Title: Murder Tactics
Date: October 27, 2007
Authoress: Urchin Power
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this story.
Category: Dark Humour
Summary:Seigaku has had enough! Hyotei will stand no more of it! Two rival teams will join forces to tactfully eliminate the Seigaku tensai and the Hyotei diva. [Centred on Fuji and Atobe trying to kill each other
Note: Hello. It's been a while since I've last written. Judging from the summary I gave, the story should be pretty predictable. This is a rather short prologue, but from here on out Atobe and Fuji will do their best to kill the other one off. Isn't that fun? I truly hope that I can get through this story, since I've got a very short mind span and thus have written only one chaptered stories. Please be patient with me and enjoy reading! Feedback is greatly appreciated!
"I got an e-mail back from Tezuka." Oishi Syuichiro announced after a particularly stressful afternoon of tennis practice. A certain Seigaku tensai had thought it cute to dye everyone's club uniforms pink sometime in between morning practice and after school practice, while the certain brunet was supposed to be in class learning of the measurements of triangle and the oh so fabulous possibilities of that particular shape; otherwise known as trigonometry. It didn't end there.
Sometime during the middle of practice, Fuji had mysteriously disappeared and of course didn't return. He probably went off to do tensai things. Regardless, a few minutes after Echizen noted the disappearance of his Fuji-senpai, the sprinklers went off all over the tennis courts spraying not only water, but also bubbles. It would have all looked very pretty and magical in a world of pink uniforms and bubbles, if their upcoming practice match with Hyotei weren't coming up.
… Oh! Almost forgot to mention that Fuji had stolen all the tennis balls before practice had even begun, so they didn't really play or practice at all that day. Momoshiro kind of spent that whole few hours trying to wash the stinging feeling in his eyes after a full frontal assault from the sprinkler. Well instead of tennis balls, Fuji had spent a good year's allowance to replace the yellowish green balls with Furbies. And needless to say, temporary captain Oishi's voice was drowned out by a multitude of: "doo dah"s and "u nee boo boo bah"s and "doo doo da bee boo la la"s.
And so, the Regulars (save for Fuji who was off doing tensai things) slowly crowded around Oishi.
"What did he say?" Momoshiro questioned rather unenthusiastically.
To note: They have nothing against Tezuka. They were just having a horrible day… Well, more of like a past couple days all thanks to a certain someone who was off doing tensai things.
Oishi scanned the letter, clearing his throat, "Dear Oishi and team members, please stop bullying Fuji. I ate scheinehaxen today with apfelstrudel for dessert. Yum yum. Work hard and don't let your guard down."
"Picking on Fujiko?" Kikumaru Eiji complained, "He's the one picking on us! He probably used the whole 'When I close my eyes I see you Tezuka' line." The redhead had mimicked in his best Fuji voice.
"Doo bee da da la bah ka." A furby announced.
"I thought I took out the batteries from all of them." Kawamura frowned.
"Listen, we'll handle this. We've been through worst." Oishi encouraged.
"Not according to my data." Inui protested.
"I'm tired. Can I go home?" Echizen muttered before taking a large gulp from his can of grape Ponta. Six pairs of eyes quickly swivelled over in horror as Echizen let out a chocking sound then collapsed on the floor with a strange liquid bubbling from his mouth.
"Fuji attacks once more." Momoshiro gasped.
"Ahem." Inui coughed burying his face in his notebook, "That one was me."
"Why Inui? Why would you do this to us?" Kikumaru cried.
"I noticed that he wasn't following his calcium milk diet." Inui mumbled.
The group shrugged. It was only Echizen… Right?
"We just haven't tried the right tactic. Everyone has a weakness. We just have to find it." Oishi explained, trying his best to sound relatively hopeful.
"There isn't anything. We tried everything! The teachers are powerless, the principal… I'm not even sure if this school even has a principal! Ryuzaki-sensei laughs, and poisoning him didn't work." Kikumaru cried desperately.
"He even recommended rat poison. He's scary." Momoshiro shuddered.
"He takes different staircases to get to class, like he knows were we station our people to push him down the stairs." Oishi added.
"There's an 80 percent chance he's using the girl's bathroom to avoid our hit men." Inui frowned.
"We even paid Mizuki to flirt with Yuuta." Kawamura grinned sheepishly.
"What happened to that again?" Kikumaru asked, genuinely curious.
"Mizuki was placed in Hasegawa Hospital and was released a few days ago." Inui informed.
"Isn't that an asylum?" Kaidoh questioned.
"Yes." Inui nodded.
"Scary. Scary." Momoshiro shivered.
"We best not mess with Yuuta then." Oishi nodded, "Well, it looks like we're down the creek without a paddle."
"Laps, laps, laps, more laps, his face, laps, and laps." Mukahi Gakuto complained loudly as he sat on a nearby bench in the clubroom and crossed his arms.
