Xiana: A story. By me. A one-shot. Unless I decide to continue with it later. To get me motivated to write more KH stuff??? Also because the plot bunny kidnapped me and would not let me go free until I had written this. Akuroku-ness, as usual, but not too heavy this time. Also a mention of Zemyx.

Summary: Mistletoe is pretty much the most clichéd element in winter fanfiction. There's no other way around it. Actually, I can't think of anything more trite and overused. Anything that you can think of that is worse? Tell me, and I'll fix it, too. Oh… paopu, you say? I'll get to that one. (Next chapter-ness?)

Disclaimer: I do not own.

Slight spoilers for…Cyrano de Bergerac, which we read in English when I was writing this.

Of Clichés and Courtship

Axel meandered into the library one lovely summer afternoon, searching for Roxas. He found him eventually, curled up in a chair near the unlit fireplace, idly flipping through a dog-eared copy of Cyrano de Bergerac. Axel flopped down in a comfy armchair beside him, and waited for Roxas to notice that he was there.

Five minutes later, Roxas hadn't looked up or said a word. He just kept methodically turning pages, at the rate of 5 pages every 1 minute, 32.66 seconds. Axel was bored, so he finally just decided to tap Roxas with one booted foot.

Roxas finally looked up, icy blue eyes coming to rest on Axel's unapologetic green. "Yessssssssss?" he inquired somewhat apathetically.

"Okay, Roxas, so I've been thinking…"

"That's a new one. Congrats." Roxas returned his attention to the book.

Axel waved his arms wildly. "No! I was thinking… you know that plant thingy, mistletoe or whatever? The romantic one, if two people stand under it they have to kiss or whatever?"

"That one that finally hooked up Demyx and Zexion at last year's Christmas party?" Roxas questioned, still not looking up, but evidently taking some small interest in Axel's topic.

"Yeah! You know, you only ever see it in those weeks around Christmas! But, like, never during summer or any time else, right? Do you have any idea why?"

"Hmmm…" Roxas set the gilded book down on a side table, carefully marking his place with a thin, tasseled bookmark. Roxas had always been so meticulous.

Axel shifted his position slightly so that he was slightly more comfortable and to get a better view of Roxas, who had collapsed into a basic thinking pose. "'Hmmm' is right."

"…Do you think maybe they're just sick of it? Like, they overuse it during the holiday season, so they don't use it anytime during the rest of the year?"

"Who's 'they?' The same people that always say stuff?" Axel paused slightly, and Roxas seemed to be considering a response. "No need, rhetorical. But you may be on to something there. What I was thinking was that, maybe it's only, like, magical or something during that time? Like, it only seems perfectly normal to kiss someone because of some plant over your head because of the glitz and glamour of the holiday season?"

Roxas considered this. "Well, you do have a point there. I think it's gotta be one of our two ideas, because nothing else would make any sense." Apparently deciding that the conversation was over, he once again picked up his great literary classic.

"Strange…" Axel mused, pulling a slightly battered leaf out of a pocket, "It's just like any other one of Marluxia's plants…" He reached over and dangled it over Roxas' head. "Wanna kiss?"

"No, thank you. I'd actually prefer to finish reading the fourth act…"

"Oh, that's a good book. I've read it before."

"Really. You don't quite seem the sort."

"Well, there are lots of things you still don't know about me."

"That had to be one of the stupidest lines I've ever heard."

Axel began to walk away. "Oh, spoiler alert. Christian dies."

"Burn in hell, Axel."

"Better than freezing to death here with you, Ice Queen." Roxas actually laughed at this one. "I'll be over in my room. You know, if you change your mind about that kiss."

Roxas rolled his eyes, but watched Axel walk away between two huge bookcases before returning to his 19th century French play.


Axel was playing with a Rubik's cube that he had stolen from Zexion when he and Demyx were having one of their infamous cuddle marathons, complete with cheesy made-for-TV movies, when Roxas walked in, slamming the door.

"I'm sorry, but that was about the stupidest ending ever."

"Ever read Romeo and Juliet? Everyone's dead and depressed. It's pretty much boring. I have to admit, I didn't think you'd show up. I guess I never should have doubted your love for me, eh?"

"…I only came here because I was so disappointed," Roxas warned, shoving away a hand that Axel had stretched out lazily in Roxas' direction.

"Mmm, so what now?"

"Hey, hand me that cube thing." After a few minutes of fiddling with it, Roxas had the whole cube rearranged into perfect condition. "Hmm, pretty easy."

"Well, I'm impressed. Here's your prize." Axel flicked the mistletoe at Roxas.

"What am I going to do with this?"

"Maybe find someone to kiss, since you obviously don't love me enough."

"Well, I'd certainly rather kiss you than… Xemnas or somebody." They both recoiled from the hideous mental image.

"Yeah… I can't say I'm not happy about that."

"So, really, what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Add it to Marluxia's compost heap or something. It probably isn't real mistletoe anyway."

"Well, then how do we know if your theory works?" Roxas puckered up his lips, looking like some sort of ocean-dwelling fish, and threw the "mistletoe" out the open window.

Which was when Axel leapt forward out of his swiveling chair and pressed his body against Roxas', pinning him to the nearby wall and kissing him softly. After a few seconds, Axel loosened his grip on Roxas' shoulders. "Sorry about that, Rox. That mistletoe and all? I just got carried away a bit there."

"You seem very nonchalant for someone who just kissed his male best friend," Roxas commented wryly.

"Well, you see, Rox, I'm just not a very 'chalant' guy by nature. And it's not like you're all distraught yourself," Axel noted.

"Fair enough."

"Well, there's my mistletoe theory out the window."

"Oh… Axel, that was a horrible pun."

"What…? Oh! I get it! Theory out the window, you threw the mistletoe out the window!" Axel laughed hysterically once he understood his own joke.

"No, that really was quite bad."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm gonna get you back for that thing before by kissing you right back!" And Roxas proceeded to do just that, snarling his fingers in Axel's tangled red locks and meeting Axel's wondering gaze with his own self-assured expression. "Hmm, how's that for Ice Queen?"

"Hmm indeed. I guess the fire of my passion melted the cold ice of your heart." Axel leaned in slowly.

"Crappy lines like that will get you more of the same," Roxas mentioned.

"Oh, I'm counting on that."

Xiana: Well, there you have it. The end. Tell me what you thought, k?

Note: Winter is almost upon us! Fear the mistletoe fanfiction! FEEEEEAAAARRRR!!! …Seriously, I hope it's not as bad as last year, because no matter how much I love all of you, that was ridiculous.

Reviews make me happy!

To Be Continued???