Baby Deidara

On the way back from an assignment, Deidara is confronted by a Ninja…who turns him into a little baby! What will the Akatsuki do now with a wee little baby who happens to be Deidara…with all his memories, yet unable to talk, barely walk, and boy can he cry.

Akatsuki-© Kishimoto Mashashi

Casana-© Me

Tay-© strength-91-possibility-none

Michelle- i-lurv-akatsuki from dA! Wanted to include her this time. :3

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Not much further now. Deidara thought, hopping down from the tree he'd been previously perched upon. Damn Leader better be glad I got that scroll. Not that it was hard to get, of course.

As he walked on, he came to a stop in his tracks, sensing chakra nearby.

Damn! I should've known it'd be too easy! Deidara thought, placing a hand into one of the clay backs strapped around his waist. "Show yourself, snoop, yeah!"

A male Ninja emerged from behind a tree, smirking. "Well, I may be a snoop, but at least I'm not a pathetic Akatsuki member who looks like a freakin' girl!!!"

Deidara glared hard and inserted some clay into his hand-mouth. "You're going to regret saying that pal…Don't underestimate me or my art!"

"I don't think so, loser! Hidden Jutsu: Bring Down To Size Life Element Jutsu!" The Ninja ran forward and touched the former Iwagakure nin in the chest.

"Agh!" Deidara yelped, faltering.

"Smell ya later!" The Ninja hurried away.

"Damn it, yeah!!" Deidara growled angrily. "Whatever. I'll just go back and forget that ever happened."

He continued on walking, sighing loudly and reminded himself to take a shower when he got back, that Ninja back there sure smelled like a disgusting pile of manure.

All of a sudden, looking about, all the trees seemed bigger.

"Huh, that's weird…why are the trees suddenly so big?" Deidara wondered. "In fact…why's the ground so close, yeah?"

Suddenly, in an instant, he seemed to fall down. Not in a way of falling from lost balance, but…down down. Like in height.

"Whoa!" He yelped as he seemed to shoot down into the ground. Now his cloak was so huge he could explore in it.

After a moment, he found himself on the ground. All the trees were so high, and the ground was REALLY close now. He lifted a hand…only to discover that it was tiny. Like a baby's hand! His ring had fallen off, so did his forehead protector. His sandals were like wearing giant's shoes on his now tiny feet, he still had his pants and shirt on, but they were tiny like he was. Feeling along his head, his ponytail was barely there, the lock of hair barely went past his eye, and the mouths on his hands were tightly closed.

Deidara opened his mouth to say something, and instead it came out as a gurgle. What the hell happened?! I'm a baby!!!!! Just great! Thanks to that damn Ninja…I'm a stupid little baby!

He tried to stand up, but then fell back down on his little rump. He tried again, and fell down again.

Perfect, now I can't walk! God damn it...I have to get back the hideout, fast!

So, with no other choice, he began to crawl.

The Akatsuki Hideout…

"Hmm…" Pein murmured, pacing back and forth. "Where is that moron…"

"He must've been delayed, Pein." Konan said from nearby.

"Not likely, but whatever." Pein looked to the doorway. "CASANA!"

A few moments later, the said girl came in, standing before Pein. "Yes, Leader?"

"I want you to go and find Deidara, see what's taking him so long."

"Right!" Casana nodded, and then headed out of the cave.

"She better find him soon." Pein muttered to himself.

Konan sneezed.

Somewhere off near the hideout…

Damn! I'm nowhere near the hideout now!Deidara thought, still crawling along the ground. Jeez, this is embarrassing! Thank God Casana or the others can't see me like this!

Right then, up ahead, he noticed a familiar person. He could identify a black cloak with red clouds on it. Good! Someone was gonna find him! A closer look told him it was Casana.

God, I take it back! Thank you! He thought. C'mon Casana…just a little closer now! C'mere, come see the baby!

Casana looked about the area, spotting nothing that came as Deidara. It was odd, he was never this late coming from a fairly easy assignment like this one!

"Jeez, where could he be?" She wondered out loud.

She then felt a small tug on her cloak.

"Eh?" She looked down, and saw an adorable little baby with blonde hair, a teeny ponytail, bright blue eyes, fair skin, and dressed in a cute little mesh shirt, dark pants, and barefoot. Instantly her heart went out to the little kid. "Awww!! Hello there, little guy! Where'd you come from?" She bent down and picked him up. "Are you lost? Where are your parents?"

Deidara opened his mouth to answer her, but again a soft gurgle came out. Damn it! I can't talk!!! Casana, use the Nentougan! PLEASE use the Nentougan! It's me! ME! Deidara!! It's me!

"You seem awfully happy to see me, cutie!" She smiled. "Well, since there's no sign of your parents, I'll take you back to the base for a while and look after you. Can't very well leave a little guy like you all alone, now can I?"

No! No way! Casana please use the Nentougan! It's me! Me! Me, my little turtledove! Deidara begged inwardly. Damn!!! She can't hear me!

