I'm not dead yet! 8D
But I am truly sorry for my laziness. I was supposed to update this a lot earlier. I wonder if anybody even remembers this story?
Oh, do you know what time is it now? Yes, you're right! It's the


I have gotten a new fandom– I don't really read Naruto manga and fics anymore, which means I have nothing to motivate me writing.
I'm busy reading other people's written porn, instead of writing it myself.
I forgot what did I want to write next. I have some scenes in my head, but holy shitfuckdamn, they are too far away from the actual story timeline!

But then a magical thunder struck into my head and made me realise I should continue this. Even if for the lulz, I still have to. And I have a feeling SasoDei is starting to have a love deficit, omfg! D: Which means – TOMATO TO THE RESCUEEEE!

So yeah, like, if you weren't scared by this A/N, you're welcome to read the actual chapter under all this bullcrap! 8D

What a splendid pie,
Pizza pizza pie
Every minute, every second
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

A small ray of sun made its way through the vacuum, wide space of nothing, ozone layer, clouds, successfully avoiding a bird, just to lighten up a spot through the dirty glass framed in wood, where a peacefully sleeping blonde was located. Yes, this small ray of sun, it was sent out just to lighten up this room, to make this person open its eyes, yawn, smile at the bright sun outside.
But this small ray of sun wasn't aware of one fact.
The sun colored hair owner wasn't happy whenever he heard his wake up alarm nor when sun shone in his closed eyes.

"AH, DAMNIT, UN! THAT FUCKING SUN! BUUURN!" Deidara yelled out as soon as he felt light in his eyes, switching to his other side in order not to feel the presence of morning. His yell didn't stop the wake up alarm sound, though.

Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy!
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie.

Deidara, who was now absorbed into his secret base made of pillows and duvet, groaned and tried to dive in deeper, yet he failed, since he felt the burningly cold rail of bed pressed in his face.

"I hate you," the sleepy-head sent a glare full of hatred to the rail, which answered the same, since it showed a deformed reflection.

It still didn't make his wake up alarm shut up.

The cacophony of cat's great vocal skills and the previosuly heard melody wasn't a good combination either.

Need theraMEOW, theMEOWpy.

"Great, even Milk-chan hates me," Deidara surrendered by falling out of his bed, covered in his blankets, and crawling to his half-dead mobile phone in order to switch the annoying song off. He rolled out of his secret base then and looked at calendar with his puffy, not fully awakened eyes. As he was staring at the calendar and circled "6", his unamused facial expression changed. Dramatically. When he repeatedly looked at his alarm, which surprisingly enough functioned as a clock too, his eyes looked as about to pop out.

At first, Deidara was surprised because the 6 doubled for the first seconds which made it look like 69 together, making him think of that hot porn with those kinky lesbian chicks he had rented yesterday.

At the second thought, he remembered, that April 6 is the start of school. Which was kind of bad, because he had to dress up as a girl. With a freshly formed erection between her legs.
Just what he had needed!

When he had put on the skirt Itachi wanted him to wear on his first school day, Deidara heard a, "Damn, if I could clone my other self as a girl, I'd totally bang myself all night long!" in his head, which really didn't help a bit to his erection.

"Fuck all of this, un!" he almost cried seeing the visible bulge form more notice-able in his crotch area, making the skirt feel tighter than it already was.

At this moment he had three choices:

Option No. 1 – get to school on time with his erection pressing uncomfortably.
Option No.2 – get to school late, but at least getting rid of the hardness.
Option No.3 – fap off on his way to school! If the place is full of many people, then this action gets bonus points!

Nobody understood why did Deidara ditch the third option at the moment he thought of it, yet he did it. But he didn't realize that by doing so, he leaded himself to a very hard choice.

'If I'll get there on time, it will be the worst experience in my life. Ever. But I won't be late and it will be really a good thing, and I will see where should I sit and so. But if I'm staying here, it will be rude from me and I will be black-listed. And I will have to make a clay-bird in order not to get late, but if I do so, I'm paranoid someone will see what they don't need to see from beneath. Damn. Both of them seem full of flaws.'

Deidara sighed. He took his mobile phone and asked out loud, "Should I go to class now?"

After that he wrote 'yes' after he had written 'no' in mobile phone google version.

Results 1 - 10 of about 748,000,000 for yes.

Results 1 - 10 of about 7,160,000,000 for no.

"Why thank you, google," Deidara rolled his eyes as he was walking towards his door for department.

"Let's just hope the storm will calm down."

- - - -

And much to Deidara's irony, it didn't. Who would have known that everywhere were interesting advertisements, couples, which didn't mind other around them or girls with clothing seductive enough, to make the poor teen flush deeper by every second and try to hide his poor manliness behind those slightly sweaty palms? Now Deidara understood why all old ladies had yelled out that "NOW EVERYTHING IS ONLY SEX-THEMED" or that "IN THIS SOCIETY NOTHING IS INNOCENT". Now he was truly aware of that too.

"Okay, all I need to do is just cover my crotch area. It won't be that bad, un. The first day is about introducing each other and stuff, it's usually quick," Deidara said out loud and covered his mouth immediately at the moment he had said the previous line. Carefully looking around he stated calmly that nobody had heard that.

Or so he thought.

- - - -

"So, as the rumors have spread around, we have new student in our class," the teacher, a man in his thirties with bandaged left leg, said. Looking in direction of doors, he said in louder voice, "You may come in!"

