Chapter 12: All I Need
Smoke rose up into the the early morning sky and the smell of burning flesh followed. Around the fire stood the surving hunters. All bowed their heads in silent pray as they farewelled the fallen hunters. The crisp morning air sent shivers through Dean as he watched his friends, his family burn before him. He had lost so many good friends last night. Friends who had always been there for him but now they were gone and he felt empty.
He didn't expect to loss so many men in the battle but they had been outnumbered by the demons and if it weren't for Sam then he had no doubt he would have died too. Sam was the only reason they had won the war, the demons had finally backed down and the hunters claimed victory. But so many lives were lost and it didn't feel like they had won, not to Dean. Worst of all, Dean had nearly lost Sam to the darkness and he wandered if Sam was strong enough to keep fighting it.
Soon he would be lost to it and Dean would have no one. No one to love, no one to be with and no one to love him in return. He felt like he was losing Sam. He was sure Sam still loved him and he still loved Sam but now that the war was over Sam would want to go back to his old life and Dean didn't no if he wanted that. But he knew he wanted Sam, he wanted Sam more then anything in the world. And it wasn't just the fact Sam wanted his old life back it was the fact that the demon within him was now stronger then ever and Sam feared that he would hurt Dean or worse.
Which lead to another reason why Sam would surely leave Dean behind. But Dean couldn't let Sam go, he loved him too much. He treasured every moment he spent with Sam. When he woke up beside him everything seemed perfect, when he was with Sam he felt safe and truly happy. In the end all Dean really wanted was Sam by his side.
"You ok Dean?"
Hearing Bobby's voice brought Dean back to reality and he turned to face his oldest friend "Yeah… I'm good" he lied.
"Resting" Dean replied, "He's exhausted. You know, after last night."
"Dean are you sure you're ok?" Bobby asked seeing right through Dean's lie. "You don't seem yourself."
"No I'm fine" he pulled a fake a smile "Honest."
"Well ok" Bobby didn't believe a word Dean was saying but he decided to drop it "I'm here if you need me."
"Thanks but I'm fine" Dean then turned and headed inside. He rushed through the lower part of the house and raced up the marble staircase. He took a deep breath when he reached the top and he was startled when he saw Jo walk out from the hall. She eyed him curiously then walked over to him keeping her eyes locked with his.
"Are you ok Dean?"
"Yeah I'm" Dean dropped his shield and slumped his shoulders "I'm worried about Sam."
"Well maybe I can help" she lent against the railing and waited for him to say something.
"No you cant" Dean sighed, "No one can."
"Dean" Jo looked up into his green eyes and she could see the distress in them "tell me."
"I can't Jo" Dean replied dryly "I have to figure this out myself, I'm sorry" he then brushed past her and disappeared into the hall.
Sam watched the smoke rise up into the sky and he exhaled a sigh. He was exhausted after last night's battle but that wasn't the reason he had stayed behind. He had stayed because he had to stop and think about what he wanted and what was best for Dean. Every waking moment Sam lived in fear, he was afraid of hurting Dean and afraid of losing control and not being able to within stand the pleas from the demon within.
It had nearly taken over Sam last night and he was afraid next time he wouldn't regain control. He was afraid that one day he would kill Dean and he couldn't live with himself if he killed the only person he had ever loved. So maybe it was better to love and leave Dean, say goodbye and return to Stanford by himself.
The thought of life without Dean was heartbreaking but if it meant Dean was safe and were he belonged then Sam would do it. Sam would set him free and move on with his own life. He felt tears sting his eyes at the thought of never seeing Dean again but it was best for Dean ad Sam. He couldn't live with the guilt of hurting or killing Dean; it would just be too much.
The bedroom door opened and Dean walked in; he gave Sam a small smile then walked towards the bathroom. Sam rose to his feet and followed after Dean. Dean stopped and turned to face Sam even before Sam had time to tell him to wait. Sam stopped and withdrew into himself; he fought back tears as he found the right words to use.
"Dean… I… I…" Sam swallowed the dry lump in his throat "I don't want to do this-"
"-So don't" Dean interrupted.
"Dean" Sam said in a pleading voice "I love you I do… but I don't want to hurt you… and even though I can't live without you I'm going to have to. Because I can't risk it." he paused and studied Dean's expression and he had to force himself to keep going. "I can't risk the fact that I could kill you! I need to leave you."
Dean blinked away the tears "Then go" he managed to get out.
Sam stepped forwards but Dean took a step back.
"GO!" the hurt look in Sam's eyes killed Dean but he knew it was better for Sam to return to his old life. "Please just go."
Sam nodded his head then picked up his duffle and headed to the door, he pulled it open and turned to face to Dean "I will always love you" Sam shut the door and disappeared from sight.
