Hey! This was just a one shot idea I had, and I actually don't think it's that funny, maybe a little bit. Anyway, just wanted to explain a couple things.
Boldface...what Robin is writing
I Boldface...something Robin is putting emphasis on
Long line...space in between letters
Disclaimer: don't own TT
I know I should probably be working, with all these papers on villains we've had lately, but I can't. Honestly, I'm bored to tears. Normally, you'd be around here to coax me out and tell me to take a break, and we'd end up watching a movie or something.
But you're not.
It's not like I blame you or anything, but leaving? For a year? To Tamaran? It was a shock, and I'm sorry if I didn't give you a proper goodbye. You didn't have to hide it from us, you know. It would've made it a lot less alarming as to a gigantic spaceship landing on our roof.
There's Beast Boy, trying to knock down the door to get me out of here. I've been in here nearly all the time since you left. This has been the longest week of my life, and who could blame me? After who knows how many years of waking up to see you every day, and now...nothing. You brightened up everything around here, Star. I've started to notice that the Tower is a bit too gray, and even the sunset doesn't really look that colorful anymore. Do you have sunsets on Tamaran? I never asked.
Okay, he actually put a dent in my door now. Time for me to go and yell at him. Just wanted to say I miss you, and come back soon...which obviously you have no intention of doing.
Have I mentioned how cold and drab it is at the Tower without you? I hardly ever smile anymore, and I haven't laughed in fifteen days. How's Tamaran? Last time we went there, you were getting married. I swear, if you're getting married again I will personally make sure you never set foot off this planet. I'm really bad at grounding people, can you tell?
Princess. It's a big deal, isn't it? I've been thinking, couldn't Galfore have done this conference thing by himself? He is the Emperor, after all. Did you just want to go for moral support? If I sound a little annoyed, I am. In fact, I haven't been sleeping more than five hours a night. You're not here to tell me that it's unhealthy, and, well, you're not here. How do you expect me to get any sleep? Although, I suppose it's an insult to your memory if I don't do what you've told me to all these years.
I make it sound like you've died.
Thank goodness you haven't, because I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. It's funny how before I met you, I never actually felt miserable all the time, but now I know that if you were truly gone I would. Actually, I do. But I know it would be a lot worse if you were never coming back.
You are coming back, right?
I'm going now. I don't know where, but I just can't write anymore. It reminds me of you, and I'm trying to stop thinking about you. Where'd I get the brilliant idea that writing to you would help? I can't stop thinking about you. It's like a ghost of you is still here, haunting the Tower. That's actually a possibility, because it's whenever we're fighting a villain that I can finally get my mind off of you.
The alarm! YES!
Not that I'm that desperate to think about something else.
I'm still missing you. I guess, being your best friend and all, I'm missing you more than the others are. They're still going on as if life hadn't come to a standstill. I envy them. I can't stop missing you! Your ghost is still there, and I think it likes my room just as much as I do. Okay, maybe I don't like my room, but it's there, a lot. I could have sworn I heard you in your room the other day, laughing, but I ran over there and it was nothing.
Star...there's been a part of me missing since you left. I can explain it, but it's not the explanation I want. I guess, since I'm never going to give this to you, I can write it...but then I'd have to risk Beast Boy seeing it. I don't really care anymore. Star, I
Saved by the bell. Alarm. Whatever.
Do you know what today is? It's Valentine's Day. Today's the day you spend with that special someone, the one you love. For some reason, you're ghost's been more annoying today than ever.
I did some research on today, because I figured you'd want to know. So there's this guy, his name was St. Valentine. He lived in this time period where this other guy, Claudius, was king. Claudius didn't want anyone to get married, I think from a bad marriage he had, or something. So St. Valentine got people married in secret. I'm not sure what happened after that, but I don't think Claudius was too happy about it. So now February 14 is St. Valentine's Day, a.k.a. the day of love.
