ff-kh-luvrgrl: HELLO! my sis and I were being goofy one day, and i started making fun of my fic, Master Will Burn. We were having a lot of fun, and my sister suggested
I make a parody of it. Well, here ya go, akurokulvr!
This is dedicated to akurokulvr ad squeenix-yaoi-luvr, to whom I promised another goofy KH fic (this is it!)
Zack: ff-kh-luvrgrl does not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, or any of the characters. She does own the fic this fic is based off of, though, so don't sue.
me: On with the fic!
Roxas woke up in a comfy bed, with fluffy pillows and soft covers and everything.
"This is nice!"
Looking around, he realized that the room was totally girly. There was pink everywhere, and there were a ton of frills and bows on everything.
"This is kinda creepy... Oh, well, at least the bed's great. I should probably thank whoever's room this is for letting me sleep in her bed."
A man with long, silver hair walked in, glaring.
"Cloud, I told you to put him in the other room!"
"Whoops! Sorry!" came Cloud's replay as he ran in, helping Roxas out of the bed. "I forgot!"
"Cloud, you NEVER put someone in MY room! And you're supposed to be EVIL!"
"I am?" The silver-haired man glared at Cloud.
"YES. YOU ARE." Roxas decided to avoid the silver-haired man as much as he could.
"But... later on in the story, I end up helping--"
"Be quiet! We haven't gotten that far, you idiot!" Roxas whispered furiously.
"Whoops! Oh, yeah!" Cloud chuckled nervously.
"Whatever. Let's just get on with the story," the silver-haired man said, rubbing his forehead.
"Alrighty then, Sephir-"
'Is this guy on drugs?' Roxas wondered, staring at the other blonde strangely. Cloud started to lead Roxas to the door when Axel popped in, wearing a SUPERMAN COSTUME. 'Oh, God...'
"I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU, ROXAS!!!"
"You're not supposed to come in yet, you flaming retard!" Sephiroth yelled at the hapless "hero."
"No, you're not," Roxas said, rolling his eyes, "and PLEASE take that ridiculous thing off."
"Well, if you insist, Roxie..."
"I MEANT PUT ON OTHER CLOTHES."
"Aww, you're no fun..."
(a few minutes later, in another room. Cloud has just chained Roxas to the bed)
"Muah ha haa..."
"Your evil laugh sucks."
"...Meanie," Cloud pouted, looking for something. Finding it, he straitened up, a triumphant look on his face. "Aha!"
"...a feather?" Roxas said dubiously, and Cloud glared at him, crossing his arms.
"You won't be so tough in a few minutes when you're screaming for mercy."
"...'Kay. How about 50,000 munny?"
(with Axel and Sephiroth)
"How do you keep getting these things?" Sephiroth asked Axel, holding the costume with an eyebrow raised.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Axel replied mockingly, pulling his shirt back on.
"Yes, actually, I would. There's an Evil Villain Costume Party coming up soon and I don't have a costume. Your shirt's on backwards, by the way."
"Oh, thanks," Axel said, fixing his shirt. "I ordered them online. They'll bring them right to you!"
"Yup! And you can get them fitted just for you, so--" Axel was interrupted when he was smacked on the head with a noodle. ((A/N: you know, the swimming noodles! those can actually hurt, if you swing them correctly. Well, they'll hurt a little, anyways.))
"YOU MORONS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HATE EACH OTHER, NOT BE HAVING A CIVIL CONVERSATION!!! MUCH LESS A CONVERSATION ABOUT COSTUMES!"
"Okay! Jeez, Leon, you really need to get laid," said the redhead, rubbing the spot Leon had hit.
Sephiroth nodded in agreement. "Totally."
(back to Cloud and Roxas. It's been about three minutes since we left them.)
"MERCY! MERCY!!" Roxas screamed, trying to get away from his attacker.
Sephiroth stopped in the doorway on his way in, staring at the two blondes in disgust, disbelief, and discomfit. Cloud continued in his torture until Sephiroth spoke.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
Cloud jumped off Roxas, still holding his feather. Roxas' shirt was pushed up, and he was out of breath, as Cloud had been tickling him mercilessly for the past few minutes. "Um... torture?"
Sephiroth's palm smacked his forehead as he groaned in annoyance. "Cloud..."
Sephiroth entered the room, closing the door before approaching the two blondes. "Cloud, you are evil. Evil people do not torture their prisoners with feathers."
The three looked over at the door, which had been kicked down and was now lying on the floor.
"Oops. Too much?" Axel said, dressed in normal clothes, much to Roxas's relief. Looking at Cloud, he shrieked when he saw that Cloud was holding a feather. "YOU FIEND! HOW DARE YOU TORTURE ROXAS WITH THAT!" Axel promptly burned Cloud, incinerating Cloud's feather as well.
"NOOOOOO! MY FEATHER!" Cloud wailed, then fell over, lying on the ground in the fetal position and sucking his thumb.
"YOU WANNA BE NEXT, YOU SON OF A CRAZY BASTARD?!?!?!?!"
Sephiroth's eyes were as big as blitzballs, and he whimpered, before managing to squeak out one word, "no!" He then ran to the corner and attempted to hide behind a folding chair.
The chair did what it is named for - it folded up and fell over.
Axel walked over to the shaking "Master" and held out his hand. "Gimme all the keys to this place before I burn you Chocobo plushie."
"NOOO! NOT MISTER CHOCO!!!!"
"YES! MISTER... Choco?!?! ...Right. Anyways, Gimme the keys or the plushie gets it!" Axel demanded, producing a giant chocobo plushie from... well, who knows where. ((A/N: I'm not sure I WANT to know... lol jk))
"HERE!" Sephiroth almost ripped his pocket off, trying to get something out, which he immediately threw to Axel, who caught them in one hand, still holding the plushie in the other.
"...This is a GARAGE DOOR OPENER."
"Aah! here!" He threw all the contents of his pockets at Axel, which included: ((A/N: guess what song!)) 12 My Little Ponies, 11 pairs of high heels, 10 pink hair ribbons, 9 Megalixirs, 8 Barbie dolls, 7 Disney movies, 6 million munny, 5 used Q-tips, 4 inkless pens, 3 rotten eggs, 2 eyelash curlers, and lipstick in a gold case!
Axel stuffed all of the items (besides the keys) in his pocket, then leaped over to the bed ( which was a foot away from where he had been standing) and unlocked Roxas's restraints.
Roxas, tired from all the tickling and yelling, had to be carried, as he was (for some unknown reason) too exhausted to walk, even after sleeping for a few days. Go figure.
(an hour later)
"Jeez, Leon, do you have to bring that thing?!"
"But what about your gunblade?" Leon froze, glared at Axel, dropped the noodle, and ran.
"Um, doesn't he know I got his gunblade for him?" Seifer asked Axel, who shrugged.
"WHERE'S MY REVOLVER, DAMMIT?!"
...well, the first chap anyways. this is fun!
this will be updated whenever I update Master Will Burn (most likely)
welp, on to writ the next chapter!
p.s. - akurokulvr, my lil sis and faithful beta, helped me with the song. (in case you couldn't get it, the song was "The Twelve Days of Christmas" ...i WISH there were 12 days of Christmas...)