Summary: Kakashi ponders over his future with Sasuke, but does the boy even want to be a part of it? Sometimes you just have to stop clinging helplessly to the past and learn to accept your biggest fears.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story; I'm just borrowing them for a little while to satisfy my own perverted desires. I'm not making a penny out of this. I just do it just for fun… and Sasuke is being written in at the legal age for this sort of thing.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my last two Kakashi/Sasuke stories, 'In Flight Entertainment' and 'The Great Outdoors.' Your comments are always greatly appreciated! This story is quite different from my usual light-hearted fics, which completely mock Sasuke's little attitude problem. This one is actually quite serious and angsty. Also, lets all pretend that Kakashi is a few years older than he is meant to be just for the sake of the plot.
Finally, I'd like to say a big thank you (and give a bone crushing hug) to my newly acquired beta, Alice-Kun, who very kindly prevents me from making silly mistakes! You are awesome!
WARNINGThis is a hardcore YAOI lemon, with VERY graphic smut scenes. If it's not your thing, then don't waste your time reading it. I can't be bothered with people who flame just because they don't like the pairing. You have been warned!
The Good Old Days
For as long as Kakashi could remember, Sasuke was always there. He was so deeply rooted into the older man's mind that life without him was hard to imagine. He was always there when Kakashi woke up. When he returned from a mission, the boy was always waiting for him and he was always beside him when he fell asleep at night. It was just how things had always been.
Sasuke wasn't little anymore. He was no longer the small, disagreeable boy who, despite his tough exterior, was unsure of himself deep down inside, and who was desperately seeking some sort of father figure to help numb the pain he felt at losing his own parents all those years ago. He would never admit that though, and even now he still wouldn't admit it, but the boy had allowed Kakashi to get closer than anyone else and the inner workings of his mind had become obvious, at least to Kakashi anyway. When Sasuke was younger, he needed someone who was older, more experienced and who could offer him security and protection. But one question always loomed in the back of the older man's mind these days and wouldn't give him peace. Did Sasuke still need a father figure, let alone want one?
Kakashi walked into the living room of his apartment and took a seat on his old, red sofa. He couldn't let it go despite its age and the fact that it was nearly falling apart. It wasn't even red anymore, more of a pinky-grey colour in some patches. He had comforted Sasuke so many times on that sofa. They had many fights on it in the past only to have amazing make-up sex on it not long afterwards. He smiled at the memories. The whole room had remained more or less the same also. Old, white wallpaper which had long since lost its shine was still found to be decorating the room, but it was no longer the bright and exuberant shade which had once made the room look big and airy. Its dull colour now closed the room in and made the place feel in a sense, claustrophobic, which Kakashi was now becoming aware off. Still, it had not given way to anything new and probably wouldn't anytime soon. The other furniture in the room remained where it had always been. The only thing that ever really saw change were the pictures on the wall, which Sasuke tended to grow bored of and liked to change regularly, often to Kakashi's disapproval.
In his mind he always wondered why Sasuke still remained with him, he was twice the boy's age and it wasn't as if he couldn't find anyone else. There were few people in all of Konaha who would actually turn him down, and even fewer still now that he had grown into the most stunning 18-year old most people had ever set their eyes on. He could make people stop dead in the street, but he was still 'Sasuke' and completely ignored their advances or shunned them off with a 'humph' or 'you're annoying, go away,' if he was feeling in a more talkative mood.
There were so many things that bothered Kakashi, stopping him from embracing change and forcing him to remain the creature of habit that he loathed. He wasn't getting any younger, and although well into his thirties, the aging process seemed to have forgotten about him. He was still as young and attractive looking as he was when he was Sasuke's age, but for how much longer is Sasuke going to want to be romantically connected with someone so much older than him? He couldn't get the thought out of his mind. It echoed over and over again in his head until it became unbearable and this was becoming an everyday occurrence.
