Now that I was a vampire, it seemed that Edward and I where able to pick up almost where our relationship had stopped. Because of our differences, we never had a sexual relationship. But now it was possible. He couldn't seem to get enough of me. Edward was constantly by my side where ever we went, whenever we hunted. It was almost as if he were trying to protect me still, or keep me safe for some reason.
It had been a while since I brought up going home to join the others. The last time I mentioned it Edward had become upset at the thought. He told me I wasn't ready to be around humans yet. So I had no other choice but to drop my request.
Sure I still thought about Jake and especially Gavin, but I moved away from those thoughts that would pull me back to the past. I needed to see others than just Edward. Not that I didn't care for him, but to see Alice and Jasper, Carlisle and Esme would really help me move on even more. To know that even after everything I had lost, that I still had people who loved and cared about me.
"Edward?" I asked as we were out for a walk.
"Yes Bella." He said as he kissed my hand
"I think it's time we left this place." I said and looked into his eyes
"I don't think-" he began
"Please don't give me that I'm not ready. Edward, so far I have had almost perfect control. I need to see Alice, and the rest of the family."
He watched me with a hesitant expression "Bella, I don't-" he began
"You wont lose me Edward." I said in hopes of reassuring him
"I'm not sure I want to take the risk," he confessed
"Edward, I need them," I said in a sad tone
I watched him think about my request and subsequent pleading.
"Bella, I hate to see you miserable. If going home will please you, we'll go"
"Thank you!" I said as I flung my arms around his neck "Thank You!" I cried out as he let out a chuckle to my reaction
At that moment his cell phone rang and there was no need to ask who it was. I knew it would be Alice. She would have seen this already.
As Edward answered the phone I could hear Alice's happy chirp on the other end of the line.
"I have everything ready for you when you arrive. You'll drive of course, and we'll see you in a couple of days!"
I laughed as Edward rolled his eyes. I was practically jumping up and down like a child, I was so excited.
"Come on!" Edward said as we raced back towards the house.
We were packed and ready to go within the hour and I was thankful once again that Edward was unable to read my thoughts.
If he could he would not allow me to travel home. In addition to seeing my vampire family, I had every intention of seeing my son. He might suspect that I would want to, but I gave no indication of that desire.
I hated feeling like I was betraying his trust, but I needed this. To be complete, I needed to see Gavin.
We arrived in Forks early in the morning on a cloudy day. The family greeted us at the door, and hugs were shared by all. Even Rosalie appeared to have missed me.
Alice took in my appearance and shook her head. "Bella, Bella! What am I going to do with you"?
I just looked at her and smiled "I've missed you so much Alice!" I hugged her again
"Well, you are lucky that I've just picked you up some new things. Come up to my room, and we'll find you something." She said taking my hand from Edward and leading me up the stairs.
"Jasper, please take Emmett and Edward out hunting with you so we can have some girl time."
And we turned to go to Alice's room. I turned to notice that Edward seemed hesitant to leave me, but I smiled and waved "Go on Edward, it's been a long time since you've seen your brothers. I'll be fine here with Alice and the girls." He nodded and left
When we got to Alice's room, she turned and spoke. "Bella, I'm not exactly sure what you are planning to do."
Oh god! She knew that I was going to try and see my son, she must. What was I going to do now? My plan had been discovered. I couldn't bluff anymore. "Alice, I-"
"Bella let me finish." She interrupted "I never thought it was right of him keeping you from them. Especially when Jacob was going to try and work everything out."
I stared at her open mouthed "What are you saying Alice?" I had to sit down
"Bella, I love my brother, and I know you love him too but sometimes, he doesn't think things through to the end." She let go of my hand "Bella, I see your future disappear"
I was sobbing; I knew what she was saying. "Thank you Alice. For being the only one who was honest with me"
I turned to leave. "Bella?" she said and I turned. She tossed something at me, and I realized what it was. It was the keys to her Porsche.
"Thanks" I said and took off for LaPush
I drove at a reasonable speed and made my way there in 15 minutes. As I crossed the boundary line, I realized wolves were following me.
