I don't own the X-Files
This is just a rarity with me, I listen to a song and write a fic based on the things I visualize in my head as I here it. This story takes place during the day of Mulder's funeral, basically Scully is going through a rough time.
Thanks to Linkin Park for writing and singing the song 'Shadow of Day' this is what I saw when I heard it.
After many months of waking up to a lonely bed, wondering where he was, if he was alive and whether or not he was ever coming home she awoke to a different morning. The tears fell from her eyes before they were even opened and her hand automatically fell to her stomach where it longed to touch the living being growing inside. Her heart overflowed with pain, hurt, and so much torment that it made her sick to even think about it.
She forced herself from her bed that one fateful morning and crossed the room as the tears poured from her eyes. The tears were his, these ones only fell for him. The lose of his life, the unraveling of his fate, the truth behind everything she had ever wanted to know caused these tears to fall.
Every step she took she had to force for fear she would collapse to her feet from the pressure her heavy heart brought down on her small form. She walked towards her window and closed the curtains, shutting out the world, closing out the life and existence. Her hand grasped for her stomach once again as she leaned her back against the wall and slid down until she found herself sitting on the floor. Once there she brought her knees to her chest, clutched herself close, lowered her head and cried, she let everything fall. Being the doctor she was, she knew it was unsafe to be like this while pregnant, but she was just in her first trimester, no real harm could be done, besides her body worked of its accord.
Her whole body heaved as the sobs coursed through her body, the drops of tears were now rivers as they fell. As tight as she could, she sealed her eyes shut and listened. Her apartment was quiet and she felt abandoned here, with his child. Betrayal dominated all her other emotions as she continued to listen.
He left her alone and cold with not even so much as a good bye, no kiss on the cheek or promise to return. He just left. Leaving her alone to carry and raise the unborn being that resided in her womb for another five to six months. Her soul cried out for his return, her body ached to have him hold her close and kiss her lips, letting her know everything was to be ok, however, she knew that would never happen, he was dead; his body to be laid to rest in no more than a few hours from that exact moment.
A presence in the room brought her head up from where it rested in her knees and she looked around, faced with nothing, until the voice, his voice grew close. She knew she was loosing it, she knew she was just imagining it, her subconscious was playing with her head, yet she let it continue. The sound of foot steps neared and she found him standing in her bedroom doorway, a smile one his face, until his eyes fell on her, and it faded.
He rushed to her side and helped her up, the tears now gushed from behind her eyes as if the dam had finally been broken. His hand flew to her face where it desperately attempted to whip the tears away, but failed. His other hand fell to her abdomen and began a slow circular movement so that he was now massaging the swollen area. His mouth moved, but the words were incoherent as if he attempted to speak and no words fell from his perfect lips. She tried to grasp on to him, but found it impossible, he lifted her chin and placed but one soft loving kiss upon her lips.
"I will always love you." He stated, this she could not hear, but rather left him say. She nodded her head in understanding and brushed her hand across his cheek to find it pass through as if he weren't standing before her. Her heart felt a pang of misery at the fact he was close, but she could not touch him, she could not hold him, she could not even hear him.
She closed her eyes for one moment and found herself standing alone in the room again, the dead silence of her apartment was the only thing that accompanied her and her child in that moment.
She forced her legs to move towards the bathroom where she started her water. As she stripped of her clothes and walked in, she stood under the steam and heated liquid. It burned her skin, but massaged her hurting soul, it was hurt because of him, because he was not here to make suggestions of crawling in with her, nor was here to act on such things. The tears once again fell, they never seemed to end, and now they mixed with the water.
She found it hard to perform her morning routine, she found it hard to breathe, it was as if something had sat on her chest, yelling at her to never breathe again. The sound of something alive and moving about in her apartment sent her heart running wild, the ideas of this being him, the past months being a lie surfaced and she found the joy all too overwhelming. She slowly slid to bottom of the bathtub, brought her hands to her face and cried again. This couldn't be him, it was impossible, it was just her mind playing cruel and hateful tricks again.
The shower curtain was brushed aside and she refused to look up, she could not deal with the heart ache of seeing him again only to loose him. She kept her eyes shut as the being lifted her up into a standing position and wrapped a towel around her form. She listened as the being spoke, the words again incoherent, but definitely there. A hand was placed on her back and there it rubbed, massaging away, as if the pain would leave her.
The voice spoke and only now she realized whose it was, it too was in pain, it too was tormented, just not as bad as herself.
