Welcome to the fourth edition of Guess the Author. I am your humble host, Jason "Zaratan" Jones, and I come to you 11 tales from a wide variety of authors to dazzle your senses.

Yvj won last time, oh so long ago, so this intriguing topic, soap opera, is all his doing. On the other hand, it looks like a LOT of people had a lot of fun with this one.

The rules are simple. Read through all the stories, and then try to guess which of our amazing authors wrote that particular story. Write out your responses to me, Zaratan, by either PM or by email at zaratan4 at hotmail dot com, and the one closest, getting the most correct, wins and gets to select our next contest topic.

And now, for our list of authors, in alphabetical order;




Gray Cardinal

Joe Stoppinghem




Scoutcraft Piratess



Remember, match as many stories as you can with these authors, happy reading, and good luck to you all!

…x x x x…

Molligan in the Lankey

The woman walked onto the driving range, pulling her golf bag up to an open spot.

"Excuse me, lassie, but that's me spot you've taken," a voice came from behind her.

She turned and saw a man, slightly shorter than her, wearing a kilt in a Scottish tartan. It was obviously an expensive one, based on the fabric, and well-made, as well, even though the wearer tried to hide the cost with a casual shirt. She smiled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," she stood in the spot, removing her driver from her bag.

"I dinna mind, if you dinna, lassie," he smiled as he watched her place her tee, her ball on the tee, and then step to the side and look downrange. She swung, and he looked as the ball went over 275 years, almost perfectly straight down the range. He watched her face danced as she looked downrange. 'She really enjoys her game,' was his thought as she scrunched her face as the ball landed.

"Frackle," she muttered, and he looked at her in surprise.

"Why 'er ye upset?"

"That's not where I wanted it to go," she explained, and the man looked perplexed.

"Do you see that piece of paper, about 265 yards downrange? I was aiming for that," she explained as she placed another tee down and another ball.

She swung again, and that ball struck the paper square and true.

He looked at her and smiled.

"You're good, lassie," he smiled as she bent over again. 'Quite good,' he thought as he watched her lovely, well-formed body, bent over the tee. She stood, and he watched her legs in her skirt: firm, strong, and shapely. Her chest stood proud, full, and firm.

She turned and looked at him as he stared, and smiled.

"Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to know where a hungry girl," she licked her lips and got her desired reaction, "could get the best plate of haggis around here, would you?" she batted her eyelashes, and he was totally smitten.

"At me castle," he smiled, "I make the best haggis in the land; it's me grandmother's recipe," she nodded as she slipped her club back into her bag.

"Wha' brings a beautiful young lass like you to our bonnie land?" he asked as she looked at him questioningly; he pointed towards the parking lot, and she headed that direction.

"I'm here establishing new contracts for products being purchased here, sir. I recommended a new tartan line, and Coco agreed with me over the objections of the board, so I'm here to 'make it so,'" she grinned.

"Coco Banana?" he asked, looking a bit surprised.

"Why, yes; do you know him?" she asked as she lifted her bag into her car.

'Wha' lovely arms she has,' he thought, then shook his head.

"Only through a mutual friend," he replied.

"Duff Killigan," he extended his hand.

"Monique Charleston," Monique offered her hand, and he smiled as he took it and kissed it.

"I love a strong man, a chivalrous one, who isn't embarrassed to wear a kilt," she smiled back at him.

"Leave ye car here, Ms. Charleston; me castle is on an island, and there's na bridge at this time; it's being replaced, so we'll ha' to take me boat over.

"An island?" she asked as he opened the door to his green-green Gourd Ground Runner, and as she stepped in she displayed an inordinate amount of shapely leg, a fact not ignored by Mr. Killigan.

"Yes, I know: Killigan's Island, I've heard the joke one too may times before," he sighed as he got behind the wheel and started up. Monique giggled a bit and smiled at him.

"I think it's cute…kinda like you," she murmured, and Duff's mind raced.

…x x x x…

Camille headed from the pool where she and Debutante had been relaxing, getting some rays in the early fall weather, when she came to a sudden stop.

'He's gorgeous!' was her first thought as she saw the gentleman's serve smash into the ground and fly past his opponent.

"That's game, set, and match, Mike," he called out as he ran and vaulted the net, shaking hands with his opponent.

'He's athletic and build,' she thought as she blushed: he was heading towards her with a smile.

"I've missed seeing you before," he spoke as he slipped his racket into its cover.

"Why do you say that?" she replied, being coy.

"Because, such beauty I would have remembered," he smiled as he reached for her hand and took it, bringing it slightly up and brushing it with his lips.

"You're Ms. Leon, correct?"

"That's right."

