Vicky Pollard goes to the cinema

TomV/O: There are many places in Britain where people like to hang out. In the rough town of Darkly noone, land of the chavs, Chav queen Vicky pollard is off the the cinema. I'd go myself but I'm far too much a couch potatoe.

Vicky pollard is entering the cinema and walks up to the ticket booth.

"Yes love?" the man behind the booth asks. "One for the new HALLOWEEN movie" Vicky states, giving the man some money.

"This film is rated 18 and you don't look 18 to me love" the man explains sternly.

"Ooooooooooooooh my god I so cannot believe you just said that, I am like well 18 because I just celebrated my 18th birthday yesterday and I had this wild party down at farmer frank's field and I got off with this lad who I don't even fancy and anyways Kelly smith reckons she done it with Johnny depp but don't listen to her because everybody knows she's a total lezzer". The ticket man looks dumbfounded.

"Well do you have a birth certificate proving your 18?" he asks.

"Yeah I carry it everywhere I go to prove that I'm 18 you total pervert". She reaches into her pocket and shows him a birth certificate that looks like she made it herself.

"This is fake, you made it yourself" the man explains looking serious.

"No I didn't" Vicky replies looking guilty.

"Get out, you're wasting my time" the man says angrilly.

"Don't worry I was going anyway because this cinema is well gay because Rebecca hanson said she went to see a film here and she claimed that one of the sercurity guards tried to get off with her and anyways don't listen to her because everybody knows she done it with a donkey". The man looks at Vicky, waiting.

"Alright I'm going. God this place is well gay" she heads to the exit and picks up a large bag of malteasers as she passes a snacks shelve. The man raises his eyebrow at her.

"What, I don't even want it". she tosses the bag of malteasers onto the road outside where a lorry runs over them. Vicky gives the ticket man the finger then walks off.


Vicky pollard-Matt lucas

Ticket man-David Walliams