Note: I hereby promise that none of you
will ever, ever find a RENT fic as ridiculous as this one.
Luck, my friends…
Mimi? Fess up. When was the last time?"
Mimi groaned, and blushed profoundly,
avoiding eye contact with Maureen.
not really obliged to answer this, am
"Yes!" All six voices chimed in, pushing the
helpless victim to confess. Mimi groaned
again, before sighing and focusing on the ground, picking at the carpet with
came the mumbled reply from the red, squirming creature leaned against
"What?" Maureen asked, leaning in to hear
better. "Speak up, girl, we can't hear
head snapped up. Her eyes flashed. "I said, THREE YEARS!!"
thunder pealed outside, sending a slight shudder through the dim, candle-lit
loft. Rain pounded on the makeshift
roof, and the wind howled.
was a dark and stormy night…
we're not getting into that.
silence continued, until…
burst out laughing, falling over to his side on the floor, quickly joined by
the other occupants of the room. Mimi let
out a frail giggle herself, falling over against a hysterical Roger, burying
her red face into his shoulder.
don't believe it! THREE YEARS!! That is some willpower!! How could you possibly wait that long?!"
giggled, shrugging. "I don't know. I guess I just haven't been ready to…let it
it tempting, though?" JoAnne was
nodded, trying to calm down. "Sure it
is. But we can't always give into
temptation. I mean, it's called
self-control. I have to wait until I
know that I'm ready, and that I won't regret it afterwards. Then, when I find someone special…" she took a deep breath, as if speaking the
words was affirming it:
I'll cut my hair."
group giggled once again, taking various sips of hot cocoa and munching on the
many popcorn bowls lying around. Just
after attending one of Rogers' band gigs, the group had walked out of CBGB's
right as it started to pour. Drenched, soaked,
dripping and cold, they ran back to the loft to wait it out before heading home
to their separate apartments. It wasn't
long before they were all lying around the living room drying off and playing
the long treasured childhood game of "Truth."
Roger and Mimi sat together on the floor, Maureen and JoAnne shared one
armchair while Mark occupied the other, and Angel and Collins were snuggling
together on the couch.
they pretty much weren't a part of the fun, cuz they were kindof in the middle
of their own little game: nuzzling under a blanket, laughing, whispering, and,
of course, lip locking.
one seemed to mind.
grinned, and grabbed another handful of chips.
"Okay, enough torturing Mimi.
Me! My turn!" Mark raised his hand giddily, but directing
his attention to no particular person.
"Actually, my question isn't for just one person, it's for ALL of you."
collective "Ooooooooo…" emerged from the group. Mark grinned wickedly.
he said, brushing the cheese crumbs off his hands. "No lies. Starting with
Maureen and JoAnne."
Pause. JoAnnes' eyebrows rose.
many…times a week…do you two engage…in the sexual act?"
the group exploded in gasps and laughs.
Even busy boys Collins and Angel tore themselves out of their little
world (and from under the blanket) to stare in shock at the situation. Maureen gave a sexy wink, and JoAnnes' face
turned into an expression of dear-in-headlights shock.
am NOT answering that!" Her voice
cracked with hysteria.
"Hey!!! That's not an option! You HAVE to answer!"
wrapped her arms around JoAnne, pulling her close. "C'mon, pookie! We can
"Maureen! I am not going to—"
times a week!"
"MAUREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" JoAnne roared.
group exploded once again in laughter, Mark no longer able to speak. Mimi and Roger howled. Maureen grinned widely. JoAnne hid her face in her hands.
and Collins, still holding each other close, gave one another a look, and
stared in bewilderment at the couple.
mean…that's all?" Angel's voice was filled with wonder.
the more active players of the games' laughter died down. They stared back, eyes wide.
what do you mean, 'that's all?!' Three
times a week is a great sex life!"
Angel and Collins exchanged yet another 'look,' then simply nodded, wondered.
"Oh…" Collins voice was small, but that was no
surprise. Collins was very shy. Horribly shy. Just talking about this subject would tie his tongue right
up. He simply blushed, then went back to
leaning his head on his loves' shoulder, his long dreadlocks falling over
it. Angel planted a kiss on the top of
the dark head and propped up against the arm of the couch, both men now showing
more interest in the game.
group exchanged confused gazes, and then continued.
and Mimi. Come on. Fess up."
and Roger, shy about the confession, yet still at the same time more willing to
cooperate, simply looked at each other, sighed, then directed their gaze back
4 times a week," she answered dryly, awaiting the beating.
she got none. Mark nodded in approval,
his eyebrows raised. JoAnne, slightly
recovered from her humiliation, made an expression that clearly showed she was
impressed. Maureen pouted at being
and Collins exchanged yet another look and stared at them incredulously.
friends turned their heads in their direction.
