Title: Hidden Inside
Author: Ninja Rose
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Naruto characters, nor the plotline.
How long had I watched you? How long had I yearned for… this? This moment, right here, with you pressed so close we can barely breathe?
You probably don't even notice how shallow my breaths are coming, or you're thinking that it's claustrophobia.
It isn't, it isn't, it isn't. It's you, and the stupid thing is, you don't even realize it. Or, if you do… you're a sick bastard, because you're teasing me, because this wouldn't happen if you had known.
Or maybe I'm the bastard, for pushing you into this, and acting... acting like a lovesick fool.
And either way, I'm going to blame myself, because I know I could never blame you. You're beautiful… and I can't blame you. For being beautiful? I'm a terrible talker, especially when I'm in love.
We're going to be stuck here for a while, I think. And… you don't even look scared. I probably do. You're the kind of guy who just fights and fights and fights. You're persistent. That's why you're not scared. But I attack from afar. I have others do the fighting for me. Does that mean I'm weak? You'd use all of your chakra just to take down a foe. And me? I think I'd probably run away if I was losing. Unless it was a girl.
I hate girls. I hate any kind of girl. And, the first time I saw you, I thought you were a girl. And look at where we are now. We're trapped, in this tiny space, waiting for a bunch of kids to come kill us.
And you're not even nervous. You're just grinning, and telling me this is stupid, and Pein's going to be pissed, and I just act like I don't care. Because I know eventually we're going to run out of air, and you're going to be the one who dies from lack of oxygen, and I have to watch you die.
Because, for me, breathing is just a reflex. A stupid, unnecessary reflex. Like me loving you… it's a reflex. And it's stupid.
I finally say that we're never going to get out of here alive. You just agree… smile and agree, like dying would be the best thing in the world. And somehow, I agree too. We're both freaks… we're not like normal people. Although, I could've made better choices… you just had to live with it. Am I the unlucky one, then, that I chose to carve out my own heart and put it in a case in my chest and be like this? Am I just stupid?
Yes. Yes, I'm stupid. In so many ways. But, then again, maybe I'm smart, because if I hadn't done that, then I wouldn't have been able to make others into puppets so well. And then I wouldn't have become a criminal. And then I wouldn't have met you. Or, maybe, fate would've brought us together anyway.
Because, deep down, I know we're made for each other.
I don't think our genders matter. We understand each other, under the arguments and the various forms I take… I know we understand each other. And it's better, I think, if we're both men, because then neither of us will get cranky every 28 days, or want to buy jewelry, or cry about how we just don't UNDERSTAND how we feel, because we're both of the same race, and the same gender, and we'll know exactly what we're thinking, because we'll probably be thinking that too.
At least, I hope that's how it works. I only live around wooden figures, so I wouldn't know. I hope that's how it works.
It's been a half hour now, and I can see the torment on your face. I hope to God that Pein knows where we are, and is sending someone for help. If it's Hidan… well, I don't care if he laughs. I don't care if he teases. I just want you to live. I just want you to live, Deidara, because… I don't think I could go on if you die.
Would you be able to live without me? What if I died? You laugh, and you say, that you'd love it if I died, because you'd know that your art would be the champion. Is that how you really feel? Would you mock me if I was gone? No, no. I don't think you would. You would cry, at least a little bit. Because you know that none of the other Akatsuki really knows what art is about. And you'd also cry because we're friends. You say friendly rivals. Isn't it the same thing?
Did your parents love you? Mine never loved me. And, I know it sounds cliché. I don't cry about it… I never cried about it. I just lived with it, and sometimes, when we're traveling, I hear you crying. Just a bit. And I want to know why, so I can comfort you. And understand you. I hate it when you cry, even though I never see you, I just hear you. And it still makes me sad.
I don't want anyone, or anything, to make you cry. I want to be here for you. But, at the rate things are going, I don't think it'll matter.
It's been an hour. You're breathing just as hard as I am. But, every five minutes, you just look at me and give me a thumbs-up. Do your palm mouths breathe? Or, are they like me, a mouth with no lungs? I mean… your arms have been ripped off so many times, you'd think they wouldn't work after a while.
But they do. They just keep blowing things up, they keep making your art, just as I keep hiding my love away, locking it in me, and hoping you won't notice.
Why do I think you won't notice? Is it because you're blond? I am the type to judge like that. Don't say I'm not, because I do. I judge people. Like, when I saw you, I only thought that you were a poser. How could you love art? Nobody in this world, nobody understands art. But you… you loved art. And how we would argue, for hours, about art… I finally realized that you loved art too. And the way you called me your danna, your ruler, your king. The way you smiled every time I cleaned my puppets, that adorable puppy eye look every time I brought back a new scroll about art from my missions, collecting bounties. And the way I would treat your art… throwing it on the ground… just because I knew that if I treated you kindly, then we would both love each other… and somehow, I just didn't feel like you should love me back. I felt like this love, this burden, should be mine alone.
I hid my intentions behind "I hate your art" and "It doesn't compare to mine". And you got angry, sure. But you never stopped calling me your danna.
Thank you. I thank you for that.
Even now, as your eyes close, and you're whispering that it was my fault that we were in here, that dying little grin of yours means I know you don't mean it. Oh, please, Deidara, stay awake just a little longer. Even though you're so beautiful when you're asleep… I want you to keep breathing and stay awake.
Just till someone arrives.
Damn this heart. Damn that fact that it beats long after everyone elses has stopped. I search your pockets for a kunai, I cannot take much more of this.
I take careful aim. No, if you die... I will not stay here, and wait for someone to find us. I take careful aim. Only now do I hear footsteps, and I don't give a damn, becuase you are dead. And then, you surprise me. Like you've done so many times before. Surprise. Your hand curls gently around my wrist, and you pull my arm down.
"Save your breath." I whisper.
And you're sitting up, shaking your head, and the footsteps are coming closer, and then...
Light. Bright light. And you're kissing me, right in front of Zetzu and Tobi. And I have no idea why I'm not pushing you away. I don't care anymore.
I don't care about anything. Just you, Deidara. Just you, my love, my beautiful blond Deidara.