Just a quick drabble I did for some Omake Competitions on The Fanfiction Forum.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach as it belongs to Kubo Tite. Not making any money here.


Flower Man

By bigbabidi


Zaraki kicked down the door to the first division compound that he could find, carrying a sickly looking Yachiru inside. "DOCTOR!" he roared.

No response.

He noticed whatever division he entered seemed to be well organized, unlike his own. He could've made notes, but he didn't give a damn about the scenery. Eliminating such pansy crap from his thoughts, he noticed a shinigami approach them standing with his arms crossed, appearing smug. Zaraki was moments away from explaining when he began speaking.

"Halt! What business do you haveā€¦ oh shit!" Following his one-hit knockout against Yasutora Sado, eighth division third seat Enjouji Tatsufusa's self esteem plummeted to a level beyond pathetic for a shinigami. During the time he spent cowering from eventual battles, he learned a certain technique for such sticky situations.

And confronting Zaraki Kenpachi definitely qualified for said circumstances.

"Saotome Secret Technique: Run Away!" He bolted to the side, never to meet the two highest officers of the eleventh division again.

"Che. The one time I need help and the pansy runs away. This is bullshit." Zaraki grunted, going further inside.

"I think his name's Ladyboy-chan, Ken-chan!" Yachiru explained. While sick to be sure, the small girl had no trouble speaking. Besides, mysteries fascinated her. No matter what, she loved solving them, even if her best solution was giving someone such a blatantly incorrect label.

Zaraki chuckled. It sounded plausible to him.

Taking little time, the pair met with Kyoraku Shunsui and Ise Nanao when Zaraki began explaining the problem. "Everything was normal this morning, but all of a sudden, when Yachiru was biting Ikkaku, she started throwing up."

"He changed his name to Barfy-Baldy!" She exclaimed while nodding. Both Shunsui and Nanao were fairly concerned about how pale she was.

Zaraki continued. "Yeah and he got all pissy, so I kicked the shit out of him. Heh, at least one good thing happened today. Anyways, so Yach-"

"It's Flower-Man!" Yachiru pointed her finger at Shunsui. No one seemed to notice he began sweating.

While he'd grown used to her nicknames, Zaraki didn't waste enough time with Shunsui to know of his bizarre entrances. "Why the hell do ya call 'em Flower-Man?"

Yachiru gasped. "You don't know about his Flower-Man stories Ken-chan?"

He shook his head. How could he? If Zaraki Kenpachi ever met anyone named Flower-Man, he'd beat his ass on principle.

Nanao was also curious. She'd never actually seen her captain interact with the little girl. She had an idea what these stories were about but didn't dare voice her opinion.

No one noticed Shunsui started shaking.

As she began explaining, Yachiru nearly had stars in her eyes.

"It's called Flower-Man's Erotic Adventures! It's about Flower-Man and his amazing adventures, even if I don't get it all. He does stuff with all these groups like the Legion of Ladies, the Bitch Brigade, the Pussy Posse and now Flower-Man's gonna tell me about the Cunt Collective an-mmph!" Her explanation ceased as Zaraki quickly placed his free hand over her mouth.

Wordlessly, the eleventh division captain handed his little pink haired princess over to Nanao. Anyone under vice captain level would've suffocated to death from the incredibly thick tension in the air.

Nanao quickly excused herself, taking Yachiru with her to fourth division. That left the two captains alone.

Zanpakuto sheathed and eye patch gone, Zaraki Kenpachi's reiatsu skyrocketed.

The eight division suffered casualties.

So many casualties.