Title: Goddesses, Consorts, and Explosions
Author: Lady Yueh
Fandoms: Doctor Who, Stargate SG-1
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not my property and no infringement is intended.
Character(s): SG-1, Nine, Jack, Rose
Author's Notes: This has been on my LJ for a bit and I finally got enough time to post it over here. Midterms are killer but reviews will make me feel better. For kerravonsen who requested "SG-1, The doctor and mayhem'.


Being tossed into prison upon arrival was not new to SG-1. Neither was their impending death. Though the sacrifice thing was rather original.

"So, they think Carter's their newly returned Sky Goddess and that she needs to shed her "mortal form" to become an all powerful god and we, as her consorts, have to follow her into death by being burnt at the stake!" Col. Jack O'Neill was not pleased.

"Er...that's pretty much it," Daniel confirmed.

"This is your fault, Major. Just had to be a blue-eyed blonde didn't you?" Jack muttered without much bite.

Sam Carter suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and glare. It would only encourage the man.

"Actually," Daniel began, "If she hadn't been blonde then we would have been killed on sight as soon as we exited the Gate. They would have thought we were invaders."

Sam Carter did not repress the smug smirk.

"Someone approaches," Teal'c announced.

The team quieted as the sounds of conversation reached them.

"Where is the Sun Goddess?"

"She's not a Goddess!"

A group of armed guards brought in a pair of men. The tallest, clothed in leather? And jeans?, was trying to deny someone's divinity. The team exchanged glances, at least the humans did. They hadn't heard that accent outside of Earth before.

"Trust me. If you'd ever met her mother--actually I can believe that Jackie is a Goddess of Hell--but Rose isn't even a natural blonde!"

The second was clad in a tight t-shirt and even tighter leather pants. He was obviously flirting with one of the tall, stoic guards.

"I've been told I'm a God. What say me and you find somewhere you can worship me?" Then he caught sight of SG-1. "Or here is fine. The more the merrier," he murmured with an undertone of honey.

Without further acknowledgement the duo was herded into their cell and the guards withdrew leaving the single priest that had entered with them.

"We will retrieve the Sun Goddess and then you will be released to the heavens through fire!" He promised them before he left.

"Hello," the smooth operator greeted Daniel with a purr. "Captain Jack Harkness," he introduced himself.

Daniel blushed.

"Oi! Knock it off," his companion chastised.

"I was just saying hello," The Captain turned innocent blue-eyes to his friend.

The friend made a noise of disbelief.

"Just who the hell are you people?" Jack O'Neill questioned.

"Captain Jack Harkness," the leather flirt re-introduced himself with a leer. This time, he gave Jack the rather intense look over that made the recipient feel naked.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill," said recipient returned sharply. "I win."

The Captain pouted. The Captain's partner grinned.

Daniel decided to ignore the Captain and address the less libidinous of the two.

"I'm Doctor Daniel Jackson," he began. "That's Major Samantha Carter," Sam smiled politely. "And Teal'c," the large Jaffa acknowledged him with a slight inclination of his head.

"I'm The Doctor," the man returned.

"Uh...The Doctor?" Daniel questioned curiously.

"That's a title, not a name," Col. O'Neill observed.

The Doctor shot him a look that said, 'So? Your silly point would be?'

"So is Colonel, Colonel," The Doctor shot back. "Now, are you all scheduled for the bonfire too? Probably because of Major Carter's lovely blonde hair?"

Jack, Harkness not O'Neill, had been suspiciously silent up until that point. "Well I'll be damned! You're SG-1!"

That instantly put the team on alert.

"How do you know that?" Col. O'Neill questioned.

"You guys rock!" Jack ignored the question in favor of shooting them looks of admiration. Yes, that kind too.

"How do you know who we are?" The Colonel was not one to be deterred.

The Captain shrugged. "You piss off a lot of people you get talked about."

"How the hell have these primitives got deadlock seals?" The Doctor's annoyed question cut through the conversation/inquisition.

He was level with the cell's lock aiming a slender, silver tool topped with blue that was humming ineffectually.

"Deadlock seals?" Carter questioned curiously. "Are those why we couldn't pick the lock?"

"Pick the lock?" The Doctor snorted as if the mere thought were offensive.

"Don't worry Doc," Jack chirped in an effort to save the woman from one of The Doctor's rants, "Rose'll get us out!"

The Doctor turned a suspiciously glare on his companion. "And how is Rose supposed to do that?"

The Captain gained a rather nervous air under the scrutiny of The Doctor. He winced. "I might have shownRosethatlabyoutoldmeneverevertogotoagain," he babbled quickly ending with a charmingly smile that screamed 'Don't kill me. Look how pretty I am!'

The Doctor went from suspicious to scathing in a blink. "You WHAT?! YOU SHOWED HER THE NITRO LAB! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH!"

"Is there some cause for concern?" Teal'c's calm voice was probably what saved The Captain from being summarily executed.

At that moment, the whole building shook as the shock of several explosions hit it.

"Cavalry?" Col. O'Neill inquired with hope.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" A voice shouted gleefully.

The Doctor and The Captain paled.

"Against the wall!" The Doctor directed as he herded those closest to him as far away from the prison's door as was permissible.

The blast blew out the prison door, the cell door and part of the ceiling.

Teal'c was the first to speak. "Captain Harkness, remove your hand."

"At it again, Jack?"

SG-1, mostly over the shock, reacted to the sight of their young, blonde savior in a variety of ways. Mostly double takes and blinking.

"I thought you were supposed to be my consort," the young woman teased.

"Rose!" the name was said in stereo but while The Captain was gleeful The Doctor emanated disapproval.

"You used Nitro explosives!" The Doctor accused angrily.

Rose ignored his tantrum in favor of greeting the other occupants of the recently demolished cell, "Hullo!"

"Shouldn't we be escaping before the guys with pointy weapons get here?" Jack O'Neill's question was more like a politely structured command delivered in a manner that was designed to send civilians and lower ranking officers running.

Rose, instead of jumping to follow orders, shrugged and adopted a cheeky grin.

"I know that face," The Doctor groaned. "What did you do?"

She looked down demurely but her eyes glittered with pure mischief. "I might have threatened to rain down fire and destruction if my consorts weren't released." She shrugged. "Had to go through with my threat, is all. Think they're halfway to the next city by now."

Jack Harkness whooped and gave her a hearty kiss.

"I like her," Jack O'Neill commented casually to Daniel who nodded in agreement.

The Doctor glared at the pair. Jack quirked an eyebrow while Daniel took a step back.

"Right then, let's go you two," The Doctor directed briskly as he grabbed Rose's hand.

Jack Harkness used his free hand (the other was in Rose's grasp) to give SG-1 a charming farewell wave that shouldn't have been as suggestive as it was.

"Imprisonment, execution sentences, over-sexed strangers and explosions," Jack O'Neill counted off on his fingers. "Just another day on the job eh Carter?"

"Yes, sir."