A/N: It happened again: the longest, most boring meeting of all time (really! It usurped that honour from the last one) and lil ol' me with a pen, some paper and no one watching me. Scribble, scribble, scribble and boom! A new fic is born. As always, this hasn't been beta-ed, so the mistakes are all my own (forgive me!).
"You know, I've done the whole 'stranded on an ice planet' thing before," Sam commented wryly from her spot on the floor of the cave. "It's over-rated."
"That was Earth, wasn't it?" Vala huffed, frustrated that Daniel had slid away from her yet again. "Really darling, it's a survival tactic!"
"Sharing body heat, yes. Cuddling," Daniel all but spat the word, "No."
"Fine," Sam conceded, completely ignoring the exchange between Daniel and Vala. "Antarctica doesn't count, but…"
"Memory stamp," Cameron interrupted, proving he really had read every single one of the original SG-1's mission reports. "That one doesn't count either."
"Fine," Sam glared at him, "'Being somewhere with lots of ice and snow, constantly cold and completely unable to warm up no matter what you do sucks and I'm more than qualified to know!' Better?"
"Indeed," Teal'c intoned, shooting a glare at Vala as he spoke. "I am in agreement with Daniel Jackson, Vala Mal Doran. I do not believe that 'cuddling' is a survival tactic."
"Mitchell?" Vala asked hopefully, flashing him a wide grin as she extricated herself from Teal'c's lap.
"No freaking way," Cameron replied, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, just in case she decided to give it a try anyway.
"Get over here," the other woman demanded, glowering at the rest of her team when their heads snapped around to look at her in surprise. "I'm cold, okay?"
"This storm can't last forever," Cameron repeated for the dozenth time since they'd sought refuge from a huge snowstorm in their little cave.
"You said that three days ago," Daniel reminded testily. "The storm's gotten worse every hour since then."
"There's no way that's my fault."
"Nevertheless, perhaps it would be wise to refrain from voicing such thoughts in the future, Colonel Mitchell."
"Look big guy, 'The Force' is not punishing me for thinking out loud!"
"Of that I am aware. You are being punished by Murphy."
"Oh for the love of Pete!"
"Daniel!" Sam demanded, her voice rising to make herself heard over Cameron and Teal'c. Her tone was sharp and left no room for argument.
"Keep your nose away from me," Daniel warned, knowing full well what she wanted and obligingly crawling across the floor to sit beside her.
"But it's cold too!" she all but whined, curling into his side.
"I don't… GAH!!!" he hollered, jerking away from the icy extremity in question, which, for a fraction of a second, had found its way to his neck.
"I've been asking for three days and you wouldn't cud… share body heat with me!" Vala protested, lifting her head from its place on Sam's shoulder in order to glare at Daniel.
"You've been asking for a lot longer than that," Cameron muttered under his breath.
"Yes, but Sam asked nice…" Daniel began before he trailed off. Realizing that Sam had been anything but nice in issuing her "request" and had, in fact, sounded frighteningly like Jack on a particularly bad day, he amended his retort. "Sam keeps her hands to herself… Good god woman!" he yelped, jerking away again. "Her nose, however, is another matter entirely."
"If, oh I don't know, let's say someone else wanted to join the little huddle you three have going on over there, I don't suppose there'd be any way they could cud… share body heat with someone other than Miss Handsy McGropesky, would there?" Cam asked hopefully, ignoring the smirk that appeared on Teal'c's face.
"Nope," the trio chorused.
"I know exactly what's in my pockets right now and I will be doing inventory when this is over," Cam warned, sliding next to Vala and nudging her over so she was squished up against Sam on one side and him on the other.
"Are you sure you're warm enough Teal'c?" Sam asked a few seconds later.
"I am not cold," he informed them all, his voice smug.
"Am I the only one seriously considering starting to take tretonin once we're back on Earth?" Daniel asked, narrowing his eyes at Teal'c's superior smirk.
"I think you're the only one seriously considering waiting until we're back on Earth," Vala informed him earnestly.
All further discussion was postponed indefinitely when the team's radios suddenly crackled to life for the first time in three days.
"SG-1 niner, this is SG-3 leader, do you read?" the tinny though familiar sound of Colonel Reynolds' voice filled the cave.
"Reynolds, what the hell are you doing here?" Cameron demanded into the radio, his eyes darting to the cave mouth through which he could still see big white snowflakes being whipped around by strong gusts of wind.
"Saving your sorry sixes," came the reply. "Where are you?"
"There's a rock formation half a click east of Jackson's ruins; we're in a cave on the western side. We took shelter in the cave a few days ago when the storm blew in.
"Is everyone all right?"
"We're fine," Cameron assured. "Well, aside from the fact that we're all going a little stir crazy. Head back to the SGC and tell Landry we'll head back home once the storm breaks."
"Are you serious?" Reynolds' incredulous inquiry rang out through the cave, echoing off the walls, floor and ceiling.
"Dead serious, get your team back home."
"But we've come all this way."
"What do you mean 'all this way'? It took you three seconds to get here!"
"Never mind. Reynolds out." With that, the cave was plunged back into silence for the first time in hours.
"Did anyone else notice how amused he sounded?" Sam asked, confused.
"You know, the other teams have way too much fun at our expense," Daniel observed miserably.
