It had been a very long day. Alice and Rosalie had invited me shopping and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Well, Rosalie might have. She was still warming up to the idea of me being turned. She would have been more than happy to have me out of Edward's life if it didn't mean hurting him. As things were now, Edward and I had let her know that things weren't going to change between us and the sooner she accepted that, the better.
Edward and the other Cullen men were off on a weekend hunt. Alice assured him that I would be safe in her hands and he agreed to let her babysit while he was gone. I told him half jokingly that I didn't appreciate being "the baby" in Alice's experiments, but maybe I'd find something revealing to wear for him later. He seemed eager to get the trip over with then, but I told him to take his time. After all he knew how long Alice could torment me with her makeover sessions. Edward promised me he would try to enjoy himself, but thoughts of me in my new outfit would most likely bring him home early anyway.
The day had gone pretty smoothly. We coasted along in Alice's car, window shopping until her visions showed her what store held the most gorgeous clothes-that also happened to be the most expensive ones. We tried on what seemed like a thousand different outfits before lunch. I smiled and acted as if I was having a wonderful time. Truth be told, I really was starting to like seeing myself in the glamorous things Alice and Rosalie picked out for me. If I was going to walk the earth forever, I might as well look like a supermodel, right?
Having sisters was never something I thought about growing up, but I already thought of Alice that way and Rosalie was becoming friendlier as time passed. Emmett had been like a big brother from the time we first met and Jasper was starting to have an easier time being around me. We hadn't got to spend much time together, mostly because he had such a hard time containing his desire to rip my throat out. I felt like that was my fault. Maybe if I ate something really nasty every day my blood wouldn't smell so darn appetizing? I figured if Alice loved him, then he and I would get along great...as soon as I was a vampire, too.
For now we smiled and spoke briefly from a distance
It was strange to think that they would be my family someday very soon. It was even stranger to try to think of Esme and Carlisle as parents. Physically they looked only a few years older than the rest of the Cullens and myself. Once I was around either of them for any amount of time, however, their older personalities shined through and I could see how Edward and the rest could think of them as Mom and Dad.
I had grown so attached to them all that it would hurt me almost as much if something happened to them as if it happened to Edward. They were already my family. I might as well face it. I spent more time with them and relied on them more than I did my own mother and father. I would need them to get through the time that followed my being turned from human to vampire. Charlie and Renee wouldn't be any help to me then. I would be more related to the Cullens when that happened. My human parents would be part of my history; one I chose to leave behind.
"Is anyone there?" Alice teased.
"Sorry, I was lost in thought."
"Oh, I know," she giggled, "You were mumbling to yourself and Rose just stopped you from walking in front of a car."
"Where do you go when you space out like that Isabella Swan?" Rosalie enjoyed tormenting me. It made her feel like more of a sister, maybe a wicked one, but a sister all the same.
"La-la land," I said dully and did my best zombie impression.
"Been there, done that," Alice remarked snottily and we all laughed out loud.
"You two act so retarded sometimes," Rosalie smirked. "Why God, did you stick me with weirdos for siblings?" She raised her hands and pretend pleaded to the heavens.
"Thank you, Rose," I was serious now.
"For what?" she snorted,"confirming your suspicions that you were indeed weird?"
"No. Thank you for calling me a sister. That really means more to me than you could imagine." I reached out and took her hand. She didn't pull away from me but her face was blank. She looked a bit shocked, either at what I had said or the slip up she had made, I wasn't sure which.
She quickly regained her composure. "Well, if Alice is going to be your twin weirdo, then I suppose you both need a role model to look up to." She said with an air of superiority.
"Fine. You just imposed the title "Big Sis" upon yourself. Just don't tattle on me when I do something naughty, okay?"
"Like that would stop you. You have a mind of your own, Bella. Nothing anyone, including my love sick brother, could do would change your mind when it's set on something foolish...Like befriending smelly mutts." She whispered the last part to Alice just loud enough for me to catch it.
"They think you reek, Rosalie. I can understand that," I wrinkled my nose and leaned away from her.
"Hmph," Rosalie grunted. "Well, at least I don't carry parasites and pee on fire hydrants."
Alice was stifling a laugh. Rose was pretending not to let my comments bother her, but I could tell the stink comment had her seething on the inside. She had her arms folded across her chest and she stomped all the way to the car. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and how I protested when Charlie tried to take me on day long fishing trips. I laughed out loud picturing Rosalie as a spoiled little girl pitching a fit when she didn't get her way. Alice sputtered and tears welled in her eyes. She broke down and chuckled, bending double as the laughter rolled out of her. I wondered if she had imagined the same little Rose as me.
