Here's a little story I thought would be a fresh change of pace for me, so I won't stress out over my other fics that are on the more

serious tip. It's a comedy (or my poor attempt at one anyway) . Please tell me what you think. I value your input.

This is basically a Naruto story but characters from other mangas will be making appearances in the prologue and maybe in the main part of the story. I'm aiming to make Jiraiya x Tsunade as the main pairing. The other pairings will be Naruto/Hinata, Sasuke/Sakura, Choji/Ino, Neji/Tenten, Shikamaru/Temari, Kakashi/Anko, Asuma/Kurenai, and Gai/Shizune.

Please sit back and enjoy my attempt at a Naruto fanfic.

Disclaimer: Naruto and all associated characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Rally Vincent and Bean Bandit are the property of Kenichi Sonoda. Roy Fokker and characters from Robotech are the property of Harmony Gold. Ichigo Kurosaki

and characters from the manga Bleach are the property of Tite Kubo. Takumi Fujiwara and characters from the Initial D manga are the property of Shuichi Shigeno. All I own is the plot of this little story

Konoha Transporters: Prologue

In the underground courier business, there were many competitors delivering a lot of cargo; some of which was legal, some of it, illegal. As it was in most places, the definition of 'legal' and 'illegal' packages varied from place to place: village to village, town to town, and, inevitably, city to city.

In the medium sized, bustling, ocean-side village of Konoha, there was no cargo more illegal than that of former courier-turned author Jiraiya, the infamous writer of the most sought after books in the world: the 'Icha Icha Paradise' series. Men everywhere pined for the next book in the long running series penned by the former 'Toad Courier'. Jiraiya was one of the most famous-notorious- of couriers. His name was on the tip of everyones tongue like some of the best of the best. The Toad Courier was ranked – in the top secret, underground courier rankings - in the top ten up there with Bean Bandit, the infamous Roadbuster outta Chicago, Tak Fujiwara, the Phantom of Akina and member of Kanto Couriers, Roy 'Playboy' Fokker with Skull Couriers out of Miami and his counterpart on the East Coast Khyron 'Too Fast' Kravshera from Botoru Deliveries, and Ichigo 'Strawberry' Kurosaki up in the Northwest from the Speedy Bankai Courier Service.

However, what many of Jiraiya's fans didn't know was that the events in the first Icha Icha book were based on the many things that happened during the authors' short marriage to his high school sweetheart (and the present root of his problems) Tsunade.

Ah, Tsunade; a strong woman, an extremely beautiful (and well-endowed) woman. With a voice that could launch a million ships, a body to die for, a friendly personality, and a mean right hook, Tsunade was every man's dream woman. And Jiraiya, the lucky bastard, got to revel in those sensual delights she promised and pillow his head (with his long, long locks of white) on those sizeable twin mounds of flesh for five long years. Alas, their marriage-which their friends and families had said was a perfect match- didn't last for the eternity everyone expected.

You see, as Jiraiya's popularity as the 'Icha Icha' Master rose and his books were in constant demand by those lonely men and women, Jiraiya's marriage suffered. It all came to a head when Tsunade transferred over from the Konoha Police's Motorcycle Pursuit Force to the most elite force in the KPD: Konoha's Special Kunoichi Pursuit Force. The S.K.P.F. was a unit made up completely of women. It's duties, when the force was formed, were to chase down and catch the most heinous of criminals: the underground couriers.

Now being an easy going, equal opportunity kind of guy, Jiraiya didn't mind that his wife was a cop until she and the rest of the S.K.P.F. busted one of his best friends for delivering a box of his books to the Konoha bookstore. The same day his friend was found guilty of transportation with intent to distribute a forbidden book, Jiraiya was served with divorce papers from Tsunade. He signed the documents and proceeded to form a courier crew specially tasked to deliver his books as they came off the printing presses.

Testing every driver of his fledgling courier crew up to his own high standards, Jiraiya found each and every one of them lacking except for a small number. There was Maito Guy, nicknamed the Green Beast (almost everything he owned was some shade of green. Even his car, a Nissan Altima R-Tune Coupe was green throughout with slight tan highlights on his green leather seats); Asuma Sarutobi, he of the gold and brown TRD Toyota Tundra, and Kakashi Hatake with his silver and white Zanardi Edition Acura NSX-R.

