(A/N: inspired by Sum 41's song With me -almost cried- I used parallelism in the first part [THERE -insert my English teachers name here-), PARALLELISM! hope you enjoy
I decided that I was never, ever going to let myself fall in love.
I decided that a long time ago, right after Malchior broke my heart.
I decided that when my small crush on Aqualad was nothing.
I decided that love was a complete waste of time and I wouldn't let myself feel the hurt that was inevitable at the end.
I glanced over at Starfire and Robin. They were almost too perfect for each other. They sat on the couch, pushed up against each other, his arm around her shoulders, her hands around his waist as she stared happily into his masked eyes as he kissed her softly, once, twice. She pulled away, giggling as she rubbed her nose against his and a huge smile and small blush spread across his lips. She had been madly in love with him since the beginning of the teams formation. I knew this because before last week (when they had gotten together), she told me almost everyday that she was too in love with him.
To say I was nervous last week was probably an understatement. So was Cyborg. We were really afraid and unsure, since we were already nineteen and he was turning twenty-one in a month, that we wouldn't be the Teen Titans anymore and Robin and Starfire would want to leave the team and go on their own. We really weren't teenagers anymore, we were adults now technically. Where would Cyborg, Beast Boy and I go? It's not like we could have blended in as easily as Robin and Starfire.
I was staring blankly at the words on the book in front of me. They weren't making much sense to me as I was thinking. "Friend Raven!" Starfire suddenly interrupted my thinking. She was standing in front of me with a smile on her face, her cheeks slightly flushed. "Friend Raven." She smiled sweetly as she grabbed my hands. "Come with me." It wasn't like I had much of a choice since she was dragging me down the hall. We were outside of the common room in the hallway and she was smiling happily. "Friend Raven, I'm very excited to tell you this."
I looked at her and she was practically bouncing off the walls. What could have possibly been so important? She instantly turned red and looked at her feet. "Robin and I-" she bit her lip. "We did the Earth mating ritual."
To say I was shocked was a complete understatement. "W-what?" I questioned her as I blinked and she smiled.
"Oh friend Raven, please do not think badly of me. I'm so in love with him." She sighed, leaning against the wall. She held her hands to her heart.
"Wow, Starfire... Um, that's great?" I didn't know what else to say to that.
"I very much so needed to tell someone. I do wish you would fall in love soon Raven," She held my hands and looked me in the eyes. "we would have so much more to talk about." I knew the way she said it wasn't an insult, but the words sort of stung.
"Well, congratulations Star, I-I think I'm going to meditate now."
"Okay, bye friend." She said and flew into the main room.
"It's weird, huh?"
I nodded, not like he could see me nodding or anything, but I still nodded. "Yeah."
"Who would have thought, I was supposed to be the first one, not Robin." I knew he was joking, but i felt a small part of him was serious. "You okay Rae?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" I questioned as I shifted next to him. He had grown over the years, not as lanky as he used to be, his hair longer, eyes more serious. After Terra came back when she was stone and left him again, he changed.
"I don't know." he shrugged, his deep green eyes looking out at the sunset over the sky line of Jump City. "You might feel weird?"
"I guess I'm okay. What about you?" I played with my fingers in my lap.
"Me?" he sounded surprised. He laughed. "Nah, I'm okay."
A few minutes of silence passed between us.
I had grown closer to Beast Boy over the last few years. I didn't quite get him, and I didn't think he fully understood me either. We were odd together. I found out despite his younger years of acting like an idiot, he was actually very intelligent and a wonderful listener. He had come to me when he'd been rejected by girls and I went to him just to talk.
"What do you think's going to happen Rae?" He leaned back on the ledge, a small smile spreading across his face.
I sighed, taking a deep breath then. "I mean, I know this sounds selfish," He began. "But, what about us, you know?" I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat subsiding. "This whole week, it's been weird, like I know they had the hots for each other since ever, but they already did it? After a few days of being together?"
He was a good buffer for me, from the rest of the world, from the real problems.
"I know what you mean." I said quietly.
"I mean, it's not like you and I could blend in real easily in the real world? What could we ever do out there?" He raised a hand to Jump City. "Get a mediocre job, marry some mediocre person and have a sad life wondering what it would have been like if we were still superheroes. It was nice that we had a tutor for high school, but what if I wanted to go to college?"
I had never known exactly what Beast Boy wanted to do in his life, but i knew that whatever it would be, he was going to be great at it.
"I wanted to go to college too." I said quietly. "I think we all did." I sent him a look, he looked angry.
"And now, Robin and Star probably going to get married, what will happen to us Rae?" I shouldn't have liked the way he said us so much.
