CHOCOLATE WITH SOLITUDE IN THE NAME
Now is never.
A silent click, maybe a drop of blood. And the last thing that was for me was the deep blue coming closer, shock in his eyes when he felt my face so close as it was his own skin, and that probably soon to be memorable moment our bodies collided. And that was over.
And there we are now. In a place dark, silent and cold as ice. I can even see the steam as I'm breathing.
Of course, if it's me breathing
Or is it just what's left of me. Left of us.
In every world possible-nothing is for free.
Just to gain strength and maybe a single chance to live, we both gave away almost everything we were.
Two bodies were lost to now-be one, yet powerful as nothing in the universe ever was meant to be.
I can touch my skin only because I believe it is skin.
I hope he does also believe that he still is.
Our abilities and features copied, filled into one form.
And we-the rest of us- stay here, closed in a small place lying somewhere in this new body, that none of us is it's owner.
I look numbly on what's outside-in the world I knew. I dare not to look away, into the darkness that now is my home and will be my grave. I don't know what is behind me, what will I find if I knew how to turn the light on. This void may never end or I may hit a wall once I only move. One thing I know for sure-he is here with me.
And he says nothing. If he had lost his power-did he loose his pride?
I'd say he didn't. He himself told me not so long ago that there is one thing that a Saiyan always keeps and it is his pride.
Why then is he so silent? I awaited and I wait for his voice to come, calling me names, by it's tone itself with the intent to kill. Me.
This question bothers me so, but I won't ask now. I don't even have to.
In fact, I have eternity to do it. Yet it's not the point.
Still I am just plain afraid of looking back, afraid to meet his face.
If mouth says nothing, the eyes are more than enough.
Vegeta, you know what you had agreed on.
You know how long is forever.
Don't make it look like this.
'Happy now, Kakarot?' I finally hear his voice that is both my poison and my salvation.
I probably have a reason to look at him now, so I take the advantage.
The place is gray and dimmed to the edge of possibility, above I see only a few dots, small and shiny like stars so far away from our reach.
He's sitting in a chair with his head hanging lowly, close to his knees. I don't know where he'd get one, Maybe it is just as I thought-a matter of needs and beliefs, as we are now the visualizations of ourselves only.
This space is a part of me. I can see lots of food here, the only thing I never forget of.
It seems that he never forgets about the darkness he creates.
He does that to shield from me?
'I'm sorry about this' I whisper.
I probably lie.
I didn't ever long nor wait for this to happen.
But I also don't pity it.
I've never made any of my bonds strong enough to grow in my heart the urge to go back, once I leave a place I say I loved.
Love, in fact, is more than that.
It is above.
Vegeta tilted his head up to look at me fully. He frowned angrily, because my face s blank and tells him nothing.
'I'm not asking you if you're sorry or not. I'm just simply wondering-are you satisfied with what you have done now?!' This time it is him who wants to hear a voice other than his own.
'I thought that you wanted to defeat Buu.' My words were more like a statement though I wanted them to create an innocent question. It looks like my heart in opposite to my mind-is a thing that cannot be fooled.
'Yes'-he said firmly 'I wanted to destroy him. And to be frank-I could even live over if you would do that instead. But those days are gone long ago when I desired to see you only, Kakarot.' He spitted the last word as my name would be forbidden and unfortunate for those who use it.
I dare not to act as if I understood what he meant. Vegeta noticed that and he leaves his chair and goes to the direction of all the edible thing here. The food is randomly left almost everywhere like it's owner would dump it. My comrade chooses to go to a place most far away from me-a disease he'd like to avoid but he really can't. Because we will stay here for all of our days, and here we will exist as the undead, because one we've made our trade Hell no Heaven is for us to reach. And he seems to know that.
Yes, he knows it very well.
As he reaches his target and gets himself a chocolate bar, he turns around to face me again and says calmly 'The rivalry has ended now I know this for sure, and so did the need to kill or dominate you, I don't feel like playing Master and Servant anymore. I've found a thing that is more significant to me in more ways than one. And this, is what I've fought against. It wasn't about you Kakarot. It was about my picture of you I once starved for and about the new life I've gained when you were gone –I understood I need it and this knowledge was my itch. It exploded when you returned. And now-I have got you only.'
Vegeta sighs heavily and gets mute. To forestall my upcoming questions he unwraps the chocolate and throws away the silver paper. He's eating his bar slowly, but with his mouth full so he couldn't speak.
He stares at me with full attention, his mimic showing a grimace bigger and bigger within each chew. Maybe the chocolate is bitter. Or maybe I am his personal distaste.
Never is now.
I walk closer towards him because he seems to be done with consumption right now. I take a fast glare into his black eyes and I don't see much in them though I always did. Just like their fire was taken away from us with his body, so the cold living flares could join he fusion and stay in the eyes of a newborn person who is neither me or Vegeta. I feel like its' charm would be stolen. Stolen from me and I can't see them anymore. It was just a moment, he didn't notice my gaze. Suddenly I know that I again gave him pain, a pain that is hard to shush away.
It ends here.
I am ending it.
'So, the only thing we can do now is to make your heart go back to normal' I finally speak and he widens his eyes on the statement he just heard.
It is saddening I can't see his face now. I close my eyes. I close my eyes as I kiss him on his lips.
The room still is cold.
But I do know for sure, that the chocolate is what was bitter