Kakashi tried hard to block the thoughts from his head, but it was something he couldn't ignore. One day Sasuke was going to leave him for someone younger. One day he is going to loose the one thing that reminds him of the good old days, the time when he could say he was truly happy and he was determined never to let it go if it was at all possible. He had noticed Sasuke was looking at other men when they went out together. This was something that had never really bothered him in the past because he felt secure in his relationship with the boy, but now it frightened him. Sasuke was looking at other men of his own age. Kakashi sighed sadly as he thought about how cruel Sasuke could be without the boy even realizing it.
Kakashi didn't want to cry. He tried everything to hold back his tears, but the need for release was beyond any strength he had. Still sitting on the old, red sofa, he found himself with tears running down his cheeks. Life without Sasuke was an unbearable thought, but it was inevitable. He had been the boy's first lover, his first real kiss and his first proper relationship despite his young age. But nothing lasts forever, especially if it was a first to begin with. Sasuke is reaching the age where he isn't going to want to settle down. He's going to want to break free, explore the world and the opportunities around him and want to try new things and experience different relationships with different people. The belief that Sasuke would not want to spend the best years of his life with someone who is going to grow old before he does, lingered in the back of his mind far too often these days.
Desperate to distract himself from his callous thoughts, Kakashi jumped up from the seat and briskly walked into the kitchen, hoping that maybe a cup of green tea might calm him down. He didn't normally drink tea and neither did Sasuke, so it was buried right at the back of the cupboard. As he fished it out, a small red book fell down and hit the counter.
"So that's where I put it!" Kakashi smiled to himself as he picked up his precious book, which was now beginning to look a bit aged. The corners of the pages had become dog-eared, and the cover was looking a little worse for wear, but it was understandable considering that it had spent a good few years in his pocket, surviving mission after mission and a bit too much love. He smiled to himself as he remembered all the times Sasuke would mutter 'pervert' under his breath every time he opened it up. It annoyed him a bit at the time, but now in a strange way he missed the boy's rude comments regarding his hobby.
"Are you still reading those pervert books? I thought I hid them."
"Damn Sasuke!" Kakashi jumped before he spun around to face his young lover. He was the only person who could successfully sneak up behind him and make him jump like that. The boy flashed a cheeky half-smile at the older man.
"Yeah, I think I'll take it up again. There have been a few more releases that I need to get updated on," Kakashi grinned, hoping that Sasuke wouldn't notice he'd been crying and thankfully he didn't. He had always been the strong one who was there to comfort Sasuke when things got too much. He could not be seen showing weakness; he just couldn't, not in front of his young lover. Emotion was a taboo subject in Konaha after all; old wounds had to remain closed, or at least give the impression they were closed and well healed over. A person could never peel back the bandages and take a look inside.
"Whatever. You do know that the author of those books was arrested last week for indecently exposing himself in the park. I was there, it was horrible," Sasuke rolled his eyes as he headed towards the fridge and pulled the door open.
Kakashi stared at him as he rummaged through the fridge to try and find something he liked to eat. It wasn't easy feeding him because he hated nearly everything.
The older man didn't think it was possible, but Sasuke was even more beautiful than when he was a young boy. He was almost as tall as Kakashi now and his small, delicate frame still remained on the slender side, but had finally filled out with muscle and newly acquired strength. His face had remained quite feminine, and his smooth, soft skin stayed as pale as it always had been. In all puberty had been damn kind to him and he knew it! He also knew that Kakashi couldn't resist him. With one look into his unfathomable, dark eyes he knew the older man was seduced and would have his way with him… just how he liked it and right now was no different.
"Why do you never buy anything nice?" Sasuke moaned as he slammed shut the fridge door in annoyance, "I hate tofu and you know it!"
"There is other stuff than just tofu in there, but if you must then go to the shop and buy something else," Kakashi sighed, Sasuke was still as hard to please now as he always had been.
"Nah, you'll have to do instead."
