"Responsibilities"

Tracy deals with a situation Luke created for her. I own no one from GH. This is Lunacy but not exactly.

"You know you're getting too old for this." Alan appeared near to the paper bag.

"Oh shut up! I'm only….God, I'm too old for this." Tracy sighed, holding the box.

"Does Luke even know you could be pregnant with his child? It is his child, right?"

Tracy narrowed her eyes. "Yes. Even through it's family trait to cheat, I never do. It's probably menopause, right? I'm fifty-seven. I'm just menopausal."

"You've just been throwing up for every morning for the past four days. You're how late?"

"Um, week and half."

"Oh, yeah just menopause. Tracy, why in the world didn't you use protection? With both of your histories…"

Tracy groaned. " I took an AIDS test last week. I'm going to kill Luke. I swear to God, I'll kill him."

Alan smiled. " You did fine with Dillon."

Tracy simply took the bag and disappear into the bathroom.

"Tracy?" Alan called. Even though he could float through the door, Alan had the feeling Tracy would find a way to make his afterlife miserable.

The toilet flushed and Tracy came out, checking her watch.

"Two minutes." Tracy tapped her fingers on the nightstand.

"Have you thought about what you'll do if it's positive?"

Tracy sighed. "If it's positive…honestly, Alan, I'm pretty much screwed either way. I'll never get over an abortion. I know that from experience. But especially aborting a child created with the man I loved. But to raise a child at my age, more or less, alone…."

"Maybe Luke will stay around," Alan offered.

"Oh, that will happen," Tracy scoffed. She checked her watch. "It has been three minutes."

"Ok. Are you going to check?"

"Yes. Just give me a minute." Tracy bit her lip. "Okay. I'm ready."

"You know, either way you'll need see Helen Meadows. If you aren't, you might need hormones."

Tracy had no comment.

"The test is probably done." Alan gently pointed out. "You could be worry over nothing."

"I can't move right now."

"Do you want me to check?"

Tracy finally got up and went to the bathroom. She returned, took some papers from the wastebasket and started a fire, burning the test.

"So I take it's positive?" Alan asked.

"Yes. What do I do now?"

"Call Helen Meadows."

Helen Meadows walked in, looking serious.

"Well, Tracy, the good news is the AIDS test was negative. That needs to be repeat in six months. But you have decisions to make. You're five weeks pregnant. Now if you decide to continue the pregnancy…"

"If I don't?" Tracy didn't look up.

"I'll check my schedule and get back to you today or tomorrow to schedule the abortion. Do you need to talk to the father?"

Tracy laughed bitterly. "I don't know what continent the father is on. I just really don't want my husband to know. In fact, I don't want anyone to know that this happened."

Dr. Meadows nodded understandingly. "I'll try to get back to you today. Do you need anything?"

"No. I just never thought this would happen to me again. When I was in Europe…" Tracy shook her head.

"A lot of older women take more chances, especially in monogamous relationship."

Tracy didn't say anything to that. She knew Luke wasn't faithful to her but somehow she trusted him.

Tracy lied in bed in the dark room. Thoughts swirled around her mind. It was a legal choice. But was it the right one? She was tempted to call Ned but what would she say? If I die, would you raise my child? Guess what, Mother has left another mess for you to deal with? Quartermaines were lousy parents.

"Tracy?" Monica knocked.

"Come in. "

"Alice said you seemed upset. Is it Luke? I can kick him out if you want." Monica sat on the bed.

"I'm thinking about divorcing Luke." Tracy surprised herself by saying it out loud.

"Why now?"

"I'm pregnant."

"That defies logic." Monica was confused.

" I scheduled an abortion for three days from now." Tracy didn't stopped the tears, even though she felt Alan's cold arms go around her.

"Oh, Tracy…."

"I can't deal with this now. Dillon almost died when he was born and I was twenty years younger. I just can't…."

Monica looked at Tracy. "Do you want a hug?"

"Do I want a hug? I want not to be pregnant. I want a decent husband. I want to be post-menopausal. But right now you're offering me a hug?"

"Oh shut up." Monica hugged her sister-in-law.

"Monica?"

"Yes?"

"Can we stop hugging?"

"Oh. Of course. Do you want me to come?"

Tracy hesitated and then nodded.

