AN: I don't own the Twilight series and the event that this story is based on is only partially my fault.

Southernisms

Jasper looked mournfully at the chessboard, and then at Alice. "Why did I even agree to do this? " Alice just smiled her perky smile and said "It's because you can't stand to see me unha-"

Just then, Emmett came gliding (a rare and majestic sight, much like seeing salmon swimming upstream) into the room. "Jasper, what does it mean when someone takes someone across someone's knee?"

It took Jasper a moment to sort the question out before answering. "Uh, come again?"

Emmett sighed exasperatedly "I said, what does it mean when you take someone across your knee?"

Ah, that he understood. "It means," said the Texan, now brimming with a southern self-importance, "to give someone a whoopin'." Now it was Emmett's turn to be confused.

"It means to spank someone, Emmett. Spank. Wait, you're from Tennessee. You should know that…" Jasper never got to finish his sentence, for Emmett had already sped off.

"Now, what the devil was that all about?"