Kakashi was caught by surprise as Sasuke's warm lips pressed against his own and pushed him back against the wall. Allowing the boy's tongue to meet with his own, he remembered the times when he used to be the one who had to initiate all their intimate moments. Sasuke was bigger now, and he seemed to enjoy the role reversal now that he had the physical strength to take Kakashi by surprise and slam him against a wall in a fit of passion.
As the kiss became more fervent, he felt Sasuke's hand slide down his stomach and tug at the belt holding his trousers up, releasing it almost effortlessly and causing them to drop to his ankles. Sasuke may be grown up now, but there was no way he was going to let him take over his role this time.
"Oh no you don't Sasuke," Kakashi grinned after he momentarily broke off the kiss in order to spin Sasuke around and press him against the wall instead, "it's your turn to be on the bottom!"
Sasuke let out a small grin as he let the older man pin him against the wall and resume the kiss. The Uchiha let out small gasp as he felt his partner's lips move away from his own and begin to kiss the bottom of his neck. After all the years they had been together, Kakashi had become well familiarized with Sasuke's body and knew all the places that made him gasp (and sometimes scream if he hit them just right). He moaned as the older man's mouth kissed and nipped at his delicate skin, moaning even louder as Kakashi's warm hands slid under his shirt and rubbed against his nipples, before tracing a line down his stomach, stopping at the buttons on his trousers.
Sasuke leaned his head back against the wall in order to allow Kakashi's mouth better access to his neck and shoulders. These were areas where he enjoyed being touched, and Kakashi's soft lips pressing against the delicate skin made his entire body tingle. Bringing his hands to Sasuke's trousers, the older man slid one inside, touching him in the places he knew the boy enjoyed; the places that made the boy's body do more than just tingle. Using his free hand, he cupped his young lover's face to guide his lips back down to meet his own.
"Mmm Kakashi…." He moaned quietly just before the other man's mouth pressed roughly against his and forced entry with his tongue. Concentrating on the kiss was becoming increasingly difficult as Sasuke's breath was already beginning to come in gasps from Kakashi's skilled touch. The warmth of his lover's body so near his own was causing his heart to race. He hoped he'd be able to remain on his feet when Kakashi's hot mouth, complete with skilled tongue, engulfed him fully.
Their tongues still entwined, Kakashi removed his hand from Sasuke's hardening member, which was becoming restricted by his trousers and underpants. With a rough tug they were pulled to the ground, falling unceremoniously to the boy's ankles. The boy's shirt wasn't treated with much respect either. Buttons were almost ripped from their seams before the garment was tossed to the side, landing in a crumpled heap on the kitchen floor.
Sasuke leaned his head back against the wall once again, tilting it slightly to the side, he breathed deeply from the feeling of Kakashi's soft lips and warm saliva tracing a line down his neck, chest and stomach, getting closer to were he wanted him to be. A quiet moan escaped his lips. He remembered the times when he was reluctant to show Kakashi he was enjoying his touch. From an early age Sasuke had been conditioned to hide any sort of weakness, it made him feel helpless and pathetic to let himself become vulnerable like this, but with Kakashi it was different. Slowly he learned that Kakashi was not like his father, he did not punish a collapse of inner defensive walls, in fact he encouraged it.
Sasuke moaned loudly as he felt the older man take a long lick of his length, using his tongue to stimulate the sensitive tip and leaving a trail of salvia which almost set the boy crazy as the cool air softy blew past causing it to eventually dry. He no longer held back the focalization of enjoyment anymore; rather he'd scream the house down at times.
The boy could already feel his heart race as Kakashi took his length into his hot mouth as far as it would go. Using his tongue he roused the areas he knew the Uchiha enjoyed, moving in a steady rhythm as he worked his way up and down the now erect member, his hands touching the boy in all the places where he knew would get the reaction he wanted. He enjoyed nothing more than being the one causing the boy to experience such pleasure; this alone turned him on more than anything. Sasuke's excited moans, his head tilted back with accompanying gasps for breath, his body writhing from pleasure and his hands trying to grasp whatever they could was enough to almost push the other man over the edge by themselves.