"You forgot: laps, his money, laps, laps, how his uniform looks better because he's perfect and his maids use high quality Ore-sama only laundry detergent, laps, laps, and laps." Shishidou added.
"You guys are being too mean." Oshitari sighed, "It's like this: laps, laps, Ore-sama, Oshitari can never compare to Ore-sama's awesome good looks and prowess so drop the fake glasses act, laps, laps, and laps."
"Hey! Don't you have anything to say about this?" Mukahi glared towards Ohtori, then towards Kabaji and back.
"Eh…" Ohtori Choutarou mumbled.
"Order Kabaji around, usu." Kabaji mumbled in his voice that doesn't scare off little children.
"How about you Jirou?" Shishidou growled.
"Yea… I think I speak for Jirou when I say I've had enough of his high and mighty attitude." Mukahi announced.
"Just because he's really rich doesn't mean that rules don't apply to him too. He's also getting really annoying with all this Ore-sama business. Oh! I forgot his fans! They cheer, they chant, they pray to his bubblegum shrine, and they won't shut up and die!" Shishidou complained.
"He's overly dramatic." Oshitari added.
"Overly flamboyant." Mukahi added.
"Overly purple." Shishidou shuddered.
Ohtori gave the group a comforting smile, "At least we have a practice match with Seigaku tomorrow. That should at least give us a break from-"
The clubroom door burst open.
"Ore-sama demands your attention!" Atobe Keigo announced snapping his fingers high up in the air with his arm completely outstretched.
"Yes?" They all questioned dully in monotone.
Atobe's eye twitched and ordered, "More enthusiastically."
"Yes?" They all questioned once more, but with their voice slightly higher pitched.
"Again!" Atobe snapped his fingers.
"Yes?" They all questioned once more, but this time had their eyebrows raised, eyes wide, and voices filled with concern.
Atobe smirked, "I have a problem."
"Really?" Oshitari arched a brow in interest.
There was a dramatic pause.
Atobe sighed, "I don't know what to wear tomorrow."
Mukahi blinked, "Are you stu-"
Oshitari quickly covered up the redhead's mouth with his hand.
"Why don't you just wear the Hyotei tennis uniform?" Shishidou grumbled.
"Hm… But then I'll look like the rest of you. Ore-sama cannot be brought down to your low life level." Atobe scoffed.
Shishidou's eye twitched.
"Well, we should all be matching. Because it's a uniform and… you're our captain." Ohtori hastily jumped into the conversation before his Shishidou-senpai would say something he would later regret.
"Hm. I have a lot to think about tonight." Atobe frowned before leaving the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
"No, we can't murder him." Oshitari reminded the group.
"Yea… He does that freaky eye thing and can tell when something's poisoned, or if someone dug a very deep hole in the middle of the tennis court and covered it up with a layer of leaves." Shishidou complained.
"Well, it's not like we can't murder him. We just haven't found the right murder tactic yet. (Hey! That's the title to this story!) We should just stick our minds together and come up with something better." Mukahi sighed.
"I can't wait to see Fuji-kun tomorrow!" Jirou slurred, as he rolled into a more comfortable position and fell back asleep.
"That's good for you." Mukahi rolled his eyes.
"Hey! I say we rig the tires to the bus, so we get into a giant accident on our way to Seigaku tomorrow." Shishidou gasped as his own ingenious idea.
"… Then we'll all die." Oshitari frowned.
"Right…" Shishidou sighed.
"How about we just take the day off tomorrow. Ore-sama will be too busy focusing his freaky eye thing and attention those Seigaku brats that he'll lessen the stupidness on us. Then the day after we'll all be refreshed and can come up with a great plan to kill him off." Hiyoshi Wakashi suggested.
"Who are you again?" Mukahi blinked.
"Yea… I don't think I've seen you around." Oshitari frowned.
"It's me. Hiyoshi Wakashi. I played against Echizen Ryoma at the Seigaku-Hyotei match." Hiyoshi explained.
"Oh… you." Mukahi grinned unsurely.
"We remember… you." Shishidou also grinned, tilting his head slightly to one side.
"Good work on what you're doing and have been working on… you." Oshitari encouraged, nodding his head slowly.
"You all still don't remember who I am right? And can't even find the effort to call me by my name even though I said it seconds ago." Hiyoshi glared.
"No, no. It's nothing like that! We would never forgot your name and who you are… you." Ohtori chuckled nervously.
"That's right!" Shishidou nodded, "We value… you."To Be Continued
Ending Notes: From this point, I honestly don't know how many chapters I will come up with. So, I'll try my best to update weekly… biweekly… triweekly? (at most) and see you all next time! I swear it will get better!! I hope you all had fun reading! By the way, Echizen is not dead.