And you know the funniest part? I want to spend it with you.
But you're not here to spend it with. You're on a freakin' different planet! I bought roses, and left them in your room. Don't ask me why, I just did. When you get back, they'll probably be dust, or Raven might have taken them out. She's taken to cleaning your room. I think she misses you almost as much as I do, even though she won't admit it. But she could never miss you as much as I do.
You know what, Star? One and a half months without you. Not even. I'm already lost. There's just no point. I used to wake up early. You know why? So I could watch the sunrise with you. I sleep in now, and I feel lazy twenty-four/seven. I used to scarf down dinner. You know why? So I could watch the sunset with you. Now I play with my food so much Raven blew up a light, she was so annoyed. I used to take walks in the park, sit on the roof in the rain, and just plain get out there. You know why? To be with you. But you're not here. So why bother doing any of that stuff anymore?
Why did I even bother doing that stuff in the first place? What makes you so special that I want to be with you all the time? Is it just the way you smile at me when I teach you something new, that smile that could light up a whole city? Is it your...dare I say it?...cute naive personality? Is it just how beautiful you look without even trying? Honestly, we need to get you a new uniform. It's distracting.
Maybe it's all of those things, and more. Those are just the biggest things I miss about you. Then there are your hugs, however bone-crushing. And your meal selections. I don't think I've ever been so fascinated by what someone ate before. There's so much more, Starfire, but I'd run out of time...and paper. It's Valentine's Day, and I never knew how much you meant to me until you left. I want you to know, you're something special. You deserve the best. And if you'll let me, I want to be the one to give you that.
I can't believe I said that.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
I love you.
I have to say, I've been avoiding this lately. I guess it's because of my last letter...you know how bad I am with feelings and stuff. But anyway, today's Easter. Maybe I'll write to you on all the important holidays of the month, or something. I don't know. I need something different to think about...I'm so pathetic, I'm making a pattern out of this.
We got attacked by Plasmus today, and Cy got hurt pretty bad. Raven's healing him up, but he's got a dent. An actual dent. Like the one on my door that I haven't bothered to get fixed yet. Maybe that's why I'm writing. I don't like seeing him hurt, especially when, as aforementioned, everything already looks dark and bleak and gloomy.
It's funny how I can't go to Raven or Cyborg or Beast Boy with any of this stuff, but the most comforting person...er, thing...right now is Silkie.
That's right. Silkie.
He's been in a bad way since you left. It's like he's sick or something, but I think he's just missing you. Who isn't? I just barely got out of bed this morning. I wouldn't have, if Raven hadn't come in, levitated me up, and dropped me on the floor. It kind of hurt.
Maybe if I hadn't been so lazy during that last attack, Cyborg wouldn't have gotten hurt. I hadn't thought of it that way before.
I'm going to go train.
Heh. It's a funny story, actually, how I ended up in the infirmary. The good news is, I trained tons. We haven't had another injury yet, except I'd gotten kind of tired last time we fought Cinderblock.
I passed out at the end of the battle.
So, when we got home, I had to endure Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy yelling at me. I guess if you were here, you'd have told them to shut up (in your own, kind way) and then gotten all disappointed in me. It's times like these that I'm glad you weren't there to witness that.
Anyway, Beast Boy came in a little later. I was pretending to be asleep. That's honestly the most exciting thing you can do here, seeing how well it's possible to fool everyone else. I guess infirmaries are good places to practice your acting skills.
Anyway, back to the point. He said he kind of knew how I felt, when Terra had 'died' and come back to life without knowing anything about us. Maybe he hadn't really loved her, like I love you, but you're coming back, and she's not. Well, she might not be. I've always suspected he had something going on with Raven right now, though, didn't you?