"Only four times? In a whole week?" Angel seemed
completely shocked. Collins blushed,
and stroked Angels' soft hair.
love, I really don't think…"
no, of course not, I was just…yanno, wow…that…that really isn't a lot, that's
all." He finished uncomfortably, in a
rather small voice, realizing that he might just be getting himself into a
rather sticky situation.
only he knew…
group exchanged bewildered glances, eyebrows raised. Marks' mouth dropped open.
do you mean, only four times a
week? Fuck, if I was gettin it four
times a week I'd never complain about anything ever again!"
blushed, and smiled sheepishly. "No,
nothing, never mind. Just…forget I even
said anything." He gazed down at his
lap, tracing the pattern in his dress with his finger, Collins' own still
running through the long strands of his wig.
Mark grinned evilly as an idea struck him.
He grinned wickedly at Roger, who grinned wickedly at Mimi, who grinned
wickedly at JoAnne, who grinned wickedly at Maureen.
was still pouting, but grinned wickedly anyway.
Mark said slyly, the grin still lingering on his face. "Then, you two. How many times do YOU two…well…" he trailed off. Talking about sex with Maureen and JoAnne or
Roger and Mimi was one thing, but it was well known among the group that
Collins and Angel liked to keep their personal life private, and believed that
it was nobody's business but their own.
it on?" Mimi, completely blunt as usual,
raised one eyebrow.
eyes widened into huge saucers. His
whole face went red and his gaze shot to the floor. Angel gasped and his mouth dropped open.
"What?" Her eyes pouted, and she folded her
arms. "Hey, we told you about us!"
we certainly didn't force you to! You
know we don't give out personal details like that."
c'mon Angel, I'm not asking you to tell me what POSITIONS you use! We just wanna know how often! It's not THAT drastic!" She laughed heartily, the groups' grins
developing into whispered giggles as they chimed in on the persuading.
"C'mon! You can tell us! It's no big deal!"
up. You're not allowed to back down!"
lost for words, turned to look at Collins.
The teacher, still red as a rose, shrugged timidly. Angel sighed, defeated.
how often, and not a SINGLE detail more than that!"
held up her hands. "Did I ASK for more
long pause. Collins stared down at the
floor, his long dreadlocks hiding his face, before Angel sighed once again.
he spat out quickly, then fell into the couch face down.
Once a DAY?
was a dead silence.
sounds of wonder filled the room.
"Fuck! A little frisky there, aren't we?"
I knew you LOVED each other, but THIS is…"
and Collins both stared at the ground, their faces flaming, smiling sheepishly.
"Damn!" JoAnne stated, dazed. "Where do you guys find the TIME?"
men shot her a look.
really!" She insisted, not taking the
hint. "I mean, Angel, okay, you're a
musician, so you work when you want.
But Collins is at school all day, and sometimes not home until
late! So, like…when?"
laughed, and, before even realizing what he was doing, blurted out, "JoAnne,
honey, you act like 'at home' and 'in the bedroom' is the only place to do it!"
he realized what he said, and clapped one hand over his mouth. Collins head shot up, his eyes once again
saucer wide. He turned to Angel in
agony and nudged him slightly. Angel
shot him an apologetic look.
the group was delighted at all these little secrets they were learning.
HA!" Roger cried, his green eyes
smoldering with mischief. "So! We learn not only do they do it every DAY,
they do it every WHERE!!!"
the laughter, Angel moaned and face palmed.
stroked his hair in comfort, then through the humiliation, groaned. "Look, Roger…it's really no big deal. Okay.
So we're…active. It's very
healthy, actually. Personally," he
grinned slightly, his nose red, "I think you guys are jealous."
laughed again. "I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't a little."
folded his arms, slumping back into the chair, exasperated. "Yeah, well, I am a LOT!"
poor baby," Mimi grinned, nestling back against Roger.
glared at her, then sighed. "Yeah,
well, Christ, you guys gotta give me credit, there is NO ONE HERE who can last
longer without a good fuck than me."
disagree there," Maureen murmured.
JoAnne nudged her quiet.
"Hey! I went a pretty long time without it before
I met Mimi!" Roger stated
was awhile, before I started dating Maureen,"
JoAnne offered. "Don't give up
smirked, then, with a tinge of laughter to his voice, "Yeah, I guess we're all
pretty strong. I guess that if we HAD
to go without it, we could…well, most of us, that is." He snorted.
"We certainly know who couldn't!" He tossed a look in Collins and Angels'
heads turned towards the helpless couple, and roaring laughter followed the
silence. Angels' mouth dropped open and
Collins glanced at him with an "oh-my-god-we-are-so-stupid-why-the-hell-did-we-even-have-to-open-our-mouths"
eyes smoldered, and he stood up, sticking his hands on his hips. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"
Angel, no, wait," Collins stood up and gently took his arm. "I don't think we should get ourselves any
deeper into this than we already are.
Don't get upset, they're just joking."
But his cheeks were still flaming red.