"Alan was there last time."

"Last time? This is your second?" Monica looked surprised.

"About, oh god, thirty-five years ago, when I was divorced from Ashton, I found myself pregnant from an affair. And my taste of men back then…let's just say he makes Sonny Corinthos look like a feminist-pacifist. So, I was in Europe and pregnant, I decided to have an abortion. I know I should've called Mother and Daddy but I couldn't. So…" Tracy shrugged.

Monica was quiet. "Tracy, is there any chance you and Luke could raise this child?"

"Luke isn't here! He's never really here. Never really with me. Just by my age, I would be at risk and the baby would be at risk. Luke and I aren't good parents. Look at our offsprings!"

"Good point. I think the only well-adjusted member of our family is Emily because we got her after her imprinting was done."

"Monica, after this…" Tracy couldn't make herself say the word. "I think I need to go to rehab."

"I'll make arrangements."

"Thank you."

Lulu noticed Tracy staring into space, holding a full glass of vodka.

"Stepmonster?"

"Lulu, can you not start now?" Tracy said.

"Um, Dr. Meadows called. Your appointment is ten o'clock on Thursday." Lulu said as Tracy took a long sip of the vodka.

"Thanks." Tracy watched as Alan popped into his chair.

" She's getting suspicious," he warned.

"I hate to ask but is anything wrong?" Lulu asked.

"Just a check-up. Have you heard from your father?"

"Why do you even care about that loser?" Alan wondered.

"No." Lulu said.

"Great. Just great. Look I'm going to lay down."

Lulu was a Spencer for a reason. She stood outside of Tracy's bedroom door, eavesdropping.

"Ned, you don't have to come home. No, Monica will go with me. Thank you for offering to go with me. No, I don't think I'll tell Luke. What would I say? I just can't do it again. I'm amazed you and Dillon turned out as good as you did." The room fell silent. "Maybe it is getting to the point of divorce. Yes, I'll call if I need you. Ned, don't tell Dillon or Brook, okay?" More silence. "Oh, I guess maybe it's time for rehab. One of the reason for the abortion is the fact I'm afraid what the drinking is doing to the…I know, Luke's a bad influence….yeah…I'll just rest until then. Thank you. Love you, too, sweetheart. Thank you. Say hi to Dillon and tell him I love him. Bye." Tracy hung up the phone, tears spilling her face.

Lulu stood there, stunned. Tracy was pregnant and getting an abortion. She started to knock when an arm yanked her away from the door.

"Tracy's resting. Why don't we leave her alone?" Monica suggested strongly, leading the younger girl away.

"So Tracy's pregnant. Isn't it hypocritical of her to get an abortion after being so critical of me?"

"Lulu, it's not the same. Your life wasn't literally in danger, Tracy's might be. Dillon had the rest of his life to raise a child, easily fifty years. Tracy might be dead in twenty. Dillon was ready to give up everything to raise his child. Luke isn't. It's not the same." Monica said.

Lulu stood there. "Is she going to tell Dad?"

"I don't think so. She doesn't know where he is."

"He should have a voice. It's his child." Lulu said.

Monica's eyes harden. She sucked in her breath and pulled Lulu into the nearest bedroom.

"Listen, little girl, a while ago you made a choice to have an abortion, without considering what Dillon wanted, or what this family wanted. You, unlike Tracy, had no medical reason. The pregnancy was an inconvenience for you. You had support of your whole family. Tracy just lost her biggest supporter, who by the way, was in the Metro hotel lobby because of you. She has me and I don't like her half the time. So, sit down and shut up! Or you will find a new place to live."

Lulu nodded.

"And by the way, if your mother wakes up tomorrow, would you expect your father to continue to be married to Tracy?"

"Of course not." Lulu said, without thinking.

"So Tracy will raise the child alone?" Monica asked.

"Well, she'll have you, and the rest of Quartermaines."

"And this is why your father doesn't get a vote. Now get out of my way so I can take of my sister-in-law."

Tracy woke up the morning of the abortion. She glanced through the information. The procedure was only going to take fifteen minutes but the prep and afterwards took longer. She glanced at the clock and saw it was seven. Tracy figured she might as well as try to nibble a piece of toast.

