Of Demons and Girls With Too Many Cats

A/N: Okay, I was wandering around the house today, eating too much candy and fantasizing about platform boots when this rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth bunny comes out of nowhere and takes a chunk out of my leg. The following phantasmagorical experience caused by its venom(yes, bunnies do have venom now because I said so) eventually spawned this hulking nightmarish attempt at a literary attempt. Enjoy. And if anybody in the audience has any creams for rabies, please contact me immediately. My leg is turning purple with yellow polka-dots from that dastardly rabbit.

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Chapter One

Severus Snape was not ashamed of being a little nosier than was acceptable to society. He was a spy, making it his business to know everything about everybody without them knowing. Which would explain why he was currently in the dwelling place of that ridiculous excuse of a Divination teacher, flipping through notebooks filled with 'prophecies'. His eyes came across one that seemed strangely intense, the writing large and erratic and done in scarlet ink. It spoke of one who would defeat the Dark Lord. Deciding that even though the prophecy was most likely insubstantial, he almost put it away with the others when he realized that this would be just the sort of excuse his Master had been looking for to slaughter some purebloods. Preferably the muggle-loving type.

Smirking most deviously, he meticolously copied the prophecy onto a spare sheet of parchment and departed from the tower, nearly taking a nasty fall from the ladder in his haste. Stalking through the halls, he nodded to Filch before heading outside into the sickening June sunshine. Once past the anti-appartition wards, he used his mark to transport himself to the prescence of the Dark Lord.

Immediately kneeling, he only dared to raise his head when the Dark Lord had given him permission to rise. Applying the mask of a loyal follower with the ease of frequent use, he presented the parchment and explained himself by saying, "I was searching for information on the Order of the Phoenix when I came across this prophecy that undoubtedly foretells of one who shall dare to confront you in the open, using some kind of unknown power. There is no dount in my mind that this child can be defeated easily, but it may be bothersome in the future."

"Well, then we shall simply kill the child now. Or children, as we should kill a couple extra just to make sure we got the right one. And we should kill the child's entire family too in order to destroy any possibilty of them breeding another little terror with a hero complex. I simply can not stand the pompous bastards so idolized by the ignorant populace these days."

"I agree, my Lord. May I be dismissed? If I am absent too long, he will grow suspicious of me."

"Yes, yes, you may go." He waved a hand idly, preoccupied with remembering which families had defied him three times. And irritated him enough to kill them off and not realize that they had provided some kind of irreplacable service that he would then have to live without. Not something he wanted to do, if he was to be the immortal ruler of the ruler.

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Albus Dumbledore was having a good day. His order of jelly beans had come in the post today and they were far more pleasant that Berties Every Flavor Beans. There were no children destroying his school and making mischeif in broom closets. Filch had nothing to complain about and Severus was most likely too busy brewing potions to concoct any schemes involving the hijacking of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Maybe he should let the poor boy have what he wanted just for one year. The idea was quickly discarded and he unwrapped a lemon drop before popping it into his mouth.

It had been awhile since he'd written dear old Gellert. Perhaps he should send him a care package again? It had been fun last time deciding what to put inside and how to cram all of the things he knew annoyed Gellert the most into one box and allow it to still pass Nurmengard Prison's standards for inmate mail.

As he contemplating this and the way the sunlight tickled the nose of his least-favorite portrait, Minerva came storming into the room looking heatbroken and most unkempt, two things Albus had never seen her display before. She broke down into tears and threw herself into his lap, immediately soaking his favorite purple robes with dancing lollies. After a few awkward moments involving him rubbing her back, she used his beard as a handkerchief (something he most certainly did NOT appreciate!) and hiccuped a bit. "I-I'm sorry Albus! The Longbottoms are dead, slaughtered, gone. A-And the Potters are too."

"W-What?!" Albus stuttered, watching his good day depart while stopping to steal his good silver along the way, completely flabbergasted. "What happened? Was it Voldemort?" He whispered the last part, shifting his eyes around his office. Minerva nodded, sobbing a few more times before compsoing herself as well as she was able.

"Yes, I went to visit them and give them the sweater I made for little Neville when I noticed smoke rising from the house. Alice was lying dead in the middle of the yard bleeding from the head. It was too late for her to be saved, along with her husband who I found in the kitchen. His mother was in the nursery holding little Neville, in a last attempt to protect him. He died of exposure as the roof was blown off." She sniffled into Albus' beard before continuing, "After I alerted the aurors, I went to visit their neighbors, the Potters and found that they had met the same fate. Little Harry is the only one left alive there."

"Well, where is the child?"

"In the hospital wing being tended to by Poppy. He had a few minor burns and scratches from the scuffle. He also appears to have a curse scar on his forehead that could possibly kill him later in life if he is exposed to too much magic, which the curse could then possibly feed off of and become something horrific. You never know with dark magic."

Dumbledore nodded sagely. It was true. Once he was hit with something that he had thought was a Cruciatus but actually caused all the skin on his thighs to peel off and the bleeding flesh beneath to boil and burn for 9 months afterwards. It was certainly just as painful as the curse he had mistaken it for.

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After researching his non-magical options, he selected Lily's sister and her husband to care for the boy. They had a daughter and a son about his age too, which would be good for the Potter's son.

Placing the boy in a basket with a warm blanket, he quickly penned a note explaining that Lily and her husband had been brutally murdered and they were the only relatives left to take care of the boy. He had Pomona Sprout drop the baby off as she was the only one on his staff who didn't have strong negative or postive feelings for the late Potters. Who knew what would have happened if he had sent Rubeus for example?

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And so it happened that one Harry Potter was left on the frigid doorstep of his future family. The wind howled and the clouds broke, releasing torrents of freezing rain while lightning illuminated the ky and thunder shook the earth. The infant was thankfully only slightly damp thanks to the thick blanket, but it would have been enough to kill any other child.

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End Chapter One

Yes, I am aware that I am working on two other stories right now. But I missed my favorite fandom and my other stories are too light-hearted for me to insert the undertones of horror and noir that I so desperately crave. So here you go! Also, you guys can give me your opinions on who he should be paired with! But don't say Ron because I can't write him very well yet and I don't want to disappoint you guys with a story that sucks because I made you hate Ron. And This will be SLASH so no girls. Unless they are intresting enough to perk my attention.

Review with your choice!

Mara