Disclaimer: I'm only borrowing these lovely characters. I tried to make a down payment on Ranger but Janet didn't accept desperation.
Note: I needed some fun since Haleigh is stressing me out right now with her doggone stubborn Ranger. :) Love you, Babe.
It was Monday morning and nothing special was going on. There were only a few skips to pick up and they were pretty easy. It was icy and cold outside and I was bored. So bored I was currently sitting on the couch of the bonds office allowing Connie to apply my make-up. That alone should show how bored I was. Connie was only slightly more subtle than Lula.
"So are we going 'glam' or 'trying to look like everyday but secretly glam'? She asked.
"Go glam! Go glam!" Lula yelled from the file room.
"I don't need 'glam' or 'secret glam'. I need 'won't run if I get mud on it'. I need 'will make my shower massager find me attractive'.
"I don't think we need to hear about your dates with your shower massager."
"Yeah." Lula came out of the back. "I know I don't want to hear about that since I got you a perfectly good Herbie Horsecock. Just because you ain't getting nothin' good doesn't mean you need to lower your standards on masturbation."
Connie and I both covered our ears and squeezed our eyes closed. I mean, it's an unspoken girl's rule that you can laugh and hint about it, but no one actually says the word out loud. Lula must have missed that class.
"What? You two embarrassed about the word masturbation?" Lula said, smiling. Connie groaned out loud. "Hmmm. Don't know what's wrong with the word masturbation. It's a fun word. Maaasssstuuuurrrbaaaaatiooonnnn! Masturbate. Masturbatory."
"Lula!" I groaned. "Enough. My ears are going to explode. It's a non-word. An enigma. It exists but can only be uttered by men or porn stars. Let it die."
Lula smiled bigger. "Are you embarrassed about masturbation, white girl? You know you do it. You masturbate! STEPHANIE MASTURBATES! SHE MASTURBATES GOOOOOOD. STEPHANIE MASTURBATES ALL NIGHT LOOOOONG. STEPHANIE MAST-"
She had been yelling so loud we failed to hear the door open and since Connie and I had our faces in our lap, we weren't aware either. We looked up when she cut off and saw her frozen in mid dance move in front of Ranger. Who was grinning. Big. He was smiling at Lula but he turned predatory and slid his glance my way.
"I'm torn between offering my services and asking you to let me watch."
This was embarrassing. No, this was beyond embarrassing. I stood up and held my head up high.
"Connie, thank you for the make-up." I turned to Ranger and Lula. Lula was still frozen with her mouth open. "I'm not speaking to you two." And I stormed out. Almost. I was so embarrassed I misjudged the door and hit the frame with my shoulder on the way out. I put my right foot down hard on the icy sidewalk to catch myself and my foot went right out from under me and I crashed down flat on my back.
I lay with my eyes closed for a minute before opening them, looking up at the sky. Three faces were upside down, peering at me.
"She dead? Girl! You dead?" I felt a toe nudge me.
I closed my eyes again. "If I'm dead will you go away?"
"Babe." I felt two large hands grab me under my pits and haul me up to a standing position. Fucking Ranger. He must have an anti-slip device installed in him somewhere.
He was still smiling at me as he brushed me off. Connie and Lula gave me thumbs up behind his back and then slipped back into the office. Ever since Joe and I split they had been trying to get me to do the nasty with Ranger. Those were Connie's words. Lula's words included 'porking', 'salami' and something to do with a fist. So far Ranger and I hadn't done anything except kiss in the alley a little more. But now that it was so cold, even that little fun was hibernating.
My face must have been three shades of red because Ranger pulled me in for a hug and kissed my hair. I could feel him smiling in my hair. "You never disappoint, Babe."
"I never disappoint you, maybe." I mumbled into his shirt. "I disappoint myself on a regular basis."
He pulled back and regarded me. I crossed my arms in front of me, missing his warmth.
"Let me take you to breakfast." He finally said, after studying my face for a moment. "Wonder Woman looks like she could use some pancakes."
What the Hell. My morning was for shit. Might as well get some free food.
"So you are telling me that you NEVER get embarrassed? Not at all? As in nada?"
We were finishing our brunch and it was goooood. I'd had pancakes with chocolate chips and bacon. Ranger had fruit and a bran muffin. Pathetic.
"Not anymore. I don't do a lot of things that will cause myself embarrassment, but if I do it doesn't bother me."
I looked at him incredulously. "Been through too much to worry about the little things, Babe."
"Do you ever trip?"
"Not in years."
"Say the wrong thing?"
He stayed silent with his almost smile in place.
"Yeesh. Okay. But there has to be SOMETHING that embarrasses you."
"Not going to happen, Babe."
We were quiet for a bit while I finished my bacon, dipping it in the syrup. Ranger sipped his coffee, watching me eat.
I studied him for a minute. "You know I can never resist a challenge, Ranger."
"That's why I love you." He smiled. I felt tingly and a warmth washed over my body. I almost forgot my challenge. I shook my head to clear the Ranger fuzzies.
"How about we make a bet."
Ranger smiled and sat back in his chair, getting comfortable. "And this bet would be?"
"Ever played truth or dare, Ranger?" He smiled and made the 'go ahead' motion with his hand. "This is truth or dare minus the truth part. I get to give you a series of dares to see if I can embarrass you."
"And what do I get out of this?"
I was stumped.
He leaned forward. "Okay, Babe. Here's how we're going to play this. We meet here for breakfast each morning for a week. You get to give me one dare that I have to do sometime during that day. In exchange, I get to give you one dare of my choosing to be carried out during the day. These dares can consist of asking you to do something healthy for you or….other things." He smiled his wolf smile and my nipples said yes.
"And what should the winner get at the end of the week? If I actually get you to be embarrassed? "Or if I fail and you win?"
"How about the loser has to spend an evening at the winner's disposal." Great googily moogily! This was a serious bet.
"Deal. But we both get to pick one safety rule.
Ranger thought for a minute. "No public nudity." Damn, that wiped out half my ideas.
"Okay, wimp." I smiled at him. "Nothing before 6am."
"That's my rule!"
Ranger sighed. "Alright. First dare. Lay it on me."
I actually didn't have one. I didn't expect him to actually agree. I glanced around the restaurant. There was a moderate crowd for a Monday morning. I looked back at Ranger.
"Belch. Out loud. And it better be good."
Ranger stared and me with no expression on his face.
Ranger raised one eyebrow. He reached over and picked up my Coke, removing the straw. He downed half of it in three gulps and set it back down. He leaned forward slightly, lowered his chin and belched.
This wasn't a burp. This was a belch. Maybe not quite as good as Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, but pretty darn good. It was deep and loud and he finished it by hitting his stomach with his fist a few times. He finished and leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head, smiling lazily at me. It was dead silent in the diner.
"That all you got, Babe?"
"I dare you to eat nothing but vegetables for the rest of the day. And they can't be fried." He quickly added.
This was a stupid bet. Whose dumb idea was this, anyway?
So, ladies…. any dare requests?