Dean let a single tear roll down his cheek and slammed his foot into the couch "Shit!" he cursed before collapsing to the ground and starting to weep "shit."
The sun seeped through the curtains of a cheap motel and chased away the shadows. Two sleeping figures that occupied the bed started to stir and move closer to one and other. The thin cotton sheets were the only thing between their naked bodies and the cool air. They snuggled close to one an other as they tried to stay warm.
Finally Derek opened his blue eyes and found himself beside Ruby, he smiled softly at her then lightly kissed her forehead. "Good morning."
"Mmmm good morning" she murmured "How'd you sleep?"
"Just fine" Derek said kissing her again "You?"
"Best sleep ever," she said with a smirk then it faded and she sighed "I'm so glad to have you back in my life."
"Back at ya" he said rubbing his nose against hers then his cheerful expression changed.
"What is it Derek?"
"I got two things bothering me" he sighed.
"Ok first off" he said "Is Meg really gone?"
"Yes" Ruby nodded her head "I made sure Dean got all the right herbs to put in the fire" she kissed Derek's lips softly "Next problem."
"Its about Dean" he paused "and Sam."
"What about them?"
"Its just…" he looked away then looked back, he felt bad dumping his problems on her. "They've been through so much and thanks to Sam the demon army is dead and so is Meg and I jus wish I could give something back to them. I mean Sam and Dean have both sacrificed so much."
"I have something we can give to Sam" Ruby said with a smile.
Ruby sat up, holding the sheet over her chest. She reached to the bedside table and pulled it open then showed Derek a small vial that contained blue liquid.
"What is it?"
Dean sat on the bed, staring out at the beautiful day. He fought back tears as he tried to rid his mind of Sam. Letting Sam walk out the door was the most stupid thing Dean had ever done. He should have made Sam understand, he should have tried to tell him everything was going to be ok and that he wasn't afraid of the demon within him.
But he had let him go.
He let him walk right out of his life.
Dean shut his eyes and balled his hands into his fists. He felt so stupid. He let the best thing in his life leave and now he was paying for it. He loved Sam and he should have reminded him of that, he shouldn't have let him go. Sam was gone and it was Dean's fault. If he just said something, done something then maybe Sam would have changed his mind and stayed.
Dean had been a fool.
Suddenly Derek and Ruby appeared before Dean and he jumped in surprise. Derek eyed him curiously and he picked up on the sadden look on his brother face.
"Dean, man what's wrong?" Derek asked moving to sit next to him.
"Sam's gone" Dean choked on a sob.
"Gone?" Derek asked, eyebrows raised "Gone where?"
"He left" Dean said wiping angrily at his eyes "He didn't want to hurt me so he left."
"Hurt you? How?"
"Sam didn't want his demon half to hurt him" Ruby chimed in while walking to Dean and crouching down before him "Dean I can help Sam. I can make him human again."
"How?" Dean looked up with hope in his eyes.
"With this" she held out the vial with blue liquid "This will make him human again Dean, you to can go back to the way you were."
Dean took the vial and studied it carefully "Then what are we waiting for!"
Sam sat on the uncomfortable chair at the San Francisco airport waiting to board the plane that left in an hour's time. He sat with his legs pulled up to his chest and arms folded over his knees. He kept looking at his phone; kept thinking about ringing Dean but he knew he couldn't. Dean was better off without him.
Just by being with him Sam had put him in danger and he didn't want Dean to live in fear of him. Also Sam wanted Dean to live the life he wanted not the life Sam wanted him to live. He knew Dean wanted to be a hunter and he knew that was his calling but Sam didn't want that and he wasn't going to make Dean change his life for him.
He sighed loudly then rested his head on the wall; he felt tears well up in his eyes and fought to keep them at bay. He shut his eyes and he tried not to think of Dean, but it was hard. He kept seeing his smiling face and he wanted to be in Dean's warm embrace more then anything. He felt alone without Dean.
He felt incomplete.
Sam's eyes snapped open and he found Dean standing in front of him "Dean…" Sam slowly rose to his feet "What are you doing here?"
"I'm not gonna let you walk out of my life" he stated, taking Sam's hand "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm not letting you go. Sam I love you and I will do anything for you."
"That's just it Dean" Sam said firmly "I don't want you to give up everything you've known for me! I let you do it before and I'm not letting you do it again."
"Sam I want to!" Dean took Sam's left hand and pulled him closer to him "Sam you are my world" he stroked a piece of hair away from Sam's eye "I want to spend everyday and every second with you. You are my life Sam."
A small smile graced Sam's face and he felt himself blushing like a schoolboy.
