Demon deals and white lies.
Summary. . . . . The aftermath of Sam's visit to the crossroads demon, what would have happened if Dean was awake when he returned? This is my thoughts in a little one shot.
Disclaimer. . . . . Sorry, not mine. Not even the plot this time.
A.N. . . . . Just a little drabble from me, in answer to a challenge from Paperclip-Sized-Memories. This is for you, Penguin. Hope it has turned out like you thought it might!
Sam had dumped the car he had stolen at the out skirts of the town they were currently staying in. On his way back to the motel he had thought back over what had happened. He really had thought that, faced with the colt, the demon would have backed down. Begged for its life. Returned Dean's soul. Saved Dean's life. But nothing had ever been that easy, that simple, for the Winchesters before why should that have changed tonight?
Reaching the motel he sat on the hood of the Impala, trying desperately to compose him self, compose his feelings, compose his tears. But the tears and the feelings didn't want to be locked away and instead washed over him. Nothing that he had ever been through in his short life compared to the thought of losing Dean, not even Jess' death. He had started to avoid calendars and newspapers, dreading seeing the date, knowing that the day was getting closer and closer. But the world kept turning and the days still passed and the date loomed.
Wiping the last of his tears away as the rain started to fall; he stood up and made his way back into the room. Maybe if he could just for once get a decent night's sleep then things wouldn't feel so bad in the morning. He tried to close the door softly so as not to wake up Dean, but the small lamp being switched on at the rooms only table told Sam that even that small gesture would be unnecessary. Dean was awake and, as Sam's eyes adjusted to the light and he caught his brother's eyes, Dean was pissed.
Sam walked past his brother avoiding any further eye contact and into the small bathroom. He quickly splashed water onto his face, trying to erase the red rimmed eyes and the tear streaked cheeks. Patting his face dry on the small white towel he turned to go back into the other room. Dread settled on him as he found his brother to still be sat at the table, his shoulder muscles bunched together with tension and anger. Sam quickly strode over to his bed and sat on it, rummaging through his bag looking for a distraction, anything to cut through the silence that hung heavy around them. So deep it was almost claustrophobic.
Dean shifted slightly and turned Sam's way, his voice when he finally spoke calmer than Sam expected, which seemed to frighten him all the more.
"Where have you been?"
Sam tried to clear the blockage that had suddenly found its way to his throat.
"I just couldn't sleep. I went for a walk."
"Couldn't sleep, huh? Went for a walk, hmm! Since when do you need to take the colt on one of your walks Sam? Don't lie to me, where have you been?"
Throughout all their years together Sam had never been any good at lying to Dean, it just didn't come naturally to him and when ever it did, it wouldn't feel right and he back down and tell the truth shortly afterwards. Tonight he knew would be no different, he just couldn't do it. He slowly raised his head, his expressive eyes catching his brother's and with out him even saying a word, with that one look Dean knew just exactly where Sam had been and what he had been doing. He'd thought that, that would be where his brother had gone, but had hoped all the same that he was wrong.
Sam shuddered at his brother's choice of words but answered any way. "What the hell do you mean? Why?"
"Why did you go there? Why did you go after I asked you to drop it, to let it go?"
Sam's anger was coming back and he stood up, his arms flailing around wildly as he tried to make sense of his brother's thoughts. "Cause I can't just drop it Dean! I can't just let it go! Could you if the tables were turned? Shit, why am I even bothering to ask you that, you didn't, you couldn't. You went and made a stupid deal, Dean. Why can't I?"
"Because? Because, what?"
"Because I don't want you too and because I'm the oldest and what I say goes."
"Yeah, well I want too and it's my right as the youngest to always do the opposite to what you want."
"Damn it Sam!" Dean rose from his own chair and started pacing the room. "I'm not arguing with you any more over this. Stop trying to break this deal. I told you that if I tried to wangle my way out of it that you could die and that is something that I can't live with."
Sam was raging, his voice now rising to shouting levels as he looked at his brother, incredulity written over his face. "But you expect me to! You expect me to live with you dying! You expect me to carry on! To keep fighting the good fight!"
"Then you really are one selfish bastard, Dean."
Both men stood facing one another, feet apart. Both faces contorted with a mixture of sadness, anger and worry.
"Stop looking Sam, I mean it!"
"Never Dean, right up until we're walking to meet with the hell hounds, I'm never going to stop looking."
"Sam, please, I can't lose you. I can't allow you to die."
"And I can't lose you too, Dean. I can't and I won't. I promise you now Dean, this deal will all be for nothing, cause if you die then I will find the first supernatural creature and come along for the ride. I will get myself killed Dean. I don't want to be here alone. I won't stay here alone."
"For God sake Sam, now who's being selfish?"
"Yeah well I might be, but that's how I feel. Plus I learnt to be from the best. Dean if we're not here fighting things, killing things together, then I don't want to be here. I'd rather die."
Dean sat down on his bed, exhaustion and fear replacing the anger, sadness and worry on his face, all the fight gone from his body. He couldn't really argue with Sam. He would, he knew if the tables were turned, be doing exactly the same thing. He would be fighting tooth and nail to find an answer. He also would have gone to see the crossroads demon with the colt and tried to change the deal. He felt his brother sit down beside him, close but not close enough to touch.
"Dean, please don't ask me to stop, to not try. I can't do that."
"Sam, I just don't want you to get hurt when you don't find the answers you want, when you don't find the deal breaker." He looked up at his brother, not surprised to find Sam's emotions had broken free again, tears leaking from his eyes and falling gracefully down his cheeks." It didn't help tonight, the colt I mean?"
"No, she said that the deals ironclad, unbreakable."
"I'm not gonna stop trying though Dean."
"I know Sam. I don't like it, but you're right if the tables were turned I wouldn't stop either." He patted his brother's knee as he stood up, picking up the Impala's keys he shrugged into his jacket. "I'm going for coffee, you coming?"
"Nah, I'm gonna try and get some sleep. Bring me something back though." Sam answered as he lay on his own bed and began to bury his head in the pillow.
Dean started for the door, turning back when he reached it, a thought starting to gnaw in his head. "So she just let you go, no bumps, no bruises, no cuts, nothing I should be worried about?"
Sam's heart caught in his throat, he silently thanked God that his face was hidden. He tried to calm his voice down before he spoke. "Yeah, she just let me go. I promise no bumps, bruises or cuts."
Dean must have believed him as Sam heard the door shut and soon after the rumble of the Impala's engine moving off, leaving Sam to contemplate what he had done. Yeah Sam had never been good at lying to Dean, but that didn't mean that he didn't. It was after all only a white lie, she had let Sam go and she hadn't injured him. What else had happened his brother hadn't asked about and Sam was determined that he would never find out.
A.N. . . . . I did say that it was drabble. Hope it was okay for you Penguin. Thanks as always for taking time to read it, catch you soon, Peanut x