Sasuke felt his legs weaken as his breath came in deep gasps. He wondered how long he would be able to remain standing as Kakashi pleasured him in the way he knew only the older man could. He didn't want anyone else to do this for him, Kakashi knew his body well enough to draw out the uncontrollable moans and gasps that were escaping from his mouth. Kakashi was the only one who could make him feel comfortable enough to let himself go like this, to become like a pathetic, weak creature that had melted into his arms. He threw his head back against the wall as he tried to control his breath; Kakashi was bringing him close to climax and his heart was thumping against the inside of his chest to the extent that it almost hurt. He ran his hands through Kakashi's silver hair as he began to thrust gently into his lover's mouth, enjoying every moment of the warmth and pleasure which the skilled and experienced mouth provided.
Kakashi knew the Uchiha was close, deciding it was time to stop as he didn't want the boy to come just yet… there was still more he wanted to do and there were more moans he planned to obtain.
"Kakashi… the living room…" Sasuke gasped just as the other man finished.
"What? Don't think you'll be able to stay on your feet?" Kakashi grinned as he pulled his young lover into the neighboring room and threw him roughly down onto the old, red sofa, just like he had done so many times in the past.
He stood above the boy as he pulled his own shirt off and threw it to the ground in the corner of the room, revealing his perfectly toned arms and stomach. Sasuke smiled as he caught a glimpse of the body he loved so much, the strong muscular body that someday he wanted to have, the body he had always admired so much since he was a young boy. It rarely occurred to him that Kakashi was nearing his forties; it was really only on birthdays when he properly remembered, but only because Kakashi would moan all day long about becoming another year older. He hated his birthday and he celebrated it begrudgingly.
The older man reached over and pulled a bottle of lubricant from a nearby drawer, and coated his fingers in the liquid as Sasuke watched, lying back on the sofa the boy opened his legs to allow the other man's hand access. Kakashi softly pressed his lips against those of his young lover as he slipped a finger inside; followed by another in order to stretch and prepare the boy from inside for what was to come. Although Sasuke was well used to this sort of thing, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. He had always felt protective over the boy and these days things were no different even though Sasuke was not the small, vulnerable little boy he used to be even though he wished Sasuke still was. He enjoyed looking after and fussing over the usually reluctant boy who often tried to dispel his affection by any means necessary.
Sasuke gasped into Kakashi's mouth as he felt the older man's fingers hit against his prostate, causing a wave of pleasure to spread out within his body once again. Sasuke's restless movements below him had been than enough to arouse the older man; Sasuke's touch was just a bonus, and a damn good one at that.
Satisfied that was boy was prepared enough, he removed his fingers from inside him causing Sasuke to smile suggestively, signaling he was ready.
"Make me scream," Sasuke whispered into the older man's ear as he was getting ready to position himself above his young lover.
"Don't worry, I will," Kakashi smirked.
His younger lover let out a gentle sigh as he turned around. Kakashi coated his erection with lubricant, and positioned himself at the boy's entrance. He pushed into him slowly, moaning slightly from the boy's warmth and tightness. Sasuke closed his eyes tightly, his deep breaths sped up once again as the older man pushed deeply into him, causing a feeling of pleasure to spread through him once again, the familiar feeling which he wanted only Kakashi to give him; that only Kakashi could give him. It wouldn't be the same with anyone else. Their bodies had become so familiarized with each other, that it just wouldn't feel right with another partner.
"Are you ok for me to continue?" Kakashi asked once he had pushed the full way into the boy. Sasuke nodded.
