Author's Note: I've been wanting to write something Megan centric for awhile, because she is just made of awesome. I need to get some Craig and Eric and Crazy Steve out at oe point too. I will.

So anyway- just a little Megan centric oneshot. With implied D/J slash. Some what inspired by "Megan's first Kiss."

Warnings: Langauge- because as I remember there is no kind of moron quite a like the 14-year-old boy moron.

Disclaimer: Not even a little bit mine.


Megan Parker was good at a lot of things, but forgiveness was not among them. She'd never been big on that whole, 'turn the other cheek' thing. That's always seemed like a crap option to her, a way to let people walk all over you and treat you like dirt, and Megan refused to be treated like dirt. Besides, she was smarter than most people, and letting some one less intelligent than her win? That just wasn't going to happen. She was good at revenge too, excellent actually, so good that by the time she hit 8th grade, her peers were all a bit afraid of her. Not that she minded, she liked to think of it as a healthy respect, and it made her life a whole lot easier.

So really she didn't feel the least bit bad about what she'd had to do to Sean Kitterman that spring. He should have known better, and if his both his ego and his body were bruised permanently? Well that really wasn't Megan's fault. He had it coming. She'd been minding her own business, just walking down the hall one afternoon, talking to Janie, when she had heard them. The whispers.

"Poor Megan."

"Can you believe it?"

"Yes! Sean swears its true."

"I heard its been going on for years."

"Its so gross."

"What's so gross?" Megan asked, striding up to Patrica Renyolds, who blanched.

"Hi Megan." She squeaked.

"What's gross?" Megan repeated impatiently.

"Well. I don't know- I just, Sean said that-" Patrica trailed off looking uneasy. Megan rolled her eyes.

"Sean!" She yelled walking away from Patrica towards a group of jock boys standing at the other end of the hall. She and Sean had just finished an English project together, and he'd spent a lot of time at her house. If he had told people they'd hooked up, she'd have to hurt him. She steeled her shoulders and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she approached the boys.

"Megan" He said, drawing out her name in a way he must have thought was charming, "what can I do for you?"

"You can tell me why people are whispering about me." Megan said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How should I know?" He said, smirking.

"Don't act extra dumb. Its not cute. Tell me what you said about me." Megan demanded.

"I didn't say anything about you." He said, still smirking.

"I don't believe you." she said.

"I didn't," he said shrugging, "I said things about your fag older brothers."

"Excuse me?" Megan said, swallowing hard. In her mind the entire hall had just turned red, "Carrie" style, and if she could, she would have telekinetically killed Sean right then.

"Oh come on Megan. I was at your house, I saw them, and I think people have a right to know." Sean said.

"What exactly do you think you saw?" She said slowly, ice dripping off her words, taking deep breathes. She felt a hand on her back-Janie had come from behind her and was trying to calm her down. It wasn't working.

"You know. Fag things. Touching, giggling, more touching, and they were all- you know. Fag things." He finished, smiling as though this was the most brilliant thing anyone had ever said, "and I just thought people should know. I mean think about it Megan, what if you date some guy, and he goes to your house and they like, hit on him? I had to warn my fellow dudes." He said, and some of the idiot jocks in his circle of friends chuckled appreciatively. The rest of the student body, who'd been listening closely a few minutes ago had just taken several steps back, and were now watching with wide eyes. Megan Parker was about to blow.

"Hey Megs." Josh said, as he and Drake entered her room later that night.

"Hey." She said listlessly.

"Did you really get suspended?" Drake asked.

"Yup." Megan said.

"What happened?" Josh asked sitting down on the foot of her bed.

"Don't want to talk about it." Megan replied.

"I heard you made some kid cry," Drake said, leaning against her wall.

"That kid you did that project with-and you made him bleed, in private places!" Josh put in.

"Maybe." Megan said, lifting her eyes from her magazine for the first time since they entered the room. They both looked worried. She sighed. "Whatever. He'll be fine." she said.

"We're not worried about him." Drake said.

"Yeah, I mean we know you can be a little-" Josh started then trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Evil." Drake finished for him, "But this is pretty insane. Even for you."

"He had it coming." Megan said, looking back down at the magazine, but not before she saw them exchange glances.

"We heard a couple more things too." Josh admitted softly.

"Like?" Megan asked.

"I heard that after you made him cry and before you kneed him, you called an 'intolerant homophobic asshole.'," Drake said.

"And you really know what all those words mean? Wow. I'm impressed." Megan replied, trying to get them all back into their normal pattern.

"Yes I do! And don't change the subject." Drake said, "Is it true?"

"Actually I had to explain 'intolerant' to him." Josh said, smirking.