"Sam come home" Dean placed a soft kiss to his lips "Please."
Sam lowered his eyes "I can't Dean" he pulled away "If I hurt you or… or kill you… I couldn't live with that."
"Sam you don't have to worry about it" Dean gripped Sam's shoulders "Ruby has a cure. Which means we can fix this! We can make you human again baby."
"You can?" Sam's eyes lit up with hope.
"Yes" Dean nodded his head "you wont have to worry about your demon half anymore. I promise."
Sam looked away then looked back at Dean "ok… I want to be normal again," he then laughed softly "as normal as I can get."
Dean smiled softly then took Sam's hand "Come on."
The afternoon breeze blow softly against Sam's skin as he and Dean sat staring out at the setting sun. For the first time in a long time Sam truly felt like himself again. There was no demon in his head telling him what to think and he felt at peace. He could relax around Dean now and he was glad for it. He was himself again and it felt great.
Dean watched Sam stare out at the sun; he loved the way the sun reflected in his eyes. He wandered if Sam would stay with him or go back to Stanford and finish college and become some hotshot lawyer. Either way Dean would be by his side. He didn't care where he went or what he did as long as he was with Sam he would be happy. And he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.
Sam looked over to Dean and offered him a warm smile "Yeah."
"I love you," he said smiling "you know that right?"
"Dean of course I do" Sam placed his hand on Dean's left cheek "I love you too."
"Sam…" Dean took Sam's left hand "What I'm trying to say or ask is…" he trailed off.
"Is what Dean?"
Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver ring "Sam will you marry me?"
Sam's mouth dropped and he felt his heart skip several beats. He stared down at the sliver ring and he tried to find his voice but he couldn't seem to get any words out. He tried again but still nothing left his mouth and he felt like the biggest idiot. He saw the worried look in Dean's eyes and he forced words to leave his mouth but he spoke to low for Dean to hear.
"What was that?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes" Sam said louder. "Yes I'll marry you."
A genuine smile graced Dean's face and he embraced Sam in a tight hug. He released him and pressed his lips to his in a passionate kiss. He placed both his hands on the side of Sam's face and he could feel the tears running down Sam's cheeks. He pulled back and saw the most beautiful smile on Sam's face.
"Sam you are my world" he took Sam's left hand "and I am forever yours" he slid the ring on then kissed Sam's hand. "I love you more then anything and I would give my life for you and I want to sped the rest of my life with you."
"And I want to spend mine with you too Dean" Sam took hold of Dean's hand "And I'm willing to stay by your side no matter what sort of life style we live."
Dean brushed some stray hairs away from Sam's face "I want to stay here and hunt but I want you to be happy too."
"Dean I'm with you" he wiped away the tears "nothing could make me happier."
The sound of the ocean hitting the rocks drifted through the air and the sun shone down on the small amount of people who had been invited to Sam and Dean's wedding. Only Sam and Dean's closes friends had been invited and the wedding was taking place on the beach. And after all Sam and Dean had been through the Gods rewarded them with a beautiful sunny day and a nice cool breeze.
Sam and Dean stood at the end of the aisle holding hands and exchanging vows. Today was a day they would never forgot, today was a new beginning for the both of them. From here on they would face every moment in life together, every tragedy, every unforgettable moment, every good and every bad day. They were embarking on a new journey and the future looked promising.
The ceremony ended and later that night Sam and Dean were sitting on the beach staring out at the ocean. Dean sat with his arms wrapped Sam's shoulders and Sam lay in between his legs with his arms over Dean's. The cool night breeze danced over their skin and they hugged closer together. Dean kissed the side of Sam's forehead and hid his head in Sam's hair.
"Today's been perfect Dean" Sam said with a deep sigh.
"Yeah it has" Dean pressed a kiss to Sam's forehead then let out a sigh of his own "I wish everyday could be like this."
Sam sat up and turned his upper body so he could face Dean "Everyday with you is perfect" Sam kissed Dean softly "you're all I need."
A smile graced Dean's face and tears of happiness welled up in his eyes and for once he let the tears fall "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Sam" he kissed him feverously and once the kiss broke they stared longingly into each other eyes "I love you Sam."
"And I love you" Sam kissed him once more then turned back around and rested his back against Dean chest and they continued to stare out the star filled sky.
They sat in silence and basked in the beauty of the night and they knew that as long as they had each other life would be perfect.
I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing this story, its meant so much to me :) and the spelling mistakes are mine and mine only and I am sorry for them. Ok well leave me a review and let me know what you thought and if you're gonna miss this story there is a little Christmas fic I wrote awhile back that's set between this story and the first so if you want to take a look at it then go for it ;) Bye Bye xx