Disclaimer: Oh come on. If I owned it, would it be on the internet? For free? Yeah, right.

CATverse A/N: Blah blah blah, if you want to know where it goes, check the website (too lazy to type the address…check my profile), 'kay?

A/N: I…really haven't the faintest idea what the hell I'm doing. Not that this should surprise anybody. I have the first couple of paragraphs in my notebook, but I can't for the life of me remember where I was supposed to end up.

Let's watch me fly by the seat of my pants, shall we?


It never ceased to amaze him.

It also never ceased to infuriate him.

No matter what sort of lair the Scarecrow and his henchgirls procured, the bedroom that Jonathan Crane chose never had a door that could withstand the combined destructive power of three women determined to feed him and cuddle him to death.

But not today.

No, not today.

Today--today, glorious today!--Today, he was prepared!

Today, November twenty second, his birthday.

Unlike most days when the three hellions were sure to try to lavish him with 'special occasion lurve', today he'd actually bothered to take note of the date and had barred the door accordingly.

And since they had a tendency to just try and burst through the door without making use of the doorknob…


Crane, sitting on his bed across from the door that he'd locked and barricaded, grinned like an absolute lunatic.

What a wonderful sound…

"What the…hey, the door's stuck!"



Crane's hands slapped together without his consent, and had anyone actually seen the action, they would have compared it to an amused five year old clapping his hands at the entertainment offered by a man in a dinosaur suit.

"Hey, Squishykins? You in there?"

The pitter patter of someone getting a running start…and then…


Good God, it was like watching a bird hit a window repeatedly…

Only less tragic and more amusing.

Three voices raised in unison. "Open the smegging door!"

Thud. Thud. Thud.

He let out a most undignified giggle.



The door popped right off its hinges and all three women tumbled into the room on top of it and each other, a tangle of confused (and no doubt terribly bruised) limbs.

In their attempt to get disentangled, they elbowed each other, kicked each other and poked each other in the eye…



Techie was poked in the eye.


"Watch it!"

The Captain took an elbow to the face.



Al took a knee to the back of the head.

Crane grinned even wider.

Best. Birthday. Ever.