"Dana, my dear child, open your eyes and look at me." The soft female voice begged and when she did as asked she came face to face with her mother. Her arms wrapped around her neck and held her close, there she let go of everything that held her back, there she released everything that was bottled up. Her mother merely held her in place and stroked her back continuously, for that was all the support she could offer.
"I miss him, mom. I want him back." She cried, her words were hard to understand for the tightening of her throat made it hard to speak.
"I know you do." She whispered into her ear. "But sometimes 'good bye' is the only way."
"The only to what? To feel miserable? To understand this is it?" She all but screamed, she could not believe her mom would say such blasphemy about the man who meant more than life to her.
"It's the only way to tell him you loved him, by saying good bye, you are merely saying you'll see him soon and you won't let his death take over you. That's not something he'd want." She said pulling her daughter out at arms length to wipe the tears away.
"I don't want to say good bye. I don't want to do this, I want to wake up from this nightmare with him at my side to raise his child. He doesn't even know."
"I know, and today when you say good bye, you can tell him. You can tell him you love him and you can tell about the baby."
"It's not fair, mom. It's just not fair." She cried as her head once again rested on her mother's shoulder.
Later that day she found herself at her mother's side as they went over the wake. The priest spoke of prayers and promises god had bestowed upon his children of the world, a promise that one day those who loved and believed in him would once again live together in harmony in his kingdom. She silently prayed the promises were true for only in heaven would she ever be happy again, in arms of the one she loved, under the security of the heavenly father. Where the promise of eternity was made and kept.
Now as time had passed and they listened to more prayers as the body was lowered into the ground, she felt her stomach sour. His child, her child, their miracle child from god made it's protests known as nausea coursed through her very being. She hadn't eaten, nothing ever tasted right, colors were nothing, and the only thing that kept her going each day was the promise that soon the being she carried would be born and in her arms to love, raise and tell stories of it's father.
Now everybody turned to leave slowly walking up to her and give their condolences. She bent down and sprinkled dirt onto his grave, saying a small farewell before the big good bye. Her mother promised to be waiting in the car, to take her time and say good bye, to tell him the truth behind her feelings and the how the baby was his. She was left alone now, everybody passed leaving her isolated with the man she loved and his baby. She closed her eyes and listened once more, hoping to speak to him one last time.
The breeze changed and she felt a hand being placed on her shoulder, his voice spoke up, her heart turned and flipped with joy, god was granting her one last farewell.
"Open your eyes my angel." He whispered into her ear. Her face lit up and for first time in a very long time, the tears that streamed down her face were now of joy. His hand brushed against her cheek and she closed her eyes, relishing in the feel of the simple touch and all the things it did to her. He gently pulled her close and placed a soft yet loving kiss on her lips.
When he pulled back she allowed her eyes to wander the area around them and found the surrounding world no longer the cemetery, but now it was a forest. Green and lush with spring leaves and the smell of new moss growing. Oddly the smell and scenery brought joy to her soul and as his hand clutched hers, she knew she was home, here with him.
"I love you." She said softly and smiled when he nodded and hugged her close.
"I know, and I love you too." He whispered back.
"Mulder," The name was like sweet candy to her lips. "I'm pregnant." She said, her face lit up with a smile as his hand reached for her stomach.
"I know." He said again and smiled when she gave him a look that begged to know what else he knew. "How?" His voice was serious and his eyes echoed his face and voice, no sign of playing, only complete confusion.
"I don't know how, but I know it's yours." She stated softly as she allowed her hand to cover his and slightly tighten around her midsection. "It's yours and no one else's. I love only you."
"And I you." He said. They stayed like that for a while, just listening to a small waterfall somewhere lost in the forest. "I wish I could hold you forever." He whispered into her ear, releasing tears once more.
"You will hold my heart." She said softly, knowing only the truth was what she spoke.
"And you will always hold my soul." He said back as he lifted her lips to his once more. "Good bye."
"No! Wait! Please don't leave me, I still need you!" She begged, capturing his wrist in her small hand.
"I have to go now, but if you remember me and never forget, I will never be too far from you."
"I love you." She said once again, releasing her grip on him. "Good bye."
She watched as he disappeared into the forest leaving her alone once again. She opened her eyes and found herself overlooking his grave. She blew a kiss to the heavens and whispered as one single tear fell from her right eye.
"I'll see you again soon, Mulder. Good bye."
She than turned and walked away, heading towards the area her mother was parked at. Though it hurt, she knew sometimes the only way to continue on was to say 'Good-Bye'. She thanked god she was given another chance to do so.
Please review, if this made anybody cry, I'm really sorry, I'm only saying this because I found tears falling as I wrote it. Thank you for reading.