"Getting frisky, are we?" She giggled. "Are you hungry? Do you need to be changed? Well no worries, I'll manage when we get back. First, gotta go make sure it's all right with the Leader."

Nooooooo!!! Deidara wailed inwardly.

Back at the hideout…

"So you're saying you just found the little baby?" Pein asked, eying Deidara suspiciously.

"Yes, and he doesn't appear to have any chakra, so it's not a Ninja in disguise or one sent to be a GPS." Casana said.

"AWWW!! SO CUUUUUUUTE!!"

Oh no… Deidara groaned.

Tobi ran in when he saw Deidara, now a little baby. "He's so cuuuuuuuute!!!"

"Forget it. It might be a trap. Dispose of the brat." Pein said, turning away.

WHAT?! Deidara thought.

"But Leader, why?! He's just a baby!" Casana protested.

Thank you, Casana.

"He could learn information of us. Just kill him." Pein reminded her.

What do think I am? A traitor?!

"He's just a baby!" Casana said. Then she smirked.

Oh boy… Deidara thought. He knew that look.

"Although…if we do let him go, he may just grow up to remember us. And kids tell the truth." Casana said. "If we keep him and raise him to be one of us…it could be used to our advantage, don't you think?"

Casana I love you now!!...Well, not like I don't already.

Pein thought for a moment, and then sighed. "Very well. We'll do just that."

Phew!

"Who's going to take care of him?" Konan asked.

"Me! Me! Tobi will do it! He's so cute!!!" Tobi squealed, scooping Deidara up. "Right, baby?"

No no no no! Put me down, you idiot!!! Deidara thought, thrashing about.

"Aww, look! He's having fun!" Tobi laughed.

"Tobi you're holding him wrong!" Casana warned.

That's it!Deidara thought. He hated to have to do this, but he had no choice. Opening his mouth, he let out the mother of all cries.

"Jesus!" Pein cried, covering his ears. "Make him stop!!!"

"Tobi! Give him to me!" Casana said, taking Deidara from Tobi. Immediately Deidara stopped his crying and snuggled into her.

Much better!He thought.

"Aw poopie." Tobi said sadly.

"Well…" Pein said, rubbing his ears. "I suppose you'll take care of him, Casana. He seems to like you the best. Fine then, he's your responsibility."

"No problem, Leader!" Casana nodded, and then headed out.

"Wait for me!" Tobi went after her.

In the kitchen…

"Okay then, little baby." Casana put Deidara on the table.

Why are you putting me on the table? I can sit in a chair!

"I'd put you on a chair, but I wouldn't want you to fall down!" She said, giggling.

Oh, right, of course.

Casana went over to the fridge. "Lemme see…ah, here we go!" She took out a jar of applesauce. "You want some applesauce, little guy?"

Mmm…maybe I better nod! Then she'll know it's me! Deidara nodded frantically.

"Ah, you understand me?" Casana came over with a spoon and bowl. "Wow, you must be smart!"

Yeah, if you've a man turned into a baby The blonde thought.

She dipped the spoon into the apple sauce and held it to his mouth. "C'mon, eat up!"

Hmm…maybe I'll play with her a little Deidara stared at the sauce and turned away from it.

"C'mon…open up! Down the hatch!" She said, pressing the spoon towards him. "C'mon cutie."

Deidara giggled and pushed it away. Ya know, this kinda fun!

"Open up, sweetie! Open up for the airplane!" She flew the spoon around a little, making airplane noises.

Ok, that's it. Gimme before I end up eating clay! …Which I now must mention is absolutely disgusting. Bleggh… He opened his mouth and allowed the spoon to enter his mouth. Mmm…applesauce…

"Hey buddy!" Michelle greeted as she came into the kitchen. She noticed Deidara. "Awww!!! Where'd he come from? He's so cute!!!"

"Hi, Michelle! He's a little baby I found outside not far from here. I guess he was lost or abandoned…so I brought him in and I'm gonna look after him for a bit." Casana replied.

"Hey cutie!" Michelle cooed, offering two fingers for the little guy to play with.

Wait, don't babies play with people's fingers?...Okay…well, that's kinda gross. But I guess her hands are clean. Deidara took hold of one of Michelle's fingers, squeezing it.

She giggled. "He's so cute!! You know, he reminds me of Deidara, ya know? The eyes, his hair…looks a bit like him!"

"Really?" Casana eyed him. "Ya know…he really does! I didn't he had a baby brother!" She laughed.

A brother? I don't have a brother. …Do I?

"Maybe he does!" Michelle giggled.

"There he is!!!" Tobi cried happily, bursting into the kitchen. "Hello little guy! It's me! Uncle Tobi!"

Lovely. Now go away. Deidara thought, turning away.

"Whoa! He acts like him too!" Michelle laughed.

"I guess Tobi has that effect on people." Said Casana. "No offense, Tobi."

"No worries! I think we'll get along just fine!"

Oh Jeez...this is gonna be a looooonng day. Or longer.