Kakashi began to thrust into the boy, slowly at first and extracting the moans he loved to hear. He began to thrust harder and deeper into the boy each time as far as he could go, increasing the speed of his movements as Sasuke began to cry out louder from the pleasure. He dug his nails into the cushions, as his heart began to race, slamming against his chest with such force he felt it would stop altogether. His breathing laboured, his back arched and his eyes screwed shut, as the wave of pleasure grew more intense. He was reaching climax, and it didn't take long before Kakashi extracted those screams he'd promised.
"AHH! Kakashi… harder!" the boy cried, as his body began to tense.
The older man took the boy's erection into his hand, and began to stroke it to the rhythm of the thrusts, which were now becoming rougher. Kakashi too felt his heart racing and his breath gasping. He slammed into the boy deeply, enjoying the friction and the heat Sasuke's body provided; he didn't want this to end. Time spent with Sasuke was precious, especially time spent together being intimate like this. For a brief moment of time, Kakashi could forget his worries about loosing the boy to somebody younger, instead allowing himself to relax and enjoy being with him.
Kakashi's hand around his cock was proving too much for Sasuke. He couldn't hold back any longer. He cried out as the explosion of pleasure spread out throughout every part of his body, causing his limbs to shake until he felt he was going to collapse. His heart felt like it was going to explode as he cried Kakashi's name one last time before coming into the older man's hand. Kakashi felt Sasuke's body become rigid in his arms as the wave of pleasure engulfed his small frame. Kakashi came shortly afterwards deep inside the Uchiha. He gently pulled out from inside the boy as the two men collapsed in a heap of sweat on the sofa, before the older man wrapped his arm around his younger lover and pulled him close.
"You know something Kakashi," Sasuke whispered as he threw his arm around the older man's stomach and rested his head against his chest. The other man gently began to run his hand through the boy's hair. "It always fascinates me. I look at other, younger men sometimes, but you always look so much better than they do. How do you do it?"
"What?" Kakashi was taken aback by the words that just came out of his young lover's mouth, what was he trying to say?
"You always look so much hotter than people half your age. You're like a freak or something."
"You think I look better than all the 18-year olds running about Konaha?" Kakashi smirked, surprised by Sasuke's sudden comment, but strangely complimented. It wasn't often Sasuke said something nice about anyone, so when he tried to be kind it often came out a bit wrong and a bit awkward. Still, Kakashi knew what the boy meant. It would be easy to take offense, but this was just Sasuke's way. He had always experienced problems expressing himself properly, ever since he was little, so whenever he tried to say something nice you just had to snatch it, run and definitely not think it over too much.
Sasuke nodded as he curled up next to the older man in the same child-like way he had always done, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really happy that I have you… and not just because you're totally hot."
"Thanks Sasuke, that means a lot," Kakashi smiled as he pulled his young lover closer to him.
Sasuke's awkward words helped him realize something important that night, something that he would choose to live by for as long as the boy would remain with him, an epiphany so to speak.
Maybe there was nothing to worry about after all, and maybe the whole issue about loosing Sasuke to someone else in the future was self-inflicted pain with no truth behind it. No, there was truth behind it; Kakashi knew that there was no point in deluding himself over something that was beyond his control. There was every possibility that Sasuke would abandon him some day, but it wasn't worth stressing over. Right now he decided that he would enjoy every moment he had with the boy to its fullest every day, instead of spending so much time living in the past and clinging helplessly to old memories. Because after all, there were no good old days… these ARE the good old days, and he was determined to make the most of every second.
"Kakashi, stop dozing off, there is something important I need to demand of you," Sasuke cried.
"What do you want to demand?"
Sasuke looked up at the older man, making sure he was making direct eye contact.
"Kakashi, get a new damn sofa, I'm sick of this old, red thing. I want to be fucked on something which isn't going to stab me with broken springs every time I move."
"A new sofa?" Kakashi thought about it for a moment, before a smile spread across his lips and he kissed his young lover softly on the forehead. "Ok, you win Sasuke; I'll buy a new sofa."
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review now, go on, you know you want too!