Authors' Note: I hereby promise that none of you will ever, ever find a RENT fic as ridiculous as this one

Authors' Note:  I hereby promise that none of you will ever, ever find a RENT fic as ridiculous as this one. 

Good Luck, my friends…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, Mimi?  Fess up.  When was the last time?"

Mimi groaned, and blushed profoundly, avoiding eye contact with Maureen.

"I'm not really obliged to answer this, am I?"

"Yes!"  All six voices chimed in, pushing the helpless victim to confess.  Mimi groaned again, before sighing and focusing on the ground, picking at the carpet with her fingernails.

"Thyrs," came the mumbled reply from the red, squirming creature leaned against Roger. 

"What?"  Maureen asked, leaning in to hear better.  "Speak up, girl, we can't hear ya!"

Mimi's head snapped up.  Her eyes flashed.  "I said, THREE YEARS!!"

Silence.

CRASH!!!!

The thunder pealed outside, sending a slight shudder through the dim, candle-lit loft.  Rain pounded on the makeshift roof, and the wind howled. 

It was a dark and stormy night…

No, we're not getting into that.

The silence continued, until…

Mark burst out laughing, falling over to his side on the floor, quickly joined by the other occupants of the room.  Mimi let out a frail giggle herself, falling over against a hysterical Roger, burying her red face into his shoulder.

"I don't believe it!  THREE YEARS!!  That is some willpower!!  How could you possibly wait that long?!"

Mimi giggled, shrugging.  "I don't know.  I guess I just haven't been ready to…let it go."

"Isn't it tempting, though?"  JoAnne was marveled.

Mimi nodded, trying to calm down.  "Sure it is.  But we can't always give into temptation.  I mean, it's called self-control.  I have to wait until I know that I'm ready, and that I won't regret it afterwards.  Then, when I find someone special…"  she took a deep breath, as if speaking the words was affirming it:

"THEN I'll cut my hair."

The group giggled once again, taking various sips of hot cocoa and munching on the many popcorn bowls lying around.  Just after attending one of Rogers' band gigs, the group had walked out of CBGB's right as it started to pour.  Drenched, soaked, dripping and cold, they ran back to the loft to wait it out before heading home to their separate apartments.  It wasn't long before they were all lying around the living room drying off and playing the long treasured childhood game of "Truth."  Roger and Mimi sat together on the floor, Maureen and JoAnne shared one armchair while Mark occupied the other, and Angel and Collins were snuggling together on the couch.

But they pretty much weren't a part of the fun, cuz they were kindof in the middle of their own little game: nuzzling under a blanket, laughing, whispering, and, of course, lip locking.

No one seemed to mind.

Maureen grinned, and grabbed another handful of chips.  "Okay, enough torturing Mimi.  Who's next?"

"Ooo!  Ooo!  Me!  My turn!"  Mark raised his hand giddily, but directing his attention to no particular person.  "Actually, my question isn't for just one person, it's for ALL of you."

A collective "Ooooooooo…" emerged from the group.  Mark grinned wickedly.

"Okay," he said, brushing the cheese crumbs off his hands.  "No lies.  Starting with Maureen and JoAnne."

Pause.  JoAnnes' eyebrows rose.

"How many…times a week…do you two engage…in the sexual act?"

Immediately, the group exploded in gasps and laughs.  Even busy boys Collins and Angel tore themselves out of their little world (and from under the blanket) to stare in shock at the situation.  Maureen gave a sexy wink, and JoAnnes' face turned into an expression of dear-in-headlights shock.

"I am NOT answering that!"  Her voice cracked with hysteria.

"Hey!!!  That's not an option!  You HAVE to answer!"

Maureen wrapped her arms around JoAnne, pulling her close.  "C'mon, pookie!  We can tell them!"

"Maureen!  I am not going to—"

"Three times a week!"

"MAUREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  JoAnne roared.

The group exploded once again in laughter, Mark no longer able to speak.  Mimi and Roger howled.  Maureen grinned widely.  JoAnne hid her face in her hands.

Angel and Collins, still holding each other close, gave one another a look, and stared in bewilderment at the couple.

"You mean…that's all?"  Angel's voice was filled with wonder.