Raven came in, too. She said she was a little 'disconcerted' (that's the word she used, I have a feeling that's a bit too mild) after Malchior went evil on her. But she's healing. She said I was lucky, you were going to come back, so at least I didn't have to get over you. I just had to wait. Waiting's hard, but having no hope is much worse. I've never felt that sorry for her before, and think of all the other things she's been through. I could just never relate before, and I had no idea what she was experiencing. But I was pretending to be asleep then, too, so I didn't say anything. I think she knew I was faking.
Then Cyborg started talking to me when I was awake about that girl he'd met when he'd gone back in time, Sarasim. He'd really liked her, he said. But the last time he saw her in person, she was trying to beat up this big alien/magic monster thing. At least, though, he knew she'd survived. I guess I should be glad to know you're probably alive, too.
I can't believe I've never noticed how completely horrible all of our love lives are. At least Raven and Beast Boy are trying to patch it up with each other, but I don't think Cyborg's done anything about it. Those visits he keeps taking to Titans East, though, are pretty suspicious. Is it really necessary to go across the country every week?
Considering what they've been through, I shouldn't be complaining. But I am. Does that make me selfish?
Trying to be grateful and seriously failing,
Today's Mother's Day. Poor Silkie. He's feeling pretty down, since his surrogate mother (coughYOUcough) isn't here. None of ours are, either. Well, Raven has one, but she didn't acknowledge the fact. Beast Boy sent flowers over to the Doom Patrol for Elasti-Girl. Cyborg's been working on his car all day, refusing to talk to anyone. I got in trouble for training for six hours before anyone noticed I was gone for too long.
I'm not really sure what happened to Cyborg's mom. All I know is that his dad is still working at S.T.A.R. labs, but he's in a wheelchair. My mom died when I was eight. Circus accident. Not really an accident, I guess, someone cut the ropes while they were doing their trapeze act. It feels weird to talk about it, but I guess I'm semi-okay with the fact now.
I actually sent a card to Wonder Woman, mostly because I knew Batman would have an awkward explanation on his hands. She's all he talks about, in a very subtle manner. I expect she'll be my foster mom one day, so why not get in the habit?
Whoops, there's Batman calling. He doesn't sound too happy.
Pathetically reduced to childish pranks,
I had to write today. It's impossible to stay off this for long, but today was horrible. The worst. I hated it.
We went grocery shopping.
Stupid, deafening fangirls. As if I was in the mood to put up with them. They were mobbing around us today, and a lot of them were going after BB, but one actually had the nerve to come up and kiss me on the lips. If I was writing to anyone else, I guess I'd have put a few choice swears in here right now, but I know you hate that stuff, so I'll leave it out. If you were here, though...I fondly remember you trying to blast Kitten to pieces. Would you have done the same thing? I wish...
Enough for today. This is starting to sound like a diary.
Waiting rather impatiently for six months to be over,
July fourth. Independance Day. Enough said. Who cares about being independant? Heck, if America needed England as much as I need you, they were being pretty stupid.
The team keeps talking about me when they think I'm not listening. Then they stop and stare whenever I come in the room. I think they're worried about me, and honestly, I can't blame them. I'm worried about me, too. I can't do anything anymore. I think they're thinking about kicking me off the team.
But then I'll never see you again...
Have you ever had that feeling where it's like you're spiraling into a black hole of nothingness? It's like you can't breathe, you can't move, you can't think. I hate it. I hate everything. It's kinda creepy.
Today's actually my dad's birthday, but I've never told anyone. Plus, I really don't feel like celebrating today. Or tomorrow. Or for the next five months. I can't believe there's still five months left. Are you trying to depress me? Because it's working really, really well.
Alarm. I don't feel like fighting.
I'd've written sooner, but I've been in a coma for almost two weeks. After that last battle with Cinderblack, I got hurt pretty bad. I was already hurt, but I wasn't really paying attention to where I was driving the R-cycle. Stupid tree.
Raven said she entered my mind, and it wasn't that I couldn't wake up, I just didn't want to. They found me about a half hour later, so it wasn't like I was there for hours and hours without medical attention. I just didn't care anymore. I'm scared, Star. Really, really scared. What if I don't wake up next time?
