APPREHENSIVE DELIRIUM

Is was reading KivaEmber's 'Shards' is loved it so much she had to write yet another fic where she tortured ichigo to the brink of insanity and beyond. So here it is!

Shivers racked his body, traveling up and down, he was unable to stop them. It was night time, about one a.m. He had taken a couple of pills so he could stay awake.

He wasn't sure if he was high on the pills or not. He didn't really care. Anything, anything, that would keep that voice out of his head. He wrapped his arms around his knees where he sat in the corner. He had been cutting his fingers with his father's razor to keep himself awake, there was blood on the floor.

Rukia wasn't here tonight. Rukia didn't know the voice stopped when she was near him. Rukia would be able to save him.

Rukia doesn't care about you, king. Rukia hates you, you're a monster.

No no, that wasn't true! The shivers intensified. Cold, he was so cold. The creature's laugh resounded in his head like an air raid during a war. It wouldn't stop, it drowned out everything else.

Pills pills, he needed more pills. He had to make that voice stop. He had to, he had to.

Do you really think that will help king? Do you really think you can get away?

Shut up shut up. Where were his pills? Where was his blade? If he fell asleep, he would end up in that world. In that silence. With nothing but the creature's laughter.

How he hated its laughter. Laughing and laughing at his pain.

You can't get away, wherever you go, I shall follow you.

Cold cold. So cold he couldn't breathe. It sat on his chest, the cold. The words he wanted to say were forced back down his throat. This body wasn't his.

It was there, in the back of his mind, planting seeds of hate. It scared him what he often found him self thinking 'if only he would die, I'd kill him and bathe in his blood and–..'

No no, that wasn't him, that wasn't him! It was all that monster's fault.

That is you, king. You're a demon, you like that blood.

No. He never liked blood, he fought to protect, he didn't want to hurt anybody. He never wanted to hurt anybody.

He kept shivering. Why was it so cold?!

Because your heart is frozen king.

No. He had his reasons. Everything he did, it was for a good cause. The people he killed, the things he did, the people he injured. It was all for a good reason.

He was the protector. He was the guardian, he would always save anyone. It was all that monster's fault. He never did anything. It was that thing's fault, not his.

Laughing, laughing. It just kept laughing. He rocked back and forth, hoping it would make him warmer. He could feel its hands, slipping up his neck, squeezing. He could feel it's breathe on his cheek. Laughing. It was laughing.

Be mindful of your shadow, king.

He looked down, to where he knew his shadow would be and screamed. It was that creature. It was everywhere. It wouldn't leave him alone.

The shadow seemed to become three dimensional and it sat beside him. It was so close, leaning against him. A sharp black nail stroked his cheek.

Do you see what you've become, king, do you see what I have done to you?

"stop it stop it. Get away!" he wanted to move, but he was sitting beside a wall. It was becoming colder, so much colder.

He felt like he was being clawed apart. Eaten alive. He reached out, trying to get up, trying to move away. But that thing pulled him down, pinned him.

You are no one to order me. Don't you see king? I own you.

It didn't own him. This creature couldn't harm him. He had control. He was king. It kissed his cheek, down his neck. But it still didn't own him. He shivered. Its lips were cold.

Nothing would ever own him. He didn't belong to that thing. He was king. Hands on his chest,lips on his neck, he felt himself begin to give in.

Do you see how weak you are, king? You're losing control.

"No no" teeth nipped his ear. A warning of all the things it could do. so much colder. He was choking, he couldn't breathe, something was sitting on his chest, forcing words back into his throat. There was something inside of him, trying to worm its way out.

It was all this creature's fault.

Nothing is ever because of you, is it, king? You're so innocent.

His head hurt, and his hands started to bleed again. Where were his pills? Where was his razor?

He found himself thinking in ways he shouldn't be. 'I'll make him bleed, just a little more...' but that wasn't him.

The morning sun was just beginning to shine through the sky, peaking over the horizon. He reached toward the light. Where was rukia? She always made it stop. Rukia helped him sleep.

Rukia won't save you. She can't. Wherever you go, you shall be mine. I own you, king.

"Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it!" he chanted.

And there was the laughter. That laughter.

I'm not doing anything, king. You are.

OWARI