Immediately, the more active players of the games' laughter died down.  They stared back, eyes wide.

"Angel, what do you mean, 'that's all?!'  Three times a week is a great sex life!"

Again, Angel and Collins exchanged yet another 'look,' then simply nodded, wondered.

"Oh…"  Collins voice was small, but that was no surprise.  Collins was very shy.  Horribly shy.  Just talking about this subject would tie his tongue right up.  He simply blushed, then went back to leaning his head on his loves' shoulder, his long dreadlocks falling over it.  Angel planted a kiss on the top of the dark head and propped up against the arm of the couch, both men now showing more interest in the game.

The group exchanged confused gazes, and then continued.

"Okay…Roger and Mimi.  Come on.  Fess up."

Mimi and Roger, shy about the confession, yet still at the same time more willing to cooperate, simply looked at each other, sighed, then directed their gaze back to Mark. 

"About 4 times a week," she answered dryly, awaiting the beating. 

Surprisingly, she got none.  Mark nodded in approval, his eyebrows raised.  JoAnne, slightly recovered from her humiliation, made an expression that clearly showed she was impressed.  Maureen pouted at being 'beaten.'

Angel and Collins exchanged yet another look and stared at them incredulously.

"You…you mean…"

The friends turned their heads in their direction.

"Only four times?  In a whole week?"  Angel seemed completely shocked.  Collins blushed, and stroked Angels' soft hair.

"My love, I really don't think…"

"No, no, of course not, I was just…yanno, wow…that…that really isn't a lot, that's all."  He finished uncomfortably, in a rather small voice, realizing that he might just be getting himself into a rather sticky situation.

If only he knew…

The group exchanged bewildered glances, eyebrows raised.  Marks' mouth dropped open.

"What do you mean, only four times a week?  Fuck, if I was gettin it four times a week I'd never complain about anything ever again!"

Angel blushed, and smiled sheepishly.  "No, nothing, never mind.  Just…forget I even said anything."  He gazed down at his lap, tracing the pattern in his dress with his finger, Collins' own still running through the long strands of his wig.

Suddenly, Mark grinned evilly as an idea struck him.  He grinned wickedly at Roger, who grinned wickedly at Mimi, who grinned wickedly at JoAnne, who grinned wickedly at Maureen.

Who was still pouting, but grinned wickedly anyway.

Little drama queen.

"Okay…" Mark said slyly, the grin still lingering on his face.  "Then, you two.  How many times do YOU two…well…" he trailed off.  Talking about sex with Maureen and JoAnne or Roger and Mimi was one thing, but it was well known among the group that Collins and Angel liked to keep their personal life private, and believed that it was nobody's business but their own.

"Get it on?"  Mimi, completely blunt as usual, raised one eyebrow.

Collins eyes widened into huge saucers.  His whole face went red and his gaze shot to the floor.  Angel gasped and his mouth dropped open.

"Mimi!"

"What?"  Her eyes pouted, and she folded her arms.  "Hey, we told you about us!"

"Well, we certainly didn't force you to!  You know we don't give out personal details like that."

"Oh, c'mon Angel, I'm not asking you to tell me what POSITIONS you use!  We just wanna know how often!  It's not THAT drastic!"  She laughed heartily, the groups' grins developing into whispered giggles as they chimed in on the persuading.

"C'mon!  You can tell us!  It's no big deal!"

"Yeah, really!"

"Fess' up.  You're not allowed to back down!"

Angel, lost for words, turned to look at Collins.  The teacher, still red as a rose, shrugged timidly.  Angel sighed, defeated.

"ONLY how often, and not a SINGLE detail more than that!"

Mimi held up her hands.  "Did I ASK for more than that?"

A long pause.  Collins stared down at the floor, his long dreadlocks hiding his face, before Angel sighed once again.

"Onceaday," he spat out quickly, then fell into the couch face down.

Once a DAY?

There was a dead silence.

Before sounds of wonder filled the room.

"Whoooooa!"

"Fuck!  A little frisky there, aren't we?"

"Wow…that's really…quite…active…?"

"Christ, I knew you LOVED each other, but THIS is…"

Angel and Collins both stared at the ground, their faces flaming, smiling sheepishly.

"Damn!"  JoAnne stated, dazed.  "Where do you guys find the TIME?"