Of his small band of reliable, expert, and low-key couriers, Jiraiya couldn't help but be amazed at the skill of one short, unassuming man. If anyone had met him on the street, they wouldn't have remembered him- but if they ever saw him drive those same people would not forget. That man's name was Arashi Uzumaki, his car: a bright yellow (with black interior) Aston Martin DB9. But everyone in the underground courier business knew him simply as:

The Yellow Flash Courier.

Arashi was so good that he could make the biggest deliveries in the shortest amount of time. He knew his car intimately and Jiraiya often times found the young man tinkering with his pristine DB9 until the unholy hours of the morning. Arashi knew every shortcut in Konoha and numerous routes to his destinations. In a daring display of chutzpah, Arashi used to call the S.K.P.F. each time he went on a delivery and let them know what he was doing and basically dare them to try and catch him. Of course they never did.

For several years, Jiraiya's couriers did pretty well for themselves. Never getting caught and completing deliveries thought to be impossible by other couriers. Then it all started to fall apart. First Asuma got nailed by an S.K.P.F. officer driving a late model cherry red on red Pontiac GTO. The officer, Kurenai Yuuhi, bewitched the young, chain-smoking driver and turned him to the straight and narrow. Last time Jiraiya checked, Kurenai and Asuma were setting a wedding date and Kurenai was two months pregnant. Now Asuma worked directly for Jiraiya and was exempt from doing any more deliveries.

After Asuma stepped down from making runs, Kakashi, Guy, and Arashi took up the slack. Kakashi crashed his NSX trying to ditch his girlfriend Anko as she (another S.K.P.F. officer) chased him on one of his courier runs. When the silver-haired driver got out of the hospital, he temporarily stepped away from the biz to start his own business: 'Hatake's White Fang Speed Shop'. Kakashi, on occasion, still did runs but he enjoyed running his shop and was able to pass on information about up and coming couriers to Jiraiya. However, Anko made it her business to raid her boyfriend's shop every so often to see if he remained legit. Often, Anko was in the company of several other members of the Special Kunoichi Pursuit Force. One of which happened to be Guy's girlfriend Shizune.

Maito Guy, the so-called 'Green-Beast' Courier, did the same thing as Asuma. He worked directly for Jiraiya, doubling as both his bodyguard and his chauffer. After he was pulled over for a minor violation by Tsunade herself (she just happened to be patrolling that night in her blue on black Lincoln LS V8 and its manual transmission), Shizune and her pet pig sniffed out some copies of Jiraiya's Icha Icha books he claimed was his personal stash. Much to his chagrin, Shizune's bullshit radar went off and she verbally wondered what he was doing with seventy-five copies of the infamous banned book.

With almost all of his drivers either busted or voluntarily stepping away, Jiraiya worried that with the majority of his deliveries falling on the wide shoulders of Arashi, the expert driver would either burn himself out or follow the route set by his friends. Turns out that not only did Arashi accept the extra responsibilities, he excelled at leading the newer drivers (whom Jiraiya thought weren't even a speck of dust in Arashi's shadow). The deliveries went on for several more months until it all came to screeching halt.

Arashi Uzumaki, the infamous Yellow Flash Courier, disappeared.

The famed driver left his precious DB9 at Kakashi's place one late night and just vanished into the darkness. No letter of explanation. No forwarding address. No nothing. It was as if Arashi had never existed. This, of course , damn near ruined Jiraiya's courier business but the Toad Courier was able to bounce back by offering big rewards to other couriers to deliver his books for the next eighteen years.

Eight years ago, Jiraiya got a coded message from his one time driver Kakashi about a new crop of drivers who could eventually equal and surpass Jiraiya's one time driver lineup. To his amazement, when he saw the young men for the first time, one of the younger drivers looked almost exactly like the missing Arashi. It turns out that the young man, one Naruto Uzumaki, was reported by Kakashi to be the son of Jiraiya's missing employee, the all-time number one ranked courier in the world.

Jiraiya remembered all of this as he sat down in the plush executive's chair at the desk in his home office and prepared for the video conference he was about to take part in. On the other side of the table relaxing comfortably was Chicago's notorious Roadbuster, Bean Bandit.

"Hey, old man, what's the deal here? You called and asked me to join you for this damn meeting without specifying what it was about. I got that ball-busting bounty hunter broad Rally Vincent on my ass! She's keeping such a close eye on me that I can't make my major deliveries for my other clients...", growled Bandit in his signature Chi-town drawl as he settled a Marlboro in his mouth and prepared to fire it up.

