Disclaimer: I am J K Rowling and I do own Harry Potter and all associated characters. I am sick and tired of all this childish crap and have decided to write some gratuitous slash. Convinced?...Oh bumcrack. Okay, okay! I confess, I'm not really J K Rowling and I don't own Harry Potter etc…there satisfied? Bloody killjoys and frigging anti-impersonation and copyright laws, can't a girl plagiarise for once and get away with it?

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Sirius Black burst through the door to the Seventh Year boys' dormitory excitedly, which he shared with his peers. The handsome eighteen year old's cheeks were flushed; a sure sign that he had run all the way up to the room, nestled high in the Gryffindor tower.

James and Peter barely acknowledged his entrance and continued playing their thumb war on Wormtail's bed. They had long since become immune to Sirius' penchant for dramatic entrances!

But Sirius Black was an attention seeker.

However, Remus watched expectantly as Sirius bound over towards him; no doubt with some exciting tale of his most recent sexual conquest. Times like these were common place between the two and were a bittersweet experience for the young werewolf.

Remus Lupin had been in love with Sirius Black since he was fourteen. His first real crush had, over time, had developed into love but Remus Lupin was no fool. He was under no illusions and had quickly come to realise the unlikelihood of that love being reciprocated by the very handsome and very straight heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black.

The love he now felt was similar to that of distant hero worship of a famous rock or film star. It was nice to fantasise about but unlikely that anything would occur.

His emergent feelings towards Sirius had made Remus realise his homosexuality and he had 'come out' to his closest friends back in his fifth year at Hogwarts. Like his 'furry little problem', they had accepted his sexual orientation unconditionally.

James had informed him outright that he didn't mind one bit as long as he was aware that he only went for girls, a tall leggy redhead in particular. Peter had simply echoed James' sentiments; parroting his comments. However, the words seemed to lack the same sincerity as Prongs'.

Remus had almost laughed out loud. Huh, as if there was any chance of him fancying the chubby, slightly odd looking marauder! Gay didn't mean desperate. Whereas Sirius' reaction to the news had been somewhat daunting to him. Antithetically, his reaction had been one of coy flirtation. The news that Remus actually fancied blokes prompted Sirius to flirt outrageously with him at every opportunity.

"Hey Remus, are you planning on joining the Sirius Black Fuck…er, I mean Fan Club?" He offered thoughtlessly.

Had he not been made of sterner stuff, his fragile heart would have splintered into a thousand shards at his friend's unknowingly insensitive behaviour.

"Hello? Earth to Remus, come in Remus!" Sirius said, waving his hands in front of his face in an effort to rouse him from his musings from the past and back to the present.

"I'm here Pads." He answered indulgently.

"You will not believe who I have just nailed in the Arithmancy classroom."

"Er, your cousin Bellatrix?" Remus joked.

"Erww. Not funny Moony, not funny at all man." He spat, screwing his face up at the thought.

"Okay, you got me, I give in. Who?"

"Who is the hottest piece of seventh year arse in Ravenclaw?"

Remus hesitated. 'Oh God!' He thought for a second.

Sirius looked at him, expecting an obvious answer to his question. He then became frustrated when he didn't receive it quickly enough.

"Oh for pity's sake…, Lavender Bagman." He said exasperated. "Honestly mate."

Remus let out an audible breath. For a minute there he had thought…well best not go there.

"Arhh, are you jealous Moony?"

"What?!" He answered, a little more sharply than he'd have liked it to have sounded.

"Oh, poor 'ickle Remy is jealous because sexy Sirius is having it off with some hot brainy bird?" He teased, running his hands provocatively over his sinewy physique, pretending to tempt Remus.

"Sorry to disillusion you bud, but the only thing that I covet of yours is…" Remus sashayed over towards Black's bed, taking the provocation one step further and throwing him a come hither look for added effect.

"…your…secretstashofchocolatefrogs! Now give them to me." He said all at once, diving towards Sirius' foot locker.

"Oh no you don't you sneaky git!" Black squeaked, launching himself at the sandy haired boy.

They tousled playfully on Sirius' bed for a while, ending as always with Sirius straddling the smaller boy until he admitted defeat.

"Say it Moony!"

"No, I won't. Must we do this every time Padfoot?"

"Yes, until you learn not to mess with the Gryffindor sex god. Now say it." Sirius growled.

"Huh." He rolled his eyes tiredly and began. "Sirius Black is the hottest and sexiest marauder and I really want to shag…"

"Ah ah. That's not right. Say it again and this time, get it right!" He said with an amazingly straight face.

"Okay, okay. Sirius Black is the hottest and sexiest marauder and I really want him to shag me. There satisfied now? You know you really are a narcissistic ponce."

"Yeah, but you love me anyway." Sirius leant down kissed him sloppily on the cheek.

"Come get off now. I've got to go over to the library and do some research for the Charms exam."

"That's not for two weeks Remus. You're such a swot."

Sirius rolled off him and let him up.

"That's why I get Outstandings on all my tests, whereas you are lucky if you scrape an Exceeds Expectation." Lupin informed him wryly, as he straightened his clothing.

Sirius merely grinned back at him.

"Hey, who needs brains when you look like this and have a diamond personality to boot?"

"You're so modest Padfoot."

Remus began gathering his books together.

"Want some company?"

"God no!" Rather more harshly than he would've like it to sound.

"What I mean is er…" He blustered, trying desperately to cover his tracks. "… is that I actually want to get some serious studying in and you being there will only distract me. Let's face it Sirius, within ten minutes you'll be mithering to leave." Sirius seemed mollified with his explanation.

"Nah, stay here with those two reprobates and regale them with what you did to the sexy Lavender." Remus offered, pointing towards James and Peter.

'Phew! That was close.' He thought.

Remus set off for the library and reflected on Sirius' comments. He had nearly passed out when he'd asked Remus who was the 'hottest piece of seventh year Ravenclaw arse'. According to Sirius it was Lavender Bagman, but if you were to ask Remus the same question, the answer would indeed be very different.

The hottest piece of Ravenclaw arse, in Remus Lupin's opinion was Michael Bratherton. He was very fit, very smart and Remus' very secret boyfriend.