I stopped the car and looked out at the wolves, it was Sam, Quill and Embry. Would they kill me? Before I had a chance to see my son? I had to take a chance.
I stepped out of the car and they approached quickly. Sam let out a loud howl, and I heard a howl in response from the distance.
The wolves kept me surrounded, and soon another one joined their ranks. It was my red brown wolf. I cried out in happiness. "Jake!" I screamed and rushed towards him. The other wolves cut me off.
"Sorry" I said as they growled at me. "I shouldn't have come." I said turning back towards the car
"Bella" I husky voice called, a voice I recognized as Jake's
I turned and felt his arms pull me into him. I had no urges to attack him, and he still smelled the same as ever to me. I heard him breath me in, and realized I must not smell too bad.
"Bella" he breathed, "Please forgive me" pulling me tightly to him
"Jake I-" he cut me off as his lips crashed onto mine. The warmth of his lips against my cool ones, felt wonderful.
I pulled away, and looked into his eyes. "Bella, that last day I spoke to you on the phone and you told me you knew what I was going to say. Do you remember?"
"Yes" I said simply
"Well, I was going to ask you to stay, to stay with Gavin and me. I had a long talk with Billy about my Mom, and I realized I couldn't let you go. Ever"
"You what?" I said shocked
"I want you to stay with me. You're my wife, my imprint Bella and I will not let you go."
"But I'm a leech" I said
"Don't call yourself that. I'm sorry I ever used the term. I asked them to save you, what you are is my fault. Because I couldn't let you go."
"So Edward lied to me," I stated as I pulled away "He told me you wouldn't want me this way."
"I told Carlisle of my intentions to work this out. But the next day, you and him had left."
"Edward got a phone call from Carlisle that day, he said he thought it would be best if we left sooner rather than later. We left that very night." I said, "They all lied to me"
I placed his arm around me, and I pulled my self to him. To my husband Jake. "Do you have a cell phone?" I asked and noticed him smirk at me
"What?" I asked confused
"Bella, I was out patrolling when Sam 'called' I'm not wearing-" and I looked down and gasped. He was naked of course and I looked away
He laughed at my reaction. "The last time I checked Mrs. Black, you had seen this all before" he smiled
I looked at him with a pained expression and he stopped laughing. I pulled away and headed back to the car
"Bella? What is it? What's wrong?" He asked nervously
"Jake, I've betrayed you." I choked out
"What do you mean? You could never have-" and he stopped, he understood "Oh" was all he said as comprehension set in
"You and Edward? Was this right away or did you at least wait a week?" he sneered
I nodded my head as I sobbed tearlessly. "He told me, I was dead and that you wouldn't want me because of what I was. I was depressed for so long. I only went out to hunt. I thought that the sooner I mastered hunting the sooner I could return…to you. But he…oh, Jake he lied to me. He took advantage of me. I only gave myself to him for the first and only time recently, once i realized..."
I looked into Jake's pained eyes, and I saw anger there. This was a horrid idea; I never should have come back.
"This was a mistake," I cried and I turned to leave "I should never have come"
"Wait Bella" he said softly and I stopped "Please come home with me, come see Gavin. He'll be asleep now, but-"
"Yes please" I said happily and we got into the car and drove to the home I shared with Jake.
We got out and I hesitantly made my way up the stairs. He nodded, and I saw the living room light on, Billy was there. I looked at Jake cautiously "My dad's been staying with us, he's been a great help with Gavin."
"Bella" Billy said and he smiled softly to me as he rolled himself into the guest bedroom that now had become his own.
I went up the stairs softly and peered into Gavin's room. I fell silently to my knees and looked upon my angel. He looked so peaceful asleep, I just wanted to rush in and hold him to me, but I knew I couldn't.
I managed to get up, and felt Jake's hand on my shoulder. "Come on Bella" he said as he led me back to our bedroom. I watched as he slipped on a pair of sweats. I sat on the edge of the bed and thought.
"You saved him, you know that."