Deidara inhaled the scent of school corridor and brushed one strand behind his ear. 'This better not fail,' he smiled to himself bitterly, remembering this morning's small incident as he let the door slide open.

"Hello," he grunted with an irritated look on his face. "Name is Deidara and I…"

Deidara quickly shut up.

'Wait, something is wrong. Something is really wrong. Usually when a cute chick enters classroom guys are like "WOAH~ WHAT A CUTE GIRL" or so, but here, it is different. Why is it so? Do I look that much as a guy? Is it because I have no boobs? Wait, does it mean I'll have to wear some bra or something? Shitting fuckdamn, the guys in this class are sick!'

The blonde furrowed his look even more, when he heard a quiet whisper, "Hey, this girl has awfully low voice."

"Yeah, doesn't she?"

"It almost sounds like it's a guy."

"Oh! How gross!"

"Shut up, Izumi, cross dressers are cute!"

"Haha, I bet Sasori thinks so too!"

"Shut up!" another irritated voice owner, just like Deidara's.

The teen standing in front of class scratched his head, "Oh, why do I have a feeling that I have heard this name before, un…"

When his eyes traveled to the said 'Sasori', he almost fainted. That just… That couldn't be true.

"Class! Be quiet! You're making the new student feel uncomfortable!" He turned his head to Deidara and tried to motion him to go on, which was interrupted by Deidara's pointing at Sasori and his loud "YOU AGAIN!!!"


Looking at all the awkward aura which floated in the classroom, all it needed was a cicadas' chirring. It would make a perfect confused scene.

The blonde rubbed his face lightly, coughed silently and, despite his previous movement, forced a slight smile, "I'm… I'm sorry, my voice was hoarse, I have had had a cold recently, I needed to... yell out a little bit, yeah. I haven't told any of you that my fingers sometimes don't move unless I exercise them a little, that too. You know, exercising is very good for your health!"

"…so then, yeah, hello everyone again. My name is Iwa Deidara and I'm coming from The Rock Village, un. I have lived all of my life here, so coming to The Leaf Village is a brand new experience to me."

Before continuing, Deidara looked over the class quickly. There sure wasn't any talk about manly voice now! Now it was just a simple a talk about his loud voice and something between him and Sasori! Great! Deidara felt like an attention whore in spite of not wanting any of this attention. At all.

"I'm… interested in art and my hobby is making clay figures. I could say I'm an artist, not a very skilled one but I do try, un."

With those last words Deidara bowed and looked at the teacher and all desks located at the classroom with a very confused look. Just as confused look teacher and other people in the class had.

"It seems that you know Akasuna Sasori. You may sit next to him then," the oldest man in the group blinked and pushed Deidara towards an old desk, decorated with swearing and texts like "ITACHI CAN'T GET LAID", which burned an amused expression in Deidara's face for a long, long time.

The next three hours were more toned down. Apart from some questions from girls , like how does Deidara have such a smooth skin or shiny hair or other questions from guys, is she singleor what movie would Deidara want to see at cinema, nothing interesting occurred. For example, Sasori wasn't either speaking or trying to speak to the tall blonde. Hell, he wasn't even looking at him! Deidara shifted his eyes many times that day, no response. Strange. Had he really taken offense from that day in the bus? The curious one decided to settle all this after lessons.

- - - -

"Sasori! Sasori, un!"

"Sasori, wait!"

"Saaaasooooriiiiiiiii," Deidara extended every sound he could as loud as possible. Maybe that could let the other one hear him?

The called teen shivered at his locker, putting some old, dusty and probably weird books in his bag. He sighed slightly, arranged his front strands in a neat order as unnoticeable as he could and turned over to Deidara, who was already annoyed by Sasori's ignorance.

"It's Akasuna to you."

The other one cocked his eyebrow up, "Akasuna? Oh please, dude, we know each other already. I mean, it's okay for guys calling each other in their…"

Deidara paused slowly,



" …un."

It was Sasori's time to cock his eyebrow, "Guys. Guys. Well, I don't know about you, but you really look like a girl to me. Unless you have thought you are a gay guy inside or something has changed the last time you went to toilet."

"Both of them sound wrong, un!" Deidara whined back to Sasori, though those idea's made him chuckle inside.

"Either way, why haven't you talked to me?"

Sasori grinned slightly, "Oh, so you're so tempted to talk to me? Could it be that you have fallen for me?"
The bitter laugh at the end didn't make all this line better.

"Oh please, it's not like that… It was… business. Yeah. You know I owe some money to you, un!" Deidara bit his lip as trying to get out of this awkward situation, which made him re-think why was he so tempted to talk to Sasori indeed.

"And I don't like the feeling when I owe something. Once I get my payment, I'll repay you that ticket. Is that fine?"

Sasori, who had packed all things in his bag and closed his locker, waved his hand in the I-don't-mind-the-either-way manner. "You don't have to repay it though. Don't worry about that."

With those words Sasori looked back to Deidara the last time and walked out of the hallway, leaving the confused blonde in the middle of it.

A hard month, Deidara had seen it coming. But not this kind of hard.

"Where have I gotten myself into…" Deidara sighed, looking at those doors Sasori had used to get out of this building.

Your own fault, Dei, for wanting to squeeze your ass into chick's clothing though!

I eat comments for dinner.