Hey, everyone! (ducks the miscellaneous objects that readers have chucked at her) I'm sorry! I'm sorry! School's killing me! Junior year! Anatomy and AP History! Come on, guys, gimme a break!

Um...I meant to have this posted sooner, but I got side-tracked by new obsession: I ship Andromeda Tonks/Sirius Black. Yes, I know they're cousins. But, honestly, remember in "Order of the Phoenix" Sirius mentioned that his family had a habit of marrying cousins to keep the bloodline pure?

Anyway, this is a bit of pointless humor I came up with. Please read and Review

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. The Charlie Daniels Band owns "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." I just modified the lyrics.


The Dark Lord Went Up to Hogwarts

Ron and Hermione stopped beneath a willow tree beside the lake, both wondering whether they'd been Confunded or something.
Near the water's edge stood Harry, playing a violin.
"Since when does Harry play the violin?" Ron asked.
"Technically, it's called a fiddle," Hermione corrected, earning a confused look from Ron.
"Why?"
"Because of the style of music he's playing, Ronald." She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Yeah, but isn't he great?" asked a voice from beside them. Ron and Hermione turned to see that Ginny had suddenly appeared beside them.
"How long has this been going on, Gin?" Ron asked his sister. Ginny shrugged.
"Oh, a little over a year, or so," she replied nonchalantly. Ron looked utterly flabbergasted.
"How come we never noticed?!"
"Well…" Ginny began, desperately trying to cover her grin. "That might be because you were to busy snogging each other…" Ron and Hermione blushed.
The four friends suddenly heard an eerie, yet very familiar evil laughter, and they all looked up to see Voldemort advancing towards Harry…

The Dark Lord went up to Hogwarts
He was lookin' for someone to kill
He was really mad
Cause he had gotten bad
And he needed the practice now
When he came across the Boy Who Lived
On a fiddle and playin it hot
And the Dark Lord jumped up
Onto Dumbledore's tomb
And said, "Boy, lemme tell you what:
I guess you didn't know,
But I'm a fiddle player, too
And if you'd care
To take a dare
I'll make a bet with you
Now you play pretty good fiddle boy
But give the Dark Lord his due
I'll bet my horcruxes against your life
As to think I'm better than you"

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were looking back and forth between Harry and Voldemort, as if watching a very interesting, fast paced tennis match. Harry looked absolutely infuriated, and Ginny guessed the two reasons for that: the first would have been that Voldemort was disrespecting Dumbledore by standing on the former headmaster's tomb, but, the second was probably because Voldemort had just referred to Harry as "Boy".

The boy said, "My name's Harry
And it might not be right
But I'll take your bet
You're gonna regret
Cause I'm the Chosen Boy Who Lived

Harry's three closest friends stood beneath the willow tree, anxiously awaiting what would happen. They suddenly felt the overwhelming need to encourage him and began to to do so…

Harry, you rosin up your bow
And play your fiddle hard
Cause Hell's broke loose at Hogwarts
And the Dark Lord deals the cards
And if you win you'll get
Those 4 horcruxes to destroy
But if you lose, the Dark Lord takes your life

Harry looked to his friends with a look that clearly said, "Gee, thanks for the encouragement, guys," before carefully fine-tuning his beloved fiddle. He looked up, alarmed to see that Voldemort was holding his wand.

The Dark Lord opened up his case
And he yelled "Incindio"
And fire flew from the Dark Lord's wand
Cause he used it as a bow
And he pulled his wand across the strings
And both made an evil "HISS!"
Then a band of Death Eaters joined in
And it sounded somethin like this:

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all gripped their wands, prepared to fight the Death Eaters, but stopped when Harry held up his hand. The four of them watched in amazement as four of Voldemort's most loyal followers abandoned their wands for instruments.
They listened to the music in morbid fascination, not truly wanting to listen, but doing so anyway.
Bellatrix Lestrange, murderer of Sirius Black, stood beside her Master, an electric guitar as black as her maiden name held by a strap across her shoulder. Lucius Malfoy stood on the other side of his sister-in-law with a guitar, this one an electric bass. Behind Voldemort, Fenrir Greyback sat behind an enormous drum set, pounding away to the beat. Last, but not least, sat Peter Pettigrew behind an electric keyboard, playing along with the Death Eaters.

When the Dark Lord finished, Harry said
"Well, you're pretty good, ol' Tom
But sit down in that chair right there
And lemme show ya' how it's done:

He began to play, his three friends clapping in time to the rhythm and joining the song:

Spiders in the forest! Run, Ron, run!

At this line, Ron looked terrified and would have turned tail and run to the castle, had Hermione not grabbed his sleeve and held him in place.

Voldy can't kill me, cause I'm Lily's son

Voldemort shot Harry a glare that clearly said, "Watch me," but Harry either didn't see, or ignored him and continued playing.

Bella's in Azkaban, losin her mind.

Bellatrix Lestrange stared, affronted, at Harry's words, but Harry just kept going.

Ginny, do you love me?

The second the word "love" left Harry's lips, Voldemort covered his ears and shrieked in agony, as if under the Cruciatus Curse. Ginny held back her laughter until she had responded to him.

Yes, I do!

As the three beneath the willow tree clapped and cheered, screaming and hollering for him to keep going, the Death Eaters looked at Voldemort in uncertainty before all of them vanished, leaving their master alone, head hanging in defeat.

The Dark Lord bowed his head
Because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid his 4 horcruxes
On the ground at Harry's feet
Harry said, "Voldy, just come on back
If you ever wanna try again
I done told you once, you son of a bitch
I'm the best that's ever been"

At Harry's words, Voldemort screamed in rage and disapperated, leaving the four friends to dance as Harry played his song again in triumph.

And he played:
Spiders in the forest! Run, Ron, run!
Voldy can't kill me, cause I'm Lily's son
Bella's in Azkaban, losin' her mind.
Ginny, do you want me? Yes, I do!

When the song ended, they quickly destroyed the horcruxes.
"Now what?" Hermione asked. Ginny smiled up at Harry.
"Let's celebrate!" she exclaimed. Harry laughed, kissed her on the cheek, and began to play again while his friends danced in celebration of their victory.


So, what did everyone think? I need random, pointless humor to keep me sane.

I have a couple of fluffy Andromeda (aka- "Mea")/Sirius one-shots I'll be posting soon. I'm not sure about the rest of my work that I've started. I'll try, guys. I'll honestly try.

Until then, I remain, readers,

Your obedient servant:
PhantomElphaba