My letters haven't been so long, I've noticed, but I guess I can make up for that today. I'm feeling a lot better now. Raven just force-fed me anti-depressant pills, so at least I'm not moody. She's been doing that every day for a week, and I guess it's working.
I want to say it's your fault. I want to point fingers, to get angry, but it's not going to help. And besides, it was out of your hands. It's probably my fault, for falling head over heels for you...in love with you...in the first place. My head's been a lot clearer lately, and I've been able to think a lot better, and come up with this brilliant conclusion:
I'm going to kill whoever invented it, if anyone did invent the concept, and if they aren't dead already. In all of those movies, it never works out, or rather, it does, but all of those couples get back together because of some stupid apology. It's never like this. Would some married couple together for, say, twenty or thirty years still actually love each other? They may be good friends, but they don't actually feel anything anymore, probably. There's no such thing as love. Maybe rather obsessive crushes, but no love.
Therefore, I am now going to write just as your best friend, and nothing more, because there's nothing more to be. Love obviously can't, doesn't, and will never exist.
Your BEST FRIEND,
Sorry I haven't written in a long time, but, you know, best friends don't obsess over each other. This pills are magic, I feel better than ever. Maybe I should keep taking them, even after you do come back. Raven doesn't even have to force-feed me anymore, I take them all on my own time...sometimes I take a little more than I'm supposed to, but what'll one extra pill do? Sure, I'm a little guilty about it, and we might spend a little more money on them than we're supposed to because I'm using too much, but other than that, it won't hurt anybody. I'm not going crazy and taking fifty at a time, and I don't see what could go wrong.
I actually laughed yesterday, and at one of Beast Boy's jokes, too. The entire Tower's been looking a little better. I guess I was bringing them all down. Silly me! Ha. I feel childish. But there's a child inside everyone, isn't there? And I've got to let mine go sometime, right?
I have to go get another dose now. I've been feeling a little bit low-spirited for the past five minutes, nothing a pill couldn't fix up.
Your happy best friend,
I overdosed. It was an accident, but...I had to get rushed to the hospital, because I was practically foaming at the mouth. I've never seen the other Titans like that. I don't know if there were angry at me or if they pitied me. I was in the hospital for a week.
Raven isn't letting me take the anti-depressants anymore, so I'm gloomy again. I've taken to my room, and Beast Boy pulled a prank on me just to get me out. He hung a bucket of water over my chair, so when I pulled it out, the water splashed all over my head. Chasing him was the first time I'd been out of my room for anything other than a few meals after I came back from the hospital.
I know you'd just say he was doing what he thought was for the best, and that I should actually be thanking him for the favor, but if you hated everything, you wouldn't be thinking on the same lines.
That's a scary thought, you hating everything.
Today's Halloween, by the way. People go around in costumes and get candy from other people. I don't really feel like going into detail. Maybe when you get back. But right now...
I miss you, Star.
Have you ever thought of us as veterans? We fight in wars, I guess. The never-ending kind. But wars usually don't have a good guy and a bad guy. We're the good guys, most of the time. At least, you guys are. I have no idea what I am. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle, and maybe I would've been all bad if Batman hadn't come and adopted me. Even with his training, I don't know the limits. I've stolen, I've hurt, and I've lied. You four have never done a bad deed, in all the time that I've known you. At least, I haven't been able to catch you at it. Heck, none of the other Titans have done what I've done.
Maybe I just don't belong here.
All these years, I've been fighting because I didn't want whatever happened to me to happen to anybody else. Maybe the incentive's wearing off. Maybe I'm just not good enough anymore. I'd quit, but where would I go? Titans Tower is the only place I ever called home. Forget Wayne Manor, that was more like a prison, especially on business dinner night. Slade would adopt me, probably. (Insert sarcastic tone here.)
