Staring Into the Night

(Song is "The Reason", by Hoobastank, thought it was the perfect song for an Octavius songfic.)

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do

As I sit here on this lonely night, I have a lot on my mind.

Most of it having to do with the accident that changed my life.

The accident that came about due to my own miscalculation, that I refused to believe was a miscalculation.

The accident that killed my wife...and demolished my dream in an instant.

I look up at the full moon, reflected on the river,

And I can't help but wonder:

Could I get it right next time?

Or would it be a mistake?

Did all this really happen?

Or is this all some horrible dream?

As I am hit by a blast of freezing wind, I shiver, and think, This is no dream...this is reality...

But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you

I look at the river and see 4 red lights reflecting off the surface.

...and I wish it wasn't.

What do you mean by that, father?

One of them talks in my head.

It means I wish this was all a dream...that I'd wake up from it and things would return to normal.

Do you not like us?

We have helped you so much.

Do you wish to be rid of us?

For the moment, I don't have an answer.

I look at the New York skyline, think of all the people who probably don't even know I exist.

As they shouldn't...I am a monster.

An abomination...

I have taken too many lives away, cheated death far more than any sane man should, racked up a criminal record higher than the Empire State...

And I never meant to do any of it.

And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I was just a man, with a dream to help humanity.

And it all collapsed on my head.

As everything else since then has.

And yet I still exist...

Any other man would have caved in under such circumstances.

So why am I still here?

Because we are here to help you.

I don't need your help!!!

But father-

Leave me alone!!!

They quiet down...for now.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I close my eyes for a moment, reflecting back on my life, and a flashback of my childhood returns to me. I remember how my father used to beat me, while my mother stood watching, begging him to stop.

I remember the day I heard of his death, thanking the gods of technology for killing him and removing him from my life forever.

I remember the day I met the woman whom I eventually married, on the college steps, and talked for hours.

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday

At this, I look up at the night sky, as clouds begin to cover the moon, threatening to bombard the city with rain.

I flash back to the day of the accident, when, for a brief moment, I thought that my life's work would finally come to fruition.

How, for a moment, it did...only to go horribly wrong.

When I turned around to find my wife...killed by flying glass...then, nothing.

I remember waking up in a hospital room, the bodies of surgeons flung over the room in a bloody tableau.

And all the pain I put you through

I remember walking out of the E.R, nearly getting hit by a taxi, only to flip it over at the last second.

I remember walking into the pier where I now hide out, falling asleep, and waking up in the morning to discover that the media had a field day with the accident. How I walked into town, picking up a newspaper and seeing the nickname that fool Jameson gave to me.

They called me "Doctor Octopus."

I'd like to know where he came up with that...

I stand up as rain starts to fall.

I look at the sky again, the clouds now beginning to overtake the sky, blocking out the moon.

And I fall to my knees, my head in my hands, tears rolling down my face.

I'm sorry Rosie...I didn't mean for this to happen. I wish I could take it back...but it's not possible now.

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I can't help but just sit there and mourn the life that I once had... the love I lost.

I used to be Otto Octavius... I'm just a monster.

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

But I will no longer act like the monster people like to believe I am.

I swear to you, longer will I be known as a madman.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I don't like being known as a monster.

I stand up and look at the sky as it starts to rain heavily.

I stand there and let the rain wash over me, as if it would cleanse me of the sins I have committed.

I have done great wrong...

I will no longer be a monster, Rosie.

I walk into the pier, and lay on the bed, my heart still heavy.

I look up at the ceiling, and listen to the rain against the roof.

And hope that my life will change for the better...

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you