"You saved Gavin when you sacrificed yourself" Jake began to cry, "Oh Bella, I dreamed of you returning to me. I love you so very much." He kissed me again, as i felt his hands caress my body. I pulled away, before this went any further there was something i needed to know.
"Gavin thinks I'm dead?"
"I need to leave Jake, he can't see me. I've got to go!"
"Please, Bella. Just stay the night at least." As he wrapped his arms around me, I cuddled up next to him on the bed, and he held me until he fell asleep. I pulled myself away from him and kissed his lips softly
"Goodbye my Jacob"
I headed downstairs, and picked up the phone. I called the last person, I would have ever expected. I made plans to meet within the hour at the cliffs above the ocean.
"You can't do this" Billy's voice broke into the silence
"I have to" was all I could say
"No, you don't Bella. You have options."
"What would that be? To stay here, and confuse my poor child who thinks I'm already dead." I shook my head "I can't do that Billy."
"But you love my son and grandson." He pleaded
"I love them enough to leave them. They will find their peace in this. It's the way things ought to be."
"The way they ought to be? You should be here with Jake, and your son. You should be having your second child with Jake. The baby you were carrying. That's how it ought to be."
I held my stomach at the remembrance of the child I would never know. The child that had died the day I did. I felt the sadness well up within me.
"Billy, if I could turn back the clock I would. But I can't…"
"Don't do this Bella"
I turned away from Billy and left out the door. I went back to the car and drove to the cliff. I pulled out the cell phone that was in the car, and dialed the Cullen's.
I had hoped for Alice to answer, but I was pulled back into reality when Carlisle answered
"Hello?" he said anxiously
"How could you not tell me Carlisle?" I sobbed, "My husband wanted me back! You and Edward lied to me!"
"Bella, I never meant to cause any harm"
"You caused more than harm Carlisle. I gave my life for my son, and Edward gave me another one. You both lied to me. You knew that Jake wanted to see me, wanted to work things out. But you and Edward took my choices away from me. Edward gave me another life, but that never entitled him to manipulate that life for me to be what he wanted."
"I'm sorry. Where are you? Edward is looking for-" he stammered
"I'm giving back the gift Edward gave me." I said and hung up the phone
I stepped out of the car and saw him waiting by the cliff. The dark grey wolf, the only one of the pack that would help me.
"Hello Paul" I said as I stepped closer to him
I watched as he snarled and bared his teeth at me.
"Please make it quick" I said placing myself closer, and closer
"STOP!" Jake called out as he came towards me.
"Do it Paul!" I demanded as the wolf approached
"Please Bella, don't do this" Jake cried as he wrapped his arms around me
"I have to"
"No, you have options"
"Jake, please just leave me. Let Paul save me from this existence, because I can't call it a life when you and Gavin aren't in it."
"Bella" Edward's voice called out of the forest "Please come back to me."
"Edward, I can't, not when I know what you've done"
"I only wanted you, that's all I've ever wanted." he insisted
"You never gave me the option of anything else!" I cried, "My husband wanted me! He wanted me and now it's too late. My son thinks I'm dead! I have nothing to exist for now"
"Bella! I still want you." Jake said, "We can work everything out, I'll tell Gavin you're back."
"What will you tell him when I don't age? When he's 20 and we practically look the same age? What would you tell him then when he's a wolf like you because I'm here? I want better for my son. I want him to not carry the burden that is yours and the other members of the tribe. I want him to fall in love and not worry that his love will be taken away, because he imprints on another girl!"
"Paul don't you dare kill her!" Jake yelled as he moved closer to me
But the wolf just growled. I backed away from Jake and Edward. They both had looks of concern on their faces.
"I love you, my dear Jacob, you were my life and now that will carry on in Gavin. How I wished for more children with you. You brought the sun back into my life, and I survived on your love for me and our family."
"Edward, you know how I feel about you. But I cannot continue existing knowing you betrayed me. Tell Alice goodbye for me"
With those final words I charged at the grey wolf and the darkness enveloped me forever.