"Josh! Focus!" Drake snapped.

"Sorry." Josh said looking sheepish, "Is it true?" he asked Megan.

"Maybe." She said, "So?"

"So what did he do to you?" Josh asked, "what did he say to make you that mad?"

"I told you. I don't want to talk about it." Megan said.

"Whatever it is, we'll hear it eventually anyway." Drake said, coming over to sit on the bed next to Josh, "and it must have been pretty bad, you made him cry and you hurt him. Normally you pick one or the other."

"Even if I did want to tell you, I can't." Megan said.

"Why?" Josh asked.

"Because. I'm not repeating what he said. Fourteen-year-old boys are a special kind of stupid. He's a moron. That's all you need to know." Megan said. This was getting old, fast. She knew they were trying to help, but they were really bad at it.

"But Megan listen if a friend of yours is being picked on, an adult or someone needs to know. You're right fourteen-year-olds are jerks, especially to each other, and it sounds like your friend or whoever needs help and we thought-" Josh began.

"I took care of it." Megan cut him off impatiently. "Let it go."

"No." Drake said.

"No?" Megan asked, a threatening note in her voice. She hated when they questioned her like this, and really, the fact they seemed to think she had some friend that needed rescued from a big-bad bully was just sad. They really were boobs.

"No." Drake said stubbornly, "Look its great that you defended someone, it is, but if there is a friend of yours that needs help, then you have to tell someone."

"Really Megan, we're just trying to help." Josh put in, "you're just a kid, you can't-"

"Uggghhhh!" Megan screeched, making both boys jump, "I was defending you, you morons, now will you please leave?" She hadn't been planning to tell them that but really, they were driving her a little crazy. Drake recovered first.

"Us?" He asked looking even paler then normal.

"Yes." Megan sighed, "happy now?" Drake and Josh exchanged another glance, and she braced herself for questions about exactly what he'd said, or how 'homophobic' related back to them, or what other people where saying but they didn't ask any of that.

"You made someone cry and bleed for us?" Drake asked, smiling a little.

"You got suspended over us?" Josh asked

"Yeah well." Megan said, "You know I don't like to let anyone else say bad things about you two. That's my job."

"This is the sweetest thing you've ever done." Josh said.

"Don't get used to it." She said, "and don't call me sweet."

"Thank you." Drake said.

"Yeah. Yeah." Megan said, but she was smiling.

"Would you kill me if I hugged you?" Josh asked.

"Not tonight." She said, and then before she knew what was happening, both boys had pulled her into a giant group hug. Drake tussled her hair and she pulled back, "don't push it." she said.

"Sorry," Drake replied, grinning, "You wanna come watch a movie with us or something?"

"I'm grounded." She replied, "suspension remember?"

"So?" Drake asked, "Mom and Dad aren't home."

"And besides, you're only coming to our room." Josh said.

"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to sleep." She said.

"You sure?" Drake asked, standing up.

"Yeah." she said, nodding.

"K," Josh said, standing up next to Drake.

"Night." She said as they started towards her door. She threw the magazine she'd been reading early on the floor and reached for her phone, she had just flipped it open when the boys paused her door frame.

"Hey Megan," Drake called over his shoulder, "if there is anything you want to ask us- its ok." he said.

"No. I'm good." She said.

"We don't want you to think-" Josh began turning around to face her.

"Its ok." Megan said, cutting him off for the third time in less than twenty minutes, "If you boobs are happy, then that's all that matters." she said honestly.

"When did you get so cool?" Drake asked, looking back at her.

"I was always cool. You were just too stupid to see it." She said, "and no you can't hug me again."

"We should probably go before she throws something at us." Josh said wisely.

"She's being nice!" Drake protested.

"Dude, we're pushing our luck again. She may be cool, but she's also still kinda evil." Josh said.

"But today she used her evil for us." Drake said stubbornly.

"Yeah but she's going to use it on us if we don't leave her alone soon." Josh said.

"She is not!" Drake argued.

"Actually- I probably am." Megan said.

"See?" Josh said.

"Shut up." Drake said.

"You're the one who is trying to get us killed!" Josh said, grabbing Drake's arm and pulling him into the hall, "Night Megan." he called.

"Night Megan," Drake yelled, pulling free of Josh's grip.

"Night boobs!" She called back, shaking her head as they closed the door.

It was hard sometimes, being the smartest person she knew. Megan always saw things long before anyone else did, so she meant what she said to Drake and Josh, if they were happy, then she was ok. She didn't know facts, but based on all she'd observed over the years, she could make some pretty good guesses. She supposed most people in her position would be a little more bothered, but really she'd seen it such a long time ago now-it was just the way Drake and Josh were, and she loved them.