Both men shot her a look.

"No, really!"  She insisted, not taking the hint.  "I mean, Angel, okay, you're a musician, so you work when you want.  But Collins is at school all day, and sometimes not home until late!  So, like…when?"

Angel laughed, and, before even realizing what he was doing, blurted out, "JoAnne, honey, you act like 'at home' and 'in the bedroom' is the only place to do it!"

Immediately, he realized what he said, and clapped one hand over his mouth.  Collins head shot up, his eyes once again saucer wide.  He turned to Angel in agony and nudged him slightly.  Angel shot him an apologetic look.

However, the group was delighted at all these little secrets they were learning.

"Ah HA!"  Roger cried, his green eyes smoldering with mischief.  "So!  We learn not only do they do it every DAY, they do it every WHERE!!!"

Among the laughter, Angel moaned and face palmed. 

Collins stroked his hair in comfort, then through the humiliation, groaned.  "Look, Roger…it's really no big deal.  Okay.  So we're…active.  It's very healthy, actually.  Personally," he grinned slightly, his nose red, "I think you guys are jealous."

Roger laughed again.  "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little."

Mark folded his arms, slumping back into the chair, exasperated.  "Yeah, well, I am a LOT!"

"Aww, poor baby," Mimi grinned, nestling back against Roger.

Mark glared at her, then sighed.  "Yeah, well, Christ, you guys gotta give me credit, there is NO ONE HERE who can last longer without a good fuck than me."

"Can't disagree there," Maureen murmured.  JoAnne nudged her quiet. 

"Hey!  I went a pretty long time without it before I met Mimi!"  Roger stated competitively.

"It was awhile, before I started dating Maureen,"  JoAnne offered.  "Don't give up hope."

Mark smirked, then, with a tinge of laughter to his voice, "Yeah, I guess we're all pretty strong.  I guess that if we HAD to go without it, we could…well, most of us, that is."  He snorted.  "We certainly know who couldn't!"  He tossed a look in Collins and Angels' direction.

All heads turned towards the helpless couple, and roaring laughter followed the silence.  Angels' mouth dropped open and Collins glanced at him with an "oh-my-god-we-are-so-stupid-why-the-hell-did-we-even-have-to-open-our-mouths" look.

Angels' eyes smoldered, and he stood up, sticking his hands on his hips.  "And what is THAT supposed to mean?!"

"My Angel, no, wait," Collins stood up and gently took his arm.  "I don't think we should get ourselves any deeper into this than we already are.  Don't get upset, they're just joking."  But his cheeks were still flaming red.

"No!  I am offended!  I want to know what he meant by that."  He stared at Mark, folding his arms.

"Oh, c'mon Angel, you know perfectly well what I meant!  Admit it!  You two couldn't last three days without fucking each others' brains out!"

Collins flushed, and his mouth dropped open in an astonishment equal to Angels'.

"On second thought, my Angel, go ahead.  Grill him."

Angel laughed incredulously, throwing his head back.  "Oh really!"

"Yes, really," Mark, barely able to speak, nodded his head.

Angel regarded him evenly, a sly smile creeping onto his red-painted lips.

"You really are SO sure about that?"  He ran his tongue over his teeth with a cocky air.

Mark stood up to meet the drag queens attitude.  "Yes.  I am quite sure about that."

There was a moment of silence as Angel and Mark regarded each other with a rather "bring it on" air.

"Care to make that interesting?"  Angels' silky voice broke the silence.  Marks' smile dropped off his face.

"Wh-What?"

"Well, here you are, so sure about your prediction.  So…why don't we put it to the test?"

Collins, immediately seeing where this was going, reached out to Angel.

"Uh, baby?  Don't you think that maybe…we should discuss this together?"

"We will!  Just give me a second," Angel responded, talking to Collins but not breaking eye contact with Mark.  "Well Mark, what do you say?  Willing to stand by your statement?"

Mark was stunned for a moment, before folding his arms across his own chest.  He smiled cockily.

"Okay, how much we talkin?"

"Uh, my Angel?"  Collins was starting to look quite nervous. 

