"I keep trying Cristina… trying to evolve, be cheerful.. like a fricking Barbie. What's wrong with me that I can't be with the man I want to be with?" Meredith flipped over onto her back and put her hand to her forehead in an exasperated sigh. Cristina flung her own arm out and patted her friend on the head patronizingly. Both girls turned to look at each other, and erupted into giggles.
"We're fucked up." Meredith stated.
"Past fucked up.. and I don't just mean the tequila." Cristina agreed.
"What the hell is wrong with us that we can't be normal and all Izziefied?"
Cristina raised an eyebrow, "Izzified? You mean Izzie I killed my boyfriend and then I committed incest with my married best friend , Bambi?"
Meredith chuckled before raising a finger admonishingly," We're being supportive."
"Screw that, besides after the way she's been sucking up to Hahn and taking all MY cardio surgeries, she can go …"
"Cristina! ", Meredith interrupted, "Hahn doesn't like you because of some twisted Burke thing she had, Izzie didn't do anything and you know it."
Cristina sat up and reached across her friend for the tequila bottle on the nightstand and took a slug. "Burke …." She sighed dramatically and then flopped back down.
"Derek is out on a date with Sydney. She reminds me of a, of an…. Something horrible anyways. And I don't think she's pretty. Do you think he's going to sleep with her?"
Trying to abate the tears before they came again, Cristina sat up and looked at her friend. "He's doing this because he wants to push you into making a commitment. Guys are idiots. He's probably fighting back a headache right now and trying not to call you."
"He didn't really say he wanted a commitment." Meredith said.
"The guy told you he wants to die in your arms when he's 1,000 and have spawn with you. He told you he wanted a commitment. However you choose to address it, it's in your court."
Meredith sat up, fighting the swaying room and pushed her hair back off her face frustrated. "Can you see me reproducing?"
"Actually I can, you guys will be so nauseating when you gestate. I honestly don't know what you're holding out for Mer."
"Really? But I'd be a horrible mother." Meredith argued.
"Nah, you just buy a book. I mean it's got to be like surgery somehow, or learning medical procedures and stuff. You went to Dartmouth, I think you can raise a kid."
Meredith looked off into the distance considering," My mother was really smart, and she sucked."
Cristina took a pull on the bottle before facing her friend. "Listen I think part of this is because of me. You think we have to be all twisty and fucked up together. But I'm over what happened. You and McDreamy are obviously going to keep screwing in the on-call rooms, and you obviously love him. I will be okay if you have a relationship with him you know."
Meredith looked down at her hands. She had been feeling guilty about spending time with Derek because of what had happened. Derek and Cristina had major issues with each other, and she felt torn between them. A tear slipped down her cheek, it was killing her to think about him out on a date, smiling and looking at someone else. She wondered if he thought about her at all. He hadn't even told her at first, and then the day of, he sprung it on her. Apologetically. Saying that Mark had kind of set it up, and he was just going to go out and have dinner, no big deal. He wouldn't be able to make it to her house that night. Meredith had stared at him in shock, before recovering and pulling her thick skin back around her. The urge to say something hurtful had risen, maybe suggest he not use the glow in the dark condoms on the first date, but when she met his eyes, he looked to be in as much pain as she was. Instead she had nodded and rushed off past him to find her interns. All day she had heard the buzz about McDreamy taking Sydney out. Part of her said that Derek loved her, and this was just a pathetic attempt at God knows what. But the part of her that heard Ellis telling her she was never enough, kept insisting that Derek would be happier with someone else, and didn't really love her. Not knowing how to handle the two voices, she had shown up at Cristina's apartment loaded with tequila, and done what she knew best, drank. She imagined that each swallow buried her pain deeper and deeper, and the good voice chastised her that this was part of the problem with Derek. If she could speak up and talk, instead of trying to bury everything like a grave, she'd be with him right now.
She touched her pocket, feeling her silent cell phone and sighed.
Cristina rolled her eyes. "Meredith, seriously. Call him. I'm tired of wiping up the pieces everytime you two do something stupid."
Meredith shook her head. No way was she going to call him.
Cristina sighed, frustrated, and dove for the cell phone in Meredith's pocket.
"Cristina! No!" she fumbled for the phone, but Cristina had already flipped it open and hit the speed dial and hopped off the bed away from her. Meredith tried to stand up and felt like she was swimming. Suddenly, Cristina came over and thrust the phone to her face, and Meredith realized that her number would show on the caller id. If she hung up, it would not look good. She heard Derek calling her name.
"Derek.. umm hi." She finally choked out. Glaring at Cristina, she grabbed the phone.
"Mer?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.
" I um. Well… so uh, am I interrupting?" she asked.
"No, I was just thinking about you and missing you." He told her.
"Really?" she asked, surprised. Cristina jumped up and down, "tell him you miss him too." She stage whispered.
"Mer?" Derek called out when she was silent for a minute.
"I uh missed you tonight. I miss you Derek."
She heard him exhale on the other end. "You do?" he asked her.
Cristina kicked her and she stifled her squeal before closing her eyes and then letting her brain take over. So this was a drunk dial huh. "Yes Derek. It killed me all night to think of you out with someone else. I just…. Well I don't want to do this anymore."
"You don't want to do what Meredith?" he asked.
"What I mean is, oh god this is hard on the phone. Ugh."
"Why don't you come out to the trailer, and we can talk?" His voice was full of hope.
Meredith frowned. Stupid tequila. "I sort of can't drive Derek. I'm at Cristina's, we had some drinks." She shook her head, she was messing this up. "But I do think we need to talk soon."
Derek closed his eyes. Was she saying she didn't want to be with him at all anymore, because he had gone out with Sydney. Sydney who wouldn't shut up, and was like a damn bird, chattering away. All he could think of was how nice it was with him and Meredith. They could be quiet together and be content. Or he could make her do that infectious giggle that captured his heart. Suddenly her dark and twisty wasn't so horrible. He had called Mark from the men's room and threatened him with death if he didn't show up at Joe's and somehow get him out of the evening. Returning home alone, he was sorry he had missed the chance to be with Meredith for the night. Even a little bit of her was worth more than all of someone else.
"I'll come get you. Let me come get you Meredith." He pleaded into the phone. She was a little drunk it sounded like, but it had made her open up some.
Meredith put her hand over the phone. "He wants to come get me!" she hissed.
"Good, tell him yes you dumbass." Cristina hissed back.
"Are you sure?" Meredith asked, not wanting to leave her friend alone.
Cristina went to grab the phone, she would tell McDreamy to come get her if Meredith wouldn't.
"Ok, Okay." Meredith said. "Derek?"
"I'm still here." He answered.
"If you're sure you want to come all the way over here, that would be great."
Derek felt his heart soar. She was opening up. And even if the talk didn't go that far, he would be with her tonight. That was worth any amount of driving.
"I'll be there as soon as I can." He told her, before hanging up.