"No! I am offended! I want to know what he meant by that." He stared at Mark, folding his arms.
c'mon Angel, you know perfectly well what I meant! Admit it! You two couldn't
last three days without fucking each
others' brains out!"
flushed, and his mouth dropped open in an astonishment equal to Angels'.
second thought, my Angel, go ahead.
laughed incredulously, throwing his head back.
really," Mark, barely able to speak, nodded his head.
regarded him evenly, a sly smile creeping onto his red-painted lips.
really are SO sure about that?" He ran
his tongue over his teeth with a cocky air.
stood up to meet the drag queens attitude.
"Yes. I am quite sure about
was a moment of silence as Angel and Mark regarded each other with a rather "bring
it on" air.
to make that interesting?" Angels'
silky voice broke the silence. Marks'
smile dropped off his face.
here you are, so sure about your prediction.
So…why don't we put it to the test?"
immediately seeing where this was going, reached out to Angel.
baby? Don't you think that maybe…we
should discuss this together?"
will! Just give me a second," Angel
responded, talking to Collins but not breaking eye contact with Mark. "Well Mark, what do you say? Willing to stand by your statement?"
was stunned for a moment, before folding his arms across his own chest. He smiled cockily.
how much we talkin?"
my Angel?" Collins was starting to look
a second, sweetie," Angel responded, heading over towards Mark. "Okay.
Here's the deal. If Collins and
I can go five consecutive days, starting tomorrow, Monday, going to Friday,
without making love…then you owe us fifty bucks."
eyes shot open wide. FIVE
DAYS WITHOUT MAKING LOVE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
my love?" His voice cracked. Maureen, JoAnne, Mimi and Roger watched the
display wide eyed, awaiting Marks' response.
50 bucks?!" Mark scoffed. "That's nothing."
winced slightly at the thought of giving up 100 dollars of his well-needed
flow, but nodded his head firmly. "Done."
Ah hell, it's COLLINS and ANGEL! They couldn't even keep their hands off each other for five
minutes, they won't last more than 24 hours, tops!
smiled. "Okay, Ang. 100 dollars if you win. However, if _I_ win, you two owe me 100.
Not just the fifty. The same amount
I would end up owing you."
smiled, and nodded definitively. "Done."
looked as though he was being tortured.
Angel, sweetie, I really think that—"
a second, my love," Angel responded, shooing him away. Collins, defeated, looked on in dread.
"Now. The terms," Angel smirked. "We can do anything we'd like, EXCEPT the
actual sexual act. This means that we
can kiss, hug, cuddle, etc, all that stuff, as long as we don't go all the
way. The only thing that counts is
actual intercourse. Okay?"
nodded. "Fair enough. However, I need proof. How will I know that you two aren't really
having sex when we're not around?" The
others murmured in agreement.
nodded. "Before we leave here tonight,
Collins and I will give you our solemn word that we will not cheat. At all.
AND, if we do, we will swear to confess it at the end of the week, before
you give us the money—"
before YOU give ME the money," Mark added.
nodded. "Or before we give you the
money, so that it's fair. You know us
Mark, if we did cheat, we'd admit it.
You can trust us to keep our promise.
During the day we'll be with you, so you'll be keeping an eye on us. Plus, we want to prove to you guys we can do
it. So we wouldn't cheat. Okay?"
He looked at Mark evenly, welcoming confrontation. The group stared at the scenario in awe.
looked skeptical, but nodded. "All
right. I guess I'll just have to trust
smiled. "Oh, don't worry. You can.
So we have a deal?"
Nonononononononononononononononononononono!!!!!!!!! Collins thought, agonized.
my Angel?" he squeaked, tugging on
Angels' sleeve. Angel ignored him,
staring into Marks' eyes mischievously.
moment, then Mark stuck out his hand. "Deal."
eyes twinkling, stuck out his own hand to lay in Marks'.
gasped in horror. NOOOOO!
group, who had been holding their breath, let out a collection of shocked
sighs, and the murmuring that was heard quickly turned to laughter. Angel and Mark grinned at each other,
dropping the "tough guy" attitudes.
They hugged briefly, and Angel smiled wide.
condition I forgot to state: no matter who wins, we don't let it affect our
grinned and nodded. "Of course we won't. But, uh, Angel?"
think there is someone behind you who is in desperate need of reassurance." He pointed in Collins' direction, whose face
was frozen with an unbelievable look of horror.
winced slightly, and leaned up to gently kiss the petrified Collins on the
forehead. "Don't worry about it, my
love. This won't be hard at all! It's not like you can't touch me at ALL, we
just need to take a little break from the bedroom. We can show these guys.
Okies!! Yeah, that was a long one, I know. My very first chapter fic!! ISN'T IT SO COMPLETELY STUPID!!! But I just can imagine Collins and Angel
being very sexually active, so yanno, when bored people and bad, bad thoughts
get mixed together…you get an unbelievably horrible story like said fanfic
above! Yes, I do know where this is
going. I don't really think it'll be
more than four or five chapters (one for each day of the bet). This was my first attempt at humor, so yanno…be
kind! And if you feel sorry for Collins
and Angel NOW…be warned. It gets
worse. ^_~ (laughs evilly) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!