Would you guys have to fight me again one day?
Maybe I'm turning evil. Maybe I'm not as heroic as everyone tells me I am. What if I ended up having to fight against you again? I couldn't do it, I know that. I just don't know anything else. I don't know me.
You know me, though, Star. I'd never have these doubts if you weren't here. I can't wait for one and a half months to crawl by...
It's Thanksgiving today. Basically, we give thanks for all the great things in our lives. The only thing I'm thankful for is you, but you aren't HERE for me to TELL you that I'm thankful for you. I guess I'm thankful for the other Titans, too, and the GameStation, which I've been playing a lot lately. It helps keeps my mind off things.
Sometimes I wonder what villains are thankful for. Do they celebrate Thanksgiving? Go out and steal a big turkey to share with all their villain friends?
You can probably tell I'm in a dry-humor mood. Cyborg's taken to cheering me up a little everyday. At least I can't overdose on that.
Watch me, though, I probably will. I can't do anything right.
Please come home safe. You can't do this to me, not on Christmas, not on New Years, never. You can't leave, not now, not when I was so close to having you home again. Please, Star, don't make me miserable for the rest of my life. Tell me you flew. Tell me you're on your way to Earth and you haven't been blown to smithereens like your spaceship was. Please, Star. I'll do anything, anything at all, just come back home...
You've got to be okay. You have to be. I'll die along with you if you're not. Tell me whatever your brother said isn't true. Tell me you weren't attacked. Please, please, please, I'm begging you, Star, don't do this to me. I can't lose you, not now, not ever.
I don't care what I said before, I love you so much, Star, and I need you here. Just
We're coming, Star. Cy just fired up the T-ship. We'll find you.
We have to.
You have no idea how much you scared me. I thought...I don't even want to acknowledge it. But at least you're just unconscious. Raven says you'll wake up soon, and I can't wait.
This is the first time I've seen you in a year. A year, Star. You've never looked more beautiful. I'd missed you, so much, but through all that, you're finally with me again. Well, not 'with me' per se, but here, at least. What I wouldn't give to have you 'with me' in that sense. But now...now we go back to playing best friends, just like we did a year ago, when you left.
That's a depressing thought.
This is the last time I'll ever write to you. Not because you found all my letters the other day, not because you actually sat down and read them all while I was having a heart attack in the same room, and not because Beast Boy, Raven, and Cyborg were cracking up because of it. I can talk to you, and I should've spoken to you about it in the first place. I get that now. I don't need to write anymore.
But, today was the one-year anniversary of when you left, so I might as well. And, I've got nothing to do, since you're at the mall with Raven shopping for me (which was completely unnecessary, Star, I'd much rather have you here). And, well, you nearly kill me every time I over exert myself (which I don't understand; getting up to get the remote will NOT trigger another coma, Star). I still don't see how cooking my own meals falls into that category (not that I don't like that Pudding of Sadness you made for me, turning green meant I loved it, seriously. It's just that I don't deserve it. See, I'm happy now, but Beast Boy's devastated that he keeps losing even with you back cheering him on at the GameStation. Plus, he was sad enough to pull that prank on me while you were on Tamaran...oh yeah, he DEFINITELY needs that Pudding of Sadness...)
I just wanted to say, Star, just like I did on New Year's Day, that I love you. More than anything. And you know what's even better?
You love me back.
One year, I guess, made all the difference, but a pretty darn long one it was. Next time you plan on leaving, take me with you.
With all the love in me,
Your boyfriend, (!)
P.S. Sorry about being so...ah...passionate when you woke up after we found you, but I honestly could not believe you could be such a good kisser after being unconscious for five days. I think we need to make out more often...
That's the longest one-shot I've ever written...I don't think it qualifies as a one-shot, but I don't know. I might add another chapter, 'Dear Robin,' which are Starfire's letters to Robin while she was away, but I don't know. This took me two months, no joke.