A late birthday present for my very own Kakuzu. I hope you enjoy, smexykakuzuman! (Sorry for being to late T,T)

With Benifits

"I'm hungry."

"Go eat then."

Hidan sighed in frustration, tossing the pillow from behind his head at Kakuzu, who sat at a nearby desk.

"But... I don't want to go alone!"

"Pansy."

How infuriating! What an insult! There was simply nothing else to retort with at this time of great dire: "WHO'S A PANSY!?"

Kakuzu ignored him. What a bastard!! Didn't he know that being in a hotel surrounded by people was uncomfortable?! Couldn't he tell that they were all potential sacrifices, and, dammit, Jashin was just waiting, and at any moment he would strike Hidan down with a bolt of fucking lightning if he didn't kill a virgin or something, and Kakuzu seemed to be the ONLY one able to ward off the presence of the ever-powerful dogma of his religion, because the bastard repelled even a GOD, and fuck it all, he was thought-rambling AGAIN. Only Kakuzu did this to him. He was such an asshole.

"Don't fuck with me, Kakuzu," Hidan said irritably, pushing himself up from the bed and prodding his partner in the ribs.

"Well, you seem to enjoy it," he replied gruffly, punching in more numbers into that Jashin-damned calculator of his. Hidan couldn't help it. He blushed.

"Bastard."

"Don't bitch at me while I'm working."

"Fucking miser."

"Love you too."

Hidan grimaced. "Kakuzu."

The taller man sighed and turned. "What?"

"Please, dammit?"

-

Oh, fuck, not the eyes. That little prick KNEW he hated those big... fucking uke eyes. They were cute. Hidan, however, was not. And so, his own eyes did not fit him. They were unreal. Kakuzu hated unreal things. Things only made sense when you could calculate them, hold them in your hands; these eyes, however, were not something to calculate. And holding them in his hands? Well, that would be gross, and would gain nothing but more bitching from the immortal. He didn't want to succumb to the eyes. He couldn't. To do so would be to prove that he could be easily manipulated.

Manipulation was fickle and useless.

And Hidan was an asshole.

"... Fine. Lunch. I'm coming."

-

He knew Kakuzu couldn't resist the eyes. They were just to big and purple and pretty for him not to.

That's right; he knew his eyes were pretty. And there was nothing pansy about that, dammit. They were a brilliant asset for manipulation.

"Sugar."

"Excuse me, sweetheart?"

Hidan growled. "Bastard.Give me the sugar."

"You're eating a hot dog."

"So?"

"You're corrupted enough as it is."

"Shut up and pass me the damn sugar."

Kakuzu complied and watched as the zealot dumped a good amount of sugar over his hot dog. Like ketchup.

"That's... fairly revolting."

"Shut up and eat your conformist pickle-covered processed meat."

"It's relish. It's good."

"It's a pickle. Why would I eat a fucking pickle with my processed meat byproducts?"

"Why would you eat SUGAR with your... hot dog?"

"That... is none of your business."

-

"Kaaakuuuzuuuuu..."

"If you stomach hurts," the tall man said, punching in the number of their floor on the elevator, "then it's your own damn fault."

"That's not iiiit."

"Stop whining."

"Dammit, I'm in need here! Show a little respect for the needy dammit!"

"What do you need? If it's something sexual, I'm busy. You wasted that time eating an odd concoction of... things I don't ever want to mention again."

"..." Well, damn.

-

"GET OUT OF THE SHOWER."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??"

Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He was sure the immortal was only pretending not to be able to hear him through the cheap, thin bathroom door.

"GET OUT OF THE FUCKING SHOWER OR I'LL RAPE YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T STAND."

"I won't say no-o!" Silence. Silence and then a whole lot of snickering. "D'you get it?" Hidan called from the other side of the door.

Kakuzu got it. Oh, he got it.

BANG. CRACK. Gasp!

"Whoa! You just broke the door down, seriously!"

- End? Well... raep, at least. -

It's so hard to find a straight guy who doesn't find yaoi repulsive. My Kakuzu seems quite ghey at times, but I'm pretty sure he's straight. I hope you enjoyed my prattlings, and happy late birthday, partner!!
-Bya