who Sasuke and Naruto
what a short accidental!yaoi kindacrackish-oneshot, AUish
where the kitchen
when sometime around midnight
why for the reason that I though it'd be cute

WARNING smutty smutsmut. rated an intense T for sexual activities and such. may be a bit too strong for some readers.

Sweat dripped from his pores and pooled in every crevice of his body, creating a thin film, as he moved restlessly in his sheets. Although cool night air flowed through the open window above his bed, Sasuke was still oddly feverish, clutching the pillow under his head like a boom box and groaning into the night. Stiffly, he rolled onto his back with a pained expression, sliding the covers south to his hips, exposing his muscular upper body.

"No, Itachi, don't..." Sasuke mumbled, his face inches from the wall.

The full moon glowed brightly in the sky, casting its ethereal light over the small room and Sasuke's pained features. And gradually, as a cloud slowly blocked the radiance of the moon, Sasuke became rigid in demeanor, his breath quickening as he thrashed wildly before going completely still. The cloud passed, and Sasuke's eyes were open wide with fright that could only rival a child's.

Sasuke laid there for a couple minutes, arms at his heaving sides, staring up at the textured ceiling with a long-abandoned emotion in his eyes. The bed creaked under his weight as he sat up on the edge of the bed, his feet touching the cool wooden floor, elbows resting precariously on his knees with head in his hands. He ran a hand through his hair, effectively uprooting his wet bangs from his forehead, and blew out a frustrated sigh.

Every night it was the same dream, in the same place, with the same people, except for this time–this time is it was Sakura. It was Sakurawho was at the mercy of Itachi, crying out his name. Sakura, with her unique beauty, being hacked away mercilessly by his brother's sword, left at his feet in an unidentifiable pile of blood, flesh, and bone. It was she who he couldn't protect, and it made him feel...


So as silently as possible, Sasuke eased off the rest of the mattress and made his way through the doorway, shutting the door behind him. Stepping out into the main hallway, Sasuke noted that it would've been darker if Sakura had not plugged in a night light that led the way to the living room and kitchen, when she bought this apartment. He silently cursed his better judgment for convincing him to stay the night over her place instead of going home.

As he walked by, a particularly loud floorboard creaked outside the second designated guest room. And again he swore, once for the loudness, and twice for deciding to stay over at the same time as Naruto. Because if it wasn't for him, he would've been sleeping in the same bed with Sakura tonight, but nooo, Sakura had to say no because it'd give the idiot nasty, stupid ideas.

And damn it, Sasuke was horny.

Sasuke continued to whine silently in his mind as he walked down the hall, barely noticing the sound and light of a closing refrigerator. He grinned wickedly to himself. That could only be one person: Sakura. Merely for the fact that Naruto was always first to fall asleep and last to wake up and hardly ever woke up without a good eleven hours under his belt.

The silence easily singled out the muffled shuffling for utensils and the wet jab of leftovers in the darkness. Sasuke's virtually unnoticeable footfalls turned left onto the chilly tile floor of the kitchen as he snuck up on his unsuspecting prey, a now vicious smirk playing on his lips. His navy sweatpants dragged soundlessly around his feet, as he rounded the island, ready to attack.

"Mmm." He could here her enjoying her late night snack, savoring it before another bite.

And suddenly he pounced, attacking his prey around the middle in a gentle but firm grip around her waist. Instantly, he pressed his body to hers, trapping her between him and the granite countertop. He loosened his grip a little lower, till he rested at her hips, leaning his chin on her shoulder. Vaguely, he felt her stiffen underneath him as he blew warm air in the shell of her ear and nibbled on her earlobe.

"Smells like you've been picking at the lasagna leftovers, Sa-ku-ra," he whispered seductively, tracing his nose up and down the curve of her neck. Then, he frowned. "And you smell like you've been hugging up on Naruto too much, smelling like him isn't healthy, you'll catch his stupid."

His hand rubbed in a circular motion on her stomach, through the material of the wife beater she was wearing, fingering her navel every so often. Sasuke grinned against her skin when she groaned, making sure to move a little further down each time. Even though he was taking it slow, like Sakura always asks him to, he couldn't feel more than a little pissed off to the fact that she couldn't seem to put down the freaking lasagna. What was so good about it anyway?

Therefore, as she went down for another scoop, he easily grabbed her hand in his, noting her slightly calloused hands and how they felt a little rougher than usual. "You mind if I try some?" he asked smoothly, leaning forward to bite the section off the fork, bringing her with him.

"Mmm," he moaned in her ear, slowly kneading at her upper thigh.

And now he was excited, cluing her in with a slow grind, to let her feel what he was feeling in the front of his sweats, because screw afternoon delight, Sasuke wanted some midnight lovin'.

A deep groan rumbled in his throat when he heard a sharp intake of breath, and started moving a little faster. "Let's do it against the counter," he suggested, kissing her jawbone. "It never gets old there."

Sasuke scowled deeply as he felt Sakura trying to worm away, and growled warningly, holding her in place with a hand on each side of the counter, effectively trapping her. Roughly, he grabbed her chin and turned her head sharply toward his face, making the rest of her body follow. Holding the back of her neck, he went in for a torrid kiss, holding her there as he nipped at her lower lip, licking the extra meat sauce from the corners of her mouth.

He ground against her deeply now, a primal sort of urge taking over. His hands slid from her neck, to her shoulders, down her sides, and to her panty line, where he slowly slid– savagely tore–down the top of her pajama pants.

Getting closer and closer, Sasuke hands skimmed underneath her underwear, until...


Sasuke was rocketed backwards, back skimming the top of the island as he flew across, landing flat on his back against the tile floor. Standing quickly, he seethed till his ears smoked as he walked across the room to the light switch and flipped it on, ready to chew her out. Lights on, Sasuke turned to glare in anger, which suddenly fell to utter disbelief and horror.

Across the room, lips swollen, hair tousled, clothes ragged, holding onto the counter for dear life with an incredulous expression etched on his blushing whiskered face, was Uzumaki Naruto. His chest heaved, as he panted out one sentence.

"Dude, I am not your girlfriend."

questions? concerns? llamas?