"She'll get over it," Alice reassured me between giggles."Rose doesn't hold grudges for too long."
"Nah, she'll just take my head off in my sleep. Revenge settles her nerves."
Alice lost it again. I took her hand and led her to the car.
"Do you want me to drive, Chuckles?"
She shot me a fake look of terror. "Are you kidding? We wouldn't get home 'til Christmas next year, if we got home at all. I'm fine." But a tremor rocked her slight frame as she fought back another laugh. We looked at each other across the top of the car and wiped our grins away before sliding into the posh interior. Rosalie was in the front passenger seat so I sprawled out with my shopping bags in the back, behind Alice.
"So, Rosalie," I tried to sound nonchalant, "where would you like to go next?"
"Home." was all she said. Her arms were still folded and she stared straight ahead. I could see her cold expression in the rear view mirror.
"I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to offend you. I should have kept my mouth shut."
Rosalie's features softened and she let her arms relax.
"It's okay, Bella." She turned to look at me in the back seat. "I need to learn to take a joke. I've always let things get to me way too easily. Let's just pretend it never happened."
Conversations resumed their happy tones on the way back to the Cullens' estate. We talked about all the new clothes we'd purchased and where we planned on wearing them. Some of the outfits were more suited for a Paris runway than the tiny town of Forks. When we arrived home, a quick trip with Alice driving, Esme critiqued our little fashion show and we eventually got all the clothes sorted and mine packed back into bags. Charlie would die if he saw the receipts. One small bag contained two sweaters that cost more than he made in a month.
Exhausted, I convinced Alice that I would sleep better in my own bed and she drove me home. I dragged into the house pulling my heavy burden from the day's outing with me. Alice waited in the car until I waved to her from the open door. I assured her all I wanted to do was crash on my bed and sleep a dozen or so hours. She tried to convince me to let her stay and rearrange my closet, but I won the battle and she left me to my own devices.
Charlie wasn't home and I hadn't expected him to be. When I had told him this morning of my plans he naturally assumed I would be spending the night with Alice. He got a kick out of her makeovers on me. I told him he should go spend some time with Billy. Since he barely took a day off from work, the company would do him good.
I forced myself to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth. I nearly fell asleep with my toothbrush in my mouth, but somehow managed to get back to my room and into bed. I was dreaming before my head hit the pillow.
I dreamed that Edward was climbing through my window, as he often did even when he knew Charlie wasn't home. It was so real I could hear his soft footsteps as he moved toward my bed. My vision was blurry as dreams sometimes are, but his presence was so comforting.
"You're back early," I said sleepily.
"Huh? Oh...well, I didn't know you were expecting me to come back so soon?"
His voice was strange, but I figured that my ears must be as tired as my eyes and let it go.
"I'm glad you came." I hugged him clumsily. My arms were so heavy that I couldn't squeeze him as hard as I wanted to.
"Me, too. Though I didn't expect you to be so happy to see me," he did sound surprised and I would have chided him for that, but I was just so sleepy.
"Don't be ridiculous," was all I could come up with and I pulled back the covers for him to crawl in beside me.
"Bella, are you sure you want me in bed with you?" he sounded confused but I figured he was just teasing me.
"You know I do, now get in before I fall asleep again." My eyes were already closed. I couldn't remember ever having a dream so vivid. Maybe this was real, but mind was confused from being so worn out.
Edward hesitated. "Are you sure you're awake?" I could tell he was smiling when he spoke.
"Yes, of course I am," but I still wondered silently if I was or not.
"I don't know...this isn't what I expected. What about him?" Edward sounded worried and that wasn't like him. He had been spending the night holding me in my bed for ages now, and he had never been the least bit uneasy about Charlie being in the house.
"It's okay. He's gone. I don't think you have to worry about that." My eyes were half open now, but the room was pitch black and I hadn't had time to focus.
I felt Edward scoot closer to me on the bed and I could make out his form, darker than the rest of the room. He looked to be taking off his clothes. Usually he stayed partially dressed to keep either of us from being too tempted to take things farther. I didn't protest now when I thought he might have changed his mind about waiting until we were married. He slid under the covers and his weight pushed down the mattress causing me to roll closer to him.
"I've been waiting and hoping for this for so long, Bella," his voice was a whisper now. "You are all I've ever wanted."
