Title: Secret
Author: Ugly.Beautiful
Genre: Romance / Angst
Rating: T
Pairing: Gojyo x OC
Spoilers: None
Summary: My horrible, drunken mistake
Word Count: 644

Disclaimer: I don't know who owns Saiyuki but it isn't me. But Gojyo has a smexy voice.

She knew it was stupid. That small part of her brain that had remained sober through the night knew it was stupid, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to care. He was so handsome. That long red hair. Those crimson eyes. Who cared that he was a half-demon? There was a swagger in his drunken steps, a confidence in his slurred speech. It was more intoxicating than the sheer amounts of alcohol they had both consumed. It was hypnotizing.

She partially blamed how captivating she found him, from the moment she saw him. And she partially blamed it on the alcohol. But either way, whatever the cause, the effect was the inebriated pair of them tumbling into bed.

And if that was the equation, the final solution was this. This young boy. With her dark eyes and his fiery hair. There was so much of that man in her son, everything was like that man. She imagined this was what he looked like when he was younger.

Sha Gojyo.

A man she hadn't seen in five years, who was now gaping at her, and the four year old on her hip, like she had just announced that she was God. Maybe he didn't remember her…

"You… Kisa… r-right?"

She had nodded, secretly beaming that that, no matter how drunk they were, he remembered he. The golden-eyed boy beside him had snorted loudly, his laughter-punctuated sentence sounding like, "Stutter… schoolgirl… believe… father…" And then something undistinguishable about a water imp. Gojyo had elbowed him on top of the head without looking away from her.

"Mommy?" She glanced down as small hands tugged on her dark hair. His eyes flickered from Gojyo to her. "Is that man my daddy?"

She glanced up at him. What was she supposed to say? Yes? It was true, but what if he didn't want a child? What if he didn't need a distraction?

True, she loved her son, would do anything for him, hurt anyone who tried to harm him, but… she had never planned on having children, never wanted any. And the next thing she knew: her family disowned her, she lost her job, once people fond out her child was part demon, the entire town shunned her. She loved her son, but because of one drunken night of passion, she had ruined her life. Could she really ask this man to do the same? Sure, it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to stop to prevent the entire thing from happening. She shouldn't have gotten drunk.

And so she hadn't bothered looking for the man. She was lucky. At least she knew his name. Some of the single mothers she knew could hardly remember the faces of the men who'd fathered their children, let alone their names. She could have found him anytime she wanted. But then she'd heard what he and his group of friends were trying to accomplish and she knew, she knew, she could never bring herself to ruin this captivating man's life.

So she kept her son a secret from him. Her little boy. Her drunken mistake. Her secret.

Gojyo dragged his eyes away from the pleading eyes of the child and up to hers. He opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head once in confusion.

She sighed. "No honey, he's just someone I met before." Turning, she missed the flash of… something… in his eyes, missed the way he opened his mouth to call after her, missed the way his arm raised of its own accord, reaching out to her, then dropped to his side.

She missed it, so she kept walking away. It was her mistake. She wouldn't ruin his life, it was her mistake. She had kept this secret for this long; there was no reason she couldn't keep it for longer. It was her mistake.

A/N: So this was brought about by several things. First off, my jobless, homeless aunt is pregnant again by some jobless, homeless, drunk. Intelligent, that one. Secondly, the health inspector came in while I was working the other day and after her inspection she tried to set me up with her son. Never met the woman before. And I'm not even twenty yet! And thirdly, I just found out that someone else I went to High School with is pregnant. That means that like, five people I graduated with have had (or are having kids). Honestly. The things alcohol does to the world's population. Figured I write something, make a point. Gojyo, the drinking flirt that he is, seemed like a good guinea pig. XD