hoping that his pushing would push Bella to the edge, forcing her to break up with him.

"Fine. Yes, I will then. I will marry you, Edward Cullen…" Bella said as forcefully as she could, considering her sleepy state.

"Wh—What?" Edward asked, alarmed at the new turn of conversation.

"I said I will, I will marry you!"

"Finally! JEESH!! I was waiting ages for that to happen!!!" Alice snapped, quite a bit annoyed.

"So…. Why am I out of school?"

"Because…" Esme said, pulling her son into the house and up stairs, "You were an awfully BAD BOY and need to be punished…" She announced with a smirk, before wrapping her hands into her son's blonde locks, smashing her face to his.

"Then…" Jasper said, in between kisses, "Why don't you punish me?"

"No! Please! Don't! I promise I won't do it again!!" Alpha Sam Uley whimpered, cowering in a corner.

"But, Sam… You need to learn what you can and cannot do!"

Sam whimpered, remembering again why he was in this position. Oh, yes. He had left the toilet seat up again.

"Sam. Stand up."

He reluctantly stood, knowing it would be far worse if he disobeyed. SMACK, across his face was a baseball bat. Sam whimpered, and clutched the side of his face in vain.

"Now, now, Sam…" Emily said, pulling Sam into a hug after discarding the baseball bat, "You know I love you, right, baby? I only do this because you need to learn, and I love you."

"Yes…" Sam said, painfully pulling his face into a smile, "I love you too, sweetie…"

Carlisle was buttoning up his shirt, looking lovingly over at the girl lying on his check-up table. Ah… He thought, Jessica this morning, Lauren at lunch, now Sue Clearwater… The day was perfect… Carlisle quickly slipped out of the room, walking briskly out the hospital and to his car. He mustn't dawdle. His 6-o'clock was waiting.

Bella slipped into the change room for gym, right after lunch. She was feeling a little drowsy, but it would pass. Edward was acting weird. Bella noticed this, and mused over the possibilities while she was changing. Could it be the excitement of their engagement? Yes. She decided that it was. Everything was perfectly….

Bella passed out in the change room. All the girls passed by Bella, not even caring, and walked out to the gymnasium. As the gym class was starting, no one noticed Mike Newton slipping into the Girl's change room and walking over to Bella's now prone form.

Jasper slipped out of Esme's room, quickly walking to his study, a smile on his face. Esme sat in her room, on the bed, contemplating Jasper. Yes, Jasper was nice… But right now… She was craving… Something different. The rest of the Cullen children walked into the house, separating to their separate quarters.

Esme heard a knock on her door. It was Rosalie. Aw, she was such a sweet girl.

"Esme?" Rosalie asked quietly, stepping into the room, "Are you alright? I noticed you were a bit off today… Do you want to go hunting with me?"

"No, Rosalie," Esme sighed, waving her arm lazily in the air, "You run along. I'm just going to sit here…"

"Well, if that's what you want… I'm leaving in half an hour if you change your mind…" Rosalie said quietly, and slipped out of the room.

Esme sighed, as another knock broke through her thoughts.

"Esme?" Emmett called out questionably.

"Emmett! Come here!" Esme said, a wicked smile crossing her face.

"Yes?" Emmett said, opening the door and walking over to Esme who was lying on the bed.

"I wanted to ask you something…" Esme said slyly.

"Um… And what would that be?" Emmett asked with a smile, slightly nervous at Esme's odd tone.

"Do you think this makes me look fat?" Esme pouted, getting out from under the covers, clad only in a scrap of cloth that barely passes as undergarments.

"Um…Um…" Emmett said, spouting like a dieing fish.

"I take it you like it then…" Esme breathed, walking slowly closer to Emmett… Then seductively trailing her hands up and down his arms. Esme suddenly then pulled away, and gently placed her lips on his. Emmett did nothing for a moment, then started to kiss her back. The kiss was slow and deep.

The door opened just as Emmett tossed Esme to the bed. Rosalie walked in to the scene, and started to dry sob, running out of the room.

Edward was running in the woods, still full with his fresh kill. Now he was running towards Forks… Running deeper and deeper into the woods, he was greeted by a shadow.

"I knew you would come…" It breathed.

"Would I ever forget about you, love?" Edward replied breathlessly, pulling the shadow closer to him.

"No… But tell me it again," The shadow whimpered playfully.

"I love you. I would never forget about you ever…" Edward said, wrapping his arms around the mysterious shadow tightly.

"What about her," The shadow spit out, a look of revulsion passing its face.

"I will never love her. I love you," Edward stressed, then pulled the shadow into a breathless kiss.

Get what I mean with disturbing content now??

Ok. I want to know who people think Edward's mystery lover is… You don't have to review, just let me know what you think, cause I know.


(Ps This should get better, Harry's busy working on other stuff, so I'll have support on this one….. a.k.a, it WILL be funnier…)