"We'd just have to live with it. Who are we to break that up?" I must have sounded bitter, because he looked a little hurt. "I wanted to study Literature." I said sadly.
"I wanted to study biology."
"You're a good listener." I said softly.
"Do you think we'd ever see each other again?" He said, taking my hand. I looked at it like I was brushing against poison oak.
"You make it sound like it's already happened."
"Do you?" He pressed, his big green eyes staring into mine.
"I hope so." I found myself saying.
"Rae," He inhaled. "I-"
"CAKE TIME!" Cyborg suddenly yelled at the door. "Come on you two, in celebration of Star and Rob, we're having cake."
"Okay." Beast Boy and I said together. "We'll be right there." I said and Cyborg nodded, closing the door. Beast Boy ran a hand through his hair as he hopped down from the ledge.
"I guess we better go down there then."
I nodded and started walking. "Hey um-" He started and I looked at him. "meet me up here later tonight, like nine." He said with a small smile. I nodded again and walked down the cold stairwell, Beast Boy following behind me.
I was not in the mood to celebrate the reason the team was probably going to break up and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Robin was thinking I was a bitch right now.
"You're not going to eat cake friend Raven?" Starfire questioned as she was positioned next to Robin as she stuck a piece of white cake into her mouth.
"I'm not very hungry. I think I'll have some tea." I said and Robin was giving me a look. "But thanks." I said as nicely as I could as Beast Boy stuck the piece of cake in front of him in his mouth. Robin was lucky I was in that room and nothing was blowing up in his face.
"Alright, so check this out," Cyborg was quick to change the mood. "I'm thinking about putting on these awesome chrome spinners on the T-car and maybe painting the T-sub a different color."
"Sounds good Cy." Robin looked down at his lap as Starfire turned her head to look at him.
My heart fell into my stomach as I swallowed hard.
"Well, um, Starfire and I have been thinking and talkin-" Robin started, squeezing Starfire around the shoulder when I suddenly got up and walked out of the room before he could say another word. It was childish, selfish and wrong but how could I stand him telling us it was all over. What we all had worked so hard for, for so many years.
I was up on the roof again, it was dusk and I was looking out a Jump City, trying desperately hard not to show any emotion. Not to-
"Rae?" A comforting voice came from behind me. "You weren't in your room... I thought you'd be up here."
"I don't feel like talking about it." I tried to stay calm, the water was splashing up against the rocks at the bottom of the tower.
"He -uh, he told us when you left." He sighed, coming up beside me. "We have two weeks."
I almost chocked. "Two weeks? That's it?"
He took a deep breath. "It's ridiculous, huh? He said he was going to have interviews with some younger heroes to see for... replacements."
"You didn't say anything?"
"What was I going to say Raven? 'No, I don't want to!'?" He sounded angry at me. "Cy was furious, even though he knew it was coming. He stormed out of the room without a word and Starfire started to cry."
At that moment, I wished I could have cried. It would have been out of character, it probably would have set a few houses on fire, or thrown Beast Boy into the ocean.
"You okay?" he questioned, tentatively putting his hand on her shoulder.
'You decided not to love, remember?' A voice sounded in the back of my mind and I closed my eyes.
"No." I said, looking at him with a sad look on my face.
"Yo-you can cry you know Rae." He said, stepping closer to me.
"No, I don't cry." I pushed my lips together tightly as my eyes felt wet.
He suddenly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, his face burrowed on the side of my head. "I don't want to leave this place Raven, even though I've dreamed of going out there and being on my own, i don't want to now, I want to be with you. This is sudden, I know, but, I can't keep it any longer..." His voice was soft and upset, desperate. Then, he did something I would have never expected someone like Beast Boy would have done. He kissed my forehead gently. "I love you Raven. I have for a while now."
A tear fell from my eye as I looked at him, my nose tingling and my chest seemed like it caved it. "I-" What happened to not falling in love? I read somewhere that 'Life isn't life unless you take chances, risks and have failures.' Maybe I should try. I've known Beast Boy for a lot longer then Aqualad. I trust him more then I ever did with Malchior. I loved him more then anything else, I realized suddenly and painfully. He believed in me during Trigun, he helped me get over Malchior, he'd been there to comfort me every time I needed him. It was no Robin and Starfire relationship, it was quite possibly something more. "I love you too." I whispered.
The door to the Tower flew off its hinges as Beast Boy pressed his mouth to mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
A goodbye kiss? No, not goodbye, but definitely a hello.
(A/N: think of the happiest things you can about Beast Boy and Raven, that's what happened to them.
Hope you guys enjoyed this! Peace and definitely 'maajah -posh spice-' love! Again, thank Sum 41 for inspiring this. YAY! for Sum 41! D Swn)