"In a second, sweetie," Angel responded, heading over towards Mark.  "Okay.  Here's the deal.  If Collins and I can go five consecutive days, starting tomorrow, Monday, going to Friday, without making love…then you owe us fifty bucks."

Collins' eyes shot open wide.  FIVE DAYS WITHOUT MAKING LOVE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

"Um, my love?"  His voice cracked.  Maureen, JoAnne, Mimi and Roger watched the display wide eyed, awaiting Marks' response.

"Only 50 bucks?!"  Mark scoffed.  "That's nothing."

Angel grinned.  "Each."

Mark winced slightly at the thought of giving up 100 dollars of his well-needed flow, but nodded his head firmly.  "Done."

Ah hell, it's COLLINS and ANGEL!  They couldn't even keep their hands off each other for five minutes, they won't last more than 24 hours, tops!

He smiled.  "Okay, Ang.  100 dollars if you win.  However, if _I_ win, you two owe me 100.  Not just the fifty.  The same amount I would end up owing you."

Angel smiled, and nodded definitively.  "Done."

Collins looked as though he was being tortured. 

"My Angel, sweetie, I really think that—"

"Just a second, my love," Angel responded, shooing him away.  Collins, defeated, looked on in dread.

"Now.  The terms," Angel smirked.  "We can do anything we'd like, EXCEPT the actual sexual act.  This means that we can kiss, hug, cuddle, etc, all that stuff, as long as we don't go all the way.  The only thing that counts is actual intercourse.  Okay?"

Mark nodded.  "Fair enough.  However, I need proof.  How will I know that you two aren't really having sex when we're not around?"  The others murmured in agreement. 

Angel nodded.  "Before we leave here tonight, Collins and I will give you our solemn word that we will not cheat.  At all.  AND, if we do, we will swear to confess it at the end of the week, before you give us the money—"

"—OR before YOU give ME the money," Mark added.

Angel nodded.  "Or before we give you the money, so that it's fair.  You know us Mark, if we did cheat, we'd admit it.  You can trust us to keep our promise.  During the day we'll be with you, so you'll be keeping an eye on us.  Plus, we want to prove to you guys we can do it.  So we wouldn't cheat.  Okay?"  He looked at Mark evenly, welcoming confrontation.  The group stared at the scenario in awe.

Mark looked skeptical, but nodded.  "All right.  I guess I'll just have to trust you."

Angel smiled.  "Oh, don't worry.  You can.  So we have a deal?"

Nonononononononononononononononononononono!!!!!!!!!  Collins thought, agonized.

"Uh, my Angel?"  he squeaked, tugging on Angels' sleeve.  Angel ignored him, staring into Marks' eyes mischievously. 

A moment, then Mark stuck out his hand.  "Deal."

Angel, eyes twinkling, stuck out his own hand to lay in Marks'.

Collins gasped in horror.  NOOOOO!

"Deal."

The group, who had been holding their breath, let out a collection of shocked sighs, and the murmuring that was heard quickly turned to laughter.  Angel and Mark grinned at each other, dropping the "tough guy" attitudes.  They hugged briefly, and Angel smiled wide.

"One condition I forgot to state: no matter who wins, we don't let it affect our friendship."

Mark grinned and nodded.  "Of course we won't.  But, uh, Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"I think there is someone behind you who is in desperate need of reassurance."  He pointed in Collins' direction, whose face was frozen with an unbelievable look of horror.

No…sex…for five…days…

Angel winced slightly, and leaned up to gently kiss the petrified Collins on the forehead.  "Don't worry about it, my love.  This won't be hard at all!  It's not like you can't touch me at ALL, we just need to take a little break from the bedroom.  We can show these guys.  Whataya say?" 

He laughed.

Collins screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Okies!!  Yeah, that was a long one, I know.  My very first chapter fic!!  ISN'T IT SO COMPLETELY STUPID!!!  But I just can imagine Collins and Angel being very sexually active, so yanno, when bored people and bad, bad thoughts get mixed together…you get an unbelievably horrible story like said fanfic above!  Yes, I do know where this is going.  I don't really think it'll be more than four or five chapters (one for each day of the bet).  This was my first attempt at humor, so yanno…be kind!  And if you feel sorry for Collins and Angel NOW…be warned.  It gets worse.  ^_~  (laughs evilly) MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!