Monica glanced at Tracy over the paper. She watched as Tracy nibbled the toast, staring hard at the liquor bottles.

"You should take a bath. You won't be able to do that for a few days." Monica said gently.

"Yeah I think I'll do that. Luke called last night…"

"Oh?" Monica asked, searching Tracy's eyes.

"I didn't take the call."

"Trace, if you aren't sure, you can wait…" Monica said.

"No, I'm sure. I'm going to take a hot bath. Could you pick out some clothes for me?"

"Yeah. Loose fitting, right?"

"Yeah."

Monica watched as Tracy slowly climbed the stairs. Edward came down and passed his daughter.

"Dear, you look horrible."

"Thanks, Daddy." Tracy pecked Edward's cheek.

"Monica, Tracy looks horrible. Is there any way you can…?" Edward was interrupted by Monica saying,

"I'm taking her with me to the hospital. In fact I'll check on her now."

Tracy slowly dressed. Her wedding rings caught her eye. She slipped them off, putting the rings in a drawer. Alan appeared.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." Her voice shook.

"I'll be there."

"Tracy?" Monica asked.

"Coming."

Monica sat in the office. Tracy changed into a gown.

"Do you want to try to call Luke?" Monica asked.

Tracy shook her head. Monica reached into her bag and grabbed her mp3 player and flipped to the Joni Mitchell mix. Tracy accepted the player and closed her eyes for a second.

"Tracy?" Monica shook Tracy awake. "They're ready to begin."

"Okay."

Monica helped Tracy into the house and up the stairs.

"I could stay with you if you want."

Tracy changed into pajamas and climbed into bed. "Monica, just let me sleep."

"Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"No. Just leave me alone." Tracy rolled over. "Daddy doesn't know, right?"

"Edward doesn't know. But Lulu does."

Tracy nodded. "I can't deal with her right now. If Ned calls, wake me."

"Okay. I'll post Alice on Lulu." Monica paused. "Is there anything?"

"No. Just check on me in a little bit."

"Okay."

"And Monica? Thank you." Tracy closed her eyes with Alan watching over her.

Luke slipped into his wife's room and felt the temperature dropped.

"So you're pissed at me for hurting your baby sister, Alan?" He murmured.

Lightening flashed and thunder sounded.

"I didn't know she was pregnant until Lulu tracked me down. I would've gone with her to the appointment if she let me. Hell, I would've raise the child."

What if Laura came back?

The question popped into Luke's head.

"We would've arrange something."

It's not good enough. Alan's brown eyes glared and more thunder sounded.

"Alan, shut up. I'm trying to sleep." Tracy mumbled. Her eyes opened. "Luke?"

"Hey Spankybuns." Luke's eyes met his wife's. Tracy looked away to Alan.

"He knows?"

"Sorry, sweetie. He does." Alan murmured. Tracy shivered.

"I hate the fact you make the room so cold."

Alan shrugged.

Luke handed his wife a blanket and waited. Tracy wrapped herself up and stared at Luke, finally saying,

"I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Lulu called. She thought I should come back." Luke licked his lips. "I guess since you're here, in bed, it's too late to talk about things."

"I had the abortion, Luke," Tracy said, "I did the math and I know I can't rely on you. I couldn't raise a child myself at my age."

"I don't disagree with you. I just wish you would've told me…"

"Would you've come back? Hold my hand?" Tracy sighed tiredly. "You're a good husband…"

"Tracy…."

"…but it's on your terms. Luke, I'm fifty-seven. I just had my second abortion because I couldn't count on your support. In a couple weeks, I'll check into rehab. And you will file for divorce."

Luke nodded. "It's time, huh? I finally screwed up enough."

Tracy sighed. "I just need you and Lulu out of my life. I did love you…"

"Did you have someone go with you? Tracy, are you all right?"

Tracy looked at Alan.

"Could you leave us alone?"

Thunder sounded and Alan disappeared, after warning that he'd be around.

"Could you hold me?" Tracy asked. Luke looked surprised

"Of course." Luke pulled his wife to him.

"Monica went with me. I was five weeks. Probably the night in the boathouse." Tracy mused.

"Was it at the same clinic?"

"Luke, it doesn't matter. Just let me sleep for now. Everything went well as could expected." Tracy closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Luke felt a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I know. Me, too."