"Bean, my young friend, I can't explain it. Playboy Fokker gave me a call and asked me to participate in this discussion- I guess we'll find out in a moment what he wants with us and the others," replied Jiraiya as he packed his small pipe full of his favorite tobacco and applied a flame.

Just as he got his pipe lit, four video conferencing screens descended from the ceiling and lit up with faces of the devilishly handsome faces of the retired womanizer from Skull Couriers and his equally handsome counterpart from Botoru Deliveries as well as the new head of the Kanto Couriers and the boss of Speedy Bankai Deliveries. The six men acknowledged each other and exchanged pleasantries for a moment before getting down to the reason for the call. Fokker spoke first as he crushed his cigarette out in the marble astray on his desk.

"All right gentlemen, settle down so we can discuss this problem that has recently popped up. As you all know, the six of us are the most famous people in our business- with some notable exceptions, Jiraiya. It has come to my attention that the S.K.P.F. of Konoha has initiated an international crackdown on our fellow couriers. Master Jiraiya, what do your contacts say about this?" The smooth talking ace pilot and delivery driver asked as he fished another smoke out of the pack sitting on his desk and lit it with the skull and crossbones engraved black Zippo in his hands.

"I've been hitting up my contacts around the city, but like me they don't know much about it. It seems to me that my ex-wife, Tsunade, is once again trying to eliminate the world of those in our honorable profession. She may be targeting me in particular because of my former profession and my links to the rest of the underground courier business. Lately, the second rate drivers who've been performing deliveries for me are getting busted in record numbers. If she keeps this up, I won't be able to find capable drivers to deliver my books. Right now in Konoha, that bounty hunter Rally Vincent is trailing Bean Bandit so closely she's like a pit bull with lockjaw on his jock and he can't make any deliveries." Replied Jiraiya grumblingly as the gathered men nodded in commiseration.

The representative from the Speedy Bankai Delivery Service, Ichigo Kurosaki, spoke for the first time as he leaned forward in his seat to address the group.

"You mean that sexy as hell Chicago bounty hunter is there in Konoha right now? Damn, that means we got a major problem. Three of my drivers are on their way there as we speak. If you're right Jiraiya, and Vincent is there, my guys Renji, Chad, and Uryuu are gonna get nailed. Partner that up with the actions your ex-wife and her crew are performing then my guys are gonna have their work cut out for them in picking up your next shipment. Dammit, this sucks!" Roared Kurosaki as he slammed his fist on the top of his desk.

A highly irate voice was heard off screen following the familiar cry of a just awoken infant.

"I-Chi-Go!!!! You asshole, you woke up the baby!!!", shouted Ichigo's frazzled brother-in-law Byakukya Kuchki.

Ichigo grumble something impolite as he glared at somebody off screen.

The other men averted their gazes and allowed the strawberry-haired twenty-eight year old courier his moment before returning to the business at hand. The quiet voice of Takumi Fujiwara was the next one heard.

"Right now, Kanto Couriers are two drivers short. My partner Iggy Takeuichi just left on his honeymoon while Cole Iketani is rushing back and forth from the office to the hospital. His wife is due to give birth to their first child any day now so, I conferred with Ry Takahashi and he agreed with my decision to take Cole off of the active roster and assign him duties pertaining to the training of our newly hired drivers. Seems he likes the steady hours and I expect him to ask to remain on training duty after his wife Maya gives birth. Of course, that'll probably get me consigned to the couch for the foreseeable future since Natalie will be extremely pissed." Commented Tak ruefully as he took a bite from his lunch.

Jiraiya frowned as the other men (except for Bean Bandit) sighed in resignation. If there was one thing he regretted about his divorce, it was the fact that he and Tsunade had never managed to have children in the five years they were together. It wasn't for lack of trying though; their respective careers had unfortunately come first too many times.

"Tsunade would've been a great mother to any children we had. She had a motherly instinct that was second to none -and I would've been an outstanding father to a houseful of rug rats.", thought Jiraiya as the familiar fatherhood pangs hit him like a tsunami.

The devilishly handsome Khyron Kravshera grumbled a bit about the situation before he gave the senior member of their committee one of his pointed glares and asked him what he planned to do about it.

