Disclaimer 1: I don't own these characters.

Disclaimer 2: Waxing is a very painful process. Are you sure you wish to continue reading this story?

Disclaimer 3: Kipling-Nori is the bestest. Bibiddy Bobiddy Bacon!


Wax Eloquent


In the depths of the Batcave, Diana was seated on top of one of the steel medical tables with her legs stretched out in front of her.

Standing beside her, Bruce ran his hands over her calves and smiled when he felt the goosebumps that rose across her skin. Seeing his cocky smile, Diana informed Bruce, "Those aren't from you. The table is cold."

"Considering that you have been sitting on it for the past five minutes, and those weren't there until after I put my hands on you, I'm going to say you are lying. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Diana. We both know how attracted you are to me."

Diana's only response was to pull him into a passionate kiss. He let her play her game for a minute or two, but he knew the whole time that she was just trying to distract him.

He pulled away and flashed her a dangerous smile. "Quit stalling."

"I'm not. I just can't resist you."

Bruce knew that Diana could resist him very well. In fact, she had been doing exactly that for the last few days, and he was slightly cranky as a result.

"Very funny. You know what else is funny? Flash giving Batman tips on shaving." The irritated voice in which he delivered those words told Diana that Bruce didn't find it very funny at all.

Diana, however, found it quite diverting. "Easily explained. You have very unsteady hands."

"Nice try, Diana. He said it after that butcher job you performed on my face."

Diana smiled sweetly and offered to fix the problem. "I'll make sure to tell Flash that you let me shave your face."

It had the desired effect.

If word got out that Bruce let Diana shave his face, he would never hear the end of it. All his years of cultivating his dour and fear-inducing image to be undone by a single act of carelessness. He knew Diana was making an idle threat and just wanted to see him squirm, but Bruce made a vow then and there to never bargain with Wonder Woman. It only led to trouble. And now it was her turn to suffer from it.

"Are you ready?"

"I have nothing to fear, and I'm not going to be a baby like you were."

Sometimes Bruce wondered why he loved Diana so much. Comments like that made him remember. They also fueled his desire for revenge. He still had a slight scab from the time she had "helped" him shave. Almost giddily, he took the container of hot wax, dipped the application stick in it, and began to cover both of her legs with the viscous liquid.

Her legs twitched slightly, and for a second, Bruce felt guilty. Maybe in his eagerness he had heated the wax too much. But then he remembered that she was nearly invulnerable and most likely faking, so he kept slathering away.

"Bruce, you are supposed to do it in sections. Not just put it on all at once."

"Excuse me, Princess, but did I give you shaving tips? Because if I did, you would have been informed that you aren't supposed to shave my face side to side. You move the razor against the grain."

Diana was about to say something, but bit her lip, soothing the pain she felt in her legs with silent promises to pay him back later.

Over the paraffin, Bruce wrapped a cloth around all of Diana's lower leg, covering it from knee to ankle.

"Did I do this incorrectly?"

"I think we both know the answer to that question. And since you really don't want my advice, I refuse to speak to you."

The exact words Bruce had wanted to hear. Knowing it would drive her insane, he talked through his procedure.

"Well, since I misapplied the cloth, I won't be able to rip it off easily. I should have cut it up into strips and done it a section at a time. It looks like, for the first time in my life, I was wrong."

Diana wouldn't even nod in confirmation.

"That's unfortunate. I guess I will just have to remove it slowly, bit by bit."

And so ten painful minutes later, the cloth was gone, but there were still patches of wax all over her calf. By the raise of her eyebrow, Bruce could tell that Diana wasn't all too happy.

He leaned down to inspect his work, and noticed the splotches of pink that had popped up all over her creamy skin. "I'll just have to do that again."

He was about to pour the wax on her leg again, when he noticed her mouth twitch, as if she needed to tell him something. But sometimes Diana could be just as stubborn as him.

"Maybe I should use the oil to remove the leftover wax instead, and then reapply it. Nah, I bet my way is the right way."

Diana's only response was to flip over onto her stomach. He still had access to her legs, but in this position, she didn't have to see his irritating face.

Unless he walked over and kneeled down in front of her. Which he did. They stared one another down before Bruce decided that he wanted to play nice. He smiled up at her, placing his hand gently on her face. "Help me?"

Now it was Diana's turn to smile. She resituated herself. Using a clean cloth dipped in oil, he ran it over her right leg, removing the leftover wax in its path.

"It would probably be best if you cleaned my other leg too. It's not hot enough anymore to adhere to the strips."

"Duly noted."

"Bruce, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. You don't need my help."

"I know." And with that, he silently got to work. Slowly and methodically, he applied the wax in sections to her leg, affixed a strip of cloth and then quickly removed it. He did this over and over, working clockwise around her limbs.

Within twenty minutes, Diana's lower legs were as smooth as Bruce's face, though much redder.

Examining the skin with his fingers, a small frown formed on his lips as he noted, "I don't think your skin likes this particular wax."

Diana moved her legs away from him, as the goosebumps were beginning to form again. "It probably dislikes the whole waxing process more."

Bruce removed a box from the lower shelf of the cart he had placed all his "supplies" on. He pulled out three tubes, placing them side by side on top of the table. Then he gave her a look which clearly said, "Choose one."

"I didn't know you were a Bath and Body Works addict."

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Really? Should I be frightened that you own these?"

"No. I had Alfred buy them for you."

"I'm torn between the Coconut Lime Verbena and the Mango Mandarin."

"Understandably so." The dry tone of voice he used to say that made Diana burst out in laughter.

"You don't understand at all, but you are very cute."

"I know that, too."

Diana moved to take one of the bottles, but Bruce swatted her hand away. Reaching for the container of Pink Grapefruit, he began to apply the moisturizing cream and rub it in.

"I think we both know who won this contest."

Diana, whose eyes had slowly drifted shut as he massaged her feet and calves didn't even bother opening them.

"It certainly feels like I did."

"Just say it. I did the better job."

"Fine. I did the better job."

"Very mature."

Diana pulled on Bruce's shirt, bringing their faces very close together. "We could always do this again."

Bruce mulled it over, and while he did so, his eyes traveled down to her lips, which she teasingly pursed. Imagine her shock, when instead of kissing her, he said, "Why not? It looks like you need your mustache waxed."

Diana did not nor had she ever had anything at all like a mustache, but that didn't stop her fingers from quickly moving to her upper lip. When she realized she had been tricked, she lowered her eyes and raked them over the lower half of his body, then brought them back to his face in challenge. "Only after I shave your legs."


The End