Further grousing was cut off when a shadowy figure suddenly appeared at the mouth of the cave. Teal'c's staff weapon was primed and pointed at the intruder almost before the others had even registered his presence.
"My team is so sitting in on your debriefing," the intruder declared, his voice bubbling with mirth.
"Colonel Reynolds?" Sam asked disbelievingly, climbing to her feet with the rest of her team mates. The sound of a staff weapon being disarmed echoed through the cave as she asked: "You hiked all the way from the gate in this storm just to find us?"
"Oh yes," Reynolds confirmed, smiling. "All the way from the gate. By the way, when did the storm start?"
"Around 1400 hours, Earth Standard Time, three days ago," Daniel answered. "That's why we missed our check in at 1700 hours that day."
"Uh huh," Reynolds could feel his smile widening, his enjoyment of the situation increasing with each passing second. "When you didn't check in, Landry gave it a few hours and then sent a MALP. We saw that about two feet of snow had fallen and we guessed that was holding you up. We've been dialling in every few hours ever since, but we couldn't raise you on the radios."
"The cave most likely blocked the signal," Teal'c deduced, recalling how wide across the rock formation was.
"We waited two days, figuring you'd make it back on your own. This morning, Landry decided the uh… storm couldn't be slowing you down that much and sent my team to investigate."
"He actually expected us to try and make it back in this?" Vala asked disbelievingly, her eyes wide with surprise.
"I can't believe he sent you with the storm showing no signs of easing up," Cameron added, once again eyeing the mouth of the cave.
"About that storm… When's the last time one of you poked your head outside?" Reynolds asked, failing to hide his amusement.
"Not since we first got here," Sam replied warily, noting the other colonel's barely contained good humour.
"We didn't have to," Cameron pointed out, gesturing behind Reynolds. Their view of outside was still obscured by snowflakes being buffeted by strong winds. "That pretty much says it all."
"Oh, I don't know about 'all'," Reynolds chuckled. "Come with me," he instructed, turning away from SG-1 and stepping back out into the storm.
"Are you crazy?" Cameron cried, hurrying after the other man before he could disappear in the swirling snow.
Blinking rapidly against the onslaught of icy flakes whirling about him, Cameron took a few stumbling steps. Reaching out blindly in the hopes of locating Reynolds, his hand came in contact with nothing but snowflakes and icy air. Another step, this time to his right, and suddenly Cameron was blinking for an entirely different reason.
"What the hell?!?!?!" he cried, blinking up at the bright sun overhead in confusion. "How…" he began, staring gobsmacked at the cloudless alien sky.
"Guys, get out here! We're going home!" Cameron shouted to his team. Excited at the prospect of heading back to Earth, he turned back to face the cave, expecting to be greeted by four smiling faces.
Instead, he saw the same whirling mass of snowflakes he'd been staring at for the last three days.
"You have got to be kidding me!" he demanded, turning his attention to SG-3, all of whom were roaring with laughter, bent double and clutching their sides.
Marching back into the storm, Cameron stomped through it and into the cave. Pausing only to grab Sam's arm, he turned and promptly headed back outside, pulling her along behind him amid her protests. Not slowing as he made his way through the frenzy of snowflakes, he dragged her clear of the blinding blizzard. He ignored her surprised echo of his earlier "what the hell?!?!?!" when the snow abruptly stopped falling. Grabbing her shoulders, he turned her around to face the cave and pointed at it accusingly.
"That," he jabbed his finger in the direction the remainder of his team was only just emerging from, "Is what we have spent the last three days hiding out from!"
Sam continued to gape at the sight before her. The others followed Cam's finger and let loose a few "what the hell?!?!?!"s of their own.
The storm they had been watching rage outside their cave for the last three days continued to blow and bluster, sending snowflakes careening on wild flight paths and completely obscuring their view into the cave. However, the "storm" was confined to an area extending several feet beyond the rock face; past that, there was only a calm breeze that occasionally sent a few snowflakes skittering up into the air.
"It's a wind tunnel!" Same exclaimed, sending SG-3 into another bout of laughter.
"We have not been hiding out in that cave for all this time because none of us realized we were holed up at the end of a wind tunnel!" Daniel declared, as if his denial would be enough to change the truth of the situation.
"When did Stargate Command observe that the storm had abated?" Teal'c demanded, rounding on SG-3. Even his best First Prime glare couldn't quell the other team's amusement.
"Around 2300 hours Earth time, three days ago," Reynolds chuckled.
"I don't suppose you boys could be convinced to keep this our little secret?" Vala tried, treating SG-3 to her most pleading expression.
"I'm afraid not."
"Why not?" she pouted, stamping her foot and planting her hands on her hips.
"Cause this is too damn funny not to share!" Reynolds replied, laughing heartily.
"I repeat: way too much fun at our expense," Daniel stated, folding his arms over his chest.
Amid murmurs of agreement from his teammates and a blend of ribbing and laughter from SG-3, the group set out to return to the SGC. One half of the group was dreading the debriefing, while the other half was looking forward to it immensely, especially the look on General Landry's face when he found out about SG-1's latest misadventure.
A/N2: If enough people like this, I might make a little series about silly situations SG-1 gets into, so be sure to leave a review and let me know what you think!