"For Pete's sake Jiraiya, you need to do something quick! Orochimaru's Sound Wave Snake Delivery bastards are seriously cutting into MY business!! If you can't deal with that blasted meddling ex of yours, Botoru Couriers will be forced to do something bloody drastic. I would've already done it and cut those damn reptile assholes off at the knees if it wasn't for my darling Azonia throwing a non-violence moratorium on my people! Shit this is frustrating!" Complained the self-named 'Backstabber courier'. (Jiraiya always laughed at the irony since he knew that Kravshera was one of the more honorable- albeit dramatic- couriers in the business. Khyron loved his wife so much that he wouldn't harm any of his competitors even if they were seconds away from killing him)

Jiraiya was about to snap back at Khyron when Fujiwara-ever the voice of calm and restraint-cut it and quietly told the enraged indigo blue-haired C.E.O. (And expert courier in his own way) of Botoru Couriers to cool it and settle down. Kravshera was formulating a stinging retort when his counterpart rebuked him.

"Khyron, stifle it you meathead!! We don't have the time for you to insult your fellow committee members. Now sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!" growled Roy.

For a moment it seemed as if the hotheaded young man was still going to comment and risk censure until he grudgingly sat down in a huff and angrily crossed his arms over his chest. To the unitiated, one could easily (and mistakenly) assume that there was an unfriendly rivalry between Fokker and Kravshera, but they would be wrong. Roy Fokker and Khyron Kravshera were the closest of friends and damn near brothers-in-law. One of Roy's drivers, Maximillian Sterling, was married to Azonia Laplamiz-Kravshera's unofficial sister Miriya Parino-Sterling.

Once the agitated man had calmed down enough for the meeting to continue, Roy returned his attention back to Jiraiya and apologized for his compatriots' irritability. Jiraiya brushed it off and changed the subject. The discussion took on a livelier air as the six men debated actions, solved business problems, and generally hung out. As the meeting was drawing to a close after three hours of talk, Bean Bandit brought up the subject Khyron touched on earlier. Before he could answer, Jiraiya's assistant Asuma Sarutobi burst into the room and made his way to the Toad Courier's side. Jiraiya listened as Asuma brought him up to date on the goings on around Konoha. When the chain smoking former courier finished up, Jiraiya eyes had widened at some of the info he'd just received. Dismissing Asuma, Jiraiya returned his attention to his confederates and told them the news.

"Well gentlemen, it seems that my former employee Kakashi Hatake has some news and he wants to meet me in person. Kakashi has been keeping an eye out on new and upcoming talent in the courier world. He's found some new drivers who he thinks can help us out of this 'situation' as the honorable Kravshera has put it. Asuma won't go into much detail but he informed me that Kakashi has set up a meeting with me at my club 'Gamakichi's this weekend. With your permission I'll meet with him and see what he has to say, then bring the information back to our little committee. What do you say guys?"

Jiraiya's screen went blank for a moment as the other four men conferred between themselves. As they did the fifty-six year old courier turned to his guest and asked his opinion.

"I'd have to see them drive before I make a judgment, Jiraiya. Allow me to accompany you and your aides to this meeting so I can get my impression on the new recruits," muttered Bean as he lit another cigarette and crushed his now empty pack in his large hands.

"Sure, Bean. I believe that your opinion of these guys will help. However, you need to hit up the local haberdashery and buy some semi-formal outfits. At Gamakichi's we're very particular about how those visiting our club dress. It's a very classy place," explained Jiraiya, a little smugly, as he set his cold pipe down on its holder.

"I see." Bean said, huffily. "Thanks for the heads up, old man frog."

Jiraiya simply nodded as the image on his screen rematerialized and Fokker, Kravshera, Kurosaki, and Fujiwara reappeared after reaching a consensus. Jiraiya nodded again as the quartet informed him that it was up to his discretion to hire the new drivers.

"Well fellas, it looks like our profession may find a way out of this little problem. Jiraiya, just keep us informed on their development. That's all we ask." Roy stated as he looked at his watch.

"I will, you can count on it."

"And on that note, I believe it is time for us to adjourn. I have a feeling that my wife will soon be knocking on my door to remind me about this opera I volunteered to take her to. See you next time guys.", the blonde gentleman hurriedly said before closing his link with the others

Once Fokker left; the others followed suit till it was once again just Jiraiya and Bean Bandit in the formers office. Jiraiya turned his attention to the large panoramic window to the right of his desk and gazed out at the picturesque view. It was readily apparent to Bean that the senior courier turned author was thinking about the members of his old crew. Not one to be impressed by the actions of others, Bean had to admit that even he himself, the infamous Chicago Roadbuster, didn't and wouldn't hold a candle to the internationally known Yellow Flash. Bean was about to get up and depart when he heard his host clear his throat.