"I remember you from an article I read a few months about you. The article was trash, but the picture was excellent: the writer was a hack, but that photographer did an excellent job."

"I agree," Camille smiled. "You're wise beyond your years, sir."

"And, you are even more beautiful in person than I imagined possible, Ms. Leon.

"If I may be so forward, may I buy you a spring water at the club: both you and Debutante?"

"Why, yes, I'd like that," she took back her hand and smiled even more as they walked to the club.

Debutante woke up, purred loudly, and then went back to sleep in her carrier, dreaming of her friend, Rufus.

"I do believe you have the advantage, sir," Camille noted, and he stopped and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry: where are my manners? Joshua Mankey, at your service, dear lady," she giggled as he bowed.

"Please, call me Camille," she smiled as she watched him walk in front of her.

…x x x x…

Kim punched her phone and punched Monique on speed dial.

"Charleston residence," came over Kim's speakerphone.

"Are you insane?" Kim shouted into the phone as she waved the card in her hand.

"You opened your mail, I see," was the reply.

"He's evil, Monique! He used to try to kill Ron and me with exploding golf balls!"

"He's changed, Kim. He's really a good man; all he needed was a good dose of 'Monique-lovin,'' and he's good to go. He was already giving up the evil sitches," Monique laughed, "and he's donating dollars for underprivileged youth, worldwide.

"Besides, he already told me everything, Kim, and I don't care: I love him, and we're getting married on his island." Her voice softened. "You know I don't have any family, anymore, and I'd like for you to come, pwease, Kim," and Monique did the PDP.

"That's so not fair, Mon: I know what you're doing, and I can't even see it…All right, Ron and I will come," and Monique squealed with delight.

"Thank you, Kim. Maid of Honor?"

"Don't press your luck, GF," Kim laughed. "Of course I will, Mon; who but my BFGF would I do that is for?"

"Thanks, Kim. C'ya: Stud's coming in the castle door, and he's bringing in the makin's for a fresh batch of haggis.

"EEWW," came from Ron as he stepped towards the open speaker. "Mon, I just have one question for you: are you happy?"

"Yes, Ron, I'm disgustingly happy," she answered almost immediately.

"Well, other than the habit of eating sheep's guts, I'm happy for you, Monique: you, more than any of Kim's friends, deserve to be happy," he smiled as he spoke.

"Thanks, Ron," came from Monique.

"Aye, thank ye, Ronald," came from Duff, and the line went dead.

"Awk-weird?" Ron asked, and Kim nodded.

"Awk-weird, but only a 7.8 on the meter," Kim concurred.

"MOMMIE! Ronnie is pulling Rufus 3's tail again!" then yell came from the TV room, and Kim sighed.

…x x x x…

Felix looked up as the door to his shop opened and Joshua Mankey came walking in.

"Joshua! What can I do for you today, my man?" he grinned as he lifted over to shake Joshua's hand. Joshua was beaming.

"'I'm getting married in the morning,'" Joshua sang, "well, not really in the morning, but I'm getting married, Felix. I found her, and she loves me."

"Joshua! Congratulations," Felix turned and headed back to the rear of the store where the formalwear was located. "Who's the lucky lady? Did you finally ask Marcella?"

"Camille Leon," Joshua replied, and Felix's chair dropped to the ground with a THUD!

He lifted and turned around, facing Joshua again.

"You, Mister Artist, are marrying the Richest Woman in the World?" he asked, and Joshua nodded with a smile.

"Are you insane?" Felix asked.

"Only insanely in love, my friend, insanely in love," was his reply.

"Well," Felix smiled. "She is very attractive, especially for a criminal, but at least she got her billions back, so that makes her look a lot better," Joshua smiled inside.

"That doesn't matter: she's beautiful, and I love her," he smiled, "and she loves me.

"The money doesn't matter, anyway, but she doesn't want a pre-nup: she loves me that much, and her father's gone, so there aren't any complaints from him. One of her lawyers suggested that she might be in error, and she fired him.

"Have you told Ron and Kim?"

"Well," he laughed, "after Kim finished yelling after five minutes, she finally said something about karma and hugged me. Ron just grinned and asked for some 'leftovers;' Kim hit him. Only Rufus was excited, for some strange reason.

"So, what can you get me in a gray tails?" Joshua grinned as Felix lifted, shaking his head, and headed back towards the wedding attire.

…x x x x…

"Do you, Monique Jay Charleston, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

…x x x x…

"Do you, Joshua Lawrence Mankey, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

…x x x x…

"Duff, darling, I'll make dinner tonight, all right?" Monique purred, and Duff smiled from his chair as he watched the British Open coverage.