"I love you." I said and closed my eyes as he ran his fingers through my hair. The sensation sent chills up my spine and I gripped the sheets tightly, expecting the dream to disappear at any second.
It didn't. He pulled me against his body and rolled onto his back. He held me up, positioning me over him in a sitting posture. He felt so good under me. My legs trembled with him between them. He lifted my nightgown over my head and I let it slip off without being the least bit self-conscious of my bare body. After all, this was a dream, so he wasn't really looking at me at all. I imagined myself looking the way I thought Rosalie must under all her clothes. I grew confident at the thought and stretched, arching my back.
He was breathing heavily and I shuddered when I felt his body so hard and hot against me. This was definitely a dream, because Edward was always cold, no matter how warm my embrace was. I enjoyed for once not feeling like I was touching a stone. His skin was soft, too. Not like in reality when it wouldn't give at all when I pressed my fingers into it.
"You feel wonderful," the words escaped my mouth with a lusty sound.
He growled a low throaty rumble and I giggled. I loved it when he did that. I looked down to where I knew his eyes should be and they seemed to glow in the darkness. They were burning into me. I bent to kiss him and he grabbed my shoulders, holding me to him as he eagerly accepted my lips.
"I couldn't stop if I tried now. Don't tease me this time. I want to make love to you and I don't want to wait another minute." I pleaded desperately with him,knowing that if this wasn't a dream he wouldn't concede.
"I'm not teasing," his voice was low and almost menacing. I was anxious to the point of jumping out of my skin now.
He rolled on top of me, cradling my body and holding me closer than he ever had before. I stared into the darkness, trying to see his eyes, but I was too tired and my eyes just strained,barely making out the lines of his face. He was so hot. His skin was on fire, burning mine so that I exhaled loudly. His weight on me made me want him so much more. If only this was real. I gave up wishing and decided to enjoy the best dream I had ever had.
His moist lips kissed my face and neck. "I don't know why I waited so long to come to you, Bella." He spoke to my skin, covering every inch in kisses. I was euphoric. Nothing in the world mattered but feeling him touch me. My body ached to be joined to his and he could sense it.
His hands were under my head holding me still as he kissed my mouth in a fever. His tongue traced my lips and flicked mine playfully. I had a hand in his hair pulling him down into the kiss. This dream was so vivid, but I didn't want to chance losing it now. I clung to him for dear life.
He moved a hand from my hair, sliding his fingertips down my throat, and further to my chest. He stopped there for a moment and I felt him shudder. "God, Bella, I don't think I can wait any longer."
"Then don't wait," I whispered in his ear. "I want this as much as you do." He parted my legs and his body melted against me
His hand slid quickly to my thigh and he pulled my leg up, putting himself closer to me than he had ever been. I suddenly realized how naked we were and I gasped. This couldn't be a dream. I could taste him, smell his scent. I could feel him hard against my inner thigh. "Oh, god, this is happening!" I was fully awake now and my heart was pounding in my chest.
In a split second he was connected to me, joined in the closest way a man and woman could be. I moaned loudly. It felt so good. A pain that I had longed to feel surged through my body and I moved with him. He grunted when I lifted my hips to meet his as he thrust into me. I felt like I was leaving my body. My head was spinning and my eyes filled with tears. I was more than happy that this was finally happening. All the tension left my body as our rhythm grew steady. We moved as one until passion finally over took us both, emptying him of all desire and rocking my body until I went numb. He let me hold some of his weight as he lay on top of my and I caressed the skin on his back, unsure if I had dug my nails into him or not. He put his hot mouth to my ear, still breathing heavily.
"I love you, Bella. I always have."
"I love you, too. Thank you for this."
He kissed me sweetly and rolled to the side. I snuggled against his chest and pulled his arm around me. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but sleep over powered me this time and when I opened my eyes, bright morning light filtered into the room.
I had moved away from him in my sleep. I turned over expecting to see him staring at me, fully dressed the way he usually was. Instead I was looking at his exposed back, red scratches along his shoulder. He appeared to be sleeping, but I knew he never did. How strange, I thought to myself. Maybe he's just playing up how exhausting last night was. I smiled to myself and put my chin on his arm.
"Wake up sleepy head," I said in a sing-song voice.
But when he rolled over, stretched and yawned I cried out. "OH, MY GOD!"
Edward was not pretending to sleep...he wasn't even in my bed.
"I didn't see God, but last night sure felt like Heaven," Jacob smiled innocently at me and kissed my forehead.
What have I done? Oh, Dear God, what have I done?
-More to come,if reviews do!