"Bean, do you think that you could make a delivery while you're in town? Even with that bounty hunter keeping her eyes peeled for you? I have a minor shipment that desperately needs to go out before the end of the week," asked Jiraiya as he rotated his chair back to face his guest.

"Yeah, I can do it- but my fee will have to be tripled for this one run With Vincent sniffing after me like a dog in heat, I'm gonna have to be real careful. How many books do you need me to deliver for you this time?" asked Bandit as he sat back down in his seat.

"Not many, just one load consisting of a box of the pre-released books to gage the public's reaction. I'll pay you quadruple your base fee with a bonus of seventy-five grand on top. If you accept, then be at Gamakichi's on Thursday to pick up the package. Deliver it at your leisure."

"Okay, Jiraiya. I'll make the delivery this time. I just hope that if Vincent or your ex catches me, you'll bail me out."

"Of course I will. I take care of those who deliver for me." Jiraiya said smilingly.

The Roadbuster nodded and started to make preparations for departing. Jiraiya watched as the younger man rose to his feet and made his way in the direction of the door. Bean halted with one of his large hands on the knob and turned to look at the legendary author over his shoulder.

"I'll see you later old man, a female acquaintance of mine found out I was in town and wants me to stop by for a bit. Take it easy old friend."

"Same to you Bean. One of these days you'll have to share with me stories of your numerous affairs. They might give me new ideas for my storylines.", replied Jiraiya with a knowing leer on his face.

"Nah, you old pervert, I don't wanna see my escapades written down for others to see for eternity. I have my own seductive secrets to keep and I can't have every guy using my techniques," retorted Bean with a smile.

The two men laughed uproariously before the taller man opened the door and left the room. Leaning back in his chair, Jiraiya listened with a grin as he heard the big block V8 engine of Bean's old Corvette fire up with a menacing grumble before the sound of abused tires floated through the house as the six foot eight master courier redlined the engine and dropped the clutch, peeling out with an authority not to be denied.

A few minutes later when the sound of V8 fury had dissipated, Jiraiya reached down towards the lower left hand drawer of his massive desk and pulled it open. Feeling around from memory, his hand came across a familiar object. Grasping it around the knurled edge, the retired courier gingerly lifted it out of the drawer and held it in front of his face. The object was a picture frame. In the picture was a much younger version of the present head of the S..K.P.F. lounging provocatively on the back of his old Harley-Davidson motorcycle attired in nothing but an extremely skimpy (and filmy) teddy, garter belt, and high heels. The soft smile Tsunade wore was the one she used to show to no one but him. It was an expression that promised an eternal love that was supposed to remain for ages. Jiraiya remembered that smile well- Tsunade often showed it to him as they lay in bed after making love. He also remembered how that picture came into being.

His darling Tsunade had lost another bet with him (often times he used to believe that she would lose on purpose).

"Ah, my dearest, dearest Tsunade; you were the only one who saw me for me. Whatever happened to those good times?", murmured Jiraiya as he read the message scribbled in red lipstick in the photos corner.

"I only have eyes for you, Jiraiya! My little horny toad! Love, Tsunade."

Placing the frame on his desk in the position of honor, Jiraiya decided to get totally intoxicated and reminisce about an earlier time. A time when it felt as if they were the only two people in the world; a time of love eternal.

-

And that, my friends, brings to a close the prologue for my new story 'Konoha Transporters. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The first person I'd like to thank is none other than Lady Otori for being my beta-reader for my first Naruto fic. Go ahead and give her a big round of applause for correcting my mistakes, making suggestions, and all around beating me upside the head with the stuffed Kyuubi-No-Kitsune of infinite fury so I can get this out to you, my precious readers on time. Be on the lookout for the first chapter 'Transfer', coming soon to review and tell me what you think, I appreciate the feedback. As always, all flames received will be promptly deposited in 'File Thirteen'. I accept any and all criticisms whether they are constructive or destructive.

Thank you again for reading. The Knightewolfe will return with another installment.

Knightewolfe's Lair

11-4-07

(Beta notes by the notorious Lady Otori: I love this! Don't you guys? Review!)