The honeymoon had been incredible, and Duff was certain that he would never walk again after that first night. 'Or, at least, never get up again,' he laughed inside as he watched Monique walk away, 'or, the next, or the next seven, or every night since then for the past four months,' he smiled. 'That lady is incredible: brilliant, beautiful, and an amazing head for business: Coco is still laughing at his experts: ever since the tartan line that Monique recommended has taken off amazingly well, even better than she thought. Of course, her body in that wedding dress was worth not listening to my lawyers. The plaid thong, though,' he laughed again as he remembered seeing her in it…

'Of course, that Kimberly Ann, in her dress, was a vision, as well: I'll never understand what she sees in that Ronald person, though,' he reached for the remote as he stood, not noticing the water that had pooled under his feet from the leaking plant pot. He brushed the lamp, not noticing the frayed cord.

Monique noticed the flicker of the lights. 'Old wiring in an even older castle,' she thought as she began to stuff the haggis. She looked around the cabinets, but she couldn't find one spice. "Duff? Do you have any smoky paprika?" She asked as she headed back into the living room and screamed.

…x x x x…

"Camille, daring, we'll be late: we don't want to keep the Langstons waiting, now, do we?" Joshua called from the front door.

"Coming, Joshua," Camille stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair one final time, smiling. The past few months had been heaven: Joshua was a dealing, being the perfect husband everywhere.

'And, 'everywhere' was definitely the case,' Camille giggled. 'The bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen…I had always thought that scene with the spatula from the movie was funny, but Joshua carried it to an entirely new level,' she smiled. She had told her very-perplexed cook to buy a gross of spatulas the next day.

She smiled as she stroked the sleeping Debutante and headed out and for the stairs. She noticed that Joshua had hung a new picture next to the stairwell, and she glanced at it as she placed her hand on the stair rail.

Joshua had just opened the front door when heard a crack and a scream! He turned back and watched in horror as Camille fell 25 feet and landed on the marble floor. He stared, frozen in his spot as he watched the blood begin to form under her, and he screamed as the cook came running out of the kitchen as the head butler ran in, punching 911 into his phone.

…x x x x…

"I can't believe it, Ron," Kim walked back to their car. "Duff is dead, and I'm actually sad," she replied as Ron opened the door for her.

"Kim, it is your best friend's late husband, even though he was one of our former foes," Ron replied as he closed her door and went around to the driver's side. "I'm just happy that Monique is holding up so well: seeing her husband, standing and smoking, must have been quite a shock to her."

"RON!" Kim turned to glare at him for the bad jokes, but Ron's face had tears on it.

"Monique had just found happiness," he continued. "I remember the look on her face at the wedding, Kim: she was radiant. I wonder if she'll ever get that smile back," he turned the key and started the car.

…x x x x…

"Goodbye, Camille," Joshua stood at her gravesite…well, their gravesites: Debutante had come running out of the bedroom when he heard Camille scream, and he died at the top of the stairs as he looked down on Camille's lifeless body. The vet told him that it was a heart attack, but Joshua was convinced that he needed to be with her, even in death. He knelt, placing a rose on his wife's grave and a sprig of catnip on Debutante's, and then stood and headed back to the car.

"Take me home, Jason," he said as Jason opened the door to the limousine.

…x x x x…

The woman walked onto the driving range, pulling her golf bag up to an open spot. The man standing there had his head down and saw the feet coming toward him.

"Excuse me, miss, but you're in my – Monique?"

"Josh?" She smiled a tiny smile as she extended her hand. "Are you all right? I heard about your wife: you must be devastated," she hugged him loosely.

"Thank you, Monique. I'm sorry about your husband, as well," Joss looked at her. "You must still be grieving," he took her hand and squeezed.

"Duff did love me, that was a certainty," she agreed.

"As did Camille: she loved me, as well," he added.

"Suddenly, I don't feel like golf today," she reached for her bag.

"I don't either. I'll buy you a spring water back at the club."

"Fine. My cart's over here: let's ride back," Monique offered, and the two who'd lost headed to the golf cart.

They placed their bags in the back and sat, and Monique headed back to the club.

As they drove in the open, Monique looked over at Josh and grinned.

"It worked."

"Like a charm," he smiled as he took her hand.

"And, no one suspects a thing," Monique smiled as she squeezed his hand.

"I will miss that cat, though: he was all right.

"But I won't miss you: I have billions of reasons not to," he said.

"I dumped that island, so we're even: the British Admiralty was ecstatic to get their hands on it, so I have billions of reasons not to miss you, too, not to mention the rest of his cash.

"But, I won't miss haggis."

"I won't miss you…ever again," he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Is that a promise or a threat, Mr. Mankey," Monique giggled.

"Take it